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    #1

    I mean, for shy people, how in what way should you or can you just be happy being single?

    It's dumb, I'm one of those people who thinks that a relationship would make me happier (note, happier, I am not incomplete without one). However, considering I have a select few friends at university, how can I possibly just continue to wait for someone else to come along again?

    I've had a girlfriend, that ended ages ago this year, and she and her new boyfriend are both in my university and I see them constantly... it makes me think how much happier I actually was during a relationship and makes me crave (not need) one once more.

    Recently, I did start liking a girl but I realised, once I started to talk to her properly, that it honestly wasn't ever going to work. Frustrated, I realised that I had put a lot of emphasis on the girl before I'd even met her.

    I know that I should go for it once I have chemistry or a spark with someone, but it just seems like that will never happen again. Hell, it took 18 years for it to happen the first time... someone console me please.

    I need advice from people who may have experienced this.

    TL DR

    • I'm one of those people who thinks that being in a relationship will make me happier. (I don't feel incomplete without one, but I do pin a lot of hopes on finding a special someone)
    • Started liking a girl, but realised there was no chemistry so it was never really going to work.
    • How can I just be patient and wait for someone to pop into my life?
    • I'm a shy guy when it comes to women/dating, but I've been told that I'm pretty confident socially and I'm quite the joker, as you may see from this thread.

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    Sorry about you having to see your ex and her boyfriend all the time. I know how that feels.
    But I'm sure that the right girl will come along. Give it some time. Maybe a lot of girls your age aren't looking for a guy yet.
    But I do think that a lot of people are happier in a relationship. Hope it goes well for you!
    • PS Helper
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    ill console you aha!
    seriously tho, just give it time... must suck seeing her around all the time, but shes found someone and you will too in the meantime, go out, have fun, and enjoy being young
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    See, the advice is right but it just doesn't hit the mark... I don't know, maybe it's just me.

    Maybe I'm trying to fill a void that can't actually be filled by a relationship?
    • PS Helper
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    its not just you!! ive got a couple of friends whove been saying the exact same thing to me lately! its been a while since their last relationship and theyre feeling a bit ****ty because of it... dont let it get you down hun itll work out! all it needs is time... i know thats not too helpful right now... but enjoy your life while youre young free and single
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    Those who wait will get nothing in life. You move on, when it happens, it will happen.
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    Putting any sort of happiness guarantee on a relationship is always dodgy, if you lose that person then do you lose the happiness as well?

    You're young dude, focus on just being and independent and happy with yourself
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    Hell, it took 18 years for it to happen the first time...
    First of all that's not true because you having been searching for clunge since you popped out of yo mum's. Whaaat??? . But seriously, just either talk to/ get friendly with more girls and see if you hit it off; try a bit of dutch courage at parties ( but not too much) which will help you at least talk to pretty girls or (apparently like my friend used to do ) get absolutely smashed at a party - sit in a chair and wait for a drunk girl to get on you or you on her but make sure she is awake ofc and you will most likely only get a kiss with the last suggestion so... Don't try it , try the first two and if they don't work urrhhh try a dating website and cross your fingers? :eek:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I mean, for shy people, how in what way should you or can you just be happy being single?

    It's dumb, I'm one of those people who thinks that a relationship would make me happier (note, happier, I am not incomplete without one). However, considering I have a select few friends at university, how can I possibly just continue to wait for someone else to come along again?

    I've had a girlfriend, that ended ages ago this year, and she and her new boyfriend are both in my university and I see them constantly... it makes me think how much happier I actually was during a relationship and makes me crave (not need) one once more.

    Recently, I did start liking a girl but I realised, once I started to talk to her properly, that it honestly wasn't ever going to work. Frustrated, I realised that I had put a lot of emphasis on the girl before I'd even met her.

    I know that I should go for it once I have chemistry or a spark with someone, but it just seems like that will never happen again. Hell, it took 18 years for it to happen the first time... someone console me please.

    I need advice from people who may have experienced this.

    TL DR

    • I'm one of those people who thinks that being in a relationship will make me happier. (I don't feel incomplete without one, but I do pin a lot of hopes on finding a special someone)
    • Started liking a girl, but realised there was no chemistry so it was never really going to work.
    • How can I just be patient and wait for someone to pop into my life?
    • I'm a shy guy when it comes to women/dating, but I've been told that I'm pretty confident socially and I'm quite the joker, as you may see from this thread.


    What about the girl you were talking to lots? Did you let her down gently then? (sorry, I've just been there and done that).

    It'll come when it comes. You're young, you're single, enjoy yourself.
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    (Original post by La Môme)
    It'll come when it comes. You're young, you're single, enjoy yourself.
    I don't get that. I'm in a pretty similar situation to the OP. Given that I'm not the sort of person that has lots of casual relationships (and I'm not particularly interested in them anyway), what is there that I can enjoy while I'm single, but not when I'm in a relationship? I'm not saying I can't enjoy being single, I just think I'd enjoy life even more in a decent relationship.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    :mad:
    (Original post by Psyk)
    I don't get that. I'm in a pretty similar situation to the OP. Given that I'm not the sort of person that has lots of casual relationships (and I'm not particularly interested in them anyway), what is there that I can enjoy while I'm single, but not when I'm in a relationship? I'm not saying I can't enjoy being single, I just think I'd enjoy life even more in a decent relationship.
    I'm pretty much the same. I can't do one night stands and I hardly drink at all. I suppose I just need to forget about waiting and do something else instead.
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    (Original post by Psyk)
    I don't get that. I'm in a pretty similar situation to the OP. Given that I'm not the sort of person that has lots of casual relationships (and I'm not particularly interested in them anyway), what is there that I can enjoy while I'm single, but not when I'm in a relationship? I'm not saying I can't enjoy being single, I just think I'd enjoy life even more in a decent relationship.
    Well, the opportunity for 'casual relationships' obviously, but more importantly, freedom. Not having to base your life around someone else. You aren't beholden to anyone or anything else, really. I'm single and that's what I enjoy most, just the unparalleled possibility. I can focus on other things that are important to me besides love, and building my life. So ideally I'd love to have a relationship or whatever but now I enjoy my own company and that of others, unrestricted by guilt or problems, and can be a bit selfish in that way, just focusing on me.
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    Just put your arms out and wait. If you're anything like me one will fall into them after a while.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :mad:

    I'm pretty much the same. I can't do one night stands and I hardly drink at all. I suppose I just need to forget about waiting and do something else instead.
    I think that's the problem in 'waiting.' It breeds expectation and ultimately disappointment when it doesn't come as you want it. Rather than just wanting it and focusing on other things in the meantime, you fixate and eventually that can become damaging to yourself. You'd feel cheated and attach meaning to every friend you make or girl you meet...

    Not saying that's what you're doing, and well done if that's not happening, but if you can't find something else to occupy your mind and insist on waiting for it, it has the potential to be onesided and messy.
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    Good things come to those who wait.

    Better things come to those who man up, and go out and take what they want.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I mean, for shy people, how in what way should you or can you just be happy being single?

    It's dumb, I'm one of those people who thinks that a relationship would make me happier (note, happier, I am not incomplete without one). However, considering I have a select few friends at university, how can I possibly just continue to wait for someone else to come along again?

    I've had a girlfriend, that ended ages ago this year, and she and her new boyfriend are both in my university and I see them [I]constantly[/I]... it makes me think how much happier I actually was during a relationship and makes me crave (not need) one once more.

    Recently, I did start liking a girl but I realised, once I started to talk to her properly, that it honestly wasn't ever going to work. Frustrated, I realised that I had put a lot of emphasis on the girl before I'd even met her.

    I know that I should go for it once I have chemistry or a spark with someone, but it just seems like that will never happen again. Hell, it took 18 years for it to happen the first time... someone console me please.

    I need advice from people who may have experienced this.

    TL DR

    • I'm one of those people who thinks that being in a relationship will make me happier. (I don't feel incomplete without one, but I do pin a lot of hopes on finding a special someone)
    • Started liking a girl, but realised there was no chemistry so it was never really going to work.
    • How can I just be patient and wait for someone to pop into my life?
    • I'm a shy guy when it comes to women/dating, but I've been told that I'm pretty confident socially and I'm quite the joker, as you may see from this thread.

    Worst..thing..ever!!!
    I have this constantly, to the point where I avoid the common areas they're in. Even though I was the dumper, not dumpee.
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    Get a mate to wheel you round a big wheel-barrow of porn, that should tie you over until your next relationship.
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    (Original post by La Môme)
    Well, the opportunity for 'casual relationships' obviously, but more importantly, freedom. Not having to base your life around someone else. You aren't beholden to anyone or anything else, really. I'm single and that's what I enjoy most, just the unparalleled possibility. I can focus on other things that are important to me besides love, and building my life. So ideally I'd love to have a relationship or whatever but now I enjoy my own company and that of others, unrestricted by guilt or problems, and can be a bit selfish in that way, just focusing on me.
    Well that doesn't make any sense for me personally. I really can't think of anything I'm free to do now that I wouldn't be able to do in a relationship, unless my girlfriend was really controlling. I don't see how being in a relationship would affect my ability to continue developing other aspects of my life. It would just mean less time sitting around bored on TSR and more sexy time. It's not giving up my freedom if it's my own choice to enter a relationship and I can end the relationship at any time if I don't think it's working.

    I think entering a relationship is taking a risk. You are kind of gambling with your happiness because if you break up you could end up feeling far worse than you did being single in the first place. But I don't see how it's giving up your freedom.
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    Patiently, desperately...
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    (Original post by Psyk)
    Well that doesn't make any sense for me personally. I really can't think of anything I'm free to do now that I wouldn't be able to do in a relationship, unless my girlfriend was really controlling. I don't see how being in a relationship would affect my ability to continue developing other aspects of my life. It would just mean less time sitting around bored on TSR and more sexy time. It's not giving up my freedom if it's my own choice to enter a relationship and I can end the relationship at any time if I don't think it's working.

    I think entering a relationship is taking a risk. You are kind of gambling with your happiness because if you break up you could end up feeling far worse than you did being single in the first place. But I don't see how it's giving up your freedom.
    Mmm, yeah. Well, different strokes for different folks. I personally feel more freedom out of a relationship than in one. Maybe it's because I'm selfish. :confused:

    You do raise another point though, relationships are risk and work and all that, which I'm not interested in at the moment, haha. I guess it depends on the person. I actually do think and feel a bit freer out of a relationship, whereas it's not the case for everyone.

    And of course, TSR > sexy time
 
 
 
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