I have very temperamental parents who have always used physical violence to discipline me. I was no angel as a child but I'm not sure that justifies your parents screaming at you, hitting you in a rage, and generally putting you down and reducing you to a 'bag of nerves'.
When drunk or when the mood took him my dad would try to punnish my bad behaviour by sitting on me which I could not stand. It is extremely traumatic to remember this as I couldn't stand it and could barely breath. My heart used to race and I would scream 'please stop'. I could eventually scream so loud that the you could hear it from outside the house about 10 - 20 metres away. I occasionally screamed to be killed because I would rather die than suffer another moment of that unbearable panic and breathlessness.
It hasn't bothered me since the incidents until now: I recently dropped my Masters degree and this made my mother very angry and upset. At first she stopped speaking to me. Then she resorted to putting me down and saying that I will never amount to anything and that I am a dead beat like my friends who didn't go to university. Things have now calmed down but I cannot speak to her or my dad. In a way I still love them but I was feeling so down about quitting because I have never quit anything before that all the spite has cut me deeply. Part of me thinks I hate them.
I plan to save enough money to move out and severe all ties to them. So what if I never make anything of myself. I feel like I have achieved a lot having graduated with a good degree from a good uni despite quite a rough childhood/young-adulthood.
The worst bit is that I got drunk following a big row and someone pushed me outside a club. I abhor violence but I proceded to push them back whereas I would usually turn the other cheek or try to make peace. I then got into a fight and sort of snapped mentally: I started hitting this guy as hard as I could repeatedly and didn't stop until my friends dragged me off. I don't know what would have happened if they weren't there to help. The guy or his friends could have had a knife or anything and I had lost control. I regret this so much and fully expect there to be recprecussions if the CCTV from the town centre is given to police. What makes me sick the most is that I had become a base animal like my parents and used the same kind of disgusting violence on this guy as they used on me.
Is it okay to hate them? Also, could I have gone insane? I never want to lose it like that again.
Is it okay to hate your parents? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 03-12-2010 11:11
- 03-12-2010 11:50
I don't buy into this unconditional love, "You have to love them cos they brought you into this world" thing. As long as you don't plan on killing them or anything, then feel free to dislike them, move away or even cut them off if you feel there is seriously no fixing things between you. They're only people. What age are you, have you long left at home?