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Does he like me? Is there any hope? Watch

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    So I slept with this guy one night, on the night we were both sort of saying we liked eachother quite a lot- we knew eachtoher through association but hadn't really met before (he's the flatmate of my friend's boyfriend) but we spent the night talking and eventually got so drunk we started kissing and yeah, I went home with him and slept with him which was an error on both parts. We spent the entire next day talking and sometimes we kissed. When I left he walked me to the station and hugged me goodbye and we exchanged numbers etc- it wasn't like a proper one night stand.

    We spent a long time texting and he was going to come round for dinner. The thing was he'd told me he'd recently broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years and he was a mess from it. Then eventually I called him to ask what he wanted from me, because I didn't want to be used. He said because he'd recently come out of a relationship and he'd been such a mess from it he didn't think it'd be fair on me to start anything just yet, and said he was tempted to say maybe in a month or so but didn't want to plant any seeds, which was fair enough.

    The other night I invited him to a bar, we labelled it as friends, and we spent the entire night talking to eachother. Sometimes he'd come out with weird things, such as "imagine you were on a date... imagine you were in this situation" which I found it hard to interpret, and he bought me drinks and we were talking about quite personal things sometimes and sometimes he'd just make it sound like there was something more between us (for example, when talking about my ex boyfriend he went "my god you know how to pick them. I'm even starting to judge myself"). It was as though he was just making slips of the tongue. There was also a LOT of eye contact and the entire night he was just entirely focussed on me, and at one point he got distracted and looked over somewhere else and then instantly apologised and said it was rude. When he left, he was going to get off and change tubes at the tube station before mine, but decided to change tubes at my tube station because he "hates saying bye on trains" and then when we got off, he gave me a lingering hug and said he'd had a great time.

    I sent him a text saying even though we went as friends, I couldn't help but think of it as something more and his reply was "I completely understand and I agree, but I think you must also think it would be a bad idea to try something at the moment".

    Saying "at the moment" just makes me think that it's possible in the future. I know he was a complete mess from his break up (which was in early october, so not long ago) and he's still trying to get over that. It just affected him psychologically, he had to go home from university for a few days and became a little depressed. I'm going to keep in contact with him and try to remain friends (we text a LOT, sometimes it seems a little flirty) but I can't help but worry that he doesn't really like me, and he's only trying to let me down gently by saying he's not ready. We both agreed it was a mistake to sleep together.

    Thoughts?
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    The answer is in the question.

    He said he was a mess from his previous relationship.
    Why shouldn't you expect erratic behaviour ?
    He's trying to determine whether you have his ex-girlfriends flaws, that's only natural.
    Be open and honest, and the "probing" phase will pass by faster.

    My 2 cents.
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    To be honest it seems like he is trying to spare your feelings, just be there for him as friends but try not to let it lead to something else or tell him you like him e.t.c
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    I think you need to watch a certain episode of "How I met your mother"

    It appears you are on the proverbial Hook!
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    I wouldn't rush into anything yet, it is clear his feelings are completely messed up from a recent break up.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Pads)
    I think you need to watch a certain episode of "How I met your mother"

    It appears you are on the proverbial Hook!
    I have no idea what proverbial hook means.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have no idea what proverbial hook means.
    Well, in the episode I'm talking about it shows that people are sometimes on the "hook" of the person they are attracted too. This means that they will do relationship stuff but then you will not be in relationship with them. When you question this they will say "I cant be in a relationship with you.... YET" and you will be like oh ok but still be obsessed because they have given you the chance of being with them in the future.

    I hope I have explained it clearly and it could be as he says.
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    #1

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I wouldn't rush into anything yet, it is clear his feelings are completely messed up from a recent break up.
    I'm not wanting to rush into anything, I know he's a mess. I'm just worried that he's leading me on, and doesn't feel the same about me and is just letting me down gently when he says he's not ready instead of telling me the truth that he doesn't really like me. Though to be fair that'd be a dickish thing to do I guess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not wanting to rush into anything, I know he's a mess. I'm just worried that he's leading me on, and doesn't feel the same about me and is just letting me down gently when he says he's not ready instead of telling me the truth that he doesn't really like me. Though to be fair that'd be a dickish thing to do I guess.
    There's a simple way, ask him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    There's a simple way, ask him.
    I've kind of taken a lot of first moves in this situation, I told him I liked him as more than a friend, and I told him I'm struggling to see him as more than a friend.

    I also feel I may have been a bit too full on with it at times, so I'm trying not to bring it up as much. He told me he really liked me on the night we accidentally slept together (he already knew he'd got me down so it wasn't just to make me sleep with him), and all his body language when we're together makes it look like he likes me.

    I'm scared asking such a question will either make him more confused, think I'm far too full on with him and this might put him off. That, and I'm scared of asking that question, I've put my heart on a plate for him and I'd rather he tell me straight off than me have to probe him for answers. It's possible he's not even sure.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I slept with this guy one night, on the night we were both sort of saying we liked eachother quite a lot- we knew eachtoher through association but hadn't really met before (he's the flatmate of my friend's boyfriend) but we spent the night talking and eventually got so drunk we started kissing and yeah, I went home with him and slept with him which was an error on both parts. We spent the entire next day talking and sometimes we kissed. When I left he walked me to the station and hugged me goodbye and we exchanged numbers etc- it wasn't like a proper one night stand.

    We spent a long time texting and he was going to come round for dinner. The thing was he'd told me he'd recently broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years and he was a mess from it. Then eventually I called him to ask what he wanted from me, because I didn't want to be used. He said because he'd recently come out of a relationship and he'd been such a mess from it he didn't think it'd be fair on me to start anything just yet, and said he was tempted to say maybe in a month or so but didn't want to plant any seeds, which was fair enough.

    The other night I invited him to a bar, we labelled it as friends, and we spent the entire night talking to eachother. Sometimes he'd come out with weird things, such as "imagine you were on a date... imagine you were in this situation" which I found it hard to interpret, and he bought me drinks and we were talking about quite personal things sometimes and sometimes he'd just make it sound like there was something more between us (for example, when talking about my ex boyfriend he went "my god you know how to pick them. I'm even starting to judge myself"). It was as though he was just making slips of the tongue. There was also a LOT of eye contact and the entire night he was just entirely focussed on me, and at one point he got distracted and looked over somewhere else and then instantly apologised and said it was rude. When he left, he was going to get off and change tubes at the tube station before mine, but decided to change tubes at my tube station because he "hates saying bye on trains" and then when we got off, he gave me a lingering hug and said he'd had a great time.

    I sent him a text saying even though we went as friends, I couldn't help but think of it as something more and his reply was "I completely understand and I agree, but I think you must also think it would be a bad idea to try something at the moment".

    Saying "at the moment" just makes me think that it's possible in the future. I know he was a complete mess from his break up (which was in early october, so not long ago) and he's still trying to get over that. It just affected him psychologically, he had to go home from university for a few days and became a little depressed. I'm going to keep in contact with him and try to remain friends (we text a LOT, sometimes it seems a little flirty) but I can't help but worry that he doesn't really like me, and he's only trying to let me down gently by saying he's not ready. We both agreed it was a mistake to sleep together.

    Thoughts?
    I think the guy really does like you for many reasons.

    1.He maintains communications.
    2.He met up with you at a bar at your request.
    3.If he had only a sexual interest in you, he would have put a serious move on you as you two have already been intimate and crossed the major barriers to a sexual relationship. Since he didn’t, I think there’s more there.

    The one thing that you two did that I would advise against is agree that it was a mistake to sleep together. I simply could not bring myself to tell my worst sexual partner that bit of news even if I knew it to be true. When these things are said, your partner may read things into that conversation that you have never considered, and that could have unintended consequences.

    Best Wishes
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There was also a LOT of eye contact
    I was wondering, what is the significance of eye contact? I do it all the time because I thought that's what is respectful, but I hope i'm not leading a lot of girls along. I don't get this social thing and i've never had a gf or kissed or had sex. .
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was wondering, what is the significance of eye contact? I do it all the time because I thought that's what is respectful, but I hope i'm not leading a lot of girls along. I don't get this social thing and i've never had a gf or kissed or had sex. .
    There are kind of two ways of doing eye contact- one is the normal conversational type, the next is looking at the other person as though they're the only person in the room and the way they look at you tends to be different to the usual conversational eye contact.
 
 
 
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