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Why do some parents not want to aid their children financially? Watch

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    By 'children', I mean older children - say, sixteen years old and above.

    Note that I am not discussing parents that don't have the money to help their children, nor am I discussing lay-about children that do nothing and expect everything - both of those are perfectly understandable. I'm discussing situations such as child is at university and could really do with another £50 a week; parents have £50 a week they don't spend ... and yet, refuse to give it to them.

    In that situation, I think I'd be happy to be able to help my child - I have no use for the money, so it's only going to go into a bank somewhere, and I'd much rather it went to making sure my offspring has good quality food and can pay to warm his house up properly. I don't really understand people that wouldn't.

    Does anyone have any input on this? I don't think it's something I'll identify with, but would like to understand it. Thank you.
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    Bump.
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    'Nother bump.
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    Maybe to turn them into adults. Making them fend for themselves might help them become more independent. Its like in some cultures when they send the teens into the desert to kill something, and when they come out, they are adults.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    By 'children', I mean older children - say, sixteen years old and above.

    Note that I am not discussing parents that don't have the money to help their children, nor am I discussing lay-about children that do nothing and expect everything - both of those are perfectly understandable. I'm discussing situations such as child is at university and could really do with another £50 a week; parents have £50 a week they don't spend ... and yet, refuse to give it to them.

    In that situation, I think I'd be happy to be able to help my child - I have no use for the money, so it's only going to go into a bank somewhere, and I'd much rather it went to making sure my offspring has good quality food and can pay to warm his house up properly. I don't really understand people that wouldn't.

    Does anyone have any input on this? I don't think it's something I'll identify with, but would like to understand it. Thank you.
    I often wonder the same thing, when I lived at home my mum made me pay her £100 a week in rent. I had a minimum wage job and would normally earn £120 per week, and the last £20 would go on lunches and travel.

    I'm so envious of those kids whose parents buy them things, life would be so much easier.
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    yeah to make them self-reliant and independant.
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    (Original post by Lewroll)
    Maybe to turn them into adults. Making them fend for themselves might help them become more independent. Its like in some cultures when they send the teens into the desert to kill something, and when they come out, they are adults.
    (Original post by sweeed)
    yeah to make them self-reliant and independant.
    What if they were working hard but were unable to get by? For example, they have a part-time job whilst at uni but cannot work enough hours and do their degree to pay their entire rent and buy food. They need another £50 per week, and you have that to spare.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    What if they were working hard but were unable to get by? For example, they have a part-time job whilst at uni but cannot work enough hours and do their degree to pay their entire rent and buy food. They need another £50 per week, and you have that to spare.
    I suppose in that case the parents should help. But if they dont want to help then i suspect they would have a good reason.
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    maybe because they were adopted? :dontknow:
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    If they're anything like my mum it's cause they're stingy gits.

    I remember my second year of college I was my EMA got brought down from £30 to £10. I reacted quite quickly and got my first job (had no work experience at all beforehand), she made me quit because she didn't want it to affect my studies, and told me she'd give me money when I needed it.

    She never did, this led to negative actions and results that we'll both have to deal with for next few years.

    I really hope I don't turn out like that.
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    I think a lot of parents prefer their children to make their own way and try to encourage them to earn their own money.

    Ive never been given anything from my parents finance-wise, at the age of 14 I was working part time so I always had my own money and it was never an issue I guess - I never needed to ask. And Im glad I didnt. Everything I have is paid for by me - car, house etc etc. There was no EMA or anything like that when I was at college. My dad was ill with cancer all through my degree and barely getting by financially due to not being able to work so theres no way my parents could have supported me.

    A colleaque of mine, her daughter is in her first year at uni. She hasnt had a loan/grant or anything so her parents are paying for everything. She rings them up all the time asking for money and they just give it to her as and when she wants it - probably around £200-£300 a week. Apparantly she has an All Saints addiction. Personally I think thats ridiculous and I would not be giving my children that sort of money, even if I had it. They've set a precedent now and she'll be getting that sort of money throughout her course, with no encouragement to get a job.
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    Well my mum gives me the impression that I can't rely on her for money all the time, She does have the money to give the odd £50 out to me as you say every now and again but she knowing me I'd ask for money for things I don't really need.

    Also I guess if I built a dependence on getting some money from my parents, when I finally move out of the house I'd go crazy when she starts to not give it for when/if I go to university
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      I think there is an element of "learning the value of money" and, believe it or not, some of the people I have personally seen struggling financially at university have very rich parents.

      Some parents expect their children to learn about budgeting and so forth the hard way, and plenty of people are paying their own rent out of loan money despite the parents being well off enough to be able to afford it.

      I don't think it's fair if it can be avoided. I am very fortunate in that my parents have supported me financially all the way through, but many people are denied that luxury out of sheer selfishness.

      University is the wrong time to be thrown in at the deep end, if you ask me. Getting a degree is stressful and time consuming enough without having money worries.
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      My parents are Spanish (me too, but you get the point). That means Spanish culture. Spanish culture says that parents pay for everything. Our govt does not give out any loans or grants or anything, parents pay (fees are low, but there's the maintenance too). It's not really traditional for uni students to work while they study. It used to be (though with crappy salaries), but with 20% unemployment, more than 50% among young people, you may understand why this is no longer the case.

      I am going to take a tuition fees loan at university. My parents were vehemently opposed at first, they wanted to pay my fees as well. They will pay for my living costs, I will try to get a part-time job (especially during summer, during term-time my parents want me to focuse on studies), though to be fair, the majority of that 'burden' will fall on them.
      They are happy to pay for it. It will mean perhaps a tighter budget, but they still want to do it.
      I don't qualify for maintenance grants or loans, and depending on the uni, I might qualify for a small bursary, but due to my household income, I don't think that'll be more than a few hundred pounds a year.
      I have not had any work experience, and don't have any kind of allowance or anything. Simply, when I need money, I go and ask, and they give me whatever I need. Of course, I am within reasonable limits, but still I may be spending 25€ a week (sometimes more).
      Does this mean they don't want me to value money? Of course not. If one week I ask for more than necessary, they ask why, and if they aren't convinced, they don't give me the money. Simply, I haven't any other choice.

      In Spain, hardship is recent, and pretty much everyone 35 or older knows what it is (though of course, grandparents suffered the real hardship and literal hunger, starving). Thus, as long as someone can afford it, financial hardship is avoided. This means that, for example, if for my basic food and rent I need £180 a week but I'd do better with £250, and they can actually afford to give me either, it will tend to be £250.
      I plan on repaying them somehow, someday. I know they won't accept any money from me. A Spanish parent would never charge his son or daughter for living at home... even if s/he's 30 and has recently moved back home after some years living independently, or has a stable job. If they have a job, they will be asked to contribute, but in the form of buying some food and stuff. Never paying a rent. The view here is that family is above money. If money is needed to assist a relative, then it is used, and not normally asked back for (it can be lent, then yes, but it's usually given).
      So I will just buy them a house, or nice things, or I'll think of something. But I know they won't ask for everything. Because they're my parents, they would feel bad by asking me anything. It's the usual here.

      I have grown up in this culture. So obviously, I can't understand when people say their parents do not contribute towards their uni funds (here they basically pay for the whole of it!, very few scholarships exist), or charge them a rent if they go back home (whether or not they can afford it), or something like that. I have been taught to know that it is a parent's obligation to sustain their children until pretty much they are working and are independent/marry. You may feel this is unfair, that I am being a selfish little ******* here. Well, I am not. Because I don't really plan on changing that view along my life, and plan on raising my children, even if they grow up in the UK or elsewhere, according to that view. That is, as far as I can afford it, my children won't have to take any loans. Debt is seen as really bad in Spain, so it is actually a 'shame' that your child takes a loan when you can afford to pay it. My parents felt like that, and believe me it's being hard to convince them that I am ready to pay for my fees myself, that they are already doing enough. My parents pay for me, I'll pay for my children.
      Grandparents also assist grandchildren as far as they can, so that the child's better off.

      To be fair, and I don't really care if I get negged for this, I quite like the system. It emphasises family, love, assistance, friendship, help and real solidarity above individualism, selfishness or money. As a future father, I can actually understand the pride on a man or a woman saying 'I paid for my child's education'. I can, because my grandparents actually couldn't, with my parents, so in that sense, it is a pride for my parents to say they're actually sending his child abroad, and paying for it themselves.
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      Not sure, but my parents would.....

      But they expect me to help them out once I get a job and earn more than them. And I would.

      It's probably culture.
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      (Original post by worldscollide)
      I often wonder the same thing, when I lived at home my mum made me pay her £100 a week in rent. I had a minimum wage job and would normally earn £120 per week, and the last £20 would go on lunches and travel.

      I'm so envious of those kids whose parents buy them things, life would be so much easier.
      £100 per week? I'm all for parents encouraging their children to be financially responsible, but that is huge! You could live in a shared place on your own for that, no problem! And it's more than my rent was at university. Sounds like her being really tight, to be honest.

      Anyway, I can understand parents not wanting to just give their children money because it encourages the kids to think about their budget rather than just assuming their parents can bail them out. Living within your means is an important skill to learn, though. It is, of course, a fine line though. If money from me was going to mean the difference between my child pursuing his/her dreams and being priced out, of course I'd contribute. If it was going to mean they'd have to be more sensible about how often they went out at university and made them learn to cook well on a budget, I wouldn't be paying.
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      (Original post by TWF)
      Not sure, but my parents would.....

      But they expect me to help them out once I get a job and earn more than them. And I would.

      It's probably culture.
      Why, what culture are you?
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      Because they fed them, housed them and clothed them for 18 years already, and now want their hard-earned money for themselves?
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      to teach their children the value of money, perhaps?
     
     
     
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