Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    After my bf (of 2 years) left the city earlier this year as he got another job, we've hardly seen each other and its been difficult in coping with the distance. i feel neglected, as we don't see each other and he is always cranky on the phone because he is tired after a long day. i don't blame him for being tired but his attitude has really affected our relationship.

    so anyway, i met another guy on a night out, we got talking, exchanged numbers, met up, and we kissed. i told my boyfriend because i did not want to be dishonest and this other guy also knows i have a boyfriend. my bf stopped talking to me and asked to go on a break, and being the selfish cow that i am, i turned to this other guy, who makes me feel amazing. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy- its pretty scary. its kinda long distance with us too, but hes come up twice a week to see me. we ended up sleeping with each other yday, and i felt like an idiot, thinking that hes got what he wanted and thats why hes been so nice to me so far. but he carried on being so sweet, and now wants me to be his gf. i also bumped into my ex today, and he insisted we go for a hot drink and talk. he told me that he thinks we should give it another chance. i didn't tell him that i've slept with this other guy too because it would break his heart (inevitably).

    i'm so confused and i don't know what i want. on one hand, i dont want to break things off with my ex because we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year. i also dont want to jump into a relationship with this other guy but im intrigued to know what it would be like.

    im sorry for the long message and i know that i will get a lot of abuse from some tsr members for doing this to my bf, it was completely wrong and i am usually completely against cheating. i don't know whats wrong with me, i'm so confused, i feel like i'm losing it. i can't eat or sleep. what should i do? i dont know
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After my bf (of 2 years) left the city earlier this year as he got another job, we've hardly seen each other and its been difficult in coping with the distance. i feel neglected, as we don't see each other and he is always cranky on the phone because he is tired after a long day. i don't blame him for being tired but his attitude has really affected our relationship.

    so anyway, i met another guy on a night out, we got talking, exchanged numbers, met up, and we kissed. i told my boyfriend because i did not want to be dishonest and this other guy also knows i have a boyfriend. my bf stopped talking to me and asked to go on a break, and being the selfish cow that i am, i turned to this other guy, who makes me feel amazing. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy- its pretty scary. its kinda long distance with us too, but hes come up twice a week to see me. we ended up sleeping with each other yday, and i felt like an idiot, thinking that hes got what he wanted and thats why hes been so nice to me so far. but he carried on being so sweet, and now wants me to be his gf. i also bumped into my ex today, and he insisted we go for a hot drink and talk. he told me that he thinks we should give it another chance. i didn't tell him that i've slept with this other guy too because it would break his heart (inevitably).

    i'm so confused and i don't know what i want. on one hand, i dont want to break things off with my ex because we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year. i also dont want to jump into a relationship with this other guy but im intrigued to know what it would be like.

    im sorry for the long message and i know that i will get a lot of abuse from some tsr members for doing this to my bf, it was completely wrong and i am usually completely against cheating. i don't know whats wrong with me, i'm so confused, i feel like i'm losing it. i can't eat or sleep. what should i do? i dont know

    its ok
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Be really careful about getting into something new after you've just finished with someone - love, lust etc can be an addiction, so of course someone new is going to tick all your boxes and be amazing if it keeps you on that 'high'.

    OK, you cheated, it's not great but there are far worse things in the world that happen. Accept it, learn from it and move on.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If you can't "eat or sleep" you would probably be dead. This is called logic and I suggest you use it to overcome your problems and also think of the children in Africa.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You should tell him now, so he can split with you and get rid of someone who doesn't deserve him.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    sounds like your relationship lost its spark and you both forgot why you were together... now the balls in your court and its just a case of which relationship you want to try and make work! buuut i would say if you do get back with your bf you should probably tell him everything... otherwise itll just come out anyway at the worst moment!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After my bf (of 2 years) left the city earlier this year as he got another job, we've hardly seen each other and its been difficult in coping with the distance. i feel neglected, as we don't see each other and he is always cranky on the phone because he is tired after a long day. i don't blame him for being tired but his attitude has really affected our relationship.
    so anyway, i met another guy on a night out, we got talking, exchanged numbers, met up, and we kissed. i told my boyfriend because i did not want to be dishonest and this other guy also knows i have a boyfriend. my bf stopped talking to me and asked to go on a break, and being the selfish cow that i am, i turned to this other guy, who makes me feel amazing. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy- its pretty scary. its kinda long distance with us too, but hes come up twice a week to see me. we ended up sleeping with each other yday, and i felt like an idiot, thinking that hes got what he wanted and thats why hes been so nice to me so far. but he carried on being so sweet, and now wants me to be his gf. i also bumped into my ex today, and he insisted we go for a hot drink and talk. he told me that he thinks we should give it another chance. i didn't tell him that i've slept with this other guy too because it would break his heart (inevitably).

    i'm so confused and i don't know what i want. on one hand, i dont want to break things off with my ex because we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year. i also dont want to jump into a relationship with this other guy but im intrigued to know what it would be like.

    im sorry for the long message and i know that i will get a lot of abuse from some tsr members for doing this to my bf, it was completely wrong and i am usually completely against cheating. i don't know whats wrong with me, i'm so confused, i feel like i'm losing it. i can't eat or sleep. what should i do? i dont know
    you were on a break so I think the sleeping with him isnt cheating. the bit in bold seems to be you shifting the blame onto him for you kissing the other guy
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    You seem to be using his tiredness as an excuse for you cheating on him.. its not.
    The other guy is new, new always feels more exciting, grass always looks greener on the other side ya know?
    Its just.. anyone with common sense can realise that, you cant seem to.

    Your main reasons for not breaking up with him are ****. we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year.
    I mean .. seriously?

    Be nice to the guy.. end it.. your obviously a complete douche and he deserves better.

    Remember..
    http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...BxDoQQpPNMkFcO
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you think you've a choice, you're the definition of 'moved on'
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    follow ur heart if this second guy is so amazing and he is everything that u ever wanted then go for it. don't just get back with ur ex for the sake of it..but u shouldn't have slept with this second dude anyway its done now good luck x
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    If you hadnt cheated, you wouldnt be in this situation.

    Guy 1- although he wants to get back together, sometimes when people are cheated on, they feel so hurt and devasted (and even think that they werent good enough for their partner :rolleyes:) that they get back with the partner because of it. Some relationships work out, some dont, so you'll be taking a chance with him. He may not be able to fully trust you again... and so the relationship may end later on or it may not.

    Guy 2- Got with you knowing that you had a bf, he may have trust issues with you too, because you could just do the same to him. A guy who tries it on whilst knowing that you have a bf= NO
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    People break up for reasons. You have obviously moved on but are afraid to make the commitment of moving on because of the fall back net of what you know. New things are scary but exciting and who knows what they may lead to. But you and your ex? It's over in your mind.

    P.s. I wouldn't call yourself a cheat - you two were on a break, meaning officially you weren't together.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Don't stay with your bf just because you've been together for a long time and it will be awkward. If you're unsure then do the both of you a favour and don't get back with him. As for this other guy, you shouldn't jump straight into something with him either when you're still unsure. Imo you need to spend some time on your own to figure things out.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    Well you got to think are either of them good for you, the trouble is at such a young age feelings change so much. You really need to decide what you really want. Either way someone will get hurt, there is the risk of losing both of them. In the meantime don't string either of them alone.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You can't have your cake and eat it. Look, you need to end it with the old fella. It's ruined now, completely ruined. You obviously didn't care enough when you were getting your hole filled by this new guy.

    And to be honest, it probably wouldn't work with the new guy either. Because it's built on lies and mistrust and deception.

    The only sensible option that will result in your long-term happiness is you splitting it off with them both, taking some time alone and sorting your head out. And never cheating again because it's character destroying.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After my bf (of 2 years) left the city earlier this year as he got another job, we've hardly seen each other and its been difficult in coping with the distance. i feel neglected, as we don't see each other and he is always cranky on the phone because he is tired after a long day. i don't blame him for being tired but his attitude has really affected our relationship.

    so anyway, i met another guy on a night out, we got talking, exchanged numbers, met up, and we kissed. i told my boyfriend because i did not want to be dishonest and this other guy also knows i have a boyfriend. my bf stopped talking to me and asked to go on a break, and being the selfish cow that i am, i turned to this other guy, who makes me feel amazing. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy- its pretty scary. its kinda long distance with us too, but hes come up twice a week to see me. we ended up sleeping with each other yday, and i felt like an idiot, thinking that hes got what he wanted and thats why hes been so nice to me so far. but he carried on being so sweet, and now wants me to be his gf. i also bumped into my ex today, and he insisted we go for a hot drink and talk. he told me that he thinks we should give it another chance. i didn't tell him that i've slept with this other guy too because it would break his heart (inevitably).

    i'm so confused and i don't know what i want. on one hand, i dont want to break things off with my ex because we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year. i also dont want to jump into a relationship with this other guy but im intrigued to know what it would be like.

    im sorry for the long message and i know that i will get a lot of abuse from some tsr members for doing this to my bf, it was completely wrong and i am usually completely against cheating. i don't know whats wrong with me, i'm so confused, i feel like i'm losing it. i can't eat or sleep. what should i do? i dont know
    Don't worry, stuff like this happens, your in a difficult situation, trust me, I know...I'm in the exact same situation and done the exact same thing, though i didn't have the decency to tell my boyfriend.

    We're in a long distance relationship in different countries, and its been really hard, and i've been feeling neglected, like he's forgotton about me, and every time we have spoken we have been arguing. I met a guy, went for a drink a couple of times, and slept with him last week. I feel terribly guilty, I love my boyfriend, and couldn't bare to loose him, but frankly i feel like im single as he's never there, we never talk, and we always argue, and this other guy is lovely.

    What I'm doing is I'm stepping back from both of them, playing it cool untill christmas when i next see my boyfriend, and seeing how i feel when i'm with him. You need to be sure your making the right decision, so dont rush into anything.

    Well done for being honest with him, I don't have the guts, and that makes you a much better person so don't listen to any crap other ppl might give you, everyone makes mistakes, and at least your dealing with them, whereas i'm just avoiding them!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Good God, this is like Friends from a parallel universe
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We're in a long distance relationship in different countries, and its been really hard, and i've been feeling neglected, like he's forgotton about me, and every time we have spoken we have been arguing. I met a guy, went for a drink a couple of times, and slept with him last week. I feel terribly guilty, I love my boyfriend, and couldn't bare to loose him, but frankly i feel like im single as he's never there, we never talk, and we always argue, and this other guy is lovely.
    No doubt LDR’s are tough and I truly sympathize with your dilemma. I’m thinking that you’ve moved on and are having serious difficulties dealing with the guilt. Unless you feel a personal need to see him go thru the emotional trauma, you should break it off now. Doubt his Christmas is going to be fun anyway, but at least he will have time to mentally and emotionally deal with it. Otherwise the plan must be ‘Merry Christmas I’ve got this new fb I’d like you to meet’.

    Best Wishes
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i am usually completely against cheating.
    Thats alright then.

    Move on, leave the guys to do the same, you need time to sort yourself out, and let them get on with their lives.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After my bf (of 2 years) left the city earlier this year as he got another job, we've hardly seen each other and its been difficult in coping with the distance. i feel neglected, as we don't see each other and he is always cranky on the phone because he is tired after a long day. i don't blame him for being tired but his attitude has really affected our relationship.

    so anyway, i met another guy on a night out, we got talking, exchanged numbers, met up, and we kissed. i told my boyfriend because i did not want to be dishonest and this other guy also knows i have a boyfriend. my bf stopped talking to me and asked to go on a break, and being the selfish cow that i am, i turned to this other guy, who makes me feel amazing. he is everything ive ever wanted in a guy- its pretty scary. its kinda long distance with us too, but hes come up twice a week to see me. we ended up sleeping with each other yday, and i felt like an idiot, thinking that hes got what he wanted and thats why hes been so nice to me so far. but he carried on being so sweet, and now wants me to be his gf. i also bumped into my ex today, and he insisted we go for a hot drink and talk. he told me that he thinks we should give it another chance. i didn't tell him that i've slept with this other guy too because it would break his heart (inevitably).

    i'm so confused and i don't know what i want. on one hand, i dont want to break things off with my ex because we've been together for so long, we have mutual friends and things will be awkward when he moves back into the city next year. i also dont want to jump into a relationship with this other guy but im intrigued to know what it would be like.

    im sorry for the long message and i know that i will get a lot of abuse from some tsr members for doing this to my bf, it was completely wrong and i am usually completely against cheating. i don't know whats wrong with me, i'm so confused, i feel like i'm losing it. i can't eat or sleep. what should i do? i dont know
    Sadly we fall in love much to young. Don't beat yourself up about it.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 1, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.