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    This is something that's bothering me and I know it probably shouldn't.

    The girl I'm currently going out with for the past 2 months was a ****-buddy previously for a number of months. It was my idea to get together but I knew she was really into me and wanted it. I'm 20 and she's 23. The thing is she's actually very open to me about her history and has told me quite a lot. I know she lost her virginity at 13 and had a drunken mistake at 19 with an ex and got pregnant (He was her ex at the time). Heh, mistakes happen. I also know she's had sex with a married man that she knew. ETC. Really she loves the **** and has had her fair share of partners and encounters by the sounds of it all.

    All this isn't from me questioning, she's blatantly just told me in conversation when we've been talking and joking around.

    I on the other hand lost my virginity at 19 and have only had 1 other sexual partner. When we were ****ing about, I actually never had sex with anybody else. But well she doesn't know this.

    Sex s sex at the end of the day. it shoudnt be a big deal. As she said once 'its gotta be done' and that's true enough. But somehow it really bugs / annoys / frustrates me when I think about it too much, that she's done all this and especialy when we were just ****ing around. I've got myself tanglied up in a web and it's pretty all stupid / daft of me to be honest but I don't know why or how.
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    At least you admit you shouldn't be annoyed. I've no idea what to say though as you were quite happy to be her **** buddy, yet you're annoyed that she's done similar stuff before.

    I think you're probably just jealous, to be honest, and feeling threatened by her experience.
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    Hmm. Do you think it bothers you that she has more experience than you? (Do you think her experience would bother you less if you had had as many partners?) Or do you think you are just not comfortable being with someone who is not very "selective", as you were? Or are you afraid she might cheat on you?
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    Well first of all, it's nice (and rare) of her to be this open with you.
    If you made it clear in the beginning that it was only a f-buddy relationship, that's like saying "I'm sleeping with other girls and you better be okay with it". So naturally, she didn't want to be any different, and tried to meet other guys in the meantime.
    Has she told you her number? As she's had her "fair share", as you put it. If you don't agree to be exclusive with anyone, they will be seeing other people. You can't go back and change to past, it is what it is. She has more reason to want to change her past then you should, firstly because it's her past not yours, and secondly because she got unwillingly pregnant. If something good has come of it, she has learned and will be more careful in the future, and hopefully you won't be a young father.
    And like the others say, it seems it bothers you that she is more experienced. That's the way it is, easier for girls to get sex if they want.
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    Oh god, just you wait for the TSR feminists to track you down and rip your balls off!
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    Because it means you don't feel special.
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    Thanks for your replies.

    (Original post by llys)
    Hmm. Do you think it bothers you that she has more experience than you? (Do you think her experience would bother you less if you had had as many partners?) Or do you think you are just not comfortable being with someone who is not very "selective", as you were? Or are you afraid she might cheat on you?
    Hmmm. Experience not so much. But I reckon If i had more partners I probably wouldn't feel the same way. I dunno.

    She's told me she's cheated once before many years ago and wouldn't do it again. She even went as far as telling me how it all hap pend, told her bf and split up with him for more fun. But I'm not afraid of her cheating, I'm not insecure on that level and really don't think she would do that.

    Things between us were very clear at the start, she knew and I knew that it was only a bit of fun. I guess I just accepted it and went along with it because it was nice, regular and new.

    During the course of a few months seeing each other, I actually meet another girl and she wanted a relationship, so I made the decision and got into a relationship with her. I had to tell her that we had to stop seeing each other because of this and well she kinda got upset, asked why not her, fell out with me and basically never spoke to me for about 2 months. Eventually she did, we started to speak again, I broke up with that girl and started seeing each other again, we started doing boyfriend/girlfriend things like going out, pictures etc and about a month later, I asked her to be exclusive together. Mainly, we liked each other and sort of built up this emotional attachment for each other and I guess I wasn't emotional stable enough to continue having fun and made it exclusive.
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    I agree with easykill. If it isnt the experience then it is the part that you dont feel special or you dont really think that she really has bettered herself after that kind of past. I mean if she has cheated and been the other woman, maybe you are questioning her way of just being able to tell you this without you even asking for it. Maybe the thing that is bugging you is that she is able to talk about it freely. I could be wrong here just trying to look at it from a different angle
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    1) Firstly a quick question, as I am not clear on one point. She did not see anyone else when you were just f*** buddies? This is all about her past?
    2) You entered into this thinking you just wanted a f*** buddy from each other. Now that is fine, if that is what two people really want, but people change and people get attached sometimes, to different extents.
    Being/having a f*** buddy is not at all as straightforward as it seems, as people have often found. It can be just fine and dandy and it can be really difficult. Sometimes people find it quite difficult and can form emotional attachments after sex. This is a generalisation, but often is the case. And why not, men and women are humans not masturbatory accessories.

    I think you do like her and she does like you. She did have some unhappy experiences in the past but has told you about it and that is to her credit.

    You do say you two started as f*** buddies but you are not happy that she has had more of a past than you.
    Time to acknowledge the past is the past, and move on together! You have each other now.
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    (Original post by FLLW)
    1) Firstly a quick question, as I am not clear on one point. She did not see anyone else when you were just f*** buddies? This is all about her past?
    2) You entered into this thinking you just wanted a f*** buddy from each other. Now that is fine, if that is what two people really want, but people change and people get attached sometimes, to different extents.
    Being/having a f*** buddy is not at all as straightforward as it seems, as people have often found. It can be just fine and dandy and it can be really difficult. Sometimes people find it quite difficult and can form emotional attachments after sex. This is a generalisation, but often is the case. And why not, men and women are humans not masturbatory accessories.

    I think you do like her and she does like you. She did have some unhappy experiences in the past but has told you about it and that is to her credit.

    You do say you two started as f*** buddies but you are not happy that she has had more of a past than you.
    Time to acknowledge the past is the past, and move on together! You have each other now.
    1) She did have sex with other people and that's not a problem as she was allowed too. I had a few experiences with other girls but didn't have sex, I was close but it never happen mainly lets just say down to my penis having a 'bad' night. - I didn't have sex because I didn't want too because I was seeing her, I just didn't have sex mainly because I didn't' get it as such.

    2) Everyone becomes emotionally attached at some point. May it be weeks, months, it will happen. I know this much. Also when we started going boyfriend / girlfriend things when were weren't a couple built up this attachment as such and possibly if I didn't want relationship should have gone done that route.

    It makes sense what you have said and I've already admited that it's mainly my problem and down to me. Not her. I guess I just need to accept it, man up and move on.

    Man Up being the key word.

    THanks!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I'm not afraid of her cheating, I'm not insecure on that level and really don't think she would do that.
    That's interesting, because I was going to add to my post that I also don't think she would do that. She sounds pretty honest / straightforward - if there was anything wrong she would give it to you straight. That's something to hang on to if you can!

    For the same reason, I think you could just tell her how you feel / that you are not as experienced as she is and are ot sure how you feel about it; I don't think she would freak out or anything (she'd probably appreciate the honesty) and it might make you feel better about it all. Just be careful you don't say anything you don't mean.
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    (Original post by llys)
    That's interesting, because I was going to add to my post that I also don't think she would do that. She sounds pretty honest / straightforward - if there was anything wrong she would give it to you straight. That's something to hang on to if you can!
    Indeed. I like honest myself. That's a fair and well made good point. Obviously, I'm not sure how open she's been with previous partners, maybe she's comfortable with me or made she's just that type of person. She's not ashamed of anything and is blatantly honest about it In relation to cheating. To tell me that she had cheated and that she told the guy the next day and that he was alright with it but she still ended it the following week was pretty straightforward in my books. Most details are pretty irrelevent to me and I somtimes say to myself why on earth are you actually telling me this but to an extent I guess it's a good thing.

    For the same reason, I think you could just tell her how you feel / that you are not as experienced as she is and are ot sure how you feel about it; I don't think she would freak out or anything (she'd probably appreciate the honesty) and it might make you feel better about it all. Just be careful you don't say anything you don't mean.
    I guess I possibly could but where would it get me. Everything I guess is pretty much fine at the moment and I would probably just be lighting a fire that doesn't need lit. Interestedly, she actually thinks I'm quite the one that's had a few girls myself, as she used to alot more than now joke around that I was the 'devil' as such. When we were seeing each other, she used to pretty much always joke about saying I was going out shaggin when i was going out etc, I knew it was jokes and banter at first but after a while I started to get the impression it wasn't. This comes with the attachment towards each other. I don't know where she got his idea at the start but perhaps it's because I'm not exactly shy, confident and pretty forward, maybe but i'm not sure. I've never given off that idea verbaly and I've even said at times to it that I'm not that type of person 'player' but wouldn't really believe me. It's not that I've not had any sexual experience with girls, I have and I know my way around comfortably, I've just not slept with many girls as such.
 
 
 
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