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My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer today.... Watch

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    I'm not sure what i feel, I'm going to find out the type on friday hopefully its not a type 4. has anyone had this sort of experience? i want to cry but i cant, i feel like its not real, but it is, oh bugger i dont know....

    please help.

    should i postpone going back to uni this year??? (on a gap year now) to be honest i might strongly consider it too.
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    sorry to hear that

    My dad was diagnosed with a Brain tumour about 6 years ago when i was 15. Everyone deals with it in their own way, just try and be optimistic till you know which way its going.

    If it turns out to be life threatening make the most of the time. We where told he had 18 months we only got 6. Just be there for him.

    whilst I was still in school living at home, i found that after he passed to be more disruptive with the affect it had on my mum and younger brother.

    I would talk to him and see what he wants you to do. My sister was at Uni at the time and he had always wanted here to go to university. She was only a couple of hours away so she stayed on made it back home as much as possible.

    sorry if I'm not much help, you need to find out how serious it is and talk with your family its a very personal thing that only you will know which way you need to deal with it.

    I dealt with it in a similar way, not knowing what to feel and bottling up my emotions.

    Sorry if my post is a bit about worst case scenario but I can only give you my experience.
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    (Original post by jaydeebee21)
    sorry to hear that

    My dad was diagnosed with a Brain tumour about 6 years ago when i was 15. Everyone deals with it in their own way, just try and be optimistic till you know which way its going.

    If it turns out to be life threatening make the most of the time. We where told he had 18 months we only got 6. Just be there for him.

    whilst I was still in school living at home, i found that after he passed to be more disruptive with the affect it had on my mum and younger brother.

    I would talk to him and see what he wants you to do. My sister was at Uni at the time and he had always wanted here to go to university. She was only a couple of hours away so she stayed on made it back home as much as possible.

    sorry if I'm not much help, you need to find out how serious it is and talk with your family its a very personal thing that only you will know which way you need to deal with it.

    I dealt with it in a similar way, not knowing what to feel and bottling up my emotions.

    Sorry if my post is a bit about worst case scenario but I can only give you my experience.
    i am sorry for your loss and also if i reminded you of the painful memories back than, and thank you i really do appreciate you sharing this with me. my dad lives seperately from us but i think im going to move in with him so at least he has company, hopefully on friday theres some good news, i think this is why i dont feel its real because we dont know if its a terminal or could it be curable. i just hope its curable.
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    My dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma 3 years ago. At the time the news of cancer didn't really sink in, I just carried on like normal which I think to some extent is important. Cancer can completely change somebody's life and it's important to have some form of normality like the example above about staying on at uni or making sure to carry on at college because your dad is not going to want you to give up your life completely. I think you should talk to your dad about it, he may want you to go. How far away is uni?

    When you hear the word cancer your whole world can fall apart, you hear the death sentence and you can go into shock or of course anger/sadness.

    Don't be afraid to talk about it, whether to another person, on here, to a counsilor (I ended up seeing on due to stress of college and my dad) and especially with your family since although you'll deal with it differently sharing how you're feeling may help since you're all in the same situation. At the same time don't be afraid to cry about it, get angry about it or be scared, its normal everyone goes through the motions and trying to ignore how you're feeling can sometimes make the situation worse.

    I have to agree with making the most of the time you have, you don't yet know how bad it is so try and stay optimistic and try to stay strong for your dad, think about how you're going to fight this and have a goal. I know my dad's goal is to see me graduate uni whether he'll get there or not is another matter.

    I hope that helps :hugs: and the news you get soon will be the best you can.
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    (Original post by 22KT22)
    My dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma 3 years ago. At the time the news of cancer didn't really sink in, I just carried on like normal which I think to some extent is important. Cancer can completely change somebody's life and it's important to have some form of normality like the example above about staying on at uni or making sure to carry on at college because your dad is not going to want you to give up your life completely. I think you should talk to your dad about it, he may want you to go. How far away is uni?

    When you hear the word cancer your whole world can fall apart, you hear the death sentence and you can go into shock or of course anger/sadness.

    Don't be afraid to talk about it, whether to another person, on here, to a counsilor (I ended up seeing on due to stress of college and my dad) and especially with your family since although you'll deal with it differently sharing how you're feeling may help since you're all in the same situation. At the same time don't be afraid to cry about it, get angry about it or be scared, its normal everyone goes through the motions and trying to ignore how you're feeling can sometimes make the situation worse.

    I have to agree with making the most of the time you have, you don't yet know how bad it is so try and stay optimistic and try to stay strong for your dad, think about how you're going to fight this and have a goal. I know my dad's goal is to see me graduate uni whether he'll get there or not is another matter.

    I hope that helps :hugs: and the news you get soon will be the best you can.
    my uni is at kingston, london and my family lives in the eastmidlands....so its about 3 hours away, i dont mind going back and forth because i have to anyway due problems of my own... thank you for the advice, i was thinking of seeing a counseller soon, but erm i think i'll start finding my own way to cope before that. might go into town and get some oil paints.

    okay right now....be optimistic!!!!
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    Well, you have to stay happy for him, even if when you're on your own you break down completely. I found that seeing me upset made my mum more upset. He probably wouldn't want you to put your life on hold for him, so long as you see him quite regularly. Keep the conversation as normal as possible, don't talk about it too much. Be cheerful and laugh together, seems silly and pointless when everything feels so bleak, but scientifically even just a forced smile boosts endorphin levels. Also, try and avoid reading the papers too much, too many horror stories that really didn't help.
    I found myself thinking that there's no use being down and depressed all the time (though obviously it's easy to feel that way and I did cry a bit most days) because the reason we all want to live as long as possible is because we want to enjoy life, so if it is the worst case scenario, don't waste whatever's left being sad, make it count. Same goes for anybody really, as we could all get hit by a bus tomorrow at the end of the day.
    Just be there for him, it's all you can do. Sometimes you might end up feeling like you're the parent, so find somebody you can talk to and cry on as well, at the time I leaned heavily on my boyfriend and luckily he was great, but a friend or your mum or whoever that you can turn to when it gets too scary is invaluable.
    Rambling, disordered mess of a post this, sorry.
    I'll cross everything for good news x
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    i got a call from the nurse today and they officially confirmed its bowel cancer, but needs a ct scan to see what stages its on.

    heres another problem though, when i told my mom she was acting like he deserved it (they are seperated) and when i asked her just incase i cant take him to the clinic, can she take him cause she's only got college and pretty much can get out of it and she said' i am busy you know and i dont want to go and ask your brother'.

    i understand why she hates him but this is completely selfish, i told her we need to support him whenever we can, especially now theres two young kids 8 and 11 who might not see their dad again in another 2-5 years, her dad died of lung cancer, i thought she would understand from second person perspective and why i cried infront of her but she then said 'why are you crying, he's not even dead yet you idiot'

    in all honesty ( i have anger management issues) at that moment i wanted to slap her, i thought how can you be selfish now, if it was another way round my dad would have supported her in a flash, he will do whatever needs to be done but she....


    im just wondering if i need to bring the outside family into this as well, i know this is a bullying tactic and im not asking her for much other than maybe let him see the kids more or help him abit more, shes cares about face and what people think of her.....,i know the idea sounds inhumane but im sooo angry right now.:mad:
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    If i was you id postphone going to uni. End of the day you only get one Dad. But Uni you can join anytime in the next few years. Hope your dad has a speedy recovery Inshallah my prayers are with you and your family.
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    sorry to hear it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i got a call from the nurse today and they officially confirmed its bowel cancer, but needs a ct scan to see what stages its on.

    heres another problem though, when i told my mom she was acting like he deserved it (they are seperated) and when i asked her just incase i cant take him to the clinic, can she take him cause she's only got college and pretty much can get out of it and she said' i am busy you know and i dont want to go and ask your brother'.

    i understand why she hates him but this is completely selfish, i told her we need to support him whenever we can, especially now theres two young kids 8 and 11 who might not see their dad again in another 2-5 years, her dad died of lung cancer, i thought she would understand from second person perspective and why i cried infront of her but she then said 'why are you crying, he's not even dead yet you idiot'

    in all honesty ( i have anger management issues) at that moment i wanted to slap her, i thought how can you be selfish now, if it was another way round my dad would have supported her in a flash, he will do whatever needs to be done but she....


    im just wondering if i need to bring the outside family into this as well, i know this is a bullying tactic and im not asking her for much other than maybe let him see the kids more or help him abit more, shes cares about face and what people think of her.....,i know the idea sounds inhumane but im sooo angry right now.:mad:
    People cope with shock and grief in very different ways. When my dad was ill in hospital, my mum used to yell at us about how it was our fault for causing him stress and that's what had affected his heart. In hindsight, she would never ever have meant the hurt it caused, she was just struggling and angry and needed to let off steam. Give your mum a chance to register the news and deal with it, and don't automatically take your dads side just because you are feeling hurt and vulnerable at the moment. Be there for your family, but take plenty of time to look after yourself as well.
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    I'm really sorry to hear that. My father had bowel cancer when I was quite young and he got through it. In it's unpredictability there's always hope with cancer. I imagine spending this next year with your dad would be a good call though. All the best.
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    My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer the year before I went to uni. I questioned whether I should be going too, and in the end I did. I'm glad I did because it made her happy I was still living my life and not getting weighed down by it. She's still having on and off treatment but is generally stable and okay. Keep strong xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer the year before I went to uni. I questioned whether I should be going too, and in the end I did. I'm glad I did because it made her happy I was still living my life and not getting weighed down by it. She's still having on and off treatment but is generally stable and okay. Keep strong xxx

    yeah...im gonna talk to my dad about the uni thing, he will probably say i should go, but hopefully it hasnt reached to stage 4 (fingers crossed) because i read that theres a 70% curable rate with stage1,2 and possibly 3, which sounds pretty good, well at least theres abit of hope there.

    thank you, to read that you mum is stable and okay from treatments of bowel cancer has given me abit of encouragement, i hope your mum battles it through with this and i wish her well.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah...im gonna talk to my dad about the uni thing, he will probably say i should go, but hopefully it hasnt reached to stage 4 (fingers crossed) because i read that theres a 70% curable rate with stage1,2 and possibly 3, which sounds pretty good, well at least theres abit of hope there.

    thank you, to read that you mum is stable and okay from treatments of bowel cancer has given me abit of encouragement, i hope your mum battles it through with this and i wish her well.
    I am a strong believer that you should keep at university. My mum died of breast and secondary liver cancer a month before I went to uni myself, and obviously it really brought me down. At the same time my grandpa was also ill (who sadly passed away on Monday) and subsequently went into hospital, and as a result I was really worried about leaving home and having to travel back and forth incase things were wrong. When I actually went I did have a few awful weeks where I felt very depressed, and a counsellor helped an awful lot (I saw this was mentioned earlier on).

    Just think though - your dad must be really proud to see you at university- setting yourself up for a future that he may or may not be able to see. It's going to be a hard time - but if you can keep some sense of normality in your life (and thus, your dad's) then he may be even comforted by it, and it's one less thing/person to worry about.

    If you need to talk about anything, then don't hesitate to PM. =)
 
 
 
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