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How should my short story end? The ending i've written is boring. Watch

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    So i've written a short story, but I rushed the ending. I gave it to someone for feedback and they commented that the story was excellent, but the ending really let it down, but i'm totally stuck as to how to end it! I don't want to be too dramatic, but I don't want to be boring. This is the story: Basically, i've personnified a character's guilt, and it's about her ending her abusive relationship with the guilt she feels about an 'incident'. She says a bit about the relationship she has with her guilt, then he (guilt) comes in, and is being really creepy and "sickeningly intimate" (according to a friend who read it), and is makking her remember this 'incident', then he makes her go into the garden and pushes her to the ground. She says she usually just sits there and cries, but this time she pretends to cry, and he thinks he has power over her, but then she runs into the house and locks herself in the bathroom. the only way to get rid of him forever is to tell the secret she's been hiding, so she phones her mum and tells her about the 'incident' which we find out is that she accidently ran over her mums dog and buried it in her garden. Her mum is about to respond, but she puts the phone down cuz she's scared, but she says at least her mum knows now, and then she goes downstairs and he has dissapeared.

    The story really builds up tension, but then the ending lets the story down. How else could I end it?
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    "and they all lived happily ever after."
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    something slightly more guilt-riddling than that i guess. I mean yea it's bad but it's not exactly sickening to the point that you'd carry consuming guilt round with you and sit and cry about it.
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    (Original post by hollyhollywood92)
    So i've written a short story, but I rushed the ending. I gave it to someone for feedback and they commented that the story was excellent, but the ending really let it down, but i'm totally stuck as to how to end it! I don't want to be too dramatic, but I don't want to be boring. This is the story: Basically, i've personnified a character's guilt, and it's about her ending her abusive relationship with the guilt she feels about an 'incident'. She says a bit about the relationship she has with her guilt, then he (guilt) comes in, and is being really creepy and "sickeningly intimate" (according to a friend who read it), and is makking her remember this 'incident', then he makes her go into the garden and pushes her to the ground. She says she usually just sits there and cries, but this time she pretends to cry, and he thinks he has power over her, but then she runs into the house and locks herself in the bathroom. the only way to get rid of him forever is to tell the secret she's been hiding, so she phones her mum and tells her about the 'incident' which we find out is that she accidently ran over her mums dog and buried it in her garden. Her mum is about to respond, but she puts the phone down cuz she's scared, but she says at least her mum knows now, and then she goes downstairs and he has dissapeared.

    The story really builds up tension, but then the ending lets the story down. How else could I end it?
    end it like this....

    "......and then i woke up and it was all a dream and we all lived happily ever after..........and then Barry Chuckle burgled our house and killed us all"

    The end.
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      The girl wakes up with the dead dog's head in her bed.
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      Massive sex orgy?
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      she killed a dog? why killed? why a dog? make it something more subtle. maybe she saw something and didn't tell anyone about it, though she should have and it would have changed somebody's life/actions/whatever. I don't know. it's your story. (:
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      Why a dog? It needs to be something more shocking that doesn't shock me. It needs to have some umph to it. The dog is a let down. There are a lot of things it should be but not a dog.

      You need to have something more emotional. yea the dog is a good idea but it doesn't give the emotion you're aiming for. I love dogs myself but there's something about the dog's death that is a let down to the story, I got to that bit in your summary and I just thought "That's it?" and the emotional impact you are wanting from the story. You need to leave a real impact on the reader.
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      I love animals but maybe feeling responsible for death of a human is far easier to feel emotional about, for example arguing with someone who is terminally ill and them dying soon after without ever apologising
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      (Original post by Spinnerette)
      Why a dog? It needs to be something more shocking that doesn't shock me. It needs to have some umph to it. The dog is a let down. There are a lot of things it should be but not a dog.

      You need to have something more emotional. yea the dog is a good idea but it doesn't give the emotion you're aiming for. I love dogs myself but there's something about the dog's death that is a let down to the story, I got to that bit in your summary and I just thought "That's it?" and the emotional impact you are wanting from the story. You need to leave a real impact on the reader.
      Why a dog? I have no idea. Thanks, it was so obvious but I didn't think of changing the bit about the dog. I don't want to make it too dramatic though, cuz it would be too silly. It needs to be something really bad that no one would suspect, not like, she murdered her dad.
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      (Original post by doleful)
      she killed a dog? why killed? why a dog? make it something more subtle. maybe she saw something and didn't tell anyone about it, though she should have and it would have changed somebody's life/actions/whatever. I don't know. it's your story. (:
      I like this idea! It seems so obvious now that the the dog story was boring, but somehow I couldn't see it before. Have you read The Kite Runner? That's about how a boy watches his friend being arse raped and runs away leaving his friend, and how thier lives totally change becuase of what happened and the guilt the boy feels. I want to do something like that.
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      She shaves her head and then kills everyone, just like in those French films.
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      maybe, she had a daughter and her boyfriend used to abuse her, and eventually killed her, and the woman watched it happen and didn't stop her boyfriend, so now she feels like she killed her daughter. That's shocking. And also, it kind of keeps you on the woman's side, because she didn't actually do the abusing. You know that it was wrong of her not to stop him, but you know that she was scared and feared for her life. Is that too melodramatic?
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      I've decided that the daughter doesn't die, she gets severely burned. The boyfriend burned her when she was 2, now she has to live with half her face all burnt off and bald patches on her head, and her mum knows that she let it happen. The boyfriend lit a candle next to a curtain after her burned the daughter, so the house would set on fire and it would look like the daughter got burned in the house fire.
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      (Original post by hollyhollywood92)
      I like this idea! It seems so obvious now that the the dog story was boring, but somehow I couldn't see it before. Have you read The Kite Runner? That's about how a boy watches his friend being arse raped and runs away leaving his friend, and how thier lives totally change becuase of what happened and the guilt the boy feels. I want to do something like that.
      no, I haven't maybe I will some day.


      I'd say it's a bit too much still, but that's all up to you. if you write it good, it will be gripping I believe. just a little reminder - begin creating the portrait of that daughter at the very start. she must be there all along so that she wouldn't just appear out of nowhere. maybe some flashbacks? some dialogue? but nothing that would give the ending away.
      good luck!
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      (Original post by doleful)
      no, I haven't maybe I will some day.


      I'd say it's a bit too much still, but that's all up to you. if you write it good, it will be gripping I believe. just a little reminder - begin creating the portrait of that daughter at the very start. she must be there all along so that she wouldn't just appear out of nowhere. maybe some flashbacks? some dialogue? but nothing that would give the ending away.
      good luck!
      I have a word limit, so I can't really add anything. But here's the start, "Guilt came home yesterday. He hasn’t been here for a long time. The door was locked, but he found his way in. He always does. He slides in through the tiny gap between the carpet and the door and you don’t notice him until he’s towering over you. His great shadow paints my yellow walls a rain-cloud shade of grey. I was on the phone to my daughter when he arrived. He has a habit of turning up when I phone her."
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      I know I could go a lot deeper into the story, but I can't cuz of the friggin word count.
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      I'd say it's nicely written. (: keep up the good work.
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        End it with sparks and rainbows flying out! And... and... her joyfully skipping around, with everything turning to marshmallows and chocolate and eating everything and... cute stuff!!!!

        You could also have the dog, like, dressed up in a white suit!!! And he could be like stepping down a stairway from heaven!! And then he does the doggy dance!
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        (Original post by hollyhollywood92)
        So i've written a short story, but I rushed the ending. I gave it to someone for feedback and they commented that the story was excellent, but the ending really let it down, but i'm totally stuck as to how to end it! I don't want to be too dramatic, but I don't want to be boring. This is the story: Basically, i've personnified a character's guilt, and it's about her ending her abusive relationship with the guilt she feels about an 'incident'. She says a bit about the relationship she has with her guilt, then he (guilt) comes in, and is being really creepy and "sickeningly intimate" (according to a friend who read it), and is makking her remember this 'incident', then he makes her go into the garden and pushes her to the ground. She says she usually just sits there and cries, but this time she pretends to cry, and he thinks he has power over her, but then she runs into the house and locks herself in the bathroom. the only way to get rid of him forever is to tell the secret she's been hiding, so she phones her mum and tells her about the 'incident' which we find out is that she accidently ran over her mums dog and buried it in her garden. Her mum is about to respond, but she puts the phone down cuz she's scared, but she says at least her mum knows now, and then she goes downstairs and he has dissapeared.

        The story really builds up tension, but then the ending lets the story down. How else could I end it?
        I think it was a very good idea, until the dog bit. I think the guilt this character is facing should be bigger, (although killing a dog is pretty sad), it just didn't shock me.

        I think that she should continue to be tormented by this guilt, and eventually it kills her, or drives her insane! I think revealing this guilt, is a bit of an anti-climax. It sounds melodramatic, but you could be clever and subtly imply the consequence.
       
       
       
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