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I really shouldn't post this, but...
In August 2004 my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me. There wasn't anyone else involved, he just didn't want to be in a relationship any more. He was about to start his second year at uni (the relationship had been long distance for a year) and I had just finished school and was about to start a new job.
It took me ages to get over him, but around Christmas I started liking someone else. My ex and I continued talking to each other on MSN when he was away at uni and seeing each other as friends when he was home for the holidays. Eventually we got our relationship pretty much back to the way it was before we got together in the first place, i.e. really close friends.
I was involved with the other guy for a while, but it was on and off and didn't really work out. He ended up hurting me a fair bit by blowing hot and cold, and eventually I think he just decided I was too young for him. (He was 24, I'm 19.)
Over the summer I saw quite a lot of my ex and things started to happen between us. We slept together a couple of times and started talking to each other more and more. We were getting on really well and almost behaving like a couple again.
Anyway, now I've just started university myself. He's at Warwick, I'm at Bristol. When I was leaving I said he should come and visit me one weekend, but I didn't really think he'd bother. Then last week I spoke to him on MSN and he said he had a free weekend in a few weeks' time when he could come down. I said he should come, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
The question is, I'm wondering why he wants to come down. I'm guessing things will probably happen between us, but I can't help wondering whether it's more than that. When we see each other it's just like we're a couple again, and I know for a fact that he hasn't been near another girl since we split up. When we broke up he was under a lot of pressure at uni and having a lot of family problems because his sister was seriously ill, so everything basically got too much for him. Does it sound like he wants me back? Or is thinking along those lines? I'm confused.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
It took me ages to get over him, but around Christmas I started liking someone else. My ex and I continued talking to each other on MSN when he was away at uni and seeing each other as friends when he was home for the holidays. Eventually we got our relationship pretty much back to the way it was before we got together in the first place, i.e. really close friends.
I was involved with the other guy for a while, but it was on and off and didn't really work out. He ended up hurting me a fair bit by blowing hot and cold, and eventually I think he just decided I was too young for him. (He was 24, I'm 19.)
Over the summer I saw quite a lot of my ex and things started to happen between us. We slept together a couple of times and started talking to each other more and more. We were getting on really well and almost behaving like a couple again.
Anyway, now I've just started university myself. He's at Warwick, I'm at Bristol. When I was leaving I said he should come and visit me one weekend, but I didn't really think he'd bother. Then last week I spoke to him on MSN and he said he had a free weekend in a few weeks' time when he could come down. I said he should come, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
The question is, I'm wondering why he wants to come down. I'm guessing things will probably happen between us, but I can't help wondering whether it's more than that. When we see each other it's just like we're a couple again, and I know for a fact that he hasn't been near another girl since we split up. When we broke up he was under a lot of pressure at uni and having a lot of family problems because his sister was seriously ill, so everything basically got too much for him. Does it sound like he wants me back? Or is thinking along those lines? I'm confused.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
15
Well, you said youve slept with him a couple of times since the break up, and now hes coming down to see you. Its one of three things in my opinion.
1) Friendly visit
2) Random sex
3) Wants to get back with you.
1) Friendly visit
2) Random sex
3) Wants to get back with you.
Reply 2
I think you should probably try and talk to him about this. He could just be coming for a friendly visit but as someone who is still friends with an ex I don't think that such a thing truely exists. Ok so nothing has to happen but feelings are still probably very present. He might just want random sex but you mention he hasn't been with anyone else. Sounds like he still has a lot of feelings for you..Maybe he wants to visit because it is comfortable etc. Talk to him. It may be a difficult thing to do but you say you have been getting on well so try. Honesty is always best and it will stop any misunderstandings between you!!
Reply 3
1) Ex sex
Reply 4
He might not neccesarily want you back now, but he does seem to have sincere feelings for you (as opposed to just wanting to get laid). Perhaps he sees you in a long term sense and is taking a practical approach to the relationship, instead of forcing something. I would just go with the flow, he sounds like a good guy and I imagine he will be honest with you.
Reply 5
16
if i were in your shoes i'd see what i could do to actually become bf and gf again. any other sort of relationship between the two of you would be likely to end in hurt for at least one of you in the long run. and i guess it does sound like he wants you back, but there's no way of telling 100%, i guess only you could find that out.
also, guys don't travel across the country just for sex. it would silly to pretend that he's not thinking about it at all, but people tend to travel long distance to see someone because, in one way or another, they feel incomplete without them. so it depends whether you'd want to get back with him.. which i can't tell.. but i've got the feeling that the desire might be there at least on his part. but that said, you should both make clear how you feel or what you want when you actually see each other.
also, guys don't travel across the country just for sex. it would silly to pretend that he's not thinking about it at all, but people tend to travel long distance to see someone because, in one way or another, they feel incomplete without them. so it depends whether you'd want to get back with him.. which i can't tell.. but i've got the feeling that the desire might be there at least on his part. but that said, you should both make clear how you feel or what you want when you actually see each other.
Reply 6
18
deej2
Well, you said youve slept with him a couple of times since the break up, and now hes coming down to see you. Its one of three things in my opinion.
1) Friendly visit
2) Random sex
3) Wants to get back with you.
1) Friendly visit
2) Random sex
3) Wants to get back with you.
How far is Warwick from Bristol?
Reply 7
15
88 miles according to the AA
Reply 8
you should talk to him, I guess no one of us can get into his head and see what is going on there and what he is thinking about...So, I think that if he is comming to you and if he is spending time with you it means that he really likes you..the question is if he wants to get the relationships back or not...so, for this it is better to talk to him!!!! if you like/love him, dont miss a chanse for him to come..and then just talk!!! and good luck!
Reply 9
16
kirstinx
How far is Warwick from Bristol?
How far is Warwick from Bristol?
In terms of travelling time, just over two hours. It's not much different from what it was when he was in his first year and I was at home.
Thanks for your answers guys. When it was the summer holidays I assumed it was just about the sex (although we do genuinely care a lot about each other) but as someone else said, I don't think he'd travel this far to see me if it was just for sex. He's at uni - I'm sure he could get laid closer to home if he really wanted it that badly.
I just don't know what to think!
Reply 10
16
do u wanna get back with him?
Reply 11
16
Mixed feelings, but generally yes.
Reply 12
susiemakemeblue
In August 2004 my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me. There wasn't anyone else involved, he just didn't want to be in a relationship any more. He was about to start his second year at uni (the relationship had been long distance for a year) and I had just finished school and was about to start a new job.
It took me ages to get over him, but around Christmas I started liking someone else. My ex and I continued talking to each other on MSN when he was away at uni and seeing each other as friends when he was home for the holidays. Eventually we got our relationship pretty much back to the way it was before we got together in the first place, i.e. really close friends.
I was involved with the other guy for a while, but it was on and off and didn't really work out. He ended up hurting me a fair bit by blowing hot and cold, and eventually I think he just decided I was too young for him. (He was 24, I'm 19.)
Over the summer I saw quite a lot of my ex and things started to happen between us. We slept together a couple of times and started talking to each other more and more. We were getting on really well and almost behaving like a couple again.
Anyway, now I've just started university myself. He's at Warwick, I'm at Bristol. When I was leaving I said he should come and visit me one weekend, but I didn't really think he'd bother. Then last week I spoke to him on MSN and he said he had a free weekend in a few weeks' time when he could come down. I said he should come, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
The question is, I'm wondering why he wants to come down. I'm guessing things will probably happen between us, but I can't help wondering whether it's more than that. When we see each other it's just like we're a couple again, and I know for a fact that he hasn't been near another girl since we split up. When we broke up he was under a lot of pressure at uni and having a lot of family problems because his sister was seriously ill, so everything basically got too much for him. Does it sound like he wants me back? Or is thinking along those lines? I'm confused.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
It took me ages to get over him, but around Christmas I started liking someone else. My ex and I continued talking to each other on MSN when he was away at uni and seeing each other as friends when he was home for the holidays. Eventually we got our relationship pretty much back to the way it was before we got together in the first place, i.e. really close friends.
I was involved with the other guy for a while, but it was on and off and didn't really work out. He ended up hurting me a fair bit by blowing hot and cold, and eventually I think he just decided I was too young for him. (He was 24, I'm 19.)
Over the summer I saw quite a lot of my ex and things started to happen between us. We slept together a couple of times and started talking to each other more and more. We were getting on really well and almost behaving like a couple again.
Anyway, now I've just started university myself. He's at Warwick, I'm at Bristol. When I was leaving I said he should come and visit me one weekend, but I didn't really think he'd bother. Then last week I spoke to him on MSN and he said he had a free weekend in a few weeks' time when he could come down. I said he should come, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
The question is, I'm wondering why he wants to come down. I'm guessing things will probably happen between us, but I can't help wondering whether it's more than that. When we see each other it's just like we're a couple again, and I know for a fact that he hasn't been near another girl since we split up. When we broke up he was under a lot of pressure at uni and having a lot of family problems because his sister was seriously ill, so everything basically got too much for him. Does it sound like he wants me back? Or is thinking along those lines? I'm confused.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
(Susiemakemeblue - I'm a sceptical person, so I'm just letting you know in advance of my full-blown post, that any hesistence isn't me deliberately trying to be difficult!
)Do you think that if the two of you got bck together, you could maintain the relationship? The thing that strikes me is that the 'original' relationship was a long-distance one, and that it broke up becasue he didn't want it... the pressures of uni got to him, for example - but you're starting out at uni yourself, chances are you will be having your own stress factors to deal with! I apologise if i've got this wrong, but he seems to be the one in control - he broke it off, he asks to see you, etc. So, is the relationship maybe more of a 'comfort' one i.e. you know what each other are like, and have kind of relied on each other without being an official couple (e.g. talking on MSN, meeting up, sleeping together) - maybe ask yourself whether the relationship will work second time around, or is it better for you to stay as you are for the near future at least and give ti some more time?
However, the fact that you and he have gradually worked up to being close friends again over a long period of time makes me think that this is more than just out-of-the-blue 'ex sex', as xXMessedUpXx so eloquently put it! The two of you seem closer in a different sense - if you want to take it further again, I'd talk it through when you see him next, sooner rather than later... personally, i'd hate to have this doubt hanging in the air!
Reply 13
16
~nat~
(Susiemakemeblue - I'm a sceptical person, so I'm just letting you know in advance of my full-blown post, that any hesistence isn't me deliberately trying to be difficult! )
Do you think that if the two of you got bck together, you could maintain the relationship? The thing that strikes me is that the 'original' relationship was a long-distance one, and that it broke up becasue he didn't want it... the pressures of uni got to him, for example - but you're starting out at uni yourself, chances are you will be having your own stress factors to deal with! I apologise if i've got this wrong, but he seems to be the one in control - he broke it off, he asks to see you, etc. So, is the relationship maybe more of a 'comfort' one i.e. you know what each other are like, and have kind of relied on each other without being an official couple (e.g. talking on MSN, meeting up, sleeping together) - maybe ask yourself whether the relationship will work second time around, or is it better for you to stay as you are for the near future at least and give ti some more time?
However, the fact that you and he have gradually worked up to being close friends again over a long period of time makes me think that this is more than just out-of-the-blue 'ex sex', as xXMessedUpXx so eloquently put it! The two of you seem closer in a different sense - if you want to take it further again, I'd talk it through when you see him next, sooner rather than later... personally, i'd hate to have this doubt hanging in the air!
)Do you think that if the two of you got bck together, you could maintain the relationship? The thing that strikes me is that the 'original' relationship was a long-distance one, and that it broke up becasue he didn't want it... the pressures of uni got to him, for example - but you're starting out at uni yourself, chances are you will be having your own stress factors to deal with! I apologise if i've got this wrong, but he seems to be the one in control - he broke it off, he asks to see you, etc. So, is the relationship maybe more of a 'comfort' one i.e. you know what each other are like, and have kind of relied on each other without being an official couple (e.g. talking on MSN, meeting up, sleeping together) - maybe ask yourself whether the relationship will work second time around, or is it better for you to stay as you are for the near future at least and give ti some more time?
However, the fact that you and he have gradually worked up to being close friends again over a long period of time makes me think that this is more than just out-of-the-blue 'ex sex', as xXMessedUpXx so eloquently put it! The two of you seem closer in a different sense - if you want to take it further again, I'd talk it through when you see him next, sooner rather than later... personally, i'd hate to have this doubt hanging in the air!
I think that if we got back together now, it would be a different relationship. I think the things which were good about our relationship would still be good, but the things which were bad might not be so much of an issue. One of the problems was that I didn't really understand his life at uni, whereas now we're both doing the same thing we can appreciate each other's lives more.
I don't know whether to say anything though. If he doesn't want to get back together, I don't want to scare him off!
Reply 14
13
Aw, I think you should sort out your head before he arrives, and prepare to ask him what's going on between you (assuming he doesn't tell you what he wants in a romantic speech or something). If you're up for just sex then that's fine, as long as you don't think it'll hurt if that's all he wants. If it will then ask him before he arrives to avoid any awkward moments. Assuming you trust him it should all work out fine.
Also, Bristol to Warwick (well, Coventry station actually) in theory takes around 2.5 hours. However, having just spent the weekend there with my boyfriend I can tell you that the trains are currently an absolute nightmare, it took me 5 hours to get there and about 4 to get back. Worth it though.
Cxx
Also, Bristol to Warwick (well, Coventry station actually) in theory takes around 2.5 hours. However, having just spent the weekend there with my boyfriend I can tell you that the trains are currently an absolute nightmare, it took me 5 hours to get there and about 4 to get back. Worth it though
.Cxx
Reply 15
You're sort of in the same situation as me....only this weekend has made me realise that me and my ex will not be getting back together. Our relationship was long distance, and we split up after 18 months as he wants to concentrate on his future. I would happily have gone on seeing him once a month, and he knows I'd jump at the chance of getting back together.
I saw him this weekend for the first time in 3 months, and we were like a couple again. We both fell asleep confused, and yesterday I decided to go home, and cut the visit short. We both want different things : He wants to finish his music course and move to London. I just want to be with him.
I feel so down. I want to be his friend but at the moment it hurts too much.
I saw him this weekend for the first time in 3 months, and we were like a couple again. We both fell asleep confused, and yesterday I decided to go home, and cut the visit short. We both want different things : He wants to finish his music course and move to London. I just want to be with him.
I feel so down. I want to be his friend but at the moment it hurts too much.
Reply 16
From personal experience, the only way to move on from an ex is to sever contact completely. I don't think being friends afterwards is really possible, as it continually stirs up feelings and that just makes things worse.
Reply 17
16
He's been part of my life since I was 14. I think he always will be. I can't help it.
Reply 18
I understand. The idea of cutting someone that you once were/are still so close to out of your life is horrible.
Reply 19
Yeah be careful, my ex regularly rings me up pretending to me nice until I realise why 
It's easy when you've known someone for three years, but I still tell him 'no'. Not until we're officially together again. You have to be firm! Believe in yourself,
good luck,
DB_x
It's easy when you've known someone for three years, but I still tell him 'no'. Not until we're officially together again. You have to be firm! Believe in yourself,good luck,
DB_x
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