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If you parent said he wasted his life to educate you, how would you feel? Watch

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    **Long rant, sorry

    I feel pretty depressed. My family is currently in a very bad financial situation, so everyone is not happy. There is no money to hold everything together so people get frustrated and show their nasty sides. Here's the thing, while everything was starting to fall apart, my mum encourage my dad to invest in our education (2 of us), so every money we ever had was spent on making sure my uni expenses were covered and my little brother was taken of. My mum worked really hard, and I mean really hard She nearly had a break down but contained it all together because she couldn't afford to, our family would have fallen apart. She has had to work and toil away in the cold, heat, all seasons you name it. No car and barely surviving on proper meals.

    My dad on the other hand, got depressed and acted as if he was the only one with problems in the family. He went for months without talking to my mother on and off, constantly belittling her efforts, disagreeing with her constructive ideas on what to do with money and literary just mocking her. He was angry all the time, spent all of his free time on the computer instead of doing something worthwhile yet complained there was nothing for free to do :confused: - a walk in the fresh air is free? museums, libraries and other loads of places are free? Anyway I hate him for this. Isn't it only natural for me to resent him for treating my mum this way? He made my mum so sad and distressed she would have to get off work and call me at uni just to chat, sometimes in the middle of the night! My dad just sort of wanted money to fall on his lap and I got the feeling the he thought he was wasting his time and money educating us. He kept on comparing how his friend have big cars, houses e.t.c Friend who have little children, they are just starting out and don't have huge amounts of money to pay for education e.t.c

    Anyway, yesterday I read an email he sent to my mum after my brother had complained about something. In it he said he wasted his life sacrificing for us but we don't do anything for him, we just complain. He also says that all this is my mum's fault, that she's made us take sides and see him as the bad one, not doing anything. Uuum but yeah, he didn't do a thing, we saw this the entire time, my mum didn't need to tell us anything! I don't understand, what kind of parent would say giving the best education to their children is wasting their life? He shouldn't have had children then! Am I weird for having this opinion? For thinking that parents should go to the end of the earth for their children? Mind you, we started having problems when I started uni, just about there and I graduated in June, so it's only for three years in his life that he's had to suffer? How is this sacrificing his life? He's also the reason we are in this financial mess. He had a stable life and a good job but he listened to his 'friends' who lied to him about finding a job somewhere else and starting a business. Once he quit they were nowhere to be see! :mad:

    I'm pretty angry because all my dad cares about is showing off to his friends that he's rich? I mean, what's that about? I don't care if people see me driving cars as long as my family is healthy and well! He also has this 'nice guy' complex. He wants to look nice to people. Even in the family, he does the nice easy little things, not the serious life changing things, and then he say we don't appreciate these 'nice little things'. If everyone just lived on nice little things then we wouldn't have poor people in the world, would we? And as for him saying he's wasted his life expecting me to help him in his old age, for pete's sake, he's not even in his mid 50s, and I'm only 21, a recent graduate. How I'm supposed to have made a proper career at this age after all those struggles, to 'support' him? I'm barely just taking baby steps into the world. My brother is 17, not even at uni, how is he grown up to start paying back if that's what he wants. I'm sorry I'm ranting, but I'm really depressed and I need to let it out. I just can't understand some parents have children for the sole purpose of having them pay them off when they are older.
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    TL/DR.

    But I'd feel like I owe them?

    /thread.
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    Strong irony with the title and the subject at hand.
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    I read most of it but I still don't really get what you mean. So, your parents put you and your lil bro first, made sure that you never went without and that you got the best education and opportunities they could give you but your dad did nothing? Does he not work?
    I know you're upset which is probably why you said it but i think there is more to having children than to give them an education tbh. I guess you're dad is just fed up and having a rant which to be honest, you probably weren't supposed to see.
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    Yeah my Dad was like this, he didn't work, my Mum did, he did nothing but shout and swear at us the whole time I was growing up. Then when I got older and started working he came asking me to support him (for not working) saying he'd "starved himself" when I was growing up, to support me. I pointed out that he was 18 stone and he said "thats because I could only afford fattening food". Anyway its not as though he was paying school fees as the state paid for my education and I got a loan for uni.

    Anyway the way I dealt with it was just sacking him off and I don't speak to him these days.
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    Your dad really sounds like a t**t. I think most parents would put education first, in any given financial situation unless of course they were really suffering ie: having to put up with £1 ready meals all day, every day, no heating etc.. At least most parents would wish to.
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    (Original post by alibobs)
    I read most of it but I still don't really get what you mean. So, your parents put you and your lil bro first, made sure that you never went without and that you got the best education and opportunities they could give you but your dad did nothing? Does he not work?
    I know you're upset which is probably why you said it but i think there is more to having children than to give them an education tbh. I guess you're dad is just fed up and having a rant which to be honest, you probably weren't supposed to see.
    My dad did something, but stopped working when I finished uni, saying he was depressed e.t.c, and wanted to find a better job, which he hasn't! My mum forwarded me the email.
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    (Original post by Threepigs)
    Strong irony with the title and the subject at hand.
    Explain?
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Yeah my Dad was like this, he didn't work, my Mum did, he did nothing but shout and swear at us the whole time I was growing up. Then when I got older and started working he came asking me to support him (for not working) saying he'd "starved himself" when I was growing up, to support me. I pointed out that he was 18 stone and he said "thats because I could only afford fattening food". Anyway its not as though he was paying school fees as the state paid for my education and I got a loan for uni.

    Anyway the way I dealt with it was just sacking him off and I don't speak to him these days.
    I don't know if I could do the whole 'not speaking to him'. I'd probably just pretend since he's my father but sort of continue to resent him inwardly?
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    Your dad really sounds like a t**t. I think most parents would put education first, in any given financial situation unless of course they were really suffering ie: having to put up with £1 ready meals all day, every day, no heating etc.. At least most parents would wish to.
    This is what I believe in, at least I'd want to do this for my children, and yet I'm made to feel as if I made a grown man's life stop?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My dad did something, but stopped working when I finished uni, saying he was depressed e.t.c, and wanted to find a better job, which he hasn't! My mum forwarded me the email.
    Wow......I don't know what to say to that. I guess there's more to the story, is your dad depressed? Cos if he is, that really would explain a lot of his behaviour and words. I'm sure she had her reasons but I don't get why your mum would forward the email about it all to you/ i guess she is upset too and doesn't want to have to deal with it alone so is sharing with you. To be honest though, parents are always saying kids are ungrateful. On the whole, we are.
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    it's typical for asian kids..th parents say it every day that we're used to it.
    the amount of drama they involve lol
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    lol. Im Asian! I screwed up my GCSE's(very little revision), but my dad never heard of it... though I've picked myself up now though. I suppose thats because they deem me "clever" not to sound condescending though. I've never heard my dad saying that to me. To be fair, the only thing he's paid for, in terms of education was/is my travel costs to school/college
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    (Original post by Menakshelatte)
    it's typical for asian kids..th parents say it every day that we're used to it.
    the amount of drama they involve lol
    if it helps i'm not asian, but why would you laugh it off? do you enjoy this 'drama'? imo it's not healthy.
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    lol. Im Asian! I screwed up my GCSE's(very little revision), but my dad never heard of it... though I've picked myself up now though. I suppose thats because they deem me "clever" not to sound condescending though. I've never heard my dad saying that to me. To be fair, the only thing he's paid for, in terms of education was/is my travel costs to school/college
    i'm not asian if might add again, but yes parents shouldn't say that. it sounds as if there are more important things like material wealth in life than their children. i don't know why but i don't think that's right
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    (Original post by alibobs)
    Wow......I don't know what to say to that. I guess there's more to the story, is your dad depressed? Cos if he is, that really would explain a lot of his behaviour and words. I'm sure she had her reasons but I don't get why your mum would forward the email about it all to you/ i guess she is upset too and doesn't want to have to deal with it alone so is sharing with you. To be honest though, parents are always saying kids are ungrateful. On the whole, we are.
    yes i think he's depressed but doesn't want to admit it. as i mentioned in the op, my mum shares these things with me because i guess it's too overwhelming, and she really has no one to sort of let it out to, which really pisses me off and makes me resent my dad even more because he's always making out she's the guilty one e.t.c
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    wow...the tldr responses are annoying...

    OP you have every right to be pissed off. Your dad has no right to blame you or your brother for his financial meltdown, he chose to have children and he chose to pay your way through education (as you could have easily applied for SF independently)

    in this day and age in order to be a successful person it is better (not the only) to have a degree and as a parent that is their job to make sure their children grow up to be responsible educated adults.

    You should only pay your father back if YOU feel like you owe him, not because he is telling you that you owe him, it is not like you are treating him like a bank.

    If i were you I would cool down for abit and see how it goes until your father (hopefully) gets a job because all his ranting might just be from him having no job and that can cause a person to feel useless and hopeless and he may be taking it out on you, and your family.
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    (Original post by pina.Love)
    wow...the tldr responses are annoying...

    OP you have every right to be pissed off. Your dad has no right to blame you or your brother for his financial meltdown, he chose to have children and he chose to pay your way through education (as you could have easily applied for SF independently)

    in this day and age in order to be a successful person it is better (not the only) to have a degree and as a parent that is their job to make sure their children grow up to be responsible educated adults.

    You should only pay your father back if YOU feel like you owe him, not because he is telling you that you owe him, it is not like you are treating him like a bank.

    If i were you I would cool down for abit and see how it goes until your father (hopefully) gets a job because all his ranting might just be from him having no job and that can cause a person to feel useless and hopeless and he may be taking it out on you, and your family.

    Cheers. I'll try to calm down and sort of let him be. I don't want to get into any arguments with him as I'm just too stressed out, and I honestly do not feel like I need to pay him back. I still stand by the fact that I'm his child, he's the parent. I would do this and more for my children. My mum does way more and she never once in her life even hinted that she feels her life is wasted or that she's slaving herself for us.
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    If anything, education is an investment for your dad(not to mention its free until your 19), and universities are affordable. For a parent, I don't think it would be selfish for them to think that their child would grow up, go to university, or get in to training and support their parents in their old age. This is only achievable through education if their child has a moderate wage, so that they can support themselves as well as their parents.
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    If anything, education is an investment for your dad(not to mention its free until your 19), and universities are affordable. For a parent, I don't think it would be selfish for them to think that their child would grow up, go to university, or get in to training and support their parents in their old age. This is only achievable through education if their child has a moderate wage, so that they can support themselves as well as their parents.
    Yes, I want to support them too, but I'm just out of university, I've hardly set my foot in any door careerwise. I have no job or money, I can't afford to eat properly too. If I was earning loads of money, and in my late 20s, very wealthy but outright refused to help out, now that would be something. He just said this after my brother complained about something in the house, something totaly unrelated to my education or my brother's for that matter. A simple domestic thing about cleaning of something, so what does that say about him?
 
 
 
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