I have been in a semi-relationship with a girl for a while. I say semi because it was never official, and it was impossible to see each other regularly cos of distance to uni.
I've known for a while that my parents planned to move, and therefore tried to distance myself from feeling strongly about her as there would come a time where seeing her would be near on impossible for the foreseeable future, as has become the case now.
I thought I was successful in this, and was ready for us to go our separate ways "until another day". However, the other day she told me she had found herself a new boyfriend, and it just hit me - uncontrollable jealousy and anger. I really thought I was prepared for this day, and had even said to her that it would be the right thing to do; to try and move on given the circumstances. I genuinely believe that, but it hurts so so much. How do I overcome this? I'm really tempted to ask her that we don't speak much at all from now on so I can forget her and not harm her new relationship as she has admitted lately she feels strongly for me too, and it would be better if we both forgot about each-other?
How to get over her? Watch
- 10-12-2010 17:56
- 10-12-2010 18:13
xxxLast edited by Alt__x; 18-06-2012 at 00:46.
- 10-12-2010 18:23
If you have her on facebook, msn, skype etc, definitely delete and block her. It'll help erase her from your memory.
If you're genuinely upset, take some time to just feel bad, get your anger (or tears) out and just recognize that you're upset. After that, keep yourself busy! Whatever it may be, with friends, exercise, reading, watching movies. Anything that requires your undivided attention. Jealousy is a horrible feeling, but keep in mind that everyone experiences it once in a while, and most of the time it is unjustified (it's a dissatisfaction with yourself) and it is a complete waste of time. Jealousy is basically counting others joys instead of your own. I read somewhere that there is more self-love to jealousy than love, and it is true. Write a list of all the things that are unique about you (get help from friends who know you, don't put 'regular' stuff, but things that are really special about you) and read the list to yourself every day.
I know these things may sound a little cheesy, but when some techniques are popular, there's usually a reason for it. Good luck
- 10-12-2010 18:44
Wouldn't want to "delete" her from my life. But everything you say makes sense. And the urge to go and shag a random **** is over-whelming, though not sure how I feel about that!
She was good for me - gave me more confidence than I had before, and I know she still "wants to be friends" but perhaps doesn't get how much it'll hurt to hear about her and some other bloke.
At the moment, really lost and having that "I'll never meet anyone like her again" feeling - all the things I thought I'd worked hard to prevent myself having - must try harder!
- 11-12-2010 10:56
I never usually post on here but this caught my eye. I'm in this exact situation myself at the moment and have been for quite a while. Don't want to go into too much detail on here but she wasn't someone who I should've really got involved with but I ended up in a short "semi-relationship" with. I thought she was pretty much perfect in every way and although I'd only just met her, felt completely comfortable with her (could be more honest with her than friends and even family). I knew it couldn't last (distance + other reasons) so for the first time in my life I held back a bit as I didn't want it to go too far. We talked daily for months and I wanted to stay friends with her rather than lose contact but one day Facebook told me she was in a relationship with someone else and I got really pissed off (punching the wall etc...). I still continued to talk to her for a while but she started talking about what happened between us before and that she wanted it to have lasted longer. It was driving me mad as there was nothing I could do about it so I haven't spoken to her for a while. She probably thinks I don't care about her now but I would do almost anything to be with her again (would have dropped out of uni if I thought there was a chance of it working). I'm sure that I'll never meet anyone who means as much to me as her again.
The advice I would give you is not to delete her from your life just because other people, who (with all due respect) probably haven't been in the same situation before, tell you to. There will still be other things that bring back memories of her (for me it is seeing people that look like her or even walking past somewhere where I was when I got a text from her) and you'll just feel worse for deleting her when she was good to you. I haven't spoken to this girl for a while only because the last time we spoke she had moved on but basically said it was good while it lasted and although it was what I wanted to hear, she was driving me mad. You don't have to delete her if you have her on Facebook, but I would hide her from your news feed so you don't have constant reminders of what she is up to...
If you start to think about her when you don't want to, instantly try to force yourself to think of something else. Certainly try to find a few different productive things to do to take your mind of her; sports, socialising, even work! For me, going to the gym helped for a while but that was the only thing I was doing to take my mind off her and I went too far in the gym and had to stop. Walking also helps a lot, just go for a walk at a quiet time with your ipod and relax a bit.
If you want to "shag a ****", don't let memories of this girl stop you but don't expect it to be the same (I know I'm stating the obvious). I got with a girl shortly afterwards just because I could but didn't have any feelings for her and it didn't really make a difference...
Sorry this is so long (I'm using it to procrastinate from revision). There is no quick fix, you'll just have to live with it and give yourself time to get over her. I still haven't and don't want to move on but it's been about a year now. Good luck!
- 11-12-2010 13:50
Your post makes a lot of sense anon.
The thing is, when she wasn't with another man, though I was careful to be sure we didn't talk ALL the time, she was ALWAYS there. If I was lying in bed at 11-30 feeling down I could text her and vice versa, if I saw something funny on telly I could get her to watch it and we'd have a laugh together, we could have banter with each-other and none it would ever be taken seriously but could still be serious when we needed to be, and we'd have conversations packed full of innuendo; our senses of humour were very much the same. Now she has a man, I wouldn't dream of doing any of these things - it just wouldn't feel right. Insecure and perhaps as arrogant as this sounds, part of what made it so fun and uplifting was that I knew I was the main boy in her life, and she was the main girl in mine. Now the former isn't true, I'm determined to prevent the latter - she was the girl I always wanted to be first with, and I just can't take not being so, hence needing to cut her off a bit; in short, we can't "just be friends", it's all or nothing. Also, deep down, we were flirting, and now she's in a relationship, that wouldn't be right. While there are other people I can have a laugh with and moan to when I'm down, it's just not the same, and I miss her for it already. I really didn't appreciate this side of things nearly as much as I should have (it seemed normal at the time, but it was special from her). I failed to realise there was no-one quite like her in this respect, so was a little unguarded in that way. She became special to me, even though I had convinced myself I'd stopped that from happening. Also, the thought of another lad getting all this hurts a lot - it's jealousy, I'll admit, but it still resonates. She said on MSN the other day "the bf is busy ... we can have a good chat tonight" - let's just say I learnt what a broken heart feels like at that moment; it was subtle confirmation that all of the above is now gone. I made my excuses, turned my laptop off, put my phone on silent, watched football on telly, and tried to pretend to myself that I gave a **** about the score.
Sorry, just needed to get that out. I realise I need to forget everything I said above and move on. I'm just hoping this gets easier, cos at the minute, it seems EVERYTHING reminds me of her somehow.
- 11-12-2010 14:01
Definetly cut all contact with her. It just makes things harder if you have to stay in contact with her. If it helps, before you cut contact with her tell her how you feel and see what she says. If she's happy with her new boyfriend she'll probably say that she's not interested. If she isn't interested then there isn't any reason for you to stay in contact with her. Once you cut contact and start to think about other girls then you'll find that jealousy will fade quite quickly.
- 13-12-2010 20:09
Turns out the guy she's dating is .. well, very different from me.
Hurts me think of him with her, and hard to get her out of my mind at moments I'd prefer she wasn't there. But not hurting much at all any more, at least compared with a few days back.
She's already texting saying she misses me etc; have blocked her on msn and facebook. In some respects, it feels like she's chasing me again. The fact she's dating someone else has also put me off her a bit, slowly bur surely. Really getting over this now though