REALLY complicated-is it too late now?

Hey, so there's this girl I've had a crush on at my uni for some time now.

In the first few weeks of uni, I would keep getting incredibly nervous around her, keep looking at her etc. basically, it was v. obvious that I had a crush on her.

As uni went on, I kept getting incredibly, incredibly nervous around her without knowing why, I was getting v. panicky, too nervous to be able to speak/look at her, even though I've never been that shy and I certainly wasn't in love or anything, just a crush.

As this was happening, she was giving clear signs of interest back to me. We could never really speak to each other much (mainly cos I knew I would have got too nervous) but we would look at each other a lot, and whenever we went clubbing she would try and dance with me, but for some reason, possibly again related to these nerves, I kept not going and dancing with her/grinding.

Then I noticed that she was spending more and more time with this other guy, who could speak to her normally and they got along well.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to check up what was happening with these weird 'panic episodes' she was triggering, and found out that I was actually suffering from Panic Disorder, and that that was preventing me from speaking to her normally.

Now, after trying again to dance with me a couple of times with no success, I think she's given up, and yesterday when we went clubbing she for the first time showed very few signs of interest at all, I got the feeling she wasn't letting me talk to her.

Today, I saw her in the streets with this other guy who likes her, I figured that she'd been refusing to go out with him because of me, but now having given up on me, she was 'going out' with him.

SO WHAT ON EARTH SHOULD I DO? I really have a crush on her, and even though we've barely spoken, I know she likes me a lot too, probably even more than this other guy.
Now that I know it's panic disorder, I can control my nerves much better around her than before (but it's still not quite normal), but I only see her Wednesday and Sunday nights at clubs, or hanging around sometimes in the common room, and there's only a few days left of this uni term! (but hopefully by the start of next term I'd have got medication for panic disorder).

Reply 1

trooper6

Original post by deej3005

Now that I know it's panic disorder, I can control my nerves much better around her than before (but it's still not quite normal), but I only see her Wednesday and Sunday nights at clubs, or hanging around sometimes in the common room, and there's only a few days left of this uni term! (but hopefully by the start of next term I'd have got medication for panic disorder).

In before someone jumps in and tells you to grow a pair.

You can get books at the library, buy courses online that can tell you how to deal with Panic Disorder, or you can force yourself into uncomfortable situations until you gain confidence and feel comfortable in them.

The medication you’re referring to will help you deal with this in the short term but I would suggest joining a public speaking group like toastmasters if there’s one in your area for long term benefits.

Good luck to you.

Reply 2

username239687

Get absolutely BUNGLED and dance with her.

Reply 3

insignificant

You need to force yourself into difficult situations. The only way to stop fearing fear is to confront it and win over it so you don't fear it anymore. But then again I only fully realised and understood this through counselling which I'm having at the moment.

Reply 4

deej3005

Thanks for the replies, but I don't get it-I've said that I'm not normally so incredibly shy, so I'm not sure entirely what's going on with the panic, I think I fear panicking around her precisely because it would make me lose control and prevent me from speaking to her.

Anyway, I don't think anybody has told me yet what I should do now-I could just tell her I like her but if we've never properly spoken before this would be very awkward but would at least make me feel more complete than if I never said it.

Or I could just try and forget about her, which would be pretty hard?

Any advice appreciated a lot.

Bump.

Well you seem to have said yourself that you've missed your chance to get to know her 'like that'. So you now know that if you were to talk to her you don't have to give such a good impression because you can only be her friend.

A conversation with her no longer has such high stakes - what is there to panic about any more? To become friends with someone doesn't require the smooth talking, good timing of trying to pull someone, so now you can be nervous whilst talking to her and it wouldn't matter!

Reply 7

TheDannyManCan

Why not write a letter or an email? That way you won't panic and can express yourself clearly. :smile:

Reply 8

deej3005

Original post by TheDannyManCan

Why not write a letter or an email? That way you won't panic and can express yourself clearly. :smile:

Yeah, but I'm thinking wouldn't it be very awkward to do so if we don't even know each other that well, even though we may like each other.

I'm still not sure whether to pursue her or just to let it go or simply aim to be friends and then maybe go for it again if she falls out with this guy?

Reply 9

TheDannyManCan

Original post by deej3005

Yeah, it's a difficult one...perhaps telling her whilst she's in a relationship would be a bad idea. Maybe it is best to wait (hope!) that she does fall out with him, horrible as that sounds :P