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am i unreasonable for not giving him sex? Watch

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    This is really long, but i'm really desperate for help and would so appreciate someone giving me advice...

    I'm 17, never had sex, i've been going out with my bf for just over 2 months now, we were 'kind of' together for about 6 weeks before we made it official. He's my second boyfriend but first serious one. he's 18. He's also never had sex.

    Our whole kind of thing is really intense and deep because we liked eachother for 2 years before we started dating and i know that he loves me a lot and has said he see's me in his future and stuff. I love him too but i just dont feel ready to have sex, and thats something he really doesn't understand.

    He's reaaally horny and i've always felt as if i'm in the wrong for not giving him sex and it's a constant problem between us and its always something that causes arguments. I've given him Hjs and bjs etc and stuff but he says its not enough for him and these arguments always result in him breaking up with me and coming back the day after and even when he says he cant wait for sex anymore he breaks up with me completely and comes back the next day.

    A major problem we have is that we have to keep our whole relationship secret, because of family issues etc. However it basically means nobody knows about our relationship and he wasnt even happy about my bestest friends knowing. Its not on facebook or anything and at college we have to pretend nothings going on between us. he has relatives at college who can't know the truth about us. My friends think hes an idiot for blanking me at college and think that its more of him being ashamed to admit to his friends that he's with me / embarrassed etc. They don't think he's good for me and think he's just getting everything his own way - e.g. getting what he wants out of the relationship but not having to make a big deal out of it to his friends etc. My friends are biased because they dont know him like i do and dont know the family issues he has.. but then again he hasnt even explained it to me in great detail and this makes me not trust him. Part of me believes he's telling the truth but me having to lie to a lot of people including his relatives and sneak around and look at him every day without being able to acknowledge that he's my boyfriend puts a lot of strain on our relationship and makes me feel worthless and used because i only feel wanted by him when nobody else is around. This all just makes me not trust him... after giving him a bj/hj for the first time i just felt really used because i go into college the next day and just get blanked by him... and thats another reason why i dont feel right about giving myself up completely to him, because that'll make me feel even more used and worthless.

    He always says things like if you really loved me you'd do it, you're not loving towards me at all, you don't keep me happy etc... he always seems to be making some kind of threat about sex when hes angry and i constantly feel as if i owe him a lot because i don't give him sex and i feel under pressure and as if im in the wrong. The truth is, when he asks why cant we do it i have nothing else to say in response except 'i'm just not ready', which isn't a good enough answer for him. He's asked me when i think i'll be ready, and i can't answer that either. Aside from this i genuinely think i'm really good to him and this is the thing that consistently brings up problems.

    I don't know what to do. I just dont want to have sex yet and he said that he doesnt think he can wait anymore and that this is becoming a joke. I never felt ready to do the majority of the sexual things we've done but only really did them because i felt like i had to, but they've left me feeling used and worthless , even though i know its just part of a relationship and i don't mind doing it for him. I'm only 17 but i really dont want to lose him, but then again i dont want my first time to be as a result of feeling under pressure. He's nearly 19 and says he really can't wait and i just don't know what to do. i've told him we will do it (obviously) but when the time's right etc. Part of me thinks i'm just soo unreasonable and stupid for not giving a guy sex and what do i really expect? Another part of me feels so angry that someone would try threaten me into doing it, even if i know it was just him in a rage. This part of me feels that if he really loved me he would wait and never try to put me under pressure or make me feel like this. Hes been really good to me and don't get me wrong i do love him, but then its like he's either really angry at times or really nice and when he's nice i feel as if its only for one reason and because i haven't given him sex yet its a constant problem, a constant argument and constant pressure. He says we would be perfect if i would just do this for him because 'he cant describe how much he needs it'. However my mum has said take things slow and don't rush and if i did have sex with him it'd just feel so wrong because i'd know truly it was out of pressure and not because i felt ready, and i'd feel ashamed especially because my mum has warned me to take things slow and i just don't think she'd be too impressed. Someone please help?
    Thanks, Lacey x
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    He's being unreasonable imo. It's 2 months not 2 years, he needs to control himself and stop trying to make you feel guilty which is, let's be honest, just a way of getting you to have sex with him. You shouldn't feel pressured into doing things you don't want to do, and if you're not ready then you're not ready - you've told him this so you've done nothing wrong here. If he can't wait then he should go somewhere else, because pressuring you is not cool. I think your argument is right too; you say you love him so feel pressured but then this should apply to him too, relationships are give and take on both sides, you said you've already done stuff you didn't overly feel ready to do with him, so you've already given, it seems to me that it's his turn and he should just suck it up and wait. If he can't wait then perhaps you're not compatible with each other? It sounds drastic, but how are you going to feel if you do cave in and have sex? You may hold it against him, that's not a good foundation for a relationship.

    You should never feel pressured into having sex if you're not ready.
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    if he loved you, he wouldnt pressure you this much and force you to do things you dont want to. so many girls regret their first time, dont waste it on someone who isnt worth it. about the blanking situation, that is hard to judge if you dont say what exactly the issue is. does his family not allow him to have a gf? is it a religious thing? what relatives are at school? i couldnt put up with being a secret gf. is the plan to hide you forever or until he moves out or what?
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    your relationship is messed up.

    end it now before you get mentally scarred
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    2 mouth
    Thats the problem

    your relationship is messed up.

    end it now before you get mentally scarred

    Right
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    Dump the dude before this relationship ends up in one HOT MESS. Woman up. You deserve better. If this guy's ashamed to you, I suggest you don't waste your time on him. It's been 2 months?! I wonder whether this guy wants you or just your 'nether regions' :curious: It sounds harsh but I think he just wants to do you and go.

    He's being unresonable, if he respected your wishes and really cared about you, he should be willing to wait.
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    this lad's waste. tell him to fix up or leave him :/
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    tl;dr.

    If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex.
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    *He's an idiot. I know guys when they get really horny can be very persuasive into trying to have sex and even being a little bit sulky if they don't get it but to finish with you over it?! That is blatantly trying to force you into it by threatening you. Believe me, if you give in to him under pressure you will regret it far more than you'll ever regret losing him. I know it sounds a bit patronising, but I don't mean it like that; in a few years, you'll look back at this and think god what a total prick. If you do things you're uncomfortable with just to keep him, you'll end up feeling even more used. He's not worth it, if he really did love you he'd be happy with the blowies and to wait until you are ready, not try dirty tactics to get you to do more.
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    This relationship is not going well... I think its better to get off this relationship..
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    Tell him straight to stop pressuring you, any decent guy will stop. A boyfriend who pressures you sexually and makes you feel used or uncomfortable really isn't worth your time.
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    Man's a fool. It's been two months. Saying he "can't wait" is just his way of saying "My friends are taking the piss that I'm still a virgin after two months with you; I actually care what they think" -- either wait until YOU feel ready to do it, or kick him out on his arse. Using stuff like "If you loved me, you would," is just playing dirty; sure, there are no rules in love or war, but trying to pressure your girlfriend to put out is just low. If he loved you then he'd be happy enough that you were willing to get him off in other ways. If the guy has to ***** and moan this much after two months, you know he's only in it for the sex...
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    He sounds like a monster. End this 'relationship' before you end up giving him what he wants and he walks away from you. If you decide to stay with him, do the second decent thing and make sure he wears a condom and your on the pill. Otherwise you'll be coming back telling us your pregnant with his baby and he blanks you at college.

    To be frank just end this, he does not love you and has no respect for your feelings whatsoever. While I do believe sex is a vital ingredient in a loving relationship, this one doesn't qualify. Its been, what two months? if you had been together for six months AND he was a gentlemen, then I'd be questioning how much you even really liked him.
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    give HIM sex??
    GIVE ME SEX !!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is really long, but i'm really desperate for help and would so appreciate someone giving me advice...
    tl;dr

    Anyway it is always unreasonable to not give a man sex. So go sex him ffs.
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    Sounds like he's being a ****
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've given him Hjs and bjs etc and stuff but he says its not enough for him and these arguments always result in him breaking up with me and coming back the day after and even when he says he cant wait for sex anymore he breaks up with me completely and comes back the next day.
    OK, I know you're in love after all you've been together off and on for two months.

    Hard to believe you haven't left this guy already. He's playing you like a yoyo. It's time to tell him to kiss your ass and move on. Don’t even associate with him anymore.

    I hope I don’t see another Anonymous OP thread that says ‘I gave up my virginity for him and he left the next day’, because I will know that it’s you.
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    Who gives a **** if it's been two years, two months, or two hours. If he wants sex, it's his choice; it's your choice whether or not you want sex.

    Clearly he wants a gf to enjoy sex with, you're probably not that gf.
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    No you're not being unreasonable at all. If you're not ready for sex then you're not ready. If he was decent he would understand this and not guilt trip you after only two months. You said you felt used after doing other sexual stuff with him so imagine how bad you would feel if you gave in and allowed yourself to be pressured into having sex.

    To be honest I'm struggling to understand why you even want to maintain this relationship as he blanks you in public and pressures you in private. A relationship should not be a constant source of stress and worry. The whole secrecy thing could be understood if he was open about the exact reasons for it and if he treated you well but what you've described makes him sound cagey as well as selfish. You're only 17, you have plenty of time to find someone who will actually appreciate you and consider your feelings. I'd say get rid of him.
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    I'd be suspicious of the not letting anyone know thing... Is there a good reason for it? From your side too? He seems to just want you for sex. Don't do it juts because you feel guilty. Are you his first gf too? Tbh as it's only 2 months, the fact that he ignores you in public and that he probably heading off to uni next year where if he's this desperate with you, he most likely 'won't be able' to do without sex when you're not there either. Look out for yourself, don't give anything you can't take back and you stay in control.
 
 
 
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