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Need advice - Gay/Bi Asian Muslim watch

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    Right, if you are going to post either personal attacks, then don't bother. Basically, I need some advice.

    I'm currently 17 - I'm of Southern Asian ethnicity and a Muslim. I follow my religion and I am vaguely aware of what my religion says about homosexuality. Now...I never chose to be gay, I know being homosexual is in my nature. I realised this several years ago when I started getting turned on by boys around me and stuff, girls never used to rarely turn me on. This leads me onto whether I am bisexual or not.

    Now, I really want to get this off my chest. But I can't. Outing my self to my parents is 100% not viable. I'd be disowned, thrown out, probarbly shipped off to Asia to get married etc etc, you know the drill. The majority of my friends are also young Asian Muslim males - most of which see homosexuality in a very negative way. I have practically no friends that I could trust with this. I feel like I am living a secret life and it's a daily pressure, I feel like I can't express myself and have to be somebody I am not.

    I'm not turned on by older males but Asian males of a similar age to me, which feels wrong - especially as some are my friends. I could never tell them because they'd probarbly kill me or whatever. But I'm not even sure if I am gay. If I see really hot girls, I do not get aroused but idk...

    I am thinking of waiting till I start uni then perhaps come out of my shell. Don't get me wrong, I'm not intending on become an in-yer-face homo...

    Urgh, this is killing me, I've even contemplated suicide because I feel either way, I can't be myself. What should I do? :ashamed2:
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    I think you should wait until uni when you can make different friends and they wont judge you negatively for being gay. Also, it would be good if you took some time away from your family it seems like, so uni would also be the perfect place for it.
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    (Original post by TheBlackMonster)
    I think you should wait until uni when you can make different friends and they wont judge you negatively for being gay. Also, it would be good if you took some time away from your family it seems like, so uni would also be the perfect place for it.
    This, this, and this again. Most definitely. Choose life, not what religion tells you to do.



    Religions, pah. Life's already a mess without them, we don't need them for sure.
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    Ask Allah for 4gveness and your soul will be purified. Bet it feels aweful 2 be in your position.
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    and I know you're extremely religious but I'd take some time out of your religion and think about what you believe currently at the moment. don't follow religion blindly as an answer to anything and think about YOURSELF first and how you feel, how you want to approach life and don't make any rash decisions.

    I can assure you that what you're going through now is the worst and when you look back you'll feel a lot better.
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    Well you've got two choices...
    are you actually Muslim?
    If you believe your religion truly then you're only choice is to be celibate isn't it, avoiding what would be seen as sin.

    If you don't then do what you like! Go to gay clubs or whatever. You probably aren't bi though, or you'd be happy to date girls...
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    (Original post by 000015080)
    Ask Allah for 4gveness and your soul will be purified. Bet it feels aweful 2 be in your position.
    Forgiveness? For... being born a certain way? Please.

    OP, you are probably gay. But don't worry. It's normal to feel confused, but if you're turned on by guys and not girls, you are gay.

    You don't have to worry too much, I mean, I know its hard and you probably want to get on with making relationships and being open with people. However if this is not viable (as you said) unless you find someone either; in a similar position or understanding enough to be cool with it.

    I definitely support the idea of coming out at uni, well... not coming out. But just being you. I'd advise moving a bit further to uni, just to separate this private part of you and the family part of you. It's sad your parents wouldnt understand, but it's life. You just have to keep that part of you secret, from them. It's not the end of the world though, as long as you can keep it up for the period from now until uni, you'll be fine.

    Uni is brilliant for finding people who're like minded and understanding. So you won't be judged. Hang in there OP!!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, if you are going to post either personal attacks, then don't bother. Basically, I need some advice.

    I'm currently 17 - I'm of Southern Asian ethnicity and a Muslim. I follow my religion and I am vaguely aware of what my religion says about homosexuality. Now...I never chose to be gay, I know being homosexual is in my nature. I realised this several years ago when I started getting turned on by boys around me and stuff, girls never used to rarely turn me on. This leads me onto whether I am bisexual or not.

    Now, I really want to get this off my chest. But I can't. Outing my self to my parents is 100% not viable. I'd be disowned, thrown out, probarbly shipped off to Asia to get married etc etc, you know the drill. The majority of my friends are also young Asian Muslim males - most of which see homosexuality in a very negative way. I have practically no friends that I could trust with this. I feel like I am living a secret life and it's a daily pressure, I feel like I can't express myself and have to be somebody I am not.

    I'm not turned on by older males but Asian males of a similar age to me, which feels wrong - especially as some are my friends. I could never tell them because they'd probarbly kill me or whatever. But I'm not even sure if I am gay. If I see really hot girls, I do not get aroused but idk...

    I am thinking of waiting till I start uni then perhaps come out of my shell. Don't get me wrong, I'm not intending on become an in-yer-face homo...

    Urgh, this is killing me, I've even contemplated suicide because I feel either way, I can't be myself. What should I do? :ashamed2:
    Well, this is a messy situation. As someone has said don't come out yet and wait till university - this is actually a really sound advice in my opinion.

    As an Asian Muslim myself, I can empathise with your situation and possibly predict what your family reaction would be. Don't tell your friends if you think you can't really trust them.

    Don't think of committing suicide. It's just not worth finishing your life like that when you can possibly find a solution.

    And you can PM me if you want. I'm not one of those 'typical' Muslims, so I won't tell you that you will go to Hell for being homosexual.... :blah:

    :grin:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TheBlackMonster)
    I think you should wait until uni when you can make different friends and they wont judge you negatively for being gay. Also, it would be good if you took some time away from your family it seems like, so uni would also be the perfect place for it.
    Thanks! I was thinking the same - waiting till university and getting into a new social circle who can accept me for what I am.

    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    This, this, and this again. Most definitely. Choose life, not what religion tells you to do.
    Religions, pah. Life's already a mess without them, we don't need them for sure.
    Easier said than done, mate, tbh.

    (Original post by Urkel)
    I think it would be a much better idea for you to wait until university to come out.
    Yeah...

    (Original post by 000015080)
    Ask Allah for 4gveness and your soul will be purified. Bet it feels aweful 2 be in your position.
    Ask forgiveness for what?

    (Original post by TheBlackMonster)
    and I know you're extremely religious but I'd take some time out of your religion and think about what you believe currently at the moment. don't follow religion blindly as an answer to anything and think about YOURSELF first and how you feel, how you want to approach life and don't make any rash decisions.
    I can assure you that what you're going through now is the worst and when you look back you'll feel a lot better.
    Cheers - really appreciate that, something to think about...

    (Original post by Philosoraptor)
    Well you've got two choices...
    are you actually Muslim?
    If you believe your religion truly then you're only choice is to be celibate isn't it, avoiding what would be seen as sin.

    If you don't then do what you like! Go to gay clubs or whatever. You probably aren't bi though, or you'd be happy to date girls...
    I am Muslim. I have never had gay sex (and I should have stated this in my OP), I never intend to have a homosexual sexual relationship. Partly, as you say, this is because it is a sin and partly because I don't want to. Maybe I woul date girls but I'm not comfortable - I dunno, not sure at all :/

    (Original post by B-Man.)
    In Islam it is not a sin to be of a homosexual orientation. It is considered your struggle (your 'jihad' if you will). However acting on these urges is a sin.

    Of course you sound like a secular Muslim and so I suggest you seriously consider why you are a Muslim? i.e how do you know it is the absolute truth? If you don't know the answer to those questions, then why are you restricting your life on the one part of it you want to express? I wouldn't recommend coming out to your parents, if they won't be understanding because there is no benefit to you or them. I wouldn't 'come out' to your friends either as they sound like some ignorant 'brothers' who will simply see you as something filthy and not someone who is struggling with his faith. However, I would attend those LGBT meeting and events as these are places where you can safely express feelings and explore your sexuality.
    This. I remember reading this somewhere - it's my jihad and acting upon it becomes the sin. As for myself, I was brought up Muslim, and especially being from an Asian family, it's kinda programmed into me. I have never thought about leaving the religion because a) I think it's the truth b) Don't see another alternative (other religions don't appeal and I do think God exists) c) Can I really afford to be an apostate?!
    Yes, you are spot on with the friends and family bit. I am even embarrased to talk to my white friends who are more liberal and relaxed in their views, because I think I fear being judged...fml idk

    (Original post by draikzer)
    Forgiveness? For... being born a certain way? Please.
    Exactly
    OP, you are probably gay. But don't worry. It's normal to feel confused, but if you're turned on by guys and not girls, you are gay.
    Yeah, thought so...lol

    You don't have to worry too much, I mean, I know its hard and you probably want to get on with making relationships and being open with people. However if this is not viable (as you said) unless you find someone either; in a similar position or understanding enough to be cool with it.


    I definitely support the idea of coming out at uni, well... not coming out. But just being you. I'd advise moving a bit further to uni, just to separate this private part of you and the family part of you. It's sad your parents wouldnt understand, but it's life. You just have to keep that part of you secret, from them. It's not the end of the world though, as long as you can keep it up for the period from now until uni, you'll be fine.

    Uni is brilliant for finding people who're like minded and understanding. So you won't be judged. Hang in there OP!!!
    Thank you so much! Definitely helped.

    (Original post by ussumane)
    You're not Muslim.
    orely?
    (Original post by lonely14)
    Well, this is a messy situation. As someone has said don't come out yet and wait till university - this is actually a really sound advice in my opinion.

    As an Asian Muslim myself, I can empathise with your situation and possibly predict what your family reaction would be. Don't tell your friends if you think you can't really trust them.

    Don't think of committing suicide. It's just not worth finishing your life like that when you can possibly find a solution.

    And you can PM me if you want. I'm not one of those 'typical' Muslims, so I won't tell you that you will go to Hell for being homosexual.... :blah:

    :grin:
    Yeah, I think the waiting till uni plan is the best solution. Yeah, I'm going to abstain from telling my friends...and perhaps the sui was an exaggeration but with added stress from life/studies/family/religion/friends/relationships etc, it just all makes me feel like **** and I cba with it all...And yeah, I'll PM you soon! Thank you
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    Did a random anonymous user quote me to insult me, but his post was deleted? I got a notification that an Anonymous quoted me, it would be quite sad if he was some hater who thought he was carrying Jihad to this thread. Quite sad indeed.
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    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    Did a random anonymous user quote me to insult me, but his post was deleted? I got a notification that an Anonymous quoted me, it would be quite sad if he was some hater who thought he was carrying Jihad to this thread. Quite sad indeed.
    I know. Apparently I've been quoted by some Anonymous , but his post is not here.
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    (Original post by lonely14)
    I know. Apparently I've been quoted by some Anonymous , but his post is not here.
    The best thing to do in such cases is: SHRUGGING.

    You know, you are the living proof thar religion itself is not a problem. It's how people interpret it and act shamefully in its name that is bad.
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    Live a life of celibacy.
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    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    The best thing to do in such cases is: SHRUGGING.

    You know, you are the living proof thar religion itself is not a problem. It's how people interpret it and act shamefully in its name that is bad.
    I agree with you there.

    Thanks a lot for your appreciation. :grin:
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    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    The best thing to do in such cases is: SHRUGGING.

    You know, you are the living proof thar religion itself is not a problem. It's how people interpret it and act shamefully in its name that is bad.
    wat is this supposed 2 mean :confused:
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    (Original post by ThePropheticNomad)
    wat is this supposed 2 mean :confused:
    That if you blow up a bus full of people or disavow your son because he's homosexual in the name of religion you're simply an idiot who's missed some centuries of progress.

    Valid for Muslims, Christians, Jews, and whatnot.
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    Ask yourself are you Muslim because you want to be and you believe in Islam or are you "Muslim" because you were raised that way. The fact that you are not aware of the teachings of Islam on gayness (The Qur'an and the Hadeeths) means that you don't follow your religion closely and you are for the while confused and in the liminal stage of reconciling what you know and feel with what you have been thought.

    As a GAY - "HINDU"- LAST SON- INDIAN ETHNICITY- FROM THIRD WORLD HOMOPHOBIC TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO, with all the brown family expectations riding on me - wait until you go to uni. You will feel much freer and more comfortable there.

    Next do not come out to your friends, no way no how, they sound like a set of douche bags, interestingly I am in Toronto studying right now and many of my Muslim friends from Iran, Lebanon, Iraq, Pakistan, India, Jordan and Saudi who were born there are gay and have come to reconcile both religion and their sexuality so there is a lot of hope and there is a way if you so wish to keep the two.

    Next you are probably gay, being gay does not equal blindness, gay men regard girls as hot all the time, we dance with them, balh balh on the odd case of being totally out of it we may even sleep wid one but that does not change the fact we are gay.

    There is a lot of hope guy, don't worry over the angst, please don't kill yourself and remember your parents cannot control you forever when you become an adult and have your own money you can do as you please.
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    Honestly, just wait. I know it may suck in the meantime but in the long term it's the best thing to do. You're gonna have to tell your parents at some point, but it's far better to do it when you're not living with them, and in terms of friends, you can make friends at uni with people who don't have an issue with it.
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    (Original post by tieyourmotherdown)
    Honestly, just wait. I know it may suck in the meantime but in the long term it's the best thing to do. You're gonna have to tell your parents at some point, but it's far better to do it when you're not living with them, and in terms of friends, you can make friends at uni with people who don't have an issue with it.
    Yh i agree but if you do the telling, your gona get eaten alive your parents probably gonna get the daaa on you (the asian curved machete) You don't tell your parents, when the time comes like all asian parents they will say " oh papu, I have a friend who has a really nice daughter..."

    This is what you plan for. It would be far better if you tell them you are going on a holiday to a muslim country but not your own ethnic country. (obviously you don't have to go there, you dont even need to go abroad.) You'd rather disappear than be having your parents know ur gay. Eastenders - Christian & Syed is a really good example.

    Obviously you will want to go back home when you do after a cupl of months you could if you want say u got married but make sure you know the language for example learn arabic (obviously a Muslim is meant to learn this language at a young age...

    Nd by the way committing suicide is the worst sin a Muslim can do!:eek:
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    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    Allah's got nothing to forgive him.
    Dont you see he is being tested by allah, allah has everything planned for us all. Allah has given him two paths; the wright and the, wrong and which one he chooses is his free will. But asking Allah for 4gveness will increase his imaan and allah will give him the power to fight this situation and inshallah come out victorious!! If you are ever in need of support from Allah just pray and make dua.
 
 
 
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