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A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women Watch

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    The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

    It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.

    What I hope to set out below is a list of tips relating to appearance, attitude and the way you act that, to many people, will seem blindingly obvious, but to some may actually help a little. I will use a sarcastic tone become I'm a sarcastic **** in real life, bear with me.

    IMPORTANT NOTE: This advice is targetted at people guys who are mainstream and/or want to meet mainstream girls (i.e. this is true for the majority of people). This advice does not work if you want to meet metal, goth, emo chicks etc, however as this is in theory "life" advice and those subcultures really don't much persist past the age of students, it still stands.

    1. Appearance - personal
    Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule (there are many gorgeous long-haired celebrities), but strongly consider whether you in fact are one of them - Many guys go through a long hair phase around as a student, very VERY few people in their mid-late 20s look back and think it looked good.

    Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.

    Wash, using soap! - This is so obvious I genuinely hope noone needs to be told. You should be showering daily, in the morning, at the very least. Overnight, in your bed, you sweat (more than half a litre!) and your skin secretes oils that collect in your pores.

    When you wash, most guys should use real soap rather than shower gel - it is vastly (vastly) better at cleaning / odour prevention / removing oil. Only use shower gel alone if you really do never smell/sweat or you have real issues with dry skin.

    Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.

    Get fit - I cant stress this one enough. Not only is being fit great for your health and appearance, it hugely helps your confidence too. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do it often. If you find the gym really boring (and expensive!) check out www.brit****it.com, which runs cheap fitness classes in parks all across the UK and is probably the quickest way possible to getting fit and toned, and of course awesome fun (and a great way to meet people)

    2. Appearance - clothing
    General - Generally, as a guy you should have some slightly smarter clothes for going on dates etc. An outfit that you know looks good also does masses for your confidence.

    Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out on anything but the most casual of dates (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms on a date would you? Its the same concept).

    What you wear on your top half depends on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT - these are for IT support and cabin attendants only!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.

    Trousers - obviously tracksuits, sports trousers etc are not appropriate for a date. Pretty much anything else is, though jeans are the easiest. I personally don't like Combats and other 'sloppy' styles, but this rather depands on the kind of girl you like. Also never wear anything with a high waist. Personally I cant stand skinny jeans on guys (you look androgenous) but I understand this is a matter of taste and some (many?) girls do like that on a guy. Cords or chinos are ok if you are going for a more preppy look.

    Shoes - Black smart shoes dont usually go with blue jeans (though obviously they may go with black jeans). Hiking boots, Sandals, or running shoes dont go with anything. Wear smartish brown shoes, white trainers, high-tops, deck shoes or pretty much anything else depending on your personal style. Flipflops are fine in summer if your local bars etc allow it but consider what the girl might be wearing and try not to dress down too much more than she does.

    Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc - This is a matter of personal style of course, but a lot of people in glasses would look better with contacts. If you think they are too expensive, have a look somewhere like www.daysoft.com (very VERY cheap daily lenses, you'll need to get an eye test at boots first to find out your prescription though). Most guys can't pull off jewellery and just look stupid, especially wearing chains or rings. Piercings are a matter of taste and again depend on your target audience - I'd say in general most "mainstream" girls don't find ear/nose/lip/eyebrow piercings attractive.

    3. Attitude

    If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

    Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

    Points to remember:
    Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

    Don't be too clingy - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but I don't need you".

    Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

    4. Project Confidence
    Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!

    One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.

    Good luck
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    Surprisingly good advice, in my opinion Don't you think "Don't be too Keen" and "Don't overthink" are kind of contradictory, though?
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    (Original post by Ebbson)
    Surprisingly good advice, in my opinion Don't you think "Don't be too Keen" and "Don't overthink" are kind of contradictory, though?
    Not contradictory so much as requiring balance. Not being too keen is second nature after a while.

    The point is you can -think- as long as you dont -overthink-. Difficult to explain but if others think it contradicts I'll have a better/longer go.

    Would love to know what the neg rep was for (some long haired black-wolf-dragon t-shirt wearer who is a 'nice guy' no doubt!)
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    I'm so tempted to correct the grammar of the title...I shall resist.
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    first off,i feel this is obviously more geared to your tastes,long hair isnt at all unattractive - those 70/80s rockstars may disagree with you on that........but regardless my gf has always loved it.

    and,you havent given any advice that we dont already know.you've basically described the typical ******* guy,cocky,athletic,and messes you around like a woman.

    you are without doubt probably one of those women who moan that there are no decent guys,and then goes after these people.especially as you seem to despise the 'nice guy' mentality.

    regarding the latter points of your posts,basically you're telling people to play constant mindgames,this isnt neccesary if the woman in question isnt doing so.(some people..........you know.........like to be just themselves)
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    (Original post by roargasm)
    first off,i feel this is obviously more geared to your tastes,long hair isnt at all unattractive - those 70/80s rockstars may disagree with you on that........but regardless my gf has always loved it.
    Are you an 80s Rockstar? Well then.

    Theres a reason very very few 'adults' (post student) have long hair. I promise you at some stage in your life you will look back and cringe at your hair now.
    and,you havent given any advice that we dont already know.you've basically described the typical ******* guy,cocky,athletic,and messes you around like a woman.
    I dont mess anyone around and none of the advice above includes messing anyone around. I specifically say not to play games as it isnt necessary.
    you are without doubt probably one of those women who moan that there are no decent guys,and then goes after these people.especially as you seem to despise the 'nice guy' mentality.
    I'm a guy. I have a beautiful, lovely girlfriend but before her have had what one could describe as a healthy romantic life. I'm friends with all my exes which is more than most people can say.
    regarding the latter points of your posts,basically you're telling people to play constant mindgames,this isnt neccesary if the woman in question isnt doing so.(some people..........you know.........like to be just themselves)
    Can you even read? "Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play"

    Mind games are both unnecessary and counterproductive. Only people with issues play games.
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    Not contradictory so much as requiring balance. Not being too keen is second nature after a while.

    The point is you can -think- as long as you dont -overthink-. Difficult to explain but if others think it contradicts I'll have a better/longer go.

    Would love to know what the neg rep was for (some long haired black-wolf-dragon t-shirt wearer who is a 'nice guy' no doubt!)
    Aye fair enough... I just think worrying about being too keen just leads to overthinking. The paragraph about overthinking is sound advice
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    I like having long hair though!!
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    I was sceptical at first when I saw title, but I'm satisfied with this.

    Dunno why guys are so scared of women, we ****ing dominate them lol.
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    I like to think myself as more of a semi-advanced man rather than a basic man, tbqh.
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    (Original post by Beska)
    I like to think myself as more of a semi-advanced man rather than a basic man, tbqh.
    Semi-advanced can't be taught as everyone has their own personality to work with. With me its over the top confidence, humour and playfulness.
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    Semi-advanced can't be taught as everyone has their own personality to work with. With me its over the top confidence, humour and playfulness.
    I think that was another wisecrack about the thread title actually
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    In short - be a clean-cut, middle-class boy-next-door.

    Perhaps more reflective of the girls you are seeking than some universal truth.

    Personally, I think that straying too far away from who you are is just asking for trouble - castles built on sand and all that.
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    (Original post by ChemistBoy)
    In short - be a clean-cut, middle-class boy-next-door.

    Perhaps more reflective of the girls you are seeking than some universal truth.
    What element of this advice is middle-class?

    I agree this doesn't cater for sub-cultures like goths etc, however this is a basic guide for most guys.

    I would also like you to describe a scenario where following any of the advice above is "straying too far away from who you are"? Is being unwashed, or overweight, or badly dressed or clingy really intrinsic to anyones identity?
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    What element of this advice is middle-class?
    The bit where you recommend dressing like you are off to the golf club...
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    I would also like you to describe a scenario where following any of the advice above is "straying too far away from who you are"? Is being unwashed, or overweight, or badly dressed or clingy really intrinsic to anyones identity?
    Well, you are cherry picking your recommendations to make my comment sound ridiculous, which isn't fair. You also recommend not having long hair, not having a full beard, partaking in gym culture (or the even more extrovert park exercise stuff), not wearing certain types of coat, trousers, tops, shoes. That's on top of the highly contradictory advice about how to behave...
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    Nothing beats good old internet advice on how to get a girl.






    No wait. Getting out and talking to girls does.
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    (Original post by ChemistBoy)
    Well, you are cherry picking your recommendations to make my comment sound ridiculous, which isn't fair. You also recommend not having long hair, not having a full beard, partaking in gym culture (or the even more extrovert park exercise stuff), not wearing certain types of coat, trousers, tops, shoes. That's on top of the highly contradictory advice about how to behave...
    That advice applies to most people. As for your golfcourse comment - I've listed a huge range of clothing, one of that spectrum might be what you are referring to, but thats hardly a damning indictment.

    WRT Full Beard and long hair - I'm not taking this back. The vast majority of girls do not like unkempt hair and beards. There is a sub-culture that does, but that sub-culture tends to die pretty rapidly following university (it still exists but is much smaller) and this is about what applies for most guys.

    Some guys look great with long hair, and some girls also dig the 'grungy' look, however for most guys,long hair looks greasy and unstyled, and this is evidenced by how many of them end up with shorter hair after uni. There are only a few guys in graduate jobs (which, as this is a site for students, I think its not unreasonable to single out) with long hair, so the advice stands.

    TSR is pretty much plagued by people who disagree with a general sentiment because it doesnt apply (in their mind at least) to them personally... Even if true it doesnt disprove the general rule.
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    Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out socially (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms out would you? Its the same concept). What you wear on your top half does depend on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use plain t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.
    All good advice, apart from the above. I'm a geek, and I will dress like one
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    Talk about fishing for rep
 
 
 
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