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My guy friend of 5 years has broke my heart & treated me like cr*p.. advice please? Watch

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    Okay so I've been friend with a guy for 5 years now. We had become very close since last Christmas, to the point where we talked pretty much every day, were very affectionate when out (hand holding, cuddling, kissing necks etc). Over the summer we got even closer, and at the end of the summer he tried to come back to mine (we'd been at the beach all day then gone to a pub.. so it was about 2am) but due to one of our mutual friends being a tool he didn't.

    I came back to uni and was very depressed, missing him loads & he said that he was feeling exactly the same (he told me how he was feeling first).

    After 5weeks of me being at uni he texted me at 5am, while drunk, saying that he had to ring me as paranoia was kicking in. He'd been looking through my uni photos, and there are alot of pictures of me with guys. Hence my thoughts were that he was getting worried that i was pulling guys at uni or something along those lines?

    A week after said text i went home, and we very nearly slept together (i said no). He said that he loves me (i didnt say it back) and that it felt so right, i'm his best friend from home, he misses me so much blah blah blah. He said he doesn't want a LDR though.

    Since then i've reduced contact to see if he'd contact me first, but he rarely does. I'd had enough putting the majority of the effort in to talk to him, and this lead to us speaking maybe once a week, instead of daily.

    I went home 2 weeks ago, within an hour of meeting up he asked me if i was seeing anyone at uni, and he was his usual very cuddly/kissy self with me, holding my hand while waiting for my dad to pick us up, and then all the way home in the car. He made me get out of the car, hugged me for ages, kissing my cheek at the same time and told me how much he misses me and stuff.

    Just the other day he was whinging at me that i don't tell him how i feel.

    I found out from one of our other friends that he's in a FwB thing with a girl that he was with last year (they weren't together over summer as he finished it when she was poor at contacting him). He told me the day before i went home the first time that she had told him that she loved him and that it was awkard, which makes me think he doesn't feel that way back. And he has been FwB with her since he went back to uni, before the time he tried to sleep with me.

    Am i wrong in being upset that he thought it was perfectly okay to come home and sleep with me, and say all this stuff to me when he's f***ing this other lass at uni? I can't believe he thought i'd sleep with him, and i feel like he purposely hasn't told me that he's f***ing her again. I feel so angry and upset that he could treat me like that.

    My first thoughts were that he was showing off to our other guy friends that he could get with me, while having a FwB at uni... but i found out that he hasn't mentioned anything about that night we did stuff to them.

    I'm so confused as to what he's playing at. Also I go home for Christmas soon, and i don't know how to act with him.. i don't want him to know that he's upset me like this but i literally don't want him touching me. What do you think he's doing? Does he have feelings for me, or has he just been playing me along?

    Hang on... people are getting off topic. I don't care that he has a FWB. What bothers me is that he thought it perfectly okay to get into a FwB thing with me at home, and have another FwB at uni. We've been friends for 5 years, and hence i can't believe he thinks its okay to treat me this way... and clearly doesnt care that when said FwB finished we'd struggle to keep up our friendship. He said to one of our other friends that you can't be friends after a r-ship... well FwB with a close friend is a type of r-ship in my eyes... we were talking every day, and would have been getting together when at home.
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    PS: Sorry about the long post
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    From the sounds of it he seems a bit emotional about you being away from him, like it almost seems like he is so down about not seeing you that he has resorted to screwing other girls to sort of forget about you or fill the void. I could be completely wrong however.
    The obvious thing to do here is talk to him. Ask him just what the hell is going on - why is he telling you one thing but doing another etc.
    Good luck.
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    It sounds like his confidence has taken a dip as all the times you told him 'no' he took it as a straight rejection? This might be why he has this FwB. He seems to like you and is just insecure of your feelings which you havent really shared with him. Maybe if you open up and talk to him face-to-face?
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    (Original post by queenorivers)
    do you know for sure that he's sleeping with her?
    I haven't asked him. But my friend wouldn't lie, and the guy told me (this year) that he'd been sleeping with her during second&third semester last year. My friend said that the guy told him this academic year.

    She deleted him on FB over the summer when they'd finished. but she's added him back now and likes ALOT of his statuses... despite him saying that the conversation where she told him she loves him was awkward and didn't end well.
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    so are you actually together or are you just friends, i'm really confused :confused:
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    (Original post by CountDuckula)
    It sounds like his confidence has taken a dip as all the times you told him 'no' he took it as a straight rejection? This might be why he has this FwB. He seems to like you and is just insecure of your feelings which you havent really shared with him. Maybe if you open up and talk to him face-to-face?

    I've told him no about sleeping with him once. There was another occasion where i slacked him off about him coming back to mine, so that was a sort of no too. Hardly alot of times.

    And i'm affectionate with him too, and i was initiating all the conversations.

    Thing is i don't want him to know this has upset me (too proud :P) and i don't even know how i'd venture into the conversation. They're not in a r-ship, and neither are we so thats clearly going to be his arguement.

    This FwB told him she's in love with him, and i assume from what he said to me he didnt say it back. Though if he's playing me then he's not going to tell me that is he. So i'm thinking if she loves him she clearly wants a r-ship, so it must be him holding back. But then i'm like well is that because he just wants to f**k around in general, and try and have a FwB in me at home, and her at uni.
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    so are you actually together or are you just friends, i'm really confused :confused:
    we're just friends, but when we're out together we totally act like a couple. Like i say we're very affectionate (and alot of it is initiated by him).

    Because we're just friends i feel like i shouldn't be upset that he was f**king some other girl while trying to sleep with me at home, but then i think no you shouldn't treat your friends like that.
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    (Original post by queenorivers)
    Well my opinion on this stuff is that we're all very young still, and that you'll do well to just leave the situation and move on. I know it sounds very blaze like ooh yeah just move on its THAT easy. It isn't easy but I think you're probably resilient enough to give it a good try.
    Thing is its hard as theres a group of 5 of us, and i don't know how to act now as i dont want to be cuddling/ kissing him (which is normal for us when we're out now so if i stopped i reckon he'd realise theres something up) when i know he's f**king this other girl. I don't particularly want to see him either, but i can't avoid him as again he'll realise somethings up.
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    he was just trying to get some action and since you were holding out for so long he went and got laid. His thought process it pretty simple ie thinking with his penis.
    He may really like you but clearly he just wanted to bone you.
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    (Original post by GirlsJstWanaHavFun)
    we're just friends, but when we're out together we totally act like a couple. Like i say we're very affectionate (and alot of it is initiated by him).

    Because we're just friends i feel like i shouldn't be upset that he was f**king some other girl while trying to sleep with me at home, but then i think no you shouldn't treat your friends like that.
    were i him i would be inclined to do the same, i'd feel that you were seriously blue balling me. You're taking him right up to the edge and then saying no you can't sleep with me, so it's unsurprising he's trying to get his kicks elsewhere.

    his actions with you say he either he wants to be more than friends, or he's just being like that to get into your pants, i don't know the guy so :dontknow:

    but i think basically he feels you're **** teasing him and it's pissing him off
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    It sounds like he actually likes you. I don't think he's treating you like crap. You're not telling him how you actually feel. If you like him too stop playing hard to get and agree to be in a relationship with him.
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    Right...

    So you act like a couple, but you aren't a couple...

    One thing you need to do is:

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    Make your ****ing mind up ffs.
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    (Original post by GirlsJstWanaHavFun)
    Thing is its hard as theres a group of 5 of us, and i don't know how to act now as i dont want to be cuddling/ kissing him (which is normal for us when we're out now so if i stopped i reckon he'd realise theres something up) when i know he's f**king this other girl. I don't particularly want to see him either, but i can't avoid him as again he'll realise somethings up.

    Just tell him that you feel you're both getting too affectionate, and you dont want that, because he's your friend.

    If you dont want to let him know how hurt you are by this, then it would probably be better to just tell him, that you know he has a fwb, and so you dont feel right about being affectionate, and would just prefer being normal friends. Otherwise if you dont tell him and he finds out you know, he will think you're really hurt by it, and thats why you never told him.

    Cuddling/ hugs are fine... but i dont kiss any of my guy friends. He obviously thought although you're friends and you dont mind all this affection, then you wouldnt mind him staying over.

    Its quite sad that he's a friend of 5 years....but if you're going to get pretty affectionate with a friend, you'll have to prepare yourself a little more/ or confirm what your relationship is... if you dont, then its most likely that if one of you likes another person, the other will get hurt.
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    So just to confirm, he wanted to sleep with you and you knocked him back even though you always act like a couple, he told you he loved you and again you knocked him back and then you stopped texting him?

    How insensitive of him to be with another girl.
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    basically you are a **** tease
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    (Original post by Drumzilla)
    were i him i would be inclined to do the same, i'd feel that you were seriously blue balling me. You're taking him right up to the edge and then saying no you can't sleep with me, so it's unsurprising he's trying to get his kicks elsewhere.

    his actions with you say he either he wants to be more than friends, or he's just being like that to get into your pants, i don't know the guy so :dontknow:

    but i think basically he feels you're **** teasing him and it's pissing him off

    He was sleeping with her before he made a proper attempt at sleeping with me.

    Despite what he said because he doesn't want a LDR with me, and its not even that far, i don't feel like he really does feel the way he says he does. If he liked me enough he'd put up with the distance.

    I don't care that he's sleeping with her, its him sleeping with her at uni... not mentioning it to me... then trying to sleep with me at home. Its like he just wants to have someone 'waiting' for him at home, while still having someone at uni.

    How have i **** teased him? He doesn't want a r-ship, i am a virgin and therefore i don't want to lose it on a ONS, i want to be in a r-ship where i know the guy really does care about me. He knows this.
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    (Original post by Jenii)
    It sounds like he actually likes you. I don't think he's treating you like crap. You're not telling him how you actually feel. If you like him too stop playing hard to get and agree to be in a relationship with him.
    Im not playing hard to get, we talked about getting into a r-ship, but he doesn't want a LDR. So its not about agreeing to be in a r-ship with him, and surely by having a conversation about getting into a r-ship he knows how i feel about him
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    (Original post by josh_v)
    So just to confirm, he wanted to sleep with you and you knocked him back even though you always act like a couple, he told you he loved you and again you knocked him back and then you stopped texting him?

    How insensitive of him to be with another girl.
    He was shagging this girl at the time he told me he loved me, and when he tried to sleep with me.

    Ive stopped texting him because i dont believe that he really does like me, i just feel like its all about sleeping with me, as he only said i love you when he was trying to persuade me to sleep with him. And i wanted him to show me that he cares by acting like he does; wanting to talk to me. And to be fair he hasn't proved me otherwise; we've only had one conversation, and then he texted me on saturday too in two weeks. As i wanted to see if he'd initiate conversations.
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    (Original post by GirlsJstWanaHavFun)
    Okay so I've been friend with a guy for 5 years now. We had become very close since last Christmas, to the point where we talked pretty much every day, were very affectionate when out (hand holding, cuddling, kissing necks etc). Over the summer we got even closer, and at the end of the summer he tried to come back to mine (we'd been at the beach all day then gone to a pub.. so it was about 2am) but due to one of our mutual friends being a tool he didn't.

    I came back to uni and was very depressed, missing him loads & he said that he was feeling exactly the same (he told me how he was feeling first).

    After 5weeks of me being at uni he texted me at 5am, while drunk, saying that he had to ring me as paranoia was kicking in. He'd been looking through my uni photos, and there are alot of pictures of me with guys. Hence my thoughts were that he was getting worried that i was pulling guys at uni or something along those lines?

    A week after said text i went home, and we very nearly slept together (i said no). He said that he loves me (i didnt say it back) and that it felt so right, i'm his best friend from home, he misses me so much blah blah blah. He said he doesn't want a LDR though.

    Since then i've reduced contact to see if he'd contact me first, but he rarely does. I'd had enough putting the majority of the effort in to talk to him, and this lead to us speaking maybe once a week, instead of daily.

    I went home 2 weeks ago, within an hour of meeting up he asked me if i was seeing anyone at uni, and he was his usual very cuddly/kissy self with me, holding my hand while waiting for my dad to pick us up, and then all the way home in the car. He made me get out of the car, hugged me for ages, kissing my cheek at the same time and told me how much he misses me and stuff.

    Just the other day he was whinging at me that i don't tell him how i feel.

    I found out from one of our other friends that he's in a FwB thing with a girl that he was with last year (they weren't together over summer as he finished it when she was poor at contacting him). He told me the day before i went home the first time that she had told him that she loved him and that it was awkard, which makes me think he doesn't feel that way back. And he has been FwB with her since he went back to uni, before the time he tried to sleep with me.

    Am i wrong in being upset that he thought it was perfectly okay to come home and sleep with me, and say all this stuff to me when he's f***ing this other lass at uni? I can't believe he thought i'd sleep with him, and i feel like he purposely hasn't told me that he's f***ing her again. I feel so angry and upset that he could treat me like that.

    My first thoughts were that he was showing off to our other guy friends that he could get with me, while having a FwB at uni... but i found out that he hasn't mentioned anything about that night we did stuff to them.

    I'm so confused as to what he's playing at. Also I go home for Christmas soon, and i don't know how to act with him.. i don't want him to know that he's upset me like this but i literally don't want him touching me. What do you think he's doing? Does he have feelings for me, or has he just been playing me along?
    As faras I understood, you guys aren't in a proper relationship.

    Sex doesn't equal love. He can love you and still have sex with another girl.

    It seems to me that he ahs needs and because you don't want a relationship, he sees no reason why not to satisfy the needs.

    If you guys were in a proper relationship then I'd understand you being upset. But in this situation he seems to be in the right.
 
 
 
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