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To those who have forgiven a cheating partner Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I was just wondering if anyone here had forgiven their bf/gf for cheating, and if so, did it work out? How did you build up the trust again?

    I just found out my bf has cheated on me through sex conversations with a girl on the internet. I see it as cheating as he'd ask her when she'd be online and it happened over a period of time. He didnt tell me either; I found out because he tried to hide the messages.

    I'm divided about dumping him, or forgiving him, but just wanted to ask how those who have forgiven their partners for cheating built up their trust again and if it worked out in the end. Thanks.
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    I forgave once. It didn't work out he cheated again. If they cheat, it just shows they don't really care. Dump him and move on
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    I forgave my old girlfriend, was a disaster.
    • #2
    #2

    Forgive and forget,
    forgetting is the impossible part.
    • #3
    #3

    I was forgiven. I'm pretty grateful.

    Trust has been a difficult thing to rebuild, I don't know if it'll ever be the same again. It gets quite unpleasant sometimes, but we both want it to work.
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    (Original post by hg345)
    I forgave once. It didn't work out he cheated again. If they cheat, it just shows they don't really care. Dump him and move on
    It shows they care about cheating
    • #4
    #4

    I forgave. Twice.

    First time he kissed my best friend at the time, I suspected something but mainly thought I was paranoid, he lied to me about it, she told me in the end.

    From then on our relationship was totally different though, I realised that what with falling for him, I put him on a pedestal. It was something that was always on the cards at the beginning really, because he had been a bit of a player before we started and had loads of female friends who were exes or on/off people or just people who he had charmed and/or tried it on with him all the frickin' time.

    Then he made another special female friend who he'd bang on about all the time, I got paranoid, he kissed her, didn't tell me, I saw it on his Facebook in pictures. (that pretty much killed me inside)

    We broke up for a day, then talked it over and I hyperventilated while talking about suicidal feelings (I have depression) then he comforted me and we were back together.

    The thing is, main reason I forgave him was I understood him so well and I knew (or hoped, I suppose) there was so much more than this. And there is, he changed a lot.

    Fast forward sometime and I cheated... and he forgave me. Mainly because the boundaries were odd because it was someone who we'd had a threesome with.

    I cheated again with the same person and he doesn't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a horrible person but he won't find out unless I tell him and otherwise it's more just separate from him, it helped me figure stuff out in my head... if that makes sense. It didn't mean what the act suggests... so I didn't really feel guilty. I feel bad that he would mind if he knew, but otherwise it's fine.

    We have a really good relationship though, experienced so much together and it's like we're just bound but still have to go through things for ourselves, like how he changed, and how I've changed too.
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    Take it from me, having sex chat is probably not the worst he has done behind your back.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    For those who forgave (and especially to anon 3), how did you build up the trust again? Did you completely forgive them before moving on or did you just say you did even though you didn't?
    • #5
    #5

    I forgave but I ended up resenting them through the rest of our time together and eventually broke up with them.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For those who forgave (and especially to anon 3), how did you build up the trust again? Did you completely forgive them before moving on or did you just say you did even though you didn't?
    It only works because she really really really does love me a hell of a lot. We split up for a very short period, that was a short sharp shock, but it shouldn't have come to that, and it still hurts her that I apparently didn't care, I don't know if I've been totally forgiven as such. Trust is still a huge issue, I just have to keep trying to show her that she can trust me. I have to be a good boy. I'm aware that if I screw up again it's over.

    It'll work if you both care enough and want it to work and can't face losing each other. Do you think he's actually sorry and going to change? Because it really shouldn't come to that.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I forgave but I ended up resenting them through the rest of our time together and eventually broke up with them.
    Yeah, we've been back together about a year and I still feel it could go that way. Lesson learnt.
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    didnt work out, you can build trust up to a certain extent but personally, i never really forgave her for it.
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    I've never been cheated on but I can't imagine ever forgiving a girl for doing that to me.

    I am amazed by the people who do forgive though, they must really love that person...so much that they can't let go even under such awful circumstances.
    • #6
    #6

    I forgave... what he did wasnt really proper active cheating... but it hurt like hell anyway... as for trust... we just took it a bit slower, like we had when we first got together, almost starting from the beginning again... seemed to work for us...
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    (Original post by Panda Vinnie)
    I am amazed by the people who do forgive though, they must really love that person...so much that they can't let go even under such awful circumstances.
    That, or they're incredibly stupid, desperate, naive, needy etc
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    (Original post by ToastyCoke)
    That, or they're incredibly stupid, desperate, naive, needy etc
    ****ing stupid thing to say. There will be people who forgive cheating/affairs for loads of different reasons - maybe there is a marriage, home, children or security involved. Maybe they are realistic enough to realise that sometimes people will make mistakes that they will regret. Some people have different opinions of what considers cheating, some people are merely more forgiving than others.

    Honestly, how can you have such a narrow view? It is never, ever that simple.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    ****ing stupid thing to say. There will be people who forgive cheating/affairs for loads of different reasons - maybe there is a marriage, home, children or security involved. Maybe they are realistic enough to realise that sometimes people will make mistakes that they will regret. Some people have different opinions of what considers cheating, some people are merely more forgiving than others.

    Honestly, how can you have such a narrow view? It is never, ever that simple.
    You just made my point for me, cheers mate. If the bold is so important, why would the other person cheat in the first place? And if they are oh-so important and so valued that the other person should never cheat but they get forgiven anyway then that person is what I said in my first post.

    Idiot.
 
 
 
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