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I don't know how to let anyone in :( Watch

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    I'll try and keep this short, but I'm in such a state and just need to vent.

    I went out with the same guy for about 3 years, from the age 14-17. I have always been a very nervous person and at first it freaked me out, I pushed him away but slowly agreed to try it again and for ages everything was super. I gave him everything, all my spare time (whether this was in person or on the phone/IM), all my secrets, my virginity, everything.

    One day he lied to me about why he was late in coming over - he was 2 hours late because he'd fallen asleep but he told me some other thing instead, which his brother said was a load of rubbish. For some reason this really really bothered me, it was only a tiny lie but it was still a lie. I woke up the next day with this feeling that I just didn't want to do it anymore. I soldiered on for another 4 months or so and eventually gave up, he knew I had doubts and didn't seem to want to help me sort them out.

    Eventually I sat down and had a good think as to why my feelings suddenly changed - his Dad was horrible to me and my boyfriend would just say I couldn't take a joke, he would hide things from me, and verbally abuse me - calling me fat (I was trying to gain weight), ditsy and stupid. At the time all this was happening I just let it slide, but in restrospect I was really hurt.

    This was all well over a year ago now, but recently - this summer - I met a guy. He is actually amazing, I clicked with him instantly. The only thing is, every time I let him get close to me I start worrying about it, worrying that he will let me down just like my first boyfriend. I just keep pushing him away and forgetting why I'm here in the first place. I have no confidence in myself, no trust in myself - if my judgement of my first boyfriend was so poor, am I really right about this guy? I feel so bad because everytime he does the tiniest little thing that annoys me (as people so... because they're human) it just feeds my doubts and this little voice in my head just says "he's going to be exactly the same as your first boyfriend" so I just worry even more.

    I just don't know how to stop. My doubts and paranoia just keep murdering any good things that come into my head. I'm so scared I'm always going to be like this, that I will never get any better.
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    if you just have fun and enjoy yourself you wont have any problems, the problem liess with trust, this probaly come from a young age...if you dont put all your eggs in one basket youll always have some for yourself.. sorry about the spelling and gramma.
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    (Original post by leesworld)
    if you just have fun and enjoy yourself you wont have any problems, the problem liess with trust, this probaly come from a young age...if you dont put all your eggs in one basket youll always have some for yourself.. sorry about the spelling and gramma.
    That's the thing, it's gone so far out of control now I can't even let go and just enjoy things day by day with him. It just clouds my vision and I can't think about anything else.
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    I think that you are going to have to go slow and hopefully is hes a nice person he will understand as well. Gaining trust is one of those things that can take a long time especially after what happened to you. Just go slow and slowly you will gain the trust you want.
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    (Original post by Tabers)
    I think that you are going to have to go slow and hopefully is hes a nice person he will understand as well. Gaining trust is one of those things that can take a long time especially after what happened to you. Just go slow and slowly you will gain the trust you want.

    He is so understanding, so caring, so nice. Sometimes I don't know how to handle it because I don't know how anyone could feel so strongly about me. I guess that has something to do with my self-worth as well. I find it very difficult to trust anyone, not just him. I don't even really trust my family anymore tbh. I get annoyed at how badly my previous relationship has affected so many aspects of my life! Grrr!
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    well you answerd the question yourself, its rearly about self control bad things happen to us in our lives mabe you havent had enough time to deal with all thouse isues, you must come to terms with your past before you can think about your future. mabe just be freinds until you feel ready to comit
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    Aw Well,everyone goes through stuff like this,but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try n move on? I mean,where would the world be then?!
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    awwwwww
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    Everybody deserves a chance. You need to change your view about relationships. Think of it as picking a new flavour of crisps at the supermarket (sorry if this is a strange example but I'm just trying to illustrate the point). If you buy them, take them home, and you like what you taste, enjoy! If you don't like how they taste, so what? You leave them and you don't give them another thought.

    It's easy to acknowledge that that is the correct attitude towards relationships but harder to put it into practice, but whenever you feel hurt you just got to remember, what's the point in hurting so much over it? A few years down the line you will be looking back on this period in your life and wished you weren't so sensitive because it's going to stop you from making the most out of life, and we're only on this Earth for a short time.

    Also, people are so different to each other you cannot even begin to imagine. This guy is not the same as your last boyfriend. And this struggle of yours might hurt his feelings. Remember, everybody has feelings of insecurity to some degree, and this new guy is going to be wondering the same as you, whether he can trust you.

    And you have to stand your ground, be a bit harder. But don't be uptight; that might give him the wrong impression. Enjoy the relationship but if he says anything that hurts you NEVER let it pass (even if its something minor like calling you names or pushing you or something). Humans are a bit like dogs in that respect. If you disapprove of something but you don't make it known, then what you've actually done is said "yes I approve and I am perfectly fine with you doing that again if you want." Even though deep down your hoping he won't do it again. If he does something that you disapprove of, give him the silent treatment or give him a straight forward telling off if your confident enough! Believe me, he'll learn the lesson! And make sure your stubborn about it. The worst thing you can do is tell him off, then when he ignores you and does it again, for you to let it pass and think "oh w/e cba telling him off again." That's the WORST thing you can do because then what you've basically done is said "don't bother taking me seriously because as you can see I don't really mean the things that come out of my mouth".

    Final advice is simply: enjoy the moment, every moment.
 
 
 
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