I'm at an Oxbridge college, and most of the time I'm very happy. I've just finished my first term and got a First, and my DoS told my parents that I was the brightest person doing my subject that they'd had for several years. But every time I think about doing well academically, I don't feel pleased, I feel like I've cheated and got away with it. Even though I've worked really hard this term, I feel like I really don't deserve to do well, and the more I think about it, the more miserable I feel about it. What's worse is that my supervisor next term is someone who interviewed me and, according to my DoS, really liked me and clamoured for them to give me a place. I feel like I don't know anything, am going to have to spend all holiday reading (although I do enjoy that) and then will inevitably prove a huge disappointment to him.
What's worse is that I've developed this frankly ridiculous crush a completely unattainable (for several reasons) person at my college who is -of course- barely aware of my existence. I am annoyed with myself about this, because if I think about it, I don't even really want anything to actually happen, but I can't seem to stop brooding over it and feeling miserable about it.
As I said, most of the time I'm very happy. I have lots of friends, I don't find the work too bad, and if I told anyone about this they'd look at me in disbelief. But more and more I just have these periods of complete weltering misery and despair when I think about harming myself (as a kind of release rather than a cry for attention!) and can't seem to stop feeling unhappy. I'm home now, and though I'm glad to see my family, I feel as though everything is faintly unreal, like the real me is locked inside somewhere and I'm just going through the motions. I just don't know what to do.
Am I depressed, or just self-indulgent? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 07-12-2010 11:46
- 07-12-2010 11:57
- 07-12-2010 12:04
look for validation elsewhere retard.
- 07-12-2010 12:07
Depressed you are not.
- Thread Starter
- 07-12-2010 12:09
- 07-12-2010 12:15
no, it's just as retarded. go and find whats missing from your life because whatever it is, it shouldnt be attention from people on a webforum.
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 07-12-2010 15:03
I'm not looking for validation. I'm asking for advice. It's no more retarded than the hundreds of threads full of people asking if they look fat or whether they should have sex.
No, you're not depressed, you're just having one of those moods that most people have once in a while. I felt much the same after breaking my back because physio was so hard that I thought I'd never be walking properly again. However, thankfully my family came to the rescue and told me to stop moping around and now I'm fine.
I suggest that you get a hobby and if you're still really having problems, give the Samaritans a ring. Good luck!