Parents are hurt and I’ve realised it’s all my fault?? am i the selfish one?

It would be a contradiction if everyone was optimally happy. We need sad people to have a realisation of what happiness truly is.

anyone with any good advice?

It would be a contradiction if everyone was optimally happy. We need sad people to have a realisation of what happiness truly is.

contradiction? lol.

Also you don't need to be sad, just not happy.

If you aren't either you're a robot.

I'm not always happy or sad, you can be in between.

Not sure why I even started this pseudophilosophical bs

There's no such thing as neutrality, there's lot's of factors that contribute to general welfare and the negative and positive polls can't just cancel each other out.

u on dat pseudophilosophical bs time cuz?

Hey I’m sure some of u have seen the threads about me being a fcked up muslim and a bad daughter to my parents. Today I was at home since my dad didn’t let me leave the house due to the problems that we have had recently (found out about me drinking, clubbing and having a bf). So my mum sat me down and brought like 6 family albums, I spent hours looking at them and couldn’t help crying. It made me realise and appreciate what my parents have done for me and it also made me see where I come from and how i should behave. I am not going to lie but I am some messed up lil bitch and yes I can admit it today. I feel like **** and really regret all the things that i have done in my past..I want to go and tell my parents that im really sorry and beg for forgiveness I have broken their heart and trust. I fcking hate myself right now, I can’t believe how selfish i have become and how badly i have treated my parents. I want to make things right and i really don’t know how to start. I really need to get back on track and show my parents that I am really really sorry. Looking at those pictures has changed me so much I never thought that i would actually call myself a selfish bitch! I feel really guilty and want to actually kill myself for all the times i caused my parents pain they are sososo disappointed in me and I think my dad hates me. don’t know what to do..

EDIT:soz just changed the title lol the old one was dry and too long, only reason for this was to get more replies coz im really upset and i need some wise words from wise pppl

I feel really guilty and want to actually kill myself

I totally understand where you're coming from, but you're not being selfish. You're enjoying yourself, theres no harm in that. I know your parents are pissed off, but they need to accept that throughout time, things change.
I know they'll probably never be understanding of what you want to do, so during your time at home just try to make peace with them. Then when you eventually go uni, party all you want, what your parents don't know, won't hurt them.