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    Hi everyone,

    Any thoughts would be appreciated. I've recently been dealing with a lot of rejection; job applications, sport related and my father told me today I will be a 'consistent underachiever and that what you do will never matter to me(him)'. Now theres this girl. Things were going really well between us and though nothing was serious. I asked her to meet up this week and I got no reply. Without trying to be too needy I called her once a few days later (assuming the best - she may just have been busy) and again no reply. I bumped into her friend earlier today who told me she had heard how I asked her to meet and how the girl in question did not want to meet me because I am 'not someone that people should spend lots of time with' - the meaning of which I don't really understand.

    I like to think I'm a normal guy, I have interests, hobbies, friends and like to think of myself as somewhat attractive (at least not ugly). I spent a lot of time after my ex-gf dumped me quite badly to re-evaluate myself and work on my self-esteem and overcome that feeling of 'not being good enough for anything' that I picked up from the rejections and things I hear from my father. I havent really met any girls that I've connected with since my ex like this girl (which I was obviously mistaken about) and yes I do keep busy and have my own life and I dont spend anytime whining to girls I'm interested in, about how they are my only source of happiness.

    BUT this latest rejection really stings and my insides are telling me that I am not good enough for anything. Yes I will take it in my stride, but its really difficult to keep getting shot down and feeling this way. For some reason I am very numb to the things my father says to me as well as any job rejections and I never seem to get disheartened with these things. However when it comes to a romantic rejection I get very disheartened about girls because its like they actually dislike me personally. Sometimes you invest a lot emotionally and the disappointment is just......well I hate it! And it seems to go on to affect my outlook on everything else.

    So in light of this information, what can I do to just stay a little bit more positive and well maybe take such rejections less personally?

    Thanks in advance

    maybe, instead of trying to get a girlfriend, you should just aim to surround yourself with friends. At the end of the day, whenever you have arguments with family or bad luck with girls.. thats what friends are always there for (: and i always find it is when you stop looking for a relationship that you actually find one. from my experience anyway

    Well I know the girl you are talking about and it so turns out that she's a man. So forget her/him.

    As the other poster said, get some friends, work hard and find a constructive outlet. Some people may find this odd, but MMO's are actually quite good to get into because you make friends who won't judge you, you can totally reinvent yourself, and you can excel in something fun. Of course also work hard, it's a fine balance to strike, but I find it really enjoyable to log in and see people welcome me in the guild chat.

    I'm sorry to hear all this Anon. Do you have a friend you can talk to?

    Here's the thing - regarding your girlfriend; you don't really know what happened; girlfriends of girlfriends can be vicious. So first of all you cannot really conclude much from what she said to you - still, something might be odd with your girlfriend. I would drop her. But NOT - I repeat - NOT to focus on yourself. OR even your LIFE. HUGE mistake in my opinion. Do NOT sit around and thinking, "hey, who am I?" That's a swamp from which you'll never emerge.

    After your last girlfriend, for example, you worked on your "self-esteem." But, see, that's the self-help trap: you cannot work on your "self-esteem" any more than you can work on "happiness." These things are by-products of your pursuing whatever is of value to you.

    I know how much all of this can hurt - the feelings of worthlessness, the stinging pain of rejection that feels all-too-physical; I can remember not being able to sleep, my heart pounding so; worst part of my life, without a doubt: no job, no prospects for one, no girlfriend, more or less alone in the world. It's the part of the proverbial ladder without rungs. The best way to describe the feeling is vertigo.

    All I can say is, as much as this time sucks, don't cover up the pain with alcohol or drugs, or turn and run away from it. Find out what matters to you. Consider what you would do in the world if you only had one year to live - and just start doing it.

    Regarding your father - that's a horrible thing to say. And it says more about him than it does about you. Obviously he's not a person to get advice from. You need a mentor - someone who's been through all this and values you as a human being. It's a sad thing it cannot be your father. Again, I was in the same position.

    The way out for me was to simply start moving forward towards what seems valuable now and keep your eyes open - doors will open, people will help you, your ideas about what's important will change, love will come your way. But it's going to be a bit of a hard slog for a while. That's okay, though, because to be honest - now when I look back on it, it really was one of the most fruitful times of my life. Indeed, I don't know anyone who has really done anything truly worthwhile with their lives that hasn't gone through roughly the same thing.
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Updated: November 29, 2010
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