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    As it transpires, both my boyfriend and I have been thinking about this for a while, and finally talked about it tonight.

    Backstory:
    I went on an exchange to Canada September to December last year, 2009. I met my boyfriend there, he's Canadian. We had the most awesome 2 and a bit months together.
    We were then apart from January to May. He made plans to come and visit me in the summer, and to do an exchange semester at my Uni (Keele) for this semester.
    We spent the summer together, he stayed in my house with my dad and I. We travelled to a few places, had an awesome time. Even though we drove each other a little crazy being together all the time, it was still great.
    We both have been at Keele this term, have had our own lives but still seen each other lots, for the most part. He is going home on the 20th of December.


    We are both in our final year of University. Next academic year, we are both planning to do Masters degrees, followed by a PhD, followed by a career in academia.
    He brought up in our discussion that as neither of us can afford to go to the other's country for this, we will have to be on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean for at least 4 years. And that we would kind of be cheating ourselves to pretend that we had a functional relationship only actually seeing each other a couple of times a year. There are so many things that will change in that time too, so many new people that we will meet.
    And I agree with him. I have been thinking this too.

    Don't get me wrong, we love each other, we want to be together. But just wanting it isn't enough to make it work in the real world.

    The main thing that's uncertain right now is what our relationship will be for this next semester. We could still be "together", and I could go over to see him in the summer, possibly work or something. Chances of employment in my hometown are slim to none anyway.
    Would it be better to quit while we're ahead, to stay friends, but nothing more?
    Or stick it out this semester apart, and see each other again in the summer?
    I don't know really. I still love him. I don't want us not to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, even if we are that in name alone. Am I just clinging on to it, when it would be better to let go? We both know that it is going to end.

    I feel a mix of emotions right now. Even though I knew it was coming, I am devastated. But at the same time, I feel this sense of acceptance of it, and of the fact that although this will end, in ending it gives the opportunity for many other things to potentially start. There will be other people. He even said that he could tell some of my guys friends like me, though he didn't say which ones!

    My head is in a mess at the moment, hope this made sense. Just felt like letting it all out.
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    Have you sat down and talked things over with him? Why not explain to him everything you've typed in this post.
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    Better to quit now before it gets to the point that you simply cannot function.

    The more you think about him the worse you will feel. Not all the things you want in life work out and in the end the feelings destroy you.

    If you truly love him then let him go be happy that you knew him and leave it like that. If it is meant to be something will turn up for you to be together, if not then accept it and leave well alone.

    Worrying something that you know you cannot have is such a waste of your precious time. And unfortunate for the next true love of you life if you won't let him in.
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    (Original post by Blueflare)
    As it transpires, both my boyfriend and I have been thinking about this for a while, and finally talked about it tonight.

    Backstory:
    I went on an exchange to Canada September to December last year, 2009. I met my boyfriend there, he's Canadian. We had the most awesome 2 and a bit months together.
    We were then apart from January to May. He made plans to come and visit me in the summer, and to do an exchange semester at my Uni (Keele) for this semester.
    We spent the summer together, he stayed in my house with my dad and I. We travelled to a few places, had an awesome time. Even though we drove each other a little crazy being together all the time, it was still great.
    We both have been at Keele this term, have had our own lives but still seen each other lots, for the most part. He is going home on the 20th of December.


    We are both in our final year of University. Next academic year, we are both planning to do Masters degrees, followed by a PhD, followed by a career in academia.
    He brought up in our discussion that as neither of us can afford to go to the other's country for this, we will have to be on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean for at least 4 years. And that we would kind of be cheating ourselves to pretend that we had a functional relationship only actually seeing each other a couple of times a year. There are so many things that will change in that time too, so many new people that we will meet.
    And I agree with him. I have been thinking this too. Don't get me wrong, we love each other, we want to be together. But just wanting it isn't enough to make it work in the real world.

    The main thing that's uncertain right now is what our relationship will be for this next semester. We could still be "together", and I could go over to see him in the summer, possibly work or something. Chances of employment in my hometown are slim to none anyway.
    Would it be better to quit while we're ahead, to stay friends, but nothing more?
    Or stick it out this semester apart, and see each other again in the summer?
    I don't know really. I still love him. I don't want us not to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, even if we are that in name alone. Am I just clinging on to it, when it would be better to let go? We both know that it is going to end.

    I feel a mix of emotions right now. Even though I knew it was coming, I am devastated. But at the same time, I feel this sense of acceptance of it, and of the fact that although this will end, in ending it gives the opportunity for many other things to potentially start. There will be other people. He even said that he could tell some of my guys friends like me, though he didn't say which ones!

    My head is in a mess at the moment, hope this made sense. Just felt like letting it all out.
    I’m sure that you have perused these forums and see that many ldrs don’t survive.

    As I see it there are two key issues that determine if an ldr can work or not. First is the commitment of each partner to that relationship and second is the duration of the ldr. For those that have 100% commitment time is not an obstacle, but for all others it is.

    Unfortunately ldr’s are often at the cost of multiple years during the prime of their life when their attractiveness to potential partners and social networking is at its peak. Unfortunately those times cannot be recovered should the relationship fail.

    Distance can make the heart grow fonder, but not if the relationship begins to feel like a weight to either of the partners.

    Since I did not sense a total commitment from either of you in your OP, I would let him go and remain great friends. Who knows what may happen in four years?

    Best Wishes
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    Either one of you have to sacrifice something if you want it to work.
    LDRs can work. But not if there's no commitment to the relationship.
    Sacrificing is always a big part of the relationship.
 
 
 
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