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Should i stay with this guy or leave him?? Watch

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    it's long - you don't have to read it.

    I didn't really fancy this guy when i first met him, but he seemed nice enough and seemed very interested in me. i agreed to go on a date with him, or meet as friends, which was to watch dvds at his house. he surprised me by cooking a very romantic dinner, candles, personalised message on the dessert, music, massages.. then dvds... i was so flattered and impressed so decided to meet up again. this was about 4 months ago. but i always considered it short term because i was leaving for university, and he knew this. we had a lot of fun, but i wouldn't have sex with him, cause i'm 19 and a virgin, he is 21, and thought what was the point if it was short term.
    went to university, i think i latched on to him more cause i was scared in this new environment, he texted me every day, helped me not feel lonely. i met him about once a week when i went home (sometimes twice). but only for a few hours as he had work.
    he has told me he loves me, that i mean the world to him, he'd be lost without me. but i wonder if he isn't just saying all these things to have sex. he is very sexual, and i pleasure him, but won't let him touch me much, i'm quite frigid. then he says he will wait forever for me. he is very kinky, and has tied me up and gagged me. but other stuff scares me, like he enjoys being demeaned and suggested very strange stuff i had to say no to. every week though, he suggests meeting up for a 'cuddle.' which i think is just code for sexual stuff? i'm scared if i do have sex with him, i'll just be some sort of once a week sex slave.

    He has mentioned bits about the future like marriage, and where we will live, so he seems serious about me (ploy to get sex?). i'm paranoid. then he jokes about swinging if we did get married. but then he defends it, which shows he really desires to do kinky stuff like that. i'm not sure i could handle it, part of me doesn't trust him. then another part thinks he treats me so well, and appreciates me, while other guys wouldn't, especially since i've held off sex. I'm too young to be thinking of this stuff.
    I am extremely infatuated or over-attached to him now. i think about him all the time. i feel sickened by the thought of not being in contact with him...
    even though he says he will wait for sex, he is always trying to take my clothes off, and i see him get disappointed.....

    my friends think he is creepy, and admittedly i get a little embarrassed by him sometimes, he is an inch shorter than me and it can be quite awkward when we are walking, ('cause i'm quite shallow) but he's so addictive, and he makes me feel loved and special.
    i told him last night that we might need to take a break, everytime i thought about breaking up officially i got tearful. he has been really lovely about it, saying he wants me to be happy, but he doesn't know how he would cope without me.
    Should i stay with him or leave him for good????
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    Oh and he has bought me a dildo because if he can't pleasure me, he still wants me to have fun. But he has also bought me roses and a teddy.
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    He's insane and immature. Love after 4 months? Guy is deluded. And you seem young and very unsure as to what you want, so better to go it alone and not be worried about some futile relationship.
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    Well it really is tricky...first of all I dont think you should stay with him if you only think that noone else will love you. Then you need to boost up your confidence a bit. and I dont think you should give up your virginity if it doesnt feel right. Dont do anything that you think you will regret later if you really want to treasure that first time.
    Just fyi Have you met his family? and friends? If this really is serious then maybe you should have or should do before moving on. What kind of impression do you have of his loved ones?
    Talk to friends that you really trust and see what they think. Tell them to give you an objective opionion. And if you really are lovestruck then maybe you should go on just for fun and risk it. But dont end up getting hurt in the end.
    plus that kinky stuff shouldnt make people bad people if they are nice and stuff we all like different things. but if you think he is weird then dont go through with it and find someone who wants what you want.
    Think about your relationship. Are you with him just because he adores you? or do you have things in common and could be considered as friends aswell? I think being able to get along is important and not just having the reason of wanting to be with someone...

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh and he has bought me a dildo because if he can't pleasure me, he still wants me to have fun. But he has also bought me roses and a teddy.
    Ok now that is creepy...does he understand your reasons for not wanting to have sex?

    plus now that I think about it maybe you just got into him because you felt vulnerable at starting uni so you're not really thinking clearly... do whatever you think is best for yourself in the end...
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    (Original post by MizzCupcakes)
    Well it really is tricky...first of all I dont think you should stay with him if you only think that noone else will love you. Then you need to boost up your confidence a bit. and I dont think you should give up your virginity if it doesnt feel right. Dont do anything that you think you will regret later if you really want to treasure that first time.
    Just fyi Have you met his family? and friends? If this really is serious then maybe you should have or should do before moving on. What kind of impression do you have of his loved ones?
    Talk to friends that you really trust and see what they think. Tell them to give you an objective opionion. And if you really are lovestruck then maybe you should go on just for fun and risk it. But dont end up getting hurt in the end.
    plus that kinky stuff shouldnt make people bad people if they are nice and stuff we all like different things. but if you think he is weird then dont go through with it and find someone who wants what you want.
    Think about your relationship. Are you with him just because he adores you? or do you have things in common and could be considered as friends aswell? I think being able to get along is important and not just having the reason of wanting to be with someone...

    Good luck
    Thanks for replying. I have met his family. Even at the start i said let's not get serious too soon, they all referred to me as his girlfriend. Also, he has invited me to be his date at his brothers wedding, and his mum has put my name down for it. I feel so guilty, but it just doesn't feel right. I can't disclose much to my friends about it, because the ones i'm closest to have never had boyfriends, and they can be very judgmental, and are very innocent/disaproving when it comes to things like sex.
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    If you ain't happy get out of it like now!
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    You are happy to let him tie you up and gag you but you won't have sex with him? :confused: Interesting sequence of events.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    You are happy to let him tie you up and gag you but you won't have sex with him? :confused: Interesting sequence of events.
    Haha, this is what I was thinking.

    The guy sounds rather "full on" from your description. It sounds as if you don't fully trust him OP. Maybe you should listen to your instincts- they're there for a reason.

    You could always play it out a big longer if you don't want to make a decision yet though, just don't have sex with him unless you want to.
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    If you have to ask a forum whether you should stay with your boyfriend the answer is that you should not stay with your boyfriend.
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    But i decided for us to take a break to see how we feel. he agreed saying whatever makes me happy. I woke up yesterday feeling refreshed and relieved. then he texted me asking how i was.... last night i was a fidgeting mess. i texted him repetively just wanting to have some sort of random conversation with him. he was being very distant and only answering with one word. Now i feel sickened. I'm stuck with him and i'm stuck without him.
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    you're muslim aren't you
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    You both sound immature.
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    Your friends are right, he does seem creepy!
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    I'm not even a muslim.... I'm just immature, and insecure, probably too much for a relationship of any kind. I also feel like he barely knows me... i ask loads about him, but he just says 'How are you?' and if i tell him about my day, he seems disinterested, or changes the subject. So i wonder why he even likes me at all. I know other couples can just spend all their time chatting, sitting on the sofa watching tv, or playing games, going out to get food. But with us it's just usually intimate time. I suppose it's that way cause we barely see each other, so he thinks a blow job would be time well spent rather than say a trip to the cinema.... But when i showed signs of annoyance at this, he would buy me food or let me pick a dvd... yet expect a blowjob after for his good deed.
 
 
 
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