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Am i Terrible?
Ive been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and everything seemed to be going fine until recently.
I was very busy over the summer doing some referals for uni and couldnt see her that much which was awful at first. That lasted for about 6 weeks and i thought that once it was over i would see her everyday. The problem im having is that i just dont have the motivation to see her anymore. We even went on a trip to london for a few days to get closer but all i seemed to worry about was getting back home.
There is also this new girl at work who ive started to really like. She started about 4 weeks ago but i didnt think anything of her until last week when i got talking to her. The conversation just seemed to flow so easily between us and i have found myself thinking about her a lot. I even went into work on my day off yesterday just to say hello. I stood talking to her for about 10 minutes and i think she likes me also. There were little things i noticed and quite a bit of playful banter. I think she could tell i liked her as i practically ignored everyone else who i saw at work.
My question is is this just a crush on this girl or with the problems im having with my girlfriend could it possibly be more than that.
Dont get me wrong i really do love my girlfriend but i just dont know if i can be with her anymore. I feel terrible.
paul
I was very busy over the summer doing some referals for uni and couldnt see her that much which was awful at first. That lasted for about 6 weeks and i thought that once it was over i would see her everyday. The problem im having is that i just dont have the motivation to see her anymore. We even went on a trip to london for a few days to get closer but all i seemed to worry about was getting back home.
There is also this new girl at work who ive started to really like. She started about 4 weeks ago but i didnt think anything of her until last week when i got talking to her. The conversation just seemed to flow so easily between us and i have found myself thinking about her a lot. I even went into work on my day off yesterday just to say hello. I stood talking to her for about 10 minutes and i think she likes me also. There were little things i noticed and quite a bit of playful banter. I think she could tell i liked her as i practically ignored everyone else who i saw at work.
My question is is this just a crush on this girl or with the problems im having with my girlfriend could it possibly be more than that.
Dont get me wrong i really do love my girlfriend but i just dont know if i can be with her anymore. I feel terrible.
paul
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
i know this isnt too helpful, but dont rush into any decisions.. your girlfriend will mean a lot more to you than it feels like right now
Reply 2
Take some time out, and really think it through thats what you need to do,
with no distractions, your not going to realise what you want until your heads cleared of this feeling of guilt and worry.
Because last thing you would wana do is rush into a decision then realise its the wrong one
with no distractions, your not going to realise what you want until your heads cleared of this feeling of guilt and worry.
Because last thing you would wana do is rush into a decision then realise its the wrong one
Reply 3
i feel ur pain.
guys like us don't have it easy. i mean, it's bloody tough being a stud. people think it's all pussy and licentiousness, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is a certain responsibility that comes with being a stud.
U have the responsibility of honouring ur girlfriend and purging these depraved thoughts of promiscuity.
guys like us don't have it easy. i mean, it's bloody tough being a stud. people think it's all pussy and licentiousness, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is a certain responsibility that comes with being a stud.
U have the responsibility of honouring ur girlfriend and purging these depraved thoughts of promiscuity.
Reply 4
15
I think you need to sort out whatever's going on with your girlfriend before anything happens with the other girl: that's the only fair thing, for both of them.
in terms of your girlfriend, it's common to lose your spark after a long time together. you have to decide whether you think what you had is worth saving. And if it is, the effort is going to have to come from both of you. Maybe try something new together, like dance classes or a new sport (i recommend dance though
) What did you do at the beginning that you no longer do? Romantic meals, presents, whatever it takes to get the romance back. But if you can't save it then at least you tried. Everything has it's time to come to an end.
in terms of your girlfriend, it's common to lose your spark after a long time together. you have to decide whether you think what you had is worth saving. And if it is, the effort is going to have to come from both of you. Maybe try something new together, like dance classes or a new sport (i recommend dance though
) What did you do at the beginning that you no longer do? Romantic meals, presents, whatever it takes to get the romance back. But if you can't save it then at least you tried. Everything has it's time to come to an end.Reply 5
naelse
like dance classes or a new sport (i recommend dance though )
) Oh dance classes aye??? fancy a date
Reply 6
15
MNBStyle
Oh dance classes aye??? fancy a date
already got one mate, sorry
but it worked a treat for us when things were getting a little monotonous...Reply 7
It is a bit more complicated than i said. Things have happened in the past which have been really draining on me.
For a while my girlfriend was having serious problems with her parents and i was there for her but it got worse. She started to refuse to go home and kept wanting to kill herself. She kept threatening to kill herself if i didnt stay with her or see her.I tried to deal with this but it was tough.
My mum found out about my gf's behaviour and they got into a big argument and still cant be in the same room together. My gf cant come near my house when my family are in.
I still hold out hope that there is something there but my head is so messed up at the moment. I just cant get this other girl out of my head. Coupled with my confused feelings over my gf i really dont know what to do.
paul
For a while my girlfriend was having serious problems with her parents and i was there for her but it got worse. She started to refuse to go home and kept wanting to kill herself. She kept threatening to kill herself if i didnt stay with her or see her.I tried to deal with this but it was tough.
My mum found out about my gf's behaviour and they got into a big argument and still cant be in the same room together. My gf cant come near my house when my family are in.
I still hold out hope that there is something there but my head is so messed up at the moment. I just cant get this other girl out of my head. Coupled with my confused feelings over my gf i really dont know what to do.
paul
Reply 8
naelse
already got one mate, sorry but it worked a treat for us when things were getting a little monotonous...
but it worked a treat for us when things were getting a little monotonous...
nevermind another broken heart for me 
Reply 9
15
legendkillerpr
It is a bit more complicated than i said. Things have happened in the past which have been really draining on me.
For a while my girlfriend was having serious problems with her parents and i was there for her but it got worse. She started to refuse to go home and kept wanting to kill herself. She kept threatening to kill herself if i didnt stay with her or see her.I tried to deal with this but it was tough.
My mum found out about my gf's behaviour and they got into a big argument and still cant be in the same room together. My gf cant come near my house when my family are in.
I still hold out hope that there is something there but my head is so messed up at the moment. I just cant get this other girl out of my head. Coupled with my confused feelings over my gf i really dont know what to do.
paul
For a while my girlfriend was having serious problems with her parents and i was there for her but it got worse. She started to refuse to go home and kept wanting to kill herself. She kept threatening to kill herself if i didnt stay with her or see her.I tried to deal with this but it was tough.
My mum found out about my gf's behaviour and they got into a big argument and still cant be in the same room together. My gf cant come near my house when my family are in.
I still hold out hope that there is something there but my head is so messed up at the moment. I just cant get this other girl out of my head. Coupled with my confused feelings over my gf i really dont know what to do.
paul
it must have been tough for you to deal with all that. and while it's great that you obviously love your girlfriend and want to be there for her, it can put a huge strain on a relationship when one partner relies so heavily on the other. Have you told your girlfriend what that situation felt like for you? Maybe you both need some time apart to work out whether it really is a special bond or just a dependency.
Reply 10
i have talked to her and she says she'll try harder but it keeps happening.
Im going to sleep on this now and see what i feel like in the morning.
Thankyou for the advice naelse.
paul
Im going to sleep on this now and see what i feel like in the morning.
Thankyou for the advice naelse.
paul
Reply 11
12
Max Power
i feel ur pain.
guys like us don't have it easy. i mean, it's bloody tough being a stud. people think it's all pussy and licentiousness, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is a certain responsibility that comes with being a stud.
U have the responsibility of honouring ur girlfriend and purging these depraved thoughts of promiscuity.
guys like us don't have it easy. i mean, it's bloody tough being a stud. people think it's all pussy and licentiousness, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is a certain responsibility that comes with being a stud.
U have the responsibility of honouring ur girlfriend and purging these depraved thoughts of promiscuity.
hahaha
****ing hell. You crack me up you humble pie.
Anyway, about this thread... it's not wrong and you're not terrible. I have crushes all the time and I'm "kind of" with my boyfriend (complicated story) but not.
There's nothing wrong with that and frankly maybe the relationship just seems dull now. However you barely even know this other girl, so it could just be the "newfound, fresh feeling" of every new acquaintance.
It is a mix of problems with your current relationship and the fact that you have a crush on this new girl. But trust me, a month is a joke and you barely know that girl. So don't make any drastic decisions until you've waited longer and realize whether this is a lasting, founded affinity or just one based on the fact that she's still unchartered territory.
Additionally, I'd like to add that relationships based on friendship first are the ones worth your time. Those are my words of wisdom.
Thank you,
Dr. Phil
Reply 12
I think, that if you would really love your Gf you would be with her not talking to another girl...what can you do...if you dont have those feelings for your GF that U used to have you just cant help it...if she doesnt make your heart flatter, then you just should leave her...but before that think a lot...and try to spend with her as much time as possible, because may be you just got used to be without each other..may be you need soem time together...if it doesnt help, then just say that to her..talk about everything, dont hide that from her...it is pianful
Reply 13
10
i keep saying this to people, you cannot help who u like its nones fault if you start liking other people!! its not a terrible thing it is just natural i think.
Reply 14
16
Your not terrible at all. Just, finish it before it becomes more than a crush...
Reply 15
13
Are you in love with your girlfriend? Or do you just love/care for her? There is a difference, and if the spark has gone maybe it's time to move on.
Reply 16
I think that it may be time to move on. I was with her all day today and tried to sort things out but we just argued more and more. I do care about her and do love her but i dont think im in love with her. We've been more like friends recently.
Reply 17
To be honest, if you can't be arsed putting in the effort, then a relationship isn't going to work, and there's no point you (and her) wasting time attempting to carry it on, as it will ultimately result in failure. And from where I'm standing (sitting actually), it seems that you no longer feel as though you want to put the effort in.
However, before you call it quits with your girlfriend, I think you need to have a think. Although, to be honest, when a relationship starts to deteriorate, and one party feels it is no longer exciting/stimulating/worth being in, the solution is usually to inject a little bit of the honeymoon period back into the relationship, and change things round a little. You, however, already seem to have had a crack at this (the London trip); which doesn't seem to have produced results. So perhaps you are ready to move on.
Obviously your girlfriend shouldn't be expected to wait around for you, but I suggest that you take a 'break' from your girlfriend and this other girl. Get yourself sorted and clear your head. In this free time, think about what you really want. Do you find yourself missing your girlfriend and the security of your partnership? Do you just find yourself eager to set the ball rolling with your colleague? Do you relish the time out and decide the single life is best for you?
Without this personal time, I don't believe you will clearly be able to see what it is that you truly want. Obviously it's a risk, but what is the alternative? If your girlfriend values your relationship, and loves you and is prepared to make sacrifices to keep you, she will be accepting of your need for space. You must let her know at the end of it where she stands however. This new woman that you like, well, she's hardly going anywhere is she? And if she likes you, as you say she does, she too will be prepared to wait a little...
Either way, you're not terrible - we can't help our feelings. Maybe you and your girlfriend have outgrown each other. Maybe it can be solved. You just need to time to decide which one it is.
However, before you call it quits with your girlfriend, I think you need to have a think. Although, to be honest, when a relationship starts to deteriorate, and one party feels it is no longer exciting/stimulating/worth being in, the solution is usually to inject a little bit of the honeymoon period back into the relationship, and change things round a little. You, however, already seem to have had a crack at this (the London trip); which doesn't seem to have produced results. So perhaps you are ready to move on.
Obviously your girlfriend shouldn't be expected to wait around for you, but I suggest that you take a 'break' from your girlfriend and this other girl. Get yourself sorted and clear your head. In this free time, think about what you really want. Do you find yourself missing your girlfriend and the security of your partnership? Do you just find yourself eager to set the ball rolling with your colleague? Do you relish the time out and decide the single life is best for you?
Without this personal time, I don't believe you will clearly be able to see what it is that you truly want. Obviously it's a risk, but what is the alternative? If your girlfriend values your relationship, and loves you and is prepared to make sacrifices to keep you, she will be accepting of your need for space. You must let her know at the end of it where she stands however. This new woman that you like, well, she's hardly going anywhere is she? And if she likes you, as you say she does, she too will be prepared to wait a little...
Either way, you're not terrible - we can't help our feelings. Maybe you and your girlfriend have outgrown each other. Maybe it can be solved. You just need to time to decide which one it is.
Reply 18
SlyPie
Dr. Phil
He rocks that dude
Reply 19
12
legendkillerpr
I think that it may be time to move on. I was with her all day today and tried to sort things out but we just argued more and more. I do care about her and do love her but i dont think im in love with her. We've been more like friends recently.
I'm not trying to be a romance killer or anything, but "in love" never lasts for that long. Ask a few adults and they'll tell you that most of the time 'in love" becomes "love" after a few years and that's how most couples are who are in marriage.
From personal experience, I'd say I love my "sort-of" boyfriend (long story), but am not in love with him. He is definitely my best friend and he knows me inside-out. We can even guess what the other is thinking,etc. It's too complicated really, but I do know I really care about him, and that is what matters.
--------------
MNBStyle
He rocks that dude
He sure does. He helped me out when I was a crack addict.
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