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My boyfriend went mental and lost the plot Watch

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    #1

    We have been together for 3 years. I have always loved him dearly, helped him, supported him, been there always. He on the other hand hasn't really been the same to me, has been verbally abusive, not supportive towards me, a poor listener. But as he has been through problems I always brushed it to one side and put my own needs aside to be there for him. I'd do anything for him. He has anger issues and he can be really cruel to me. Today he lost the plot at me due to his own stress. We had a minor argument about something ridiculous and in retaliation he went through my facebook deleting people, sent me abusive messages along the lines of "you fat, ugly pig I hope you die" and dumped me.

    He has dumped me and sent me abusive messages thousands of times in the past so I am numb to it. But to go through and delete my fbook friends scared me. What should I do? I am so sad as I really loved him.
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    bloody hell. Sounds like there are deeper problems? i dunno. Talk it out. Make sure he is in tears (its easier to talk to crying guys than angry ones), then talk it out.
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    Tell him your sorry.
    • #2
    #2

    He will only make your life hard and difficult if he continues to behave towards you in the way you have described.
    It is good that you are willing to put yourself out for him, but the focus of the relationship should be balanced between the two of you. A relationship should not be one sided.
    You can only do so much to help with his stress and problems but these are not an excuse for the behaviour you have described ('verbally abusive, not supportive towards me, a poor listener'). If it comes to the point that his behaviour is repeatedly causing you to be unhappy, this is not a loving relationship.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He will only make your life hard and difficult if he continues to behave towards you in the way you have described.
    It is good that you are willing to put yourself out for him, but the focus of the relationship should be balanced between the two of you. A relationship should not be one sided.
    You can only do so much to help with his stress and problems but these are not an excuse for the behaviour you have described ('verbally abusive, not supportive towards me, a poor listener'). If it comes to the point that his behaviour is repeatedly causing you to be unhappy, this is not a loving relationship.

    Thanks for your balanced answer. Why anon? He has made my life difficult, I am always on edge around him, afraid of saying something to upset him and suppressing my true side. He has digs at me all the time under the guise of joking and makes me feel ugly and incompetent. He gets angry and sulks over any little thing and makes me feel panicky and intimidated. He blames me when things go wrong in his life. Sadly, I have always loved him, he was my first real love at the age of 22 and I can't seem to imagine moving on from him.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your balanced answer. Why anon? He has made my life difficult, I am always on edge around him, afraid of saying something to upset him and suppressing my true side. He has digs at me all the time under the guise of joking and makes me feel ugly and incompetent. He gets angry and sulks over any little thing and makes me feel panicky and intimidated. He blames me when things go wrong in his life. Sadly, I have always loved him, he was my first real love at the age of 22 and I can't seem to imagine moving on from him.
    You can PM me instead if you'd rather, but I understand if you'd rather stay anonymous.
    Making you feel ugly and incompetent is the sign of a controlling partner and does not bode too well for the future. Neither does making you feel panicky and intimidated. You should also be able to totally be yourself around your other half.
    At 22 I can understand why you can't see yourself moving on. You're young and will feel very familiar and comfortable in your first love. After all, it's all you have known.
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    Dump that *******. I used to have a boyfriend and stayed with him for such a long time. He used to call me "*****", "whore", "bad person"....I totally understand how hard it is for you to break up with him because you "love" him and stuff like that. But trust me no man who loves you is supposed to call you names and insult you. Staying with him is just gonna ruin you and your life. There are so many guys out there. You dont need someone who treats you like that. Trust me you're gonna become stronger id you can do this. BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP
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    you need to stop contact and find a new man
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    It's gonna be hard but in a month or so when you look back ur gonna be so proud of yourself and regret staying with him sooooo much. You have no respect for yourself if you let your partner do that to you. BREAK UP
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    Hes a freak. GET RID
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    Walk on. To be honest, I wouldn't even bother trying to talk it out. He sounds a bit unstable in terms of controlling his anger...who knows what could happen if you try to persist with him?
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    He is a control freak and will make you miserable for the rest of your life. You would end up being a domestic violence victim and he could kill you. Find someone who respects you without all of thse issues.
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    Wow, I don't mean this in a mean way, but do you have "doormat" written across your forehead?

    You probably do love him, and I don't doubt that, but you need to get rid of him. He might have his own problems, but you need to get out of there. You said you've been there for him and tried, but he also needs to try himself. Now I'm guessing his problems are something like anxiety disorder or depression, and if so, I stand by my point that there is only so much we can do, but he needs to help himself too.

    By brushing this to one side you are basically saying "what you are doing is okay, please carry on".

    If he loved you in the same way as you loved him, do you honestly think that he would write that sort of stuff? No matter what he was going through, he wouldn't do that. He's probably just getting back with you because he knows he can do whatever he wants and push you around and you won't say or do anything.

    Now ask yourself: can you honestly live with that for the rest of your life?

    Normally, I would never tell someone on TSR to dump someone else, and I seriously hope this is not a troll because it's not something to joke about, but you need to get out of there. I would say delete him from facebook, delete him from your phone (change your number if you have to!) delete him and block him from any other networking system/site you use and just don't speak to him. He dumped you, he doesn't want you. He only has himself to blame. Yes, it will be hard for you, but in time, you will get over it and once you are, you will see how much of a prick he has been to you, and when you are ready, you'll be able to fall in love again and this time with someone who cares about you and doesn't walk all over you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SpiritedAway)
    Wow, I don't mean this in a mean way, but do you have "doormat" written across your forehead?

    You probably do love him, and I don't doubt that, but you need to get rid of him. He might have his own problems, but you need to get out of there. You said you've been there for him and tried, but he also needs to try himself. Now I'm guessing his problems are something like anxiety disorder or depression, and if so, I stand by my point that there is only so much we can do, but he needs to help himself too.

    By brushing this to one side you are basically saying "what you are doing is okay, please carry on".

    If he loved you in the same way as you loved him, do you honestly think that he would write that sort of stuff? No matter what he was going through, he wouldn't do that. He's probably just getting back with you because he knows he can do whatever he wants and push you around and you won't say or do anything.

    Now ask yourself: can you honestly live with that for the rest of your life?

    Normally, I would never tell someone on TSR to dump someone else, and I seriously hope this is not a troll because it's not something to joke about, but you need to get out of there. I would say delete him from facebook, delete him from your phone (change your number if you have to!) delete him and block him from any other networking system/site you use and just don't speak to him. He dumped you, he doesn't want you. He only has himself to blame. Yes, it will be hard for you, but in time, you will get over it and once you are, you will see how much of a prick he has been to you, and when you are ready, you'll be able to fall in love again and this time with someone who cares about you and doesn't walk all over you.
    It's so hard because when he is not angry he is so kind and loving. He even cries for me sometimes. But in this mood he is awful. I have deleted him off facebook and am texting him to get all my stuff back. My friend has also deleted him off facebook. I have a suspicion he will never change and I am so ****ing hurt that he has to be like this, it would have been so fine if he didn't
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's so hard because when he is not angry he is so kind and loving. He even cries for me sometimes. But in this mood he is awful. I have deleted him off facebook and am texting him to get all my stuff back. My friend has also deleted him off facebook. I have a suspicion he will never change and I am so ****ing hurt that he has to be like this, it would have been so fine if he didn't
    I understand. It will so hard, and it will be hard for a while. But once you've done it, you'll meet someone who treats you like your bf does when he is in a good mood, but all the time! For now though, just cut out all contact, meet him in a neutral place to get your stuff back and don't linger around talking to him (things are way too sore and open at the moment to be able to have a clear enough head to sit down and chat in a pub or a restaurant about why the relationship didn't work :no:). Then you can cuddle up to your friends and mum (well, I don't know whether you have the same relationship with your mum as what I do with mine, but if you live with her, I'm sure she'd be welcoming with hugs). Keep yourself busy; go out with friends, go to the cinema, take up a sport or hobby, go jogging, but don't go for long walks on your own or sit in your room crying all day - it'll just make things harder. The next couple of weeks will be so emotionally hard, but I promise you will eventually come out of it, and you'll be such a stronger person for doing it.
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    Jeremy Kyle time :sexface:
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    I am :curious: to why you girls go for idiots like the one OP described.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We have been together for 3 years. I have always loved him dearly, helped him, supported him, been there always. He on the other hand hasn't really been the same to me, has been verbally abusive, not supportive towards me, a poor listener. But as he has been through problems I always brushed it to one side and put my own needs aside to be there for him. I'd do anything for him. He has anger issues and he can be really cruel to me. Today he lost the plot at me due to his own stress. We had a minor argument about something ridiculous and in retaliation he went through my facebook deleting people, sent me abusive messages along the lines of "you fat, ugly pig I hope you die" and dumped me.

    He has dumped me and sent me abusive messages thousands of times in the past so I am numb to it. But to go through and delete my fbook friends scared me. What should I do? I am so sad as I really loved him.
    Let him go. I've been in that situation before, where I did everything for him, and he manipulated and absued me, and expected me to just be there for him no matter what he did. I felt bad because he was a depressive, and that it wasn't his fault, maybe it was my fault, that I deserved it etc. Eventually, I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore, and I deserved more than that. So the next time he went into a torrent of abuse and ignored me, by the time he was ready to come around, I wasn't there anymore. It was so hard as I truly loved him, but it was the best thing I've ever done.

    It gets better. You deserve someone better. You aren't responsible to help him. HE needs to sort his own problems out before he can get into a relationship. PM me if you need to talk about it. :hug:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's so hard because when he is not angry he is so kind and loving. He even cries for me sometimes. But in this mood he is awful. I have deleted him off facebook and am texting him to get all my stuff back. My friend has also deleted him off facebook. I have a suspicion he will never change and I am so ****ing hurt that he has to be like this, it would have been so fine if he didn't
    It feels like hes two people, doesn't it? A kind, vulnerable, sweet person, and then an angry, controlling abuser. I've been through this as well. "I'm really sorry, I won't do it again!" "I love you so so much, you're amazing to put up with me, you're the one I want to spend my life with and I'll always be there for you", "Please take me back, I miss you so much, I can't believe what I've done, I'm an idiot" etc. Sound familiar?

    Trust me, you're better off without him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by .Ali.)
    It feels like hes two people, doesn't it? A kind, vulnerable, sweet person, and then an angry, controlling abuser. I've been through this as well. "I'm really sorry, I won't do it again!" "I love you so so much, you're amazing to put up with me, you're the one I want to spend my life with and I'll always be there for you", "Please take me back, I miss you so much, I can't believe what I've done, I'm an idiot" etc. Sound familiar?

    Trust me, you're better off without him.
    But I love the sweet, kind caring side. It hurts so much. I have images of him as a vulnerable kid who looks to me for support and love (which he did) btu then he has this other side.
 
 
 
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