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HELP! New Girlfriend Issue!! Watch

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    I am 19, in university (2nd year), and a couple of weeks ago I got a girlfriend (first one)! Both of us are virgins and she is also 19, and we both like each other quite a bit.

    Here's the issue, she said she has never masturbated, ever. She is also a virgin, has never had a boyfriend before and has never even used one of those detachable shower heads that can easily arouse one.

    Whenever I make a sexual joke (we've been "unofficially" dating for about a month and a half now, and I didn't start making these jokes until later on), she often just ignores it or more often, just laughs awkwardly and changes the subject. She also got extremely flustered when I tried talking to her about "dirty" topics.

    I like her a lot, but I feel as if maybe she is not open to sexual acts from what I've seen so far, and I do want a sexual aspect to my relationship.

    Any advice, comments, etc would be greatly appreciated. I know I'm a "noob" on this forum, but I've just never had the need for this type of advice before.
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    Well fair enough, you seem to have a dilemma.

    Be open and honest. NOT in front of others as some people do. Private, maybe even a nice sexual-ish atmosphere, you're both alone at home. Bring it up, ask her, is she embarrassed about it, does she want to... really it all depends on what you're comfortable asking her.
    But take that big boy step in getting this girl into some sexual activity.
    CONFIDENCE IS KEY
    If you get laid,
    then I will be proud
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    I have been very open, starting every sexual-related discussion, and in fact she has mentioned that I am a "very open" person. However, she is not as open, and she has also said that.

    Actually, when I found out she didn't masturbate, she got all weird and almost regretted telling me that and feels embarrassed about it even though I tell her there's no reason to be!!

    If it matters, she's not open to making out yet, apparently, and whenever I bring that up, she says she's not ready for it.

    I'm comfortable asking her anything, but she's not comfortable answering/doing. Do you think that it is still too early in the relationship? I really do want to make her feel good sexually as she has not experienced it but she's making it harder for me. I'm trying really hard not to annoy her by continually asking her about this stuff.

    PS - That picture made me laugh.
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    Some are late bloomers. Be patient, and maybe your opportunity will come. Humans have, like the tale at the bottom of their spine, an animalistic craving for procreation. I'm sure it'll come round at some point, even if she would still be more closed about it than others.
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    Alright, thanks for the tip. And you're definitely right about humans just wanting to procreate.
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    when you say make out, do you mean kiss with tongues yeah? that seems very shy for a 19 year old! what do you do together that makes you a couple? i assume its just like having dinner together n stuff.. what would she do if you tried to kiss her?

    for now, be patient but really... if it stays like this for a long time with nothing sexual whatsoever, i think you should tell her that you feel like you're missing out... or something. haha.

    terrible advice, good luck
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    By make-out I mean any kiss lasting longer than a couple of seconds, whether that involves tongue or not. I completely agree.

    Pretty much we just talk and cuddle and have dinner/coffee/lunch/etc. If I tried to kiss her for longer than anything we've done, she'd probably just back away.

    Yea lol, that's what I kind of have in mind. Because it actually wouldn't feel like a fulfilling relationship to me if she would never get close enough to do sexual things.

    Thanks, though!
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    My girlfriend was similar to what you describe, it just takes time and patience - I'm sure you'll get sexual eventually. Me and my girlfriend have been sexually active for ages - and she still doesn't have any interest in masturbating. It is (unfortunately?) perfectly common for girls to not do it. I don't know why, but it doesn't mean she won't want sexual things eventually and I don't think it's the best thing for you to talk to her about for now. From what you've said, it sounds like you're going about things the right way, continue to be sensitive and patient, maybe try to create the right opportunity to move things on. Let her know you'd like to be more intimate in a way that doesn't sound pushy. Good luck
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    (Original post by Clumsy_Chemist)
    My girlfriend was similar to what you describe, it just takes time and patience - I'm sure you'll get sexual eventually. Me and my girlfriend have been sexually active for ages - and she still doesn't have any interest in masturbating. It is (unfortunately?) perfectly common for girls to not do it. I don't know why, but it doesn't mean she won't want sexual things eventually and I don't think it's the best thing for you to talk to her about for now. From what you've said, it sounds like you're going about things the right way, continue to be sensitive and patient, maybe try to create the right opportunity to move things on. Let her know you'd like to be more intimate in a way that doesn't sound pushy. Good luck
    Just as a reference, about how long did it take for you and your girlfriend to have any sexual interaction? I'm a patient guy, but if I had some idea of how long would be "fair" to wait, it would help me out a lot.

    That's another thing that I am unsure of. I don't know how to approach her directly with this without making it sound like sex is my "goal" in the relationship. And I don't know when I should even bring it up.
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    (Original post by TurboS)
    Just as a reference, about how long did it take for you and your girlfriend to have any sexual interaction? I'm a patient guy, but if I had some idea of how long would be "fair" to wait, it would help me out a lot.

    That's another thing that I am unsure of. I don't know how to approach her directly with this without making it sound like sex is my "goal" in the relationship. And I don't know when I should even bring it up.
    From my personal experience, asking your partner 'when are you going to be ready', places a lot of indirect pressure on them... even if you don't mean to. It took me 3 1/2 months to feel comfortable enough around my boyfriend to have sex with him. Start off slowly and gently encourage things to go further, every girl is different, so have a frank talk with her about how she feels about sex and intimacy, and slowly develop your relationship.
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    She might be lying, alot of girls will never admit to masturbating. Maybe talk to her, and tell her while you don't want to pressure her, you do want to know what her stance on sex is.
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    (Original post by TurboS)
    Just as a reference, about how long did it take for you and your girlfriend to have any sexual interaction? I'm a patient guy, but if I had some idea of how long would be "fair" to wait, it would help me out a lot.

    That's another thing that I am unsure of. I don't know how to approach her directly with this without making it sound like sex is my "goal" in the relationship. And I don't know when I should even bring it up.
    Firstly, rather than sex being your goal just make foreplay acts your goal, and work your way up. I'd say 2 or 3 months, but I don't know how normal that is, please don't expect her to be the same. I don't really remember bringing it up, just we started snogging more and more, every now and then touching her leg and literally moving up from there. One step at a time (Y)
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    (Original post by La Songeuse)
    From my personal experience, asking your partner 'when are you going to be ready', places a lot of indirect pressure on them... even if you don't mean to. It took me 3 1/2 months to feel comfortable enough around my boyfriend to have sex with him. Start off slowly and gently encourage things to go further, every girl is different, so have a frank talk with her about how she feels about sex and intimacy, and slowly develop your relationship.
    Hmm, ya I guess it would. I actually already asked her when she would have been ready with things like kissing and I could sense that she did feel pressured about that (although that's now all done). So it is probably a good idea not to ask that about sex. Okay, I guess maybe just waiting a month or so before talking with her about it would be reasonable?

    @*Dreaming*: There is always that possibility. She has lied to me about useless, petty things but I actually don't really care that much about the masturbation as long as she will eventually become comfortable with foreplay and sex with ME.

    @Clumsy_Chemist: That's a good tip. When we cuddle I am starting to hold her outer thighs and maybe what you just described will happen naturally over time. And just as a minor update, we had a very quick make-out session today (only a few seconds long, but much more than any other kiss we've had), so that's good.

    Thanks for all the advice, it's giving me a much better idea of how I should take things and that I'm not the only one who's had to wait. Perhaps because my close friends had sex with their gf's quite early on in their relationships, it gave me an unfair expectation for mine.
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    You sound alarmingly like someone I talked to this evening. :ninja:

    The important thing is to take it one step at a time, don't rush anything. Just touch her more and more. She'll get to like it. :sexface:
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    (Original post by Blueflare)
    You sound alarmingly like someone I talked to this evening. :ninja:

    The important thing is to take it one step at a time, don't rush anything. Just touch her more and more. She'll get to like it. :sexface:
    So, it's been exactly 3 months since we started dating and (I think) things are going well, sexually. You were right about this! After about a month or so, I just started touching her and it has gotten to the point where this week she has given me a "hand" in things, if you catch my drift.

    She mentioned that sex and oral stuff are still far away though... hopefully not too far.
 
 
 
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