Generally I've always found making friends and socialising hard. But in my first year and this year (my second year) I have made a lot of friends and talk to a lot of people. Although I don't go out much I still sometimes eat out with them, and since I do engineering, a large chunck of my time is used doing work, resting and visit to (or my from) my girlfriend once every two or three weeks over the weekends.
Last year I didn't really work hard. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard on projects and assignments, but when it came to example sheets etc I was exhausted and couldn't do them properly. I still passed, but this year I have been trying to work hard at everything.
Here is where I feel so down. No matter how far I get, I feel I am falling behind everyone. I just feel so stupid that I still sometimes don't get basic things. When I tell postgrads who are there to help I can see in their eyes they must think how stupid I am.
Whenever I ask advanced questions after the lecture (based on the work but just questions based like "what if") I sometimes get looks like I am an idiot and I shouldn't be asking these questions.
Even then I try to remain upbeat, but I feel I have no talents whatsoever. I am skinny, relatively weak, wear glasses (and come on, so many people think you are a nerd if you are skinny, asian and wear glasses). I do use forums a lot but even then I struggle to connect to people. Its really bringing me down now to such an extent that I cried for half an hour yesterday night. It all became too much. Just thinking about how my mum rings me asking me why I am so quiet and I can never tell her how I feel either. She doesn't understand things like this (I've tried before).
I even tried getting help for me issues by seeking help with a counsellor. It got to the stage where she said I may need to see a psychiatrist, so I gave her my doctor's details (since she couldn't directly refer me). But they started ringing home tons so I had to pretend I knew nothing about it. She then said I was suddenly all better because she saw me with my gf. I knew then she had given up on me.
I tell people I want to achieve something great and good, something I will be remembered by, like Bernoulli, Newton etc. Ok, nowhere near as clever I know, but thats my dream. I also want to go to space and things like that too. But when I look at myself in the mirror I just think I have no chance to do any of those. When I cried I realized that I have no talents whatsoever. Just nothing goes for me. I rarely get anything from my course and despite getting help, going to drop in sessions etc, I feel I have made no progress. Everyone I know always seems upbeat, always seems to know what they are talking about, confident etc. When I look at myself I feel none of these at all.
What should I do? I am at ends road now. I have thought of suicide before, but to be honest I'm too much of a chicken and I don't want to give up like that. I'd rather have a family and see my children do well. Do something good for them. But I honestly feel so depressed now. I just feel like anything I do is rubbish. No matter how hard I try to work, it doesn't do anything. Nothing is clicking and I am stuck in a rot so to speak. Any advice on how I can find out what my talents are or anything like that would be warmly welcomed please
feel so down Watch
- Thread Starter
- 05-12-2010 02:41
- 05-12-2010 03:14
I've had similar sorts of issues but try to look at the positives and try your hand at something new. Perservere and maybe some good will happen all da best mate!!
- 05-12-2010 03:21
You have a gf. Many better looking people struggle for even that. Cheer up. It's not that bad.