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    Well, not technically true. We have anal sex as often as we can, but that has it's limitations at times as you can't exactly over-indulge in such a thing!

    However, she had a traumatic experience with her ex. He was the type of guy who just expected sex from his gf straight away and she, living a quite sheltered life with religious parents in a small town, wasn't really thinking about sex and/or didn't seem to have the capacity to cope with it, especially since he sprung it upon her so quickly. He basically sat and argued with her 1 night until she had sex with him and she was torn apart after and felt worthless. She was with this guy for 2 years and he treated her like absolute **** and they kept having sex even though she didn't like it at all.

    It's a strange one. She has a really high sex drive and masturbates a hell of a lot (since she was 10 or 11) but actual sex never really entered her head much... that is (she says), until she met me.

    She says that after a few months of going out with me, it's the first time that she's had a longing to have sex with someone.

    Our progression has been quite slow. We didn't kiss until a few weeks after hooking up, then sexual contact (oral etc) didn't come until a few months later. I let her initiate all this as I knew about her past and so didn't want to push her into anything. One day I joked around about anal as sometimes we watch porn together (wasn't expecting a serious response) but she shocked me and said "ok, let's do it".

    So yeah, we do that and we both enjoy it a lot but now we get to the crucial part....

    She is still so traumatized by what happened in her last relationship that even though she wants to have actual sex with me, she can never bring herself to do it. I have never once asked for it or hinted at it, I've just told her in response to her saying she'd like to have sex with me that obviously I would like it too.

    Our relationship is at the stage where it's super serious and we're talking about our future plans so I love her completely and couldn't ask for anyone better, but how do we get past this? Not having sex isn't going to break us up, but the thing is she doesn't really seem to be warming up to the idea at all. I didn't ask her this, but she did tell me that she would absolutely not speak to any sort of counsellor about it as she wants to forget the past and move on.

    The thing is, any sexual thing we've done, she's said I've made her feel completely at ease and for the first time, actually enjoy it. So my logic is sort of swaying towards... if she has sex with me once, maybe she will see it's not so bad? :/ In the grand scale of things, I don't really mind not having actual sex with her, it's more about just trying to give her peace of mind about the whole thing as she does worry about it.

    Should I just leave her be to try and get over it in her own time? What should I do?


    Sorry.. long post.
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    Given that you've waited so long (and it seems to be suggesting that things aren't getting much better any time soon at the rate you're progressing together) my only advice is to actually put some pressure into the situation - but be careful!

    It's admirable that you've given her space to make her own decisions, but it sounds like she is just getting used to what she is comfortable doing and would continue like that without any incentive or encouragement.

    You'll have to strike the right balance between applying a bit of pressure/trying to be persuasive without sounding manipulative or demanding. She needs to understand that you support her and want to help her, but in order to help you need to show a bit of 'tough love'.
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    A year... damn this is very clear example of putting the pussy on a pedestal.
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    I didn't ask her this, but she did tell me that she would absolutely not speak to any sort of counsellor about it as she wants to forget the past and move on.
    But she isn't moving on is she?

    The past is completely ruling her present and future relations with you.

    Tell her that and it might change her mind.

    She may not however and from there on its up to you to decide if a sexless relationship is for you.

    Best of luck.
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    I'm afraid I'll never understand the mindset that anal sex, and particularly oral sex, are not sex.
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    Troll, anyone?
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    xxx
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    Having had a similar experience in the past (although admittedly i spoke to her about it after a few months) the only way your going to get past this is if you talk to her. just talk to her about her insecurities about it and ask her what her problems are and how you can help her overcome then to be more content with herself.

    don't sway your conversation in a direction that sounds like you want to sex that will exaserbate the situtation for her. but honestly if you don't see it as a problem, reiterate that to her. just show her your willing to help her any way you can. you love her for her and ultimatly want her to be happy to do it on her own terms. + if at that point you feel like she wont mind tell her your ready but dont expect anything until she feels she is. either way youll get brownie points.

    good luck. sorry for the spelling.
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    *Crackling whip sound*

    So you've had anal before normal sex? How does that even make sense?
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    Dude I cant get my girlfriend to do anal, fancy a swap?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    She says that after a few months of going out with me, it's the first time that she's had a longing to have sex with someone.

    Where's the ****ing problem then?
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    I'm no expert here, but the way I see it at least, you have to confront an issue and deal with all the negative feelings attached to it before you can move on. I'm not saying that she should be having sex with you, but it is clear that not having sex is an issue for her as well as it is for you. Pushing all these traumatic memories to the back of her mind most probably isn't helping her and isn't the way to move on. She probably needs to deal with the issues of her ex boyfriend with a counsellor before she can move on. Kind of like a 'it needs to get worse before it can better' situation. Going over all these memories and feelings might be awful for her, but in the long run she should feel better.
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    (Original post by Traceur)
    *Crackling whip sound*

    So you've had anal before normal sex? How does that even make sense?
    It's not that uncommon. What if you're a virgin, you really want to have sex with your boyfriend, but it's "that time of the month"?
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    It's not that uncommon. What if you're a virgin, you really want to have sex with your boyfriend, but it's "that time of the month"?
    Then you'd probably wait a week or two.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    Then you'd probably wait a week or two.
    Probably most people would. But plenty of girls would choose a different path (so to speak).
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    (Original post by Traceur)
    *Crackling whip sound*

    So you've had anal before normal sex? How does that even make sense?
    well basically what happens is, the penis enters the anus rather than the vagina.
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    Wait til she's asleep.
 
 
 
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