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I don't know what to do anymore Watch

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    I am so angry and jealous. It feels like lots of things in my life are inadequate and I’m angry for me being on the receiving end of all this inadequacy.
    My parents are lazy and don’t want to work. It seems like I’m always having to clean up after them. When my mum is feeling depressed and angry and takes it out on my siblings, I have to be there to hold her back and calm her down. I have to take over when she is ill. When she is fighting with my dad, I’m supposed to head the front and have them make up. Shes always talking about how she thinks shes crazy, yet she decided very early on that she was not gonna take the medicine that was prescribed to her. I can’t convince her any other way. In her angry moods she tends to be very critical, telling me more than once that I am worthless , asking what she did to deserve me. I am never what she wants me to be and I am never what I want myself to be so I’m at a place where nothing is right and I hate myself for not being at either ideals. My selfesteem as a result is crushingly low and there is a lot of self hatred. I began to believe what she said to me and have become very depressed and suicidal.

    My father works a menial job and barely earns 300 pounds a month. This also means that we are not eligible for government support. After my fathers liver condition, which was entirely self-inflicted, he was unemployed for 10 months after his surgery and didn’t look for a job because he wanted to recover. he hasn’t had a proper job since. It feels like we never really have any money and I’ve had to lend them some from my savings on several occassions. Last week I lent them over 100 pounds and they still havent returned it to me. I don’t want to pick up their slack anymore. They’ve taken lots of loans from other people, using it to pay debts or very rarely to buy us something we wanted for a long time. But I feel like that’s always been for my younger siblings and never for me.

    I work hard at school. I was hoping to do law at a top university but I feel like I can’t. my family put unnecessary demands on me and then flip out when I do less than perfect. Theres 9 of us at home and I have to share a room with 4 children and because of this, I’m not really surrounded by the kind of environment I need to really do well at college. This is really pulling down my performance and its like they don’t care at all. I occasionally visit the library to do work or work during every one of my frees just to catch up. I wish I could spend more time in the library but I have commitments to take care of my younger siblings so I cannot. I’ve never received any support from them and gotten where I am now entirely off my own back. They’re all so unsupportive and full of hate and are never fair. Because I’m the eldest I get left behind with nothing because there's always one of my younger siblings that is more deserving than me.

    It’s times like this that I really hate my family and what they are doing to me. They failed me in every way and I can’t stand them for it. I'm beginning to be jealous of everything and everyone, wanting the things they have but knowing I could never get them unless I separate myself from them. They are holding me back but because of my culture, its likely that I’ll never be able to escape. I want more than this but I feel like I will never get it. Sometimes I feel like things would be better if I wasn’t there anymore.
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    hey

    have you tried talking to a counselor/school therapist? I am not sure if you have something like this in England but i think so. If not you could also talk to one of your teachers that you feel you can trust.

    How old are you? There might be a possibility that you get emancipated or that you move into a special place for youths in this kind of situations.


    General Youth Support
    1. ChildLine = 0800 1111
    2. Get Connected = 0808 808 4994 (http://www.getconnected.org.uk/home)
    3.Youth 2 Youth = 020 8896 3675 (http://www.youth2youth.co.uk/)

    Dont be afraid to ask for help. Speak to qualified people about what your options are. Would you want to move out or not? I think it is great that you are so determined to succeed in school and i hope you stay on this path because it will be the best way to improve your situation. If you dont find it possible to study at home, try and go study somewhere else like the library. I know it sucks being the eldest when you have that many siblings.

    Have you tried talking to your parents about how their behaviour is affecting your mood and your school work?
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    Chill.
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    Wow what a toxic environment, no wonder you are angry. I've been in a similar situation in the past but it wasn't as extreme as this one.

    I ended up going to uni to escape the atmosphere at home and I've been independent and happier away from my family since. Having said that I wasn't too particular about which uni I went to so I got into an average uni with mediocre A level grades (I did well out of it, got a 1st and had a successful career so far) ... but would you be willing to go to a lesser uni? Perhaps lowering your entry standards might help you relax?

    Anyway I think the core issue for me would be; should I stay with family and help (fight a loosing battle perhaps?) or go to uni, get away from that environment and do my own thing? What did you mean you can't escape it because of your culture? Are you from a background with a strong emphasis on family?
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    I've never considered speaking to a counsellor about this. I suppose I'm a bit scared about telling anyone, all my friends are ignorant to it and I wouldn't dream of involving them in all of it.

    I'm 18. Yes, my culture is very family-orientated and my parents are old-fashioned in that they believe that girls shouldn't move out until she is married. I wouldn't mind it as much if it was actually enjoyable to be at home. I'm also scared that my little sisters would face the same problems I am so I'm trying my hardest to be the best sister I can to them.

    I wouldn't be happy with the idea of going to a mediocre university because I feel like I can do much better. But I also think that even if I do get into a good university that they will not let me go, or something will happen and I would be forced to stay.

    Thank you for all the replies.
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    if you are 18 they cant force you to stay legally, they might try and pressure you but it is up to you whether you will give in or not. Are you applying for unis right now or the year after? I think you should try and get out of the situation so you can focus more on your career and feel better.

    I understand that you are conflicted about your siblings and might not want to leave them. You could go to a uni nearby and still support them. But you should not give up on your dreams only to please your family. Since you are 18, the legal situation is much better for you.

    I really think speaking to someone who is qualified to give advice and knows about your options would be a good idea. When you call these numbers, you dont have to give your name or details.
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    You're fooked.
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    Why don't you find 2 or 3 friends, and chip in together and rent a flat and get a job?

    You're still young. You deserve to be going out and getting pissed, and most importantly, have a good laugh.
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    firstly i admire you. strong people such as yourself, establish a strong and understanding society for the future.

    in order to help a cause, one has to sacrafice it.
    do what you need to do otherwise you may end up with, go knows how many kids with, and regretting life. move on smile and keep praying as i would say, i appriciate if your not religous, then keep on focusing on that which will get where you want to go.
    by leaving and building yoursefl up you will realise that you have nothing to feel bad about, that they will miss you and eventually takserious interest in you.

    if you have close friends and make sure you can confide in someone, be it a teacher if it comes to that, if anything they will help students such as yourself.

    again many thanks for sharing your story it makes me reflect on what i take for granted and though this may sound silly, its peeps such as yourself who will lead, change and establish a healthy and good society.

    do what you have to do....
    thatts sometihng that will answer itself in time.....
    be happy and content people should be jelous of your academic capabilities and the ability to be so strenous.



    peacve out


    take care and once again your a good person
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    I also had some issues similar to this when I was younger, but never to this extent, there are many people out there who you can talk to, including you friends and teachers!
    It sound like you need some area of freedom so the library is perfect. Try to teach your younger family to be more independent as you wont be around forever! Your mum sounds very stresses so maybe spend some fun time with her on an adult level? if it's really bad your parents might need some counselling.
    I think the best thing for you study wise is to apply for a range of universities with ones you want to go to and some not so. The reason for this is to guarantee you will have somewhere to go. It will take you away from the stress and avoid further arguments with your parents, that sounds to dependant on you. Also If you have had state education then high end universities will prefer you as a candidate, as long as you meet near the requirements, so don't despair
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    (Original post by sidonievedurin)
    I've never considered speaking to a counsellor about this. I suppose I'm a bit scared about telling anyone, all my friends are ignorant to it and I wouldn't dream of involving them in all of it.

    I'm 18. Yes, my culture is very family-orientated and my parents are old-fashioned in that they believe that girls shouldn't move out until she is married. I wouldn't mind it as much if it was actually enjoyable to be at home. I'm also scared that my little sisters would face the same problems I am so I'm trying my hardest to be the best sister I can to them.

    I wouldn't be happy with the idea of going to a mediocre university because I feel like I can do much better. But I also think that even if I do get into a good university that they will not let me go, or something will happen and I would be forced to stay.

    Thank you for all the replies.
    you wouldnt happen to be indian, pakistani of deshi. if so no worries hey im in the same boat, though thats my grand parents not my ,mum..
    forget culture and go, go as far and wide as you can go. have no fear and dont let their threats or evils scare you. you will succeed. you will triuph and it is YOU who will have the last laugh. and change life for your children and be a pioneer in changing the nasty parts of cultures.





    jayx
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    you can phone social services and they will find you somewhere else to live for free. That is what I would do, when I was younger I didn't have the guts to but I wish I had now.
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    Can't get any worse than this. Just imagine in a few years you'll be at a good university away from all that and having fun and the independence you crave and then after after a few more years you'll probably have a good job and be happy. Just always remember this time and appreciate the good life when, and you will, live it. Oh and also don't repeat your parents mistakes on your kids, learn the lessons they failed to.
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    I feel sorry for you. Moments like these should make some people realise how lucky they are.
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    Once you're 18 there is nothing your parents can do to stop you from leaving. Unless they'd do some crazy **** like arranged marriage... but I'm pretty sure that is actually illegal here so don't go through with it.
    In the short term, you should call Childline or something, they can advise you of ways that you can improve things.
 
 
 
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