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    Hi there,
    I am a 23 year old guy and I want to have a vasectomy. I have decided that I don't want to have children for at least the next few years.

    I have some questions:
    Does a vasectomy leave much scarring?
    Does it affect your sex drive?
    Does it affect penis length?
    Does it affect erections?
    How do you go about getting a vasectomy:would I need to arrange it with my local NHS GP?
    If I decide in future that I want children (eg. at age 30/35 or even 40) is there a way to allow for this? I have been reading about sperm banks and reversal surgery: what do these involve?
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    anyone?
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    I've read about this in a magazine before. They say it's a really bad idea:erm:. Not that I know much about it, granted. What's wrong with usual contraception anyway?
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    I've read about this in a magazine before. They say it's a really bad idea:erm:. Not that I know much about it, granted. What's wrong with usual contraception anyway?
    Why did they say it's a really bad idea?

    As for what is wrong with the usual contraception, my girlfriend wants to have children and I really don't want that to happen. We are having sex using a condom at the moment, but I worry that she may take the sperm out of the condom after sex and put it inside herself.

    Also, I want to start having unprotected sex with her but I don't trust her to stick to taking the pill.
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    AFAIK it does not leave much of a scar, and it would not affect your penis size, sex drive etc. It is normally arranged through your GP.

    HOWEVER, I would strongly advise against it at your age if there is even the slightest possibility you may want children in the future, because although a reversal is technically possible, failure rates are high and you may not be eligible for NHS fertility treatment if this does happen to you (especially with the current cutbacks). You would almost certainly not be able to bank sperm on the NHS and this costs ~£100-150 a year at least. My fiancé was allowed NHS sperm banking because he was having cancer treatment, but even then they only gave him a year free and if he wants to keep it longer than that we have to pay, so I really doubt you'd be eligible just because you feel like you don't want kids right now. Finally, a vasectomy would not protect you from STIs so you would still have to use condoms anyway with any new partner. So all in all, I'd say it was a fairly bad idea.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why did they say it's a really bad idea?

    As for what is wrong with the usual contraception, my girlfriend wants to have children and I really don't want that to happen. We are having sex using a condom at the moment, but I worry that she may take the sperm out of the condom after sex and put it inside herself.

    Also, I want to start having unprotected sex with her but I don't trust her to stick to taking the pill.
    Why it's a bad idea? Well, read what Helenia said (she's a doctor, I believe) and also research it on the internet.

    Also, the bit about your girlfriend worries me :lolwut:. If you really think she'd deceive you like that, then is it really a good relationship?
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    AFAIK it does not leave much of a scar, and it would not affect your penis size, sex drive etc. It is normally arranged through your GP.

    HOWEVER, I would strongly advise against it at your age if there is even the slightest possibility you may want children in the future, because although a reversal is technically possible, failure rates are high and you may not be eligible for NHS fertility treatment if this does happen to you (especially with the current cutbacks). You would almost certainly not be able to bank sperm on the NHS and this costs ~£100-150 a year at least. My fiancé was allowed NHS sperm banking because he was having cancer treatment, but even then they only gave him a year free and if he wants to keep it longer than that we have to pay, so I really doubt you'd be eligible just because you feel like you don't want kids right now. Finally, a vasectomy would not protect you from STIs so you would still have to use condoms anyway with any new partner. So all in all, I'd say it was a fairly bad idea.
    Helenia,
    Thanks very much for your reply.

    A vasectomy is something that I am considering seriously. I may arrange a meeting with my GP to consult with her, but if I decide to do it I may well go private in order to avoid the long NHS waiting lists. Do you know of any private providers that I may be able to use? You seem rather knowledgable about this.

    While my girlfriend has never said anything explicit about wanting to have children now, she keeps saying that she likes kids, thinks they are cute etc. and she keeps saying that she wants to have children someday. This really worries me, perhaps I am being extremely overly paranoid, but fathering kids in the near future is absolutely my worst nightmare. For one it wouldn't be fair to the kids, I am very career focused and wouldn't be able to give them the attention due to my long hours (Accountancy) and wouldn't be able to afford to bring them up in a privileged environment at my age. Also, if I did split up with my girlfriend (this is a hypothetical, I hope it doesn't happen) I wouldn't want to have to pay out lots of money in child maintenance support for a child that I didn't even want. Considering the possibility of that, paying £150+ a year for the use of a sperm bank until I am aged 35-40 doesn't seem bad.
    My girlfriend and I are having sex using condoms at the moment, but I worry that they might split etc. Also, I worry that she may take sperm out of the condom and put it into herself in order to get pregnant. Nothing she has done seems to indicate that she is likely to do this, it is again probably just me being paranoid.
    I want to start having unprotected sex with her. Because we are in a long term relationship, I don't need to worry about STI's, I know she doesn't have anything. But, if we did start having unprotected sex, I don't want to rely on her taking the contraceptive pill, just in case she forgets it/decides not to take it etc.

    Please advise, this is almost getting to the point where the fear of getting my girlfriend pregnant is ruining my enjoyment of sex!
    Having children is something that totally petrifies me.

    Sorry for the long post.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Helenia,
    Thanks very much for your reply.

    A vasectomy is something that I am considering seriously. I may arrange a meeting with my GP to consult with her, but if I decide to do it I may well go private in order to avoid the long NHS waiting lists. Do you know of any private providers that I may be able to use? You seem rather knowledgable about this.

    While my girlfriend has never said anything explicit about wanting to have children now, she keeps saying that she likes kids, thinks they are cute etc. and she keeps saying that she wants to have children someday. This really worries me, perhaps I am being extremely overly paranoid, but fathering kids in the near future is absolutely my worst nightmare. For one it wouldn't be fair to the kids, I am very career focused and wouldn't be able to give them the attention due to my long hours (Accountancy) and wouldn't be able to afford to bring them up in a privileged environment at my age. Also, if I did split up with my girlfriend (this is a hypothetical, I hope it doesn't happen) I wouldn't want to have to pay out lots of money in child maintenance support for a child that I didn't even want. Considering the possibility of that, paying £150+ a year for the use of a sperm bank until I am aged 35-40 doesn't seem bad.
    My girlfriend and I are having sex using condoms at the moment, but I worry that they might split etc. Also, I worry that she may take sperm out of the condom and put it into herself in order to get pregnant. Nothing she has done seems to indicate that she is likely to do this, it is again probably just me being paranoid.
    I want to start having unprotected sex with her. Because we are in a long term relationship, I don't need to worry about STI's, I know she doesn't have anything. But, if we did start having unprotected sex, I don't want to rely on her taking the contraceptive pill, just in case she forgets it/decides not to take it etc.

    Please advise, this is almost getting to the point where the fear of getting my girlfriend pregnant is ruining my enjoyment of sex!
    Having children is something that totally petrifies me.

    Sorry for the long post.
    Well, firstly I think you need to talk to your girlfriend about your fears. Perhaps leave out the bit about you being paranoid about her stealing your sperm, but just discuss if/when you might want children. If she really wants them soon, then you have to reconsider your relationship tbh. Or it may turn out that you are worrying about nothing - most girls think children are cute but that doesn't mean they all want babies right now! You could suggest that she goes on some form of hormonal contraception - the patch/injection/implant/mirena are all longer-term than the pill and less susceptible to her forgetting to take it.

    Just out of interest, how do you "know she doesn't have anything?" Have you both been tested?

    As for the vasectomy itself, I think you would really struggle to get a GP to agree to refer you on the NHS, waiting lists aside. At your age, they really, really do not want to send people for (quite possibly) irreversible operations which they would later have to pay to fix. I know very little about the private sector to be honest (I work in the NHS and am not going to be able to go private for at least 10 years!) but any urologist would be able to do the op - your GP would probably have some suggestions, if they agreed to refer you at all.
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    I think if you went and told a GP everything that you've written here, you'll be written up a referral to a psychiatric unit.

    You sound positively mental mate.

    Seriously, vasectomy's are largely irreversible and there's absolutely no guarantee that they will be able to reverse it.

    A GP would not refer a 23 year old man for a vasectomy simply because he didn't want his gf getting pregnant. You would not be eligible for it.

    I think you should talk to your GP regarding your somewhat irrational fear of your girlfriend getting pregnant behind your back. It's not normal to be that paranoid about it - especially if she's only ever said babies are 'cute' - that is NOT grounds to think she'd ever manipulate you into having a child.
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    You need to speak to your girlfriend about this. A condom is not 100% safe at preventing pregnancy anyway - if you want safer sex then as well as your wearing a condom your girlfriend should consider using the pill. Perhaps that's a way of approaching the subject...? Discuss your concerns at getting her pregnant if the condom were to split and ask her how she'd feel about starting to use the pill? Dunno... I'm gay so this isn't a situation that would arise for me. I just think 23 is so young to decide you want an irreversible operation. if you were 45 and already had a couple of kids then fair enough- but 23?!?
 
 
 
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