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Would like advice on my break up? Sorry its long Watch

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    I feel really silly turning to a forum to ask for advice.. but desperate times call for desperate measures!! Heres the story..

    im turning 18 in a couple weeks and my now exboyfriend is 18 (lets call him bob). We've known eachother and gone to the same schools since we were 8. (we havent always been close, just knew of eachother as it is a smallish town.) Since we were about 15, the whole romance started. Ill be blatently honest, i have had a lot of guys attracted to me, but i dont take it seriously.. So, bob.. and I started off as friends and he was just another guy friend that fell for me, told me all these lovely things.. then admitted hes falling in love. I flipped, saying we were too young and not to be offended as i didnt really feel the same way. I suppose i was sort of anti-young love. As time went on though, out of all the guys.. i did fall for him. REALLY DEEP. Despite him not being the brightest, funniest, whatever.. we had a chemistry. We ended up getting really deep and serious for over 2 years. Ended up planning the rest our lives together.. in detail. I know i know, bad idea. But neither of us are idiots and knew this was just a possibility. Anyway, so i had the best two years of my life, and so did he apparently. Everyone -his friends, my friends etc always said how hes far more into me than i was him.. This was true until about the past year.

    Long story short, we were really really in love. Everyone always told me i could do better (im fairly attractive, fairly intelligent -(heading off to medical school in a few months hopefully), im generally a decent person that likes doing good deeds ha ) Bob, is also a lovely guy.. hes attractive too, but doesnt get as much attention as me i suppose, hes not really that clever, but all that mattered to me was that he was a nice guy. Now, we had the best possible relationship and felt so so grateful! We were really in love, and did a lot together. A typical day would involve sending 100 texts to each other, most likely seeing eachother and perhaps a good night phone call. I still had a balanced life and managed to fit in my school work, got straight As.. my extra curricular stuff, my part time job, had quite an active social life with friends and managed to spend time with the family too. Sounds like the perfect life right? It really was, and i am so grateful.

    Recently, he called me sobbing, and broke up with me. Why? because he said things wont work out.. i admit we did argue more than normal but it was little trivial stuff that i dont even remember. This lasted 5 days (of absolute hell! - no eating, sleeping etc on my end atleast) Then we got back together. This time i was really weary of it all, we were together for a month till i asked to have a chat because i felt that most days he was being half-hearted about it. During this chat, we broke up... he felt guilty that he was affecting me so much, i was so upset when we had little arguments etc, and that it was affecting my education - i could no longer concentrate in lessons.

    Its been a month now since we broke up, and time isnt healing my wounds. I dont know what to do? i still cant eat - i have lost so much weight, i constantly feel mentally fatigued and faint, im failing at school, i have exams in less than a month - i can kiss goodbye my place at medical school. Each day, is only getting harder as i feel us distancing more and more. There is literally no excitement in my life. I recently passed my driving test and bought a new car, i should be very excited but im not? Since the breakup, i have only left the house for school, part-time job or other commitments i cant get out of whereas he has gone out met new people etc. Both our families want us to be friends, as do we.. but im not sure i can do this? each time i see him it relights the feelings.. but when i avoid him, im still miserable. I really want to feel normal but i dont know how? The only reason we have broken up is because he doesnt think itll work out in the long run and doesnt want to hurt me. He admitted he is still very much in love with me and that i always will mean the world to him, but it wont work out forever so despite not wanting to do this, we have to apparently. When i said about the possibility of getting back together one day, in months to come he said that idea was nice but for now its best for the both of us to not be together. I wont be waiting forever though..

    I just need some advice please?! How do i find the energy to pick myself up and get on with my other commitments and be able to revise for these exams etc?
    sorry its so long!
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    First and formost I will say this.. heartbreak is not an easy thing to get over, and there's not really anything people can tell you that will make things better
    It will take time, I'd love to be able to say in a month you'll be fine.. but there's no way of telling how long it could take.
    I will suggest a few things that helped me when I was getting over my ex
    Cut off all contact with your ex, for the time being at least.. it will hurt as hell to start with and you will miss him, but I found that as time went on, I started to miss my ex less and less and eventually found I was going days without even thinking about her.
    Talk to people about this: Personally, I found someone on here going through a similar situation to mine and talking to her allowed to be able to accept how I was feeling and we could moan and confess our sorrows knowing that there was someone that could understand us
    I guess I was lucky since when I broke up with her (early october) I wasn't at sixth form since on a gap year, so didn't have to worry about studies being affected.. however I did have commitments to work etc, so I guess in terms of helping you be able to revise.. you know you have to so you're going to just have to do it, even though it won't be easy.. you're a prospective medic so you know that you need to get the grades.. and not sure if you already an offer for med school.. but I think a lot of them don't allow resits.. but I suppose worse case scenario if you don't feel ready for the exams you could ask for any january modules to be cancelled and have a very busy, stressful summer.
    I definitely suggest going out with your friends, it does help take your mind off of things and you'll be surprised at how much it can help.
    But anyway long post :/ but if any of this helps then I'm glad I wrote it :yep:
    And I'll leave this post by saying that the next weeks/months won't be easy.. but it is possible to get over love.. I'm living proof
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel really silly turning to a forum to ask for advice.. but desperate times call for desperate measures!! Heres the story..

    im turning 18 in a couple weeks and my now exboyfriend is 18 (lets call him bob). We've known eachother and gone to the same schools since we were 8. (we havent always been close, just knew of eachother as it is a smallish town.) Since we were about 15, the whole romance started. Ill be blatently honest, i have had a lot of guys attracted to me, but i dont take it seriously.. So, bob.. and I started off as friends and he was just another guy friend that fell for me, told me all these lovely things.. then admitted hes falling in love. I flipped, saying we were too young and not to be offended as i didnt really feel the same way. I suppose i was sort of anti-young love. As time went on though, out of all the guys.. i did fall for him. REALLY DEEP. Despite him not being the brightest, funniest, whatever.. we had a chemistry. We ended up getting really deep and serious for over 2 years. Ended up planning the rest our lives together.. in detail. I know i know, bad idea. But neither of us are idiots and knew this was just a possibility. Anyway, so i had the best two years of my life, and so did he apparently. Everyone -his friends, my friends etc always said how hes far more into me than i was him.. This was true until about the past year.

    Long story short, we were really really in love. Everyone always told me i could do better (im fairly attractive, fairly intelligent -(heading off to medical school in a few months hopefully), im generally a decent person that likes doing good deeds ha ) Bob, is also a lovely guy.. hes attractive too, but doesnt get as much attention as me i suppose, hes not really that clever, but all that mattered to me was that he was a nice guy. Now, we had the best possible relationship and felt so so grateful! We were really in love, and did a lot together. A typical day would involve sending 100 texts to each other, most likely seeing eachother and perhaps a good night phone call. I still had a balanced life and managed to fit in my school work, got straight As.. my extra curricular stuff, my part time job, had quite an active social life with friends and managed to spend time with the family too. Sounds like the perfect life right? It really was, and i am so grateful.

    Recently, he called me sobbing, and broke up with me. Why? because he said things wont work out.. i admit we did argue more than normal but it was little trivial stuff that i dont even remember. This lasted 5 days (of absolute hell! - no eating, sleeping etc on my end atleast) Then we got back together. This time i was really weary of it all, we were together for a month till i asked to have a chat because i felt that most days he was being half-hearted about it. During this chat, we broke up... he felt guilty that he was affecting me so much, i was so upset when we had little arguments etc, and that it was affecting my education - i could no longer concentrate in lessons.

    Its been a month now since we broke up, and time isnt healing my wounds. I dont know what to do? i still cant eat - i have lost so much weight, i constantly feel mentally fatigued and faint, im failing at school, i have exams in less than a month - i can kiss goodbye my place at medical school. Each day, is only getting harder as i feel us distancing more and more. There is literally no excitement in my life. I recently passed my driving test and bought a new car, i should be very excited but im not? Since the breakup, i have only left the house for school, part-time job or other commitments i cant get out of whereas he has gone out met new people etc. Both our families want us to be friends, as do we.. but im not sure i can do this? each time i see him it relights the feelings.. but when i avoid him, im still miserable. I really want to feel normal but i dont know how? The only reason we have broken up is because he doesnt think itll work out in the long run and doesnt want to hurt me. He admitted he is still very much in love with me and that i always will mean the world to him, but it wont work out forever so despite not wanting to do this, we have to apparently. When i said about the possibility of getting back together one day, in months to come he said that idea was nice but for now its best for the both of us to not be together. I wont be waiting forever though..

    I just need some advice please?! How do i find the energy to pick myself up and get on with my other commitments and be able to revise for these exams etc?
    sorry its so long!
    i'm sorry to hear that, heartbreak isn't easy to cure quickly, it takes time to repair. the best thing to do is to pick up your life again, resume studies as it will distract you easier.

    DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM ever, it'll keep you hanging on for a long time so i would suggest is to move on, its too early to find someone new. get your studies out of the way, do well in it. your life depends on your success.
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    Going through the same thing, there seem to be quite a few of us right now, two other girls I have been pm'ing on here, and they've been great. Fill the void by spending time with your friends! Make sure you try and revise hard over the xmas hols, not going to college means you'll have no reason to see your ex. As the above poster has said, you need to cut contact as well. I know how difficult this is right now, and it really grinds on you, but will be so much better in the long run! For now - especially over xmas, try and surround yourself with friends and revision and of course family. I struggled to eat for a couple of days, but make sure you do, force yourself to try and eat healthy portions - and of course make sure you get some Ben n Jerry's in there! (currently £2 at tesco so stock up) - seriously, i'm on my second tub in a month - it does wonders you will be okay, this will make you stronger. I know it's really hard, but try and prioritise - right now you need to work for your exams - just see your friends loads too so you don't feel lonely. You'll be okay, we both will
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    Just want to say that from what I have read you seem like a lovely girl
    I totally agree with the other posts, heartbreak isn't easy. It takes time to come to terms with change, for so long you had him there and now he is gone.
    Time is the greatest healer. To speed the process up learn to love yourself. You are the only person that won't turn their back when things are rough. Achieve what you want to achieve, DONT wait for him, it will mess with your head. Leave him behind in your path to success.
    I'm not saying don't ever get back together but letting go really does improve the chances of that happening, it sounds weird but trust me.
    I wish you all the best!
    xx
 
 
 
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