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Facebook Relationship Status Watch

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    I would like to remain anonymous please, as I don't want to upset anyone if they see it's me. Bare with me if you can as this is a little long!

    I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months since I started uni. I wanted to take things slow with her as I've only just split up with my girlfriend of four years in the summer. I like this girl and I've been meeting up with her frequently, but I could sense she was getting frustrated because I wasn't showing any signs of asking her out. Well the other night I felt like it was the right time, so I asked her out and she said yes, so far so good.

    The problem came the very next day when she wanted to update her Facebook status to 'in a relationship with...'. I'm now currently staring at the request wondering what to do.

    There's a few reasons why I don't want to do this yet and they are:

    1. I haven't even told the people closest to me that I'm going out with her yet and I would prefer to do this naturally and progressively as opposed to a massive shock announcement over Facebook. I feel like I owe my friends and family the privilege of knowing in person first.

    2. I would like to keep things private and reserved for the moment, as It's going to take time for me to get used to being in a relationship again.

    3. My ex and I split up on really good terms, but we haven't spoke since. I respect and care for her still and I know that she has found the break up really hard to deal with. I remember her saying something along the lines of 'If I ever saw you with another girl I think I would burst into tears'. I feel like I can prevent this from happening by not having a relationship status at all.

    I suppose what I'm really asking here is, am I being unreasonable? If your boyfriend/girlfriend had these feelings would that concern or upset you?
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    you sound like a nice guy - at least you are senstitive.

    the new gf seems a bit needy to have done that straight away, buy hey perhaps she just really likes you.. BUT on the other hand, if you wanted to ease in, not upset the ex etc etc, perhaps you shouldn't have asked her so soon and just let it run in a bit further. seeing as you've asked her, you kinda got to accept the request now i think personally...depends if you see it going anywhere... does it really matter if you don't tell people in person? just call them beforehand...
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    Just ask tell us what you've told your gf! It seems pretty reasonable to me.
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    Relationship statuses on facebook...so silly! My boyfriend is "widowed" and I think mine is hidden. We never put "....is in a Relationship with ....."

    I think the best thing you can do is ignore it for now, and then when you see her next, just tell her exactly what you told us. It sounds perfectly reasonable, sensitive and sweet.
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    Say to her that the last time you had your Facebook relationship status up, when you broke up with your gf you had to tell the same story to every single one of your friends, and that it didn't help in the slightest, and that you would prefer not to announce it on Fb because it's nobody elses business, and that you don't care if nobody knows, so long as she does.

    That should get around the whole "ARE U EMBARASSED BY ME" concept that she will most likely counter argue.
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    Its stupid, relationship status I mean. You should only have close friends on fb anyway and they will know if you are in a relationship or not. Seems like pointless information to me.
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    no you're not being unreasonable at all. explain your issues with her, i'm sure she'll be understanding.

    i personally never choose to show my relationship status on facebook; it's all unnecessary and once the relationship finishes, everyone can see - how embarassing
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    i hate the idea of facebook relationship statuses - when i broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years 7 months, by far the most difficult thing was people talking to me on chat going 'WHAT THE **** MAN?!?!' - made me want to delete them all.

    but i dont think she would be understanding about your reasons, shes just proud of you now she has got you, and it would be practically impossible to piss on that parade. try to go along with it if possible, if she really is a nice girl then it would be strange to jeopardise what you want now with things such as ex's
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    You could always change it and make it invisible to your ex? :confused:
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    Change your status to married/in a relationship with a male friend and say you couldnt cheat on him by being in a relationship with your new gf :P

    Also this way if you cheat on her, girls will see your relationship status is a joke and think your single

    (I know this is morally wrong advice, but it's still good advice)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1. I haven't even told the people closest to me that I'm going out with her yet and I would prefer to do this naturally and progressively as opposed to a massive shock announcement over Facebook. I feel like I owe my friends and family the privilege of knowing in person first.
    Tell her this. If she doesn't understand then **** her.
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    Facebook is great isnt it...

    Im not a fan of finding out people relationship status through facebook, its sort useful if fairly longterm relationship are loged via facebook so you can do things like find and message freinds otherhalfs to organise things (or just to be nosey) but partiuarly the way it massively over publisies change in status cant be other than counter productive at times. I dont like finding out freinds relationship status via FB.

    If I where in you situtation i think i would proberbly leave the invite, certainly if your the sort of person who goes on FB fairly infrequently and sparsly you have a good week let people know elseways before accepting. Maybe slightly harder or more obvious if your a FB addict type user although the rate they move stuff, depending on what it does now, i mgiht be something you would or could miss and hence ignore through ignorance to its presents...?

    However the other tack, is just to explan the above. Make sure shes under no doubt that you are interested in the relationship going on but that just feel its a bit soon to spout it out nationally accross FB.


    Meh, Can you tell im at work and avoiding a boring bit on a friday afternoon... :rolleyes: hope somethign in there makes some sence anyway.



    Daniel
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    It's only facebook, just say you haven't logged in for a while (make sure this holds) or you didn't see the request. We all know how ****ed up facebook is. Just make up excuses to hold it off.
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    You shouldn't have asked her out if none of your friends even know about her
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    Change it - then go onto your profile and delete the post - that way it won't turn up on everybody's walls provoking the :O response.

    Then people will only find out if they actually go looking at your profile, you can even hide it from your sidebar (the information on the left).

    At least it would be low key that way?
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    Solution to problem 1 and 2: Don't accept her request yet, just don't go on facebook for a while and during that time you can tell your friends and family about it.

    Solution to problem 3: Change privacy settings so that your ex can't see your relationship status.
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    Hide your relationship status and accept it. I feel pretty sorry for those who break up with long term partners and it pops up on the news feed followed by about 25 comments
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    (Original post by Cobrabite11)
    You shouldn't have asked her out if none of your friends even know about her
    I agree.
    If you weren't prepared to tell your friends about her, why would you solidify a commitment to her? Perhaps she jumped on the Facebook thing a little quickly, but 'in a relationship' is what you are and if you weren't prepared to be 'in a relationship', you shouldn't have asked her out. Maybe you're making excuses because subconciously you're not ready for another relationship yet.
    Just tell her how you feel, there's nothing worse than starting a new relationship off with dishonesty.

    (Original post by ChrisBan)
    I feel pretty sorry for those who break up with long term partners and it pops up on the news feed followed by about 25 comments
    Same, it's so undignified. And pretty distasteful. I don't think Facebook should publicise break-ups on the newfeed
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    Wow that is ... nice. What a charmer that girl is. I never got the appeal of putting stuff up on facebook after (apparently with you none) a couple of dates ... that's not a relationship.

    Tell her what you said here, and no sane person would mind. If she minds then she's not really normal.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you everyone for your help, I'm going to talk to her about it now.
 
 
 
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