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I haven't slept all night, How can he do this? Watch

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    Tom and I met and started dating in 2008 in the UK during his erasmus year, after 5months he moved back to France. He broke up with me then, because he was worried about the relationship not surviving a LDR. After 6 weeks he came back to me, asked to get back together and we talked about it and ended up getting back together. I remember meeting him and we had both lost so much weight, i knew the break up took a lot out of us.

    Fastforward more than 1yr later, we start arguing about silly things like 'oh don't wear slippers to the cinema', 'oh don't tell me that i don't know how to bowl properly', silly arguments. In August 2009 I got scared that we will continue arguing throughout my final year at uni and freaked out and broke up with him. I went through a horrible time, had my biggest ever breakdown. However, we kept in touch, talked all the time, we both entered into relationships, although mine ended after 5months, I entered another one which was even shorter, but he stayed with the same person. We spoke a lot about the past, how we missed each other, etc. This evolved into 'let's get back together convos', "I still love you, I miss you, I miss us". I snapped finally and told him I couldn't discuss getting back together if he was still with his gf, he broke up with her. I was still a bit sceptical, I was honest with him, told him that the last break up was so bad for me, I could felt like I almost lost my mind, I am scared of getting back together just to break up again. Anyway we got back together in November, one year after we broke up. I went to visit him for the day, have a trip booked to go again this friday, and he has one booked to come here in January.

    But today a conversation about how I missed talking to him a lot this weekend, evolved into him saying "i want space sometimes, i don't want to spend the whole weekend online", I said I agreed with that but he kept on wanting to force an argument, and said that we are having problems, look at us now and i said, this is not an argument, this is a discussion, arguments involve anger, name calling, etc we are just talking about communication. He then mentions that he is going to apply for a visa to move to Canada next year for a year. says that our problems will only get worse in canada, that everything will be harder, that he is not sure if he can give as much as I can for a LDR from canada to uk. He says that he thinks i love him more than he loves me, but he kept on insisting that he loves me, and he doesnt want to hurt me. That it is better we break up now than 1 yr from now, that he doesnt want to hurt me.

    (the conversation was a lot longer than this, but it is better just to summise the main points i think)

    I said you were the one who convinced me to get back together, and he said he was sorry. I said that i promised this time i will make more of an effort, that I don't think we have as much problems as most couples, we love each other, trust each other, etc. We are already in a LDR, every relationship has problems, and that I am not willing to let him say that he loves me then allow him to expect me to give up on our relationship, because he doesn't think we would survive a deeper LDR. That even if I have to find someone with a Canda - UK LDR to speak to him about it then i will do. We agreed to sleep on thiings and discuss more later.

    I just don't know what to do! How can he do this to me again, I am so scared that he wants to break up. I know that I have been so demanding lately, I am just bored from being at home all the time, I understand how this can put pressure on him and I said to him that I am sorry about that. But I honestly don't think we have any real problems, we are both honest and as a result I discuss my feelings with him and ask him for his. I know that he is just worried about LDRs like when we first started dating and is looking for an excuse to end things, or is it just me looking for an excuse not to end things? Am I in the wrong, should I just let him go? Is this an impossible situation to work out?

    please help me!

    (Thank you for reading!!! Didnt realise it was this long)
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    I might be time to distance yourself emotionally from the relationship. It's possible that he just thinks that, ultimately, an LDR doesn't work for him, and that breaking up will be better for you both in the long run. You've got to try to convince yourself of that and I know that isn't easy. Really though, your relationship with this guy has been a mess from the start, not workable logistically and has caused more problems than it has repaid in emotional benefits.
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    (Original post by Mememoi)
    'oh don't wear slippers to the cinema'
    Ha.


    Maybe you should just give up. :dontknow: Or at least leave each other alone for a while...
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    Lol, be arsed.
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    (Original post by Mememoi)
    Tom and I met and started dating in 2008 in the UK during his erasmus year, after 5months he moved back to France. He broke up with me then, because he was worried about the relationship not surviving a LDR. After 6 weeks he came back to me, asked to get back together and we talked about it and ended up getting back together. I remember meeting him and we had both lost so much weight, i knew the break up took a lot out of us.

    Fastforward more than 1yr later, we start arguing about silly things like 'oh don't wear slippers to the cinema', 'oh don't tell me that i don't know how to bowl properly', silly arguments. In August 2009 I got scared that we will continue arguing throughout my final year at uni and freaked out and broke up with him. I went through a horrible time, had my biggest ever breakdown. However, we kept in touch, talked all the time, we both entered into relationships, although mine ended after 5months, I entered another one which was even shorter, but he stayed with the same person. We spoke a lot about the past, how we missed each other, etc. This evolved into 'let's get back together convos', "I still love you, I miss you, I miss us". I snapped finally and told him I couldn't discuss getting back together if he was still with his gf, he broke up with her. I was still a bit sceptical, I was honest with him, told him that the last break up was so bad for me, I could felt like I almost lost my mind, I am scared of getting back together just to break up again. Anyway we got back together in November, one year after we broke up. I went to visit him for the day, have a trip booked to go again this friday, and he has one booked to come here in January.

    But today a conversation about how I missed talking to him a lot this weekend, evolved into him saying "i want space sometimes, i don't want to spend the whole weekend online", I said I agreed with that but he kept on wanting to force an argument, and said that we are having problems, look at us now and i said, this is not an argument, this is a discussion, arguments involve anger, name calling, etc we are just talking about communication. He then mentions that he is going to apply for a visa to move to Canada next year for a year. says that our problems will only get worse in canada, that everything will be harder, that he is not sure if he can give as much as I can for a LDR from canada to uk. He says that he thinks i love him more than he loves me, but he kept on insisting that he loves me, and he doesnt want to hurt me. That it is better we break up now than 1 yr from now, that he doesnt want to hurt me.

    (the conversation was a lot longer than this, but it is better just to summise the main points i think)

    I said you were the one who convinced me to get back together, and he said he was sorry. I said that i promised this time i will make more of an effort, that I don't think we have as much problems as most couples, we love each other, trust each other, etc. We are already in a LDR, every relationship has problems, and that I am not willing to let him say that he loves me then allow him to expect me to give up on our relationship, because he doesn't think we would survive a deeper LDR. That even if I have to find someone with a Canda - UK LDR to speak to him about it then i will do. We agreed to sleep on thiings and discuss more later.

    I just don't know what to do! How can he do this to me again, I am so scared that he wants to break up. I know that I have been so demanding lately, I am just bored from being at home all the time, I understand how this can put pressure on him and I said to him that I am sorry about that. But I honestly don't think we have any real problems, we are both honest and as a result I discuss my feelings with him and ask him for his. I know that he is just worried about LDRs like when we first started dating and is looking for an excuse to end things, or is it just me looking for an excuse not to end things? Am I in the wrong, should I just let him go? Is this an impossible situation to work out?

    please help me!

    (Thank you for reading!!! Didnt realise it was this long)
    I really feel it for you but honestly I would just leave it I know you said you're not arguing now but in the past when you were arguing over silly little things it's just not a good foundation and not a good way to be in a relationship, and in all honesty he sounds like a bit of a jerk if I were you I'd leave him and I know that temptation of him being there will be a big one so I'd advise you to delete / block him on the computer until you're over him completely and he stops messing with your emotions and feelings.

    What I would do if I was you is just leave him to get on with whatever it is he is doing and do something for yourself, make a list of everything you'd like to do and then start doing it to take your mind off of him. Take some time out for you don't worry about him he doesn't sound worth it really.

    Trust me I'm talking from past experience it's always hard to end it but you'll not regret it when someone better comes along.
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    Thank you so much for your advice everyone, I spoke to him this evening and things ended very badly (hardly surprising) I told him that he has had his last ever chance and is not to contact me ever again. Since then I have deleted almost everything that had us connected (in the process of doing the rest now), feels so sad but it is better than crying.

    If anyone finds my Mr Right, please direct him to me


    Thanks again for all the advice
    x
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    (Original post by Mememoi)
    Thank you so much for your advice everyone, I spoke to him this evening and things ended very badly (hardly surprising) I told him that he has had his last ever chance and is not to contact me ever again. Since then I have deleted almost everything that had us connected (in the process of doing the rest now), feels so sad but it is better than crying.

    If anyone finds my Mr Right, please direct him to me


    Thanks again for all the advice
    x
    :hugs:

    Hope you feel better soon.

    The reason you you still had feelings for him, even after being in two other relationships is because you continued to stay in touch with him constantly. Which wasnt fair on the other guys you were seeing or his gf, especially if you were admiting you still liked each other.

    This time dont stay in touch with him and you'll actually get over him, so that when you meet the next person you'll feel a lot happier and can enjoy yourself.

    Hope it works out for you... remember to focus on yourself for now.
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    (Original post by Mememoi)
    Thank you so much for your advice everyone, I spoke to him this evening and things ended very badly (hardly surprising) I told him that he has had his last ever chance and is not to contact me ever again. Since then I have deleted almost everything that had us connected (in the process of doing the rest now), feels so sad but it is better than crying.

    If anyone finds my Mr Right, please direct him to me


    Thanks again for all the advice
    x
    This is so sad, i feel for you so much! Big hugs!
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    (Original post by Mememoi)
    Thank you so much for your advice everyone, I spoke to him this evening and things ended very badly (hardly surprising) I told him that he has had his last ever chance and is not to contact me ever again. Since then I have deleted almost everything that had us connected (in the process of doing the rest now), feels so sad but it is better than crying.

    If anyone finds my Mr Right, please direct him to me


    Thanks again for all the advice
    x
    *Hug* You did the right thing I think.

    You'll be ok, it just takes time and believe me I know
 
 
 
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