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    Anonymous because I find this embarrassing and I know people who use this forum .

    I don't understand why I am so awful at 'pulling' girls in clubs because in everyday life I seem to do very well. I had several girlfriend's all the way through school/college I often get compliments from a vast variety of people saying that I'm handsome/ good looking, I'm 6'2" tall and very athletic. It's just weird, I don't particularly like approaching girls but in the past this has never been a problem because every single one of my girlfriend's approached me first. So what do I need to do?. I notice girls look at me quite a bit when I'm in the club but they never do anything else, and one girl the other day came up to me said I was beautiful and then walked off before I could say anything, I mean seriously wtf is that about? It's just annoying because I don't know what I am expected to do any more, please advice.

    Thanks.

    P.s I a genuine confused person who needs advice (not a troll).
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    Just go and dance with them you retard
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    Go and talk to those girls that are staring at you They're staring at you for a reason and are probably waiting for you to make a move
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    We look at you ('give you the eye') hoping you like what you see, get the hinz, and come chat us up. Most girls in pubs/clubs will have had something to drink so any nerves or mishaps that occur when you chat to them will be soothed over, and even if they are completely sober they will understand and appreciate. We arent monsters, we wont point and laugh. Just feel confident and remember to approach girls that show an interest and seem to be open and friendly (this does not mean a paralytic girl with half her clothes undone - that stuff is messy and dangerous).

    Just smile, eye contact, and then try and get into a situation where it is natural to start convo (waiting for bar service, just being near one another in general). Sorry for the crap advice, this thread has made me realise how easy girls have it. We just stand there and look pretty (well, try to) but you guys have to scheme/plan to get in there. :console:

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Ben77mc)
    Just go and dance with them you retard
    Thanks for your really helpful advice. I'm not a mentally challenged person, as stated above if you even bothered reading it I don't like/know how to approach girls in clubs and I'd rather not look like a ****.
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    (Original post by ipulledhermione)

    Good luck.
    I really appreciate the advice thankyou, the trouble is I get really nervous about going over I'm not sure why I know your not all monsters but I dunno I just feel uncomfortable doing it even if I know the girl fancy's me, I guess it's because I'm quite a quite person irl and I don't really want to look like some shy fool when I speak to them. Why do girls never approach us in clubs? and also why do some girls dance like right by you keep looking at you and stuff and then just walk off?. I'm sorry for the 99 questions but it really puzzles me. :blushing:
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    just get a bit of alcohol in you buy them a drink then conversation will just flow
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your really helpful advice. I'm not a mentally challenged person, as stated above if you even bothered reading it I don't like/know how to approach girls in clubs and I'd rather not look like a ****.
    He may have worded his post inappropriately but he's got a point. Just go for it, ie go next to the girl that seems interested, smile and dance with her. If you are as handsome as your post suggests, nothing bad will happen. It's not like you need a personality in a club.
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    (Original post by ipulledhermione)
    We look at you ('give you the eye') hoping you like what you see, get the hinz, and come chat us up. Most girls in pubs/clubs will have had something to drink so any nerves or mishaps that occur when you chat to them will be soothed over, and even if they are completely sober they will understand and appreciate. We arent monsters, we wont point and laugh. Just feel confident and remember to approach girls that show an interest and seem to be open and friendly (this does not mean a paralytic girl with half her clothes undone - that stuff is messy and dangerous).

    Just smile, eye contact, and then try and get into a situation where it is natural to start convo (waiting for bar service, just being near one another in general). Sorry for the crap advice, this thread has made me realise how easy girls have it. We just stand there and look pretty (well, try to) but you guys have to scheme/plan to get in there. :console:

    Good luck.
    I want a girl who is a friend first, I'd run a mile if I have to act all macho or something, it's just not me, which is probably why I'm 28 and single or that I don't go to clubs or something, but either way I think it's just where I live, maybe I'm better in a country where people don't want a man and will settle for a nice humble person. Or is it just because I'm on a dating site that they are all picky hence they're on there in the first place.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really appreciate the advice thankyou, the trouble is I get really nervous about going over I'm not sure why I know your not all monsters but I dunno I just feel uncomfortable doing it even if I know the girl fancy's me, I guess it's because I'm quite a quite person irl and I don't really want to look like some shy fool when I speak to them. Why do girls never approach us in clubs? and also why do some girls dance like right by you keep looking at you and stuff and then just walk off?. I'm sorry for the 99 questions but it really puzzles me. :blushing:
    Because most girls go to clubs to look good abd get an ego boost from male attention (also dance, get drunk, hang out with friends, look cool, run into an ex, decorate their facebook). A lot of guys go to clubs to get laid or to pull. Most girls find this degrading to thier person (that you only want them for sex) and frustrating (we are not sex objects) so we have no motive to actively come on to you unless we are looking for casual sex or just a pull.

    Before you set out to get any girl you need to understand your own motive, gauge her motive and assess the situation from there. A girl has more choice when it comes to ONS etc, the ugliest of girls could get the nicest of guys, but what use is he for just one night. There was a study that proved women raise there standards much higher when its casual our thinking is 'if i'm gona be a **** for the night, he'd better be worth it' whereas guys would do most things with a pulse - they are generally known to think 'any holes a goal'

    All of the above is a huge generaliation but is accurate in most clubbing situations. You want a girl? Exude confidence and make her think your worth something. If you fancy yourself, thimk your something special - she will too. Simple.

    Attraction is just clever manipulation. It works both ways. This was a very brief, skimming and hazy introduction to the world of getting the girl. Xx
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    (Original post by Flyingaround)
    I want a girl who is a friend first, I'd run a mile if I have to act all macho or something, it's just not me, which is probably why I'm 28 and single or that I don't go to clubs or something, but either way I think it's just where I live, maybe I'm better in a country where people don't want a man and will settle for a nice humble person. Or is it just because I'm on a dating site that they are all picky hence they're on there in the first place.
    You're just a genuine guy. That is the best kind of guy. But attraction is so fickle and very much depemdant on gentle manipulation. The fact that you don't conform to the norm is good and makes you a cut above the rest (in my eyes). If you want to find a like minded soul then look for her in a more natural environment, internet is not always the best option for picky people. I imagine that you are wonderful, attractive and appealing in your own way, you have to display that to women. Let the potential 'her' see you and appreciate you in a normal environment. Join volunteer groups, dance classes, language classes or even better: something that actually interests you. That way you will meet someone who will see you/get to know you as a person gradually and you can slowly show them what a catch you are. Am i makimg sense? Love is not the elusive, one off thing we humans have made it to be. It's chemical and it won't happen until you get out there and mix it up a bit. Challenge fate, ask someone out on a whim, don't be downhearted by rejection or failure. Find the one, make it work.

    Good luck X
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    (Original post by ipulledhermione)
    Because most girls go to clubs to look good abd get an ego boost from male attention (also dance, get drunk, hang out with friends, look cool, run into an ex, decorate their facebook). A lot of guys go to clubs to get laid or to pull. Most girls find this degrading to thier person (that you only want them for sex) and frustrating (we are not sex objects) so we have no motive to actively come on to you unless we are looking for casual sex or just a pull.
    I don't see how women playing mind games with men in clubs for an "ego boost" is less frustrating to the other gender than men heading to clubs for sex.
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    (Original post by Glowy Amoeba)
    I don't see how women playing mind games with men in clubs for an "ego boost" is less frustrating to the other gender than men heading to clubs for sex.
    Well that lack of comprehension is exactly what makes you a guy.

    Mind games? Men (well some) leave the house sniffing sex. Women leave the house wanting a good time (good comoany, some flirting, male attention as an affirmation of thier looks, a few drinks, maybe a cheeky pull, and if you're up for it some good sex - though the satisfaction, self respect, and regret levels regarding this final event are variable). A girl will feel hot if a guy is checking her out and most guys give the average clubbing girl 'appreciative' glances and the odd crude comment which immediately brings most women down to earth and they remember the age old saying that their mothers/sisters/brothers/neighbors/friends/dog prolly told them 'he only wants you for sex' and so she would naturally would not take it further. In my opinion a lot of girls, me included, do not want to be used for sex. Do men comprehend this?

    This is not to mention the fact that most girls are hopeless romantics, and though we know most guys are just chatting us up for it, we hope that there will be some guy who reall is 'not like the rest' and will want us for us, ask for our number, take us on dates, wait for sex etc etc.

    Thoigh maybe i'm just bull****ting.

    Society is an awkward balance between the conflicting desires of men and women.


    EDIT: i'm on my phone hence the innumerable typos.
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    (Original post by ipulledhermione)
    You're just a genuine guy. That is the best kind of guy. But attraction is so fickle and very much depemdant on gentle manipulation. The fact that you don't conform to the norm is good and makes you a cut above the rest (in my eyes). If you want to find a like minded soul then look for her in a more natural environment, internet is not always the best option for picky people. I imagine that you are wonderful, attractive and appealing in your own way, you have to display that to women. Let the potential 'her' see you and appreciate you in a normal environment. Join volunteer groups, dance classes, language classes or even better: something that actually interests you. That way you will meet someone who will see you/get to know you as a person gradually and you can slowly show them what a catch you are. Am i makimg sense? Love is not the elusive, one off thing we humans have made it to be. It's chemical and it won't happen until you get out there and mix it up a bit. Challenge fate, ask someone out on a whim, don't be downhearted by rejection or failure. Find the one, make it work.

    Good luck X
    That's a nice bit of advice there! Thankyou I went to Australia to make some friends in 2008 and that I did, although one is far away in wales but it still gives me hope in that girls want to be friends you know
    I also came back from there and made another new friend while doing a small project on a short film and we've been best friends ever since, I would love for one day that this could happen with someone on a relationship level.
    My main interests are flying so it would be a bit tricky to find them there but I suppose if we have friends then it's not needed as much, I dunno.

    I think we in this country have become too obsessed with work and attaining goals that people forget about love, and friendship. Take Italy for example, I went to Ireland after Australia, and by that I mean Straight after I touched down in England, I didn't go home, I took a train to Liverpool and then an 8 hour Ferry, oh I missed the Ireland ferry by 10 mins! Can you believe that after a 13 hours flight HAHA! so I went to Belfast and then a train from there, anyway's, I went to a hostel and these italian girls just kissed me LOL...mainly because it was a friendly thing that they do when they've talked to you for the day, it's just a nice emotional thing. We need it more here, but people are just all about playing hard to get or putting on a front.
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    Holy **** why is this so complicated, I don't fancy myself I think that people who do come across as an arrogant idiots. I appreciate I'm good looking but nothing more, this just seems insanely hard for a simple pull in a club? And I don't see girls as sex objects I just simply want to be able to pull because that's what everyone else seems to do in a club. I think I might just give up clubbing.:sigh:
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    (Original post by Flyingaround)
    That's a nice bit of advice there! Thankyou I went to Australia to make some friends in 2008 and that I did, although one is far away in wales but it still gives me hope in that girls want to be friends you know
    I also came back from there and made another new friend while doing a small project on a short film and we've been best friends ever since, I would love for one day that this could happen with someone on a relationship level.
    My main interests are flying so it would be a bit tricky to find them there but I suppose if we have friends then it's not needed as much, I dunno.

    I think we in this country have become too obsessed with work and attaining goals that people forget about love, and friendship. Take Italy for example, I went to Ireland after Australia, and by that I mean Straight after I touched down in England, I didn't go home, I took a train to Liverpool and then an 8 hour Ferry, oh I missed the Ireland ferry by 10 mins! Can you believe that after a 13 hours flight HAHA! so I went to Belfast and then a train from there, anyway's, I went to a hostel and these italian girls just kissed me LOL...mainly because it was a friendly thing that they do when they've talked to you for the day, it's just a nice emotional thing. We need it more here, but people are just all about playing hard to get or putting on a front.
    :yep: it's all sex and the city, he did/she did mind games. And the dating ettiquitte is so screwed up, you honestly cannot be yourself if you want to supposedly succeed you have to 'wait three days before texting, count his X's, giggle at the approppriate time, not get to friendly incase your put in the friend-zone, yada yada yayaya' it's so wrong.

    The worrying thing is, this facade works. I bow down to that level, suppress the real me and all the guys want me. Attraction is so false and that is why i've quite simply given up. There is no such thing as 'boy meets girl' - it's all much more calculated than that. Sorry for the bum note. Prove me wrong and male it work xxx

    Ps. Totally understand the italians kissing bit. I was once greeted in such a manner: kiss on both cheeks, by an italian girl that i was doing a tutorial presentation with. Put a smile on my face.
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    (Original post by Flyingaround)
    That's a nice bit of advice there! Thankyou I went to Australia to make some friends in 2008 and that I did, although one is far away in wales but it still gives me hope in that girls want to be friends you know
    I also came back from there and made another new friend while doing a small project on a short film and we've been best friends ever since, I would love for one day that this could happen with someone on a relationship level.
    My main interests are flying so it would be a bit tricky to find them there but I suppose if we have friends then it's not needed as much, I dunno.

    I think we in this country have become too obsessed with work and attaining goals that people forget about love, and friendship. Take Italy for example, I went to Ireland after Australia, and by that I mean Straight after I touched down in England, I didn't go home, I took a train to Liverpool and then an 8 hour Ferry, oh I missed the Ireland ferry by 10 mins! Can you believe that after a 13 hours flight HAHA! so I went to Belfast and then a train from there, anyway's, I went to a hostel and these italian girls just kissed me LOL...mainly because it was a friendly thing that they do when they've talked to you for the day, it's just a nice emotional thing. We need it more here, but people are just all about playing hard to get or putting on a front.
    Ps ypu travel a lot!! I bet you have quite a few stories to tell! :love:
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    (Original post by ipulledhermione)
    Well that lack of comprehension is exactly what makes you a guy.

    Mind games? Men (well some) leave the house sniffing sex. Women leave the house wanting a good time (good comoany, some flirting, male attention as an affirmation of thier looks, a few drinks, maybe a cheeky pull, and if you're up for it some good sex - though the satisfaction, self respect, and regret levels regarding this final event are variable). A girl will feel hot if a guy is checking her out and most guys give the average clubbing girl 'appreciative' glances and the odd crude comment which immediately brings most women down to earth and they remember the age old saying that their mothers/sisters/brothers/neighbors/friends/dog prolly told them 'he only wants you for sex' and so she would naturally would not take it further. In my opinion a lot of girls, me included, do not want to be used for sex. Do men comprehend this?

    This is not to mention the fact that most girls are hopeless romantics, and though we know most guys are just chatting us up for it, we hope that there will be some guy who reall is 'not like the rest' and will want us for us, ask for our number, take us on dates, wait for sex etc etc.

    Thoigh maybe i'm just bull****ting.

    Society is an awkward balance between the conflicting desires of men and women.


    EDIT: i'm on my phone hence the innumerable typos.
    Male attention as an affirmation of their looks? Do you know how depressing that sounds? At least men are clear about their intentions so feelings are hurt less often, while women seem to enjoy teasing and misguiding naive males with attention seeking and dishonest behavior

    I do realize that women do not want to be used for sex but men's libido is not something they can change or ignore, much like many girls cannot resist their desire for unrealistic romance and the complete attention and servitude of their partner.

    I've yet to meet a girl who is sexually frustrated, yet that is a common feature of men's relationships. If girls don't give in to the lustful demands of their boyfriends, can they legitimately ask for their own needs to be met? Besides, it's not like girls actually dislike sex, their inhibition is more often than not caused by deep seated and unspoken cultural rules that prohibit promiscuity.

    A guy wanting sex doesn't mean he'll not want to pursue a relationship. In fact most guys know that the best sex is to be had with women we feel comfortable and cuddly with.

    Cheers
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    (Original post by hoolymay)
    just get a bit of alcohol in you buy them a drink then conversation will just flow
    I have tried that but it just doesn't seem to have any effect on me really, I normally just end up too drunk and going home feeling ill.
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    (Original post by Glowy Amoeba)
    Male attention as an affirmation of their looks? Do you know how depressing that sounds? At least men are clear about their intentions so feelings are hurt less often, while women seem to enjoy teasing and misguiding naive males with attention seeking and dishonest behavior

    I do realize that women do not want to be used for sex but men's libido is not something they can change or ignore, much like many girls cannot resist their desire for unrealistic romance and the complete attention and servitude of their partner.

    I've yet to meet a girl who is sexually frustrated, yet that is a common feature of men's relationships. If girls don't give in to the lustful demands of their boyfriends, can they legitimately ask for their own needs to be met? Besides, it's not like girls actually dislike sex, their inhibition is more often than not caused by deep seated and unspoken cultural rules that prohibit promiscuity.

    A guy wanting sex doesn't mean he'll not want to pursue a relationship. In fact most guys know that the best sex is to be had with women we feel comfortable and cuddly with.

    Cheers
    Anon because i don't want to be associated with what i'm about to say.

    I've been seeing a guy 6ft4 russian God. He however is shy with sex, prefers cuddles and spending time together and you're right, i want it so bad. We do stuff together which he enjoys (or so the mess indicates) but i always initiate it and am always gagging for more. So yes, girls do want it. But within the safe confines of a relationship where they know they are being respected and cared for (somehow holding hands in public and being someones girl is a fair security for sexual liberation)

    How can you accuse women of leading men on? So your basically saying that a women dressing in an attractive way is wrong and somehow suggests she owes whoever lays eyes on her sex? That is disgusting and it's no wonder your not getting any. A woman, just like men, can dress how they like and have a right to test the waters before deciding not to jump in the sack with anyone. Yes its misleading to give a man the eye, but you only eye him up to indicate you are open for chat. He will chat you up and you will gauge what he wants from you, most of the time its sex and so she will just move on in search of that elusive 'different guy' which is rarely found, and sometimes she will be like yeah i want casual sex, which is fair enough.

    Women have accepted and put up with the fact that men desire different things from them and so should men. I already mentioned the confliction and balance in my last post. You give a girl the security of a relationship, the respect and affection she craves and in return she ought to happily engage is sexual comtact with you. Sex is healthy but for most girls affection/respect goes with it.

    Guys do not get it as bad as women.
    Men often become so possessed by what is between their legs their minds dont comprehend a no and thus have the capacity to rape. Not until you are a woman, struggling underneath a man, crying as he is kissing your face telling you you love it, your kicking, scratching him saying no no no struggling & completely sober will you be able to appreciate the level of control sex has over a man. Women shouldn't **** tease but you can't say that we must sit home and dress like nuns just because YOU MEN cannot keep it in your pants.
 
 
 
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