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    Guys,

    Didnt really know where else to post, its my first time back here in a while.

    Ive found myself in a bit of a messed up situation. Ive been dating my girlfriend for quite some time now but it transpires 3/4 weeks ago a family member snooped through her phone and basically found out she had sex before marriage.

    Her whole family (9 members) confronted her after this family member decided to tell everyone in the family about their discovery and now she feels low, like really really low and feels she has let her family down. I almost thought she was going to do something stupid as she said she felt cheap, embarrased and sick that she had broken he familys trust. They are telling her to finish with me now.

    I dont know what to say or do to make her feel better, she feels like she cant face her family and neither can I. I've told her I am there for her no matter what. Im not supposed to know that any of this went on.

    I feel sick that they know about this, a relationship is between two people and things should stay that way. I cant imagine how she is feeling right now.
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    Does everyone think of the same thing I do when you hear/see the word 'situation'? Haha
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    I don't suppose there's much you can do, besides continuing to be there for her whilst she's feeling so low. I guess things can only afford to get better over time if she tries hard to win back the trust and respect of her family? :dontknow:
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    (Original post by L'Amour Toujours)
    I don't suppose there's much you can do, besides continuing to be there for her whilst she's feeling so low. I guess things can only afford to get better over time if she tries hard to win back the trust and respect of her family? :dontknow:
    She feels like thats it and she cant ever regain any trust from her family, shes never put a foot wrong in her family, she has been a model daughter.

    Im angry her family went snooping through her phone, but they will just say it was justified?
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    just wondering...what ethnicity are the both of you, any religious beliefs in the family?
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    That's really bad that they snooped. Yes I can understand that she's upset they're disappointed in her, but they should feel bad for disappointing her too! Can't she just stand up for herself and explain that she wants to be with you etc?
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    just wondering...what ethnicity are the both of you, any religious beliefs in the family?
    We are both Sikh and both our families are very religious. Im angry with her family but embarrased at the fact they know. They have also accused her of other things going wrong in household too, such as bills not being paid as money and other things going missing and think it has been spent on me etc. I know shes not done any such thing as shes the one who noticed the money and items went missing in the first instance. They dont believe a word she says anymore.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We are both Sikh and both our families are very religious. Im angry with her family but embarrased at the fact they know. They have also accused her of other things going wrong in household too, such as bills not being paid as money and other things going missing and think it has been spent on me etc. I know shes not done any such thing as shes the one who noticed the money and items went missing in the first instance. They dont believe a word she says anymore.
    Ah right, don't get so many Sikh family issues as Muslim ones here but unfortunately I'd say the same thing in that I don't see how you're going to have any luck changing their minds on the situation, I assume her family pretty much hates you at the moment..not sure that'll change. What does your family think about it or do they not know?
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    Lol You're Sikh? Take them to the local Akhara and challenge them to a duel with tulwara or khandae? No? Not a solution, ok I see. How about some sort of dance off? Not helping?

    I'm kidding. I don't really have any advice, just comisserations. I'm sure her family can't stay pissed for ever, I mean she's there daughter right?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She feels like thats it and she cant ever regain any trust from her family, shes never put a foot wrong in her family, she has been a model daughter.

    Im angry her family went snooping through her phone, but they will just say it was justified?
    I suppose they might?

    This is probably going to sound like an incredibly stupid suggestion but it's all I can think of right now... but is there no way she could tell them she lent her phone to someone to send a text message and that it was them that sent it and not her?
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    I really don't envy your situation. I'm fully aware of the way most Sikh families would react to this and I sympathise with your girlfriend.
    There isn't a lot you can do here though as horrible as it sounds they are probably blaming you for whats happened to some extent. If you guys are serious and want to be together why dont you just stay together and see how it goes. But essentially in her families eyes her reputation has been ruined. sorry to say it but its true.
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    No, my family do not know. Her family think I would leave her if I or my family found out that they know.

    If her family were going to tell mine, I would jump in and just make something up that would make my parents lose respect for me instead of lose respect for her, like I cheated on her and im sorry and shes giving me another chance. My dad would probably beat the crap out of me if I told him that as my family are very fond of my girlfriend.

    She said she doesnt want to leave me and has told her family that. I guess from their point of view, they think im probably using her? If only they knew I wasnt using her. Me and her have talked about marriage in the past but we are both not in the financial position to do that for a while yet.
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    Get engaged?
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    They aren't forcing her to break up with you though, are they? Just trying to convince her to? There's a difference... obviously it's tough not having the acceptance of her family, but if they're still allowing her to make the decision to be with you or break up with you, then that's a good sign. Most Sikh parents wouldn't even do that - trust me, i've been there. How old are you both? Hopefully this situation will blow over in a few months.
 
 
 
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