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Help - Boyfriend is so selfish! Watch

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    I'm not sure this is posted in the right place but please help. I met my boyfriend in our freshers week, we've been together for 2 years now and live together, with no other housemates.
    We struggle for rent money each month as our student loans don't cover it and both have to work. I still work ridiculous hours and barely get any sleep/university work done. He has University off until february and only gets out of bed to go to work or to play WoW. I also play but very casually and am not addicted like he is.

    I barely see him anymore as I work so much to pay rent and he leaves the house a total mess and expects me to tidy it all. He also complains when his work uniform isn't washed on time when he's perfectly capable of using the washing machine. He has started drinking with his friends a lot more often and spent £80 in one night this weekend which we clearly don't have spare.

    How can I get him to appreciate what I'm doing and put more effort in? I don't want to leave him as I do love him (also wouldn't have anywhere to live) but he's starting to make me hate him...

    Any sensible ideas would be great


    What I think I'll do is tell him what you've suggested and give him a deadline, say a month? and say if he hasn't sorted himself out by then, I will be looking for somewhere else to live (maybe not leave him) but at least thats a threat I'll be able to keep. Is that a good idea? Or will it not work?
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    Have you tried talking to him about it?
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    Don't merge into one object just because you're a couple.
    You clean your own mess, he cleans his. You wash your clothes, he washes his. You pay half the rent, he pays his half. If he can't bring his rent, tell him you'll need another person to live there who pays their rent. If he doesn't wash his own clothes, too bad for him. Buy food for yourself and divide the fridge in two if you must. Like a child, he needs to be taught the basics the hard way.
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    Yeah, we barely get anytime together to talk but when I do it either goes straight over his head and he ignores it, or he helps out by picking up one piece of clothing or washing up a glass or something and actually believes that he's made it right.
    I feel like I'm a stuck record with him and he's just gotten so used to me asking him to help out he doesn't hear it anymore.
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    Start by uninstalling WoW and you'll be on your way to a healthier lifestyle .
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    Selfish shellfish on the seashore
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    Sounds a bit like a douche. You need to sit him down and say all this to him. You're not married, he's a big boy and should be able to wash his own work uniform! It's not fair for you to do everything, he needs to try and get more hours so it's easier for you to pay for rent etc. Try and have a civil discussion with him, if not, you could always just only do things for yourself, wash your own clothes and own dishes etc?
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    (Original post by Sarah2794)
    I don't want to leave him as I do love him
    My advice is to snap out of this mentality as soon as possible.

    Seriously, find a new place to live. If you find this emotionally problematic, consider that you do NOT have to live together to be boyfriend and girlfriend. If he finds it problematic, reassure him that he's a good boyfriend (if he is) but a crappy housemate.
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    (Original post by *Lollo*)
    Don't merge into one object just because you're a couple.
    You clean your own mess, he cleans his. You wash your clothes, he washes his. You pay half the rent, he pays his half. If he can't bring his rent, tell him you'll need another person to live there who pays their rent. If he doesn't wash his own clothes, too bad for him. Buy food for yourself and divide the fridge in two if you must. Like a child, he needs to be taught the basics the hard way.
    Thats a great idea, but thats where I'd lose out, because I earn a bit less (can't work in the day because of uni)...
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    Oh god, don't get me started on boyfriends and World of Warcraft...

    Kill me.
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    I know you don't want to leave him, but shaking him up with the prospect might give him the kick up the backside he needs. You can't stand back and just take it all - it's unfair and will just slowly make you more and more unhappy.

    Spell it out to him as clearly as you can. Tell him he is making you miserable, don't tiptoe around it, show him how him being lazy is putting a huge strain on the relationship. If he loves you and respects you (and cares for your wellbeing), he'll listen to you at the very least. Some guys are stubborn, but if you make it crystal clear that you can't put up with it, then hopefully he'll try harder.

    If he still doesn't put any effort in, even when he knows your relationship is holding on by a thread, then you should probably leave him, because even if he was lovely at first, he probably won't change.
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    Selfish shellfish on the seashore
    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcyypqRvCd1qbxxkl.gif
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    he knows you'll never leave him
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    (Original post by Miahrose)
    I know you don't want to leave him, but shaking him up with the prospect might give him the kick up the backside he needs. You can't stand back and just take it all - it's unfair and will just slowly make you more and more unhappy.

    Spell it out to him as clearly as you can. Tell him he is making you miserable, don't tiptoe around it, show him how him being lazy is putting a huge strain on the relationship. If he loves you and respects you (and cares for your wellbeing), he'll listen to you at the very least. Some guys are stubborn, but if you make it crystal clear that you can't put up with it, then hopefully he'll try harder.

    If he still doesn't put any effort in, even when he knows your relationship is holding on by a thread, then you should probably leave him, because even if he was lovely at first, he probably won't change.
    I'm going to do exactly this, thank you.
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    (Original post by jennaz77)
    he knows you'll never leave him
    Thats very true, but doesn't help...
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    http://images2.memegenerator.net/gor...real-world.jpg

    Snap the disk, problem solved. If he loves you, he'll forgive you, but if he doesn't, dump him.

    It worked when my cousin's gf snapped the new FM game when he got obsessed with it.
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    Sounds like you both need to thrash it out in an argument before he moves his lazy arse.

    Seriously though, WoW? Come on, that game is pathetic, and ruins peoples lives. Both of you get off it, if you need more time for University work then stop playing that game.

    If your rents too expensive, how about moving out and finding somewhere cheaper to take the burden off? What about both of you actively looking for higher paid jobs?
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    (Original post by Sarah2794)
    Thats very true, but doesn't help...
    You have to make him see that his behaviour is weakening the relationship. He shouldn't know that you actually wouldn't leave him, otherwise he has no reason to try hard to keep you. Put your foot down and say if you don't change I'm going to leave you. If he doesn't care then obviously theres something wrong.
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    I saw WoW...

    Your boyfriend is fat and ugly, no?
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    Talk to him. Explain to him that you are doing most of the work and he should get his arse in gear and help. You say he is off University until February? Tell him to get a full time job and to earn as much money as he can so as to help pay the rent and to save some money for the future.

    He needs to get off his arse and pull his weight or you should leave him.
 
 
 
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