I don't know where to start but basically my whole life is becoming unbearable.
I am constantly crying and I just feel like i want the pain to stop, i feel like it would be better if i was no longer here i just do not know what to do.
I was abused as a child, i remember constantly crying, not eating or sleeping praying that someone would take me away. This went on for years... i then meet my boyfriend who i think was the love of my life, the pain eventually became bearable, i didnt tell him any of this, but having him there helped me get through each day
However years later my boyfriend then broke up with me, and got with someone else and now she is expecting!
All the pain from my childhood has now returned i just want curl up and disappear, i have amazing parents so i couldn't put them through so much pain but i cant handle this anymore, i have no-one i can turn to. Every day is like a chore, however somedays are better then others.
I feel ill and just not myself. i can barely eat, sleep or concentrate. I need help but im to scared/embarrased to talk to anyone about this as i know they will not understand. My life is a complete wreck at the minute and i cant see a way to make it better and i don't know how to make the pain go away.
Am i depressed??? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 06-12-2010 21:10
- 06-12-2010 23:23
Try to find a list of sepression symptoms to check yourself against, and do see your doctor. Take it day at a time, an hour at a time if you have to. You can get though it
- 06-12-2010 23:23
you could be, and if you are you should probably get help, it won't get better on its own, ideally see a doctor or a councillor about it and they should be able to help
did you ever talk about your abuse to anyone at the time?
Your problem seems to be in the past (as in you still have strong feelings about the abuse that you manage) and talking might help you understand what you are feeling so that you can control it better although i doubt the feelings will ever go away. I understand if this is something you can't talk about but you should at least try to think it all through as though you were talking about it.
Have you tried praying, i suspect that is why a lot of people pray, they just need someone who they know will listen as opposed to actually needing any response (i couldn't tell from your original post if you pray or used that to imply wishing), even if you don't believe it can still help although obviously it works better if you do (i dont believe by the way, im not trying to preach here).
Otherwise you could always tell someone online, which is sort of something you've already done here, you dont know them, they dont know you, it can never be traced back to you and its just somewhere to rant and know someone is listening, if you want to talk let me know, i won't say ill understand but ill listen.
Is there someone that you could talk to if it didn't hurt them? so you could pretend to talk to them in the way that people talk to people who have died at their graves, without actually thinking they can hear, that sounds a bit weirder than I meant it to but you get the idea.
I'd suggest writing it all down each time you felt depressed but unless you destroy it right away there is always the chance that someone will find it, and personally I'd worry about that.
- 06-12-2010 23:35
yes just like i am, as im fat, useless, and on top of all that my girlfriend hates me
- Thread Starter
- 06-12-2010 23:47
thanks for the response guys, just read through my post again, that was me in a real state, feeling abit better at the minute.
But no Abbii, there is only one person in my life i have ever told, and i would never bring it up again i saw how much it hurt them, and i could never bring it up again, to be honest i act as though it never happened in my normal day-to-day life even though the feeling/pain of everything never goes away.
In regard to the praying, i do often pray i think it does help but i feel as though i am being selfish for feeling this way, there are way more people in the world with bigger problems right?
I would go to my doctor but they know my family really well. do not know where else to go without anyone else finding out!!! i dont want people/loved ones to feel sorry for me. And in regards to talking to someone i dont know where to start.
And thanks vixen23 i think that is the only option, taking everday as it comes. it is just easier said than done i guess