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    Hello,
    Long story short, at the beginning of this academic year, I got myself a job.

    At this job I met this girl whos just lovely. Shes intelligent, funny, shes gorgeous, and I think in many ways shes like my ideal girl.

    We get on really well, we're always flirting (ie. shes always flirting with me and I flirt back, and initiate some flirting too). I'm always making her laugh, and likewise.

    She seems quite shy around me, was play fighting with me over the last few weeks, and has been giving off signals, which I'm pretty sure I've not misread. Thing is shes quite a good girl, studious, doesn't spend her entire life clubbing, or getting with guys, like shes waiting for someone she really wants to be with, which is why I think the following happened...

    So, the other day we had our xmas do, which she was pretty adamant she wasn't going to go to, and tbh i wasn't too keen on either. I went along, only cause she agreed to come when I said 'i'll go if you do '

    So we're there talking, still laughing at each others jokes, she spends a lot of time looking into my eyes. Party itself was quite rubbish. Then near the end of the night (a few minutes before I left while waiting for my taxi) I ask her out.

    Her reaction was first to ask me to repeat myself, as I think she was a little shocked or couldn't hear me over the music, she got REALLY shy and just tried to buy some time, she had a bit of a nervous giggle. She then goes something along the lines of 'I've got uni all next week. sorry. oops I feel a bit awkward now'. All this was said like in a rush, like she didn't really know what to say. To which I replied 'ok fair enough' as well as i could to make it seem like no big thing, gave her a hug, by which point my cab was here, and left.

    I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm definitely going to play it cool, and just carry on as we have in the last couple of weeks (tone it down a touch perhaps), but basically pretend nothing happened.

    Not really planning on talking or acknowledging it, and if she does I'm planning on just being like 'hey it's alright. I asked you out, you said no, life goes on really.' and just joke it off a little (not as in i was joking when asking you out, but 'oh well, **** happens' kinda thing).

    Sound like a plan? anyone able to spot where I went wrong?
    Thanks!
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    Bump. took a while to be approved. thanks
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    just be straight up
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    (Original post by 786girl)
    just be straight up
    In what respect? I'm not about to tell her all this as I'm sure it'd creep her out. I'd just like a chance to take her out, and see if there is anything. It's not like I'm getting down on one knee etc.

    I think I have been pretty straight up in terms of flirting with her, then asking her out not too soon, but not so late I'm in the friend zone...

    Ah well.
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    #1

    would love some more opinions. I'm not spamming, but have a genuine question and would like a bit more of an in depth answer if anyone has any opinions.

    I know it's not the biggest issue ever, but it is bugging me as I've just come out of a 5 year relationship where I was cheated on which severely knocked my confidence and this is my first time 'back on the scene' if you get my drift. Not the end of the world if I've screwed up, but trying to apply meaning to it when I'm in the situation is more difficult than if someone outside had a look.

    Thanks kindly, really appreciate any replies.
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    Well, maybe she was just really busy lol, and it sounds like she does like you, and I don't think you did anything wrong, and whatever happened to make her say no is on her part, not yours x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So we're there talking, still laughing at each others jokes, she spends a lot of time looking into my eyes. Party itself was quite rubbish. Then near the end of the night (a few minutes before I left while waiting for my taxi) I ask her out.

    Her reaction was first to ask me to repeat myself, as I think she was a little shocked or couldn't hear me over the music, she got REALLY shy and just tried to buy some time, she had a bit of a nervous giggle. She then goes something along the lines of 'I've got uni all next week. sorry. oops I feel a bit awkward now'. All this was said like in a rush, like she didn't really know what to say. To which I replied 'ok fair enough' as well as i could to make it seem like no big thing, gave her a hug, by which point my cab was here, and left.

    I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm definitely going to play it cool, and just carry on as we have in the last couple of weeks (tone it down a touch perhaps), but basically pretend nothing happened.

    Not really planning on talking or acknowledging it, and if she does I'm planning on just being like 'hey it's alright. I asked you out, you said no, life goes on really.' and just joke it off a little (not as in i was joking when asking you out, but 'oh well, **** happens' kinda thing).

    Sound like a plan? anyone able to spot where I went wrong?
    Thanks!
    I can’t see where you did anything wrong. Perhaps you simply caught her totally off guard.

    I would consider approaching her like Thursday and inquire how her uni situation was going and then if it appeared that she was available and seemed receptive, I’d ask if she’d be interested in going out Friday night. If she still avoided I would probably move on.

    Best wishes
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,
    Long story short, at the beginning of this academic year, I got myself a job.

    At this job I met this girl whos just lovely. Shes intelligent, funny, shes gorgeous, and I think in many ways shes like my ideal girl.

    We get on really well, we're always flirting (ie. shes always flirting with me and I flirt back, and initiate some flirting too). I'm always making her laugh, and likewise.

    She seems quite shy around me, was play fighting with me over the last few weeks, and has been giving off signals, which I'm pretty sure I've not misread. Thing is shes quite a good girl, studious, doesn't spend her entire life clubbing, or getting with guys, like shes waiting for someone she really wants to be with, which is why I think the following happened...

    So, the other day we had our xmas do, which she was pretty adamant she wasn't going to go to, and tbh i wasn't too keen on either. I went along, only cause she agreed to come when I said 'i'll go if you do '

    So we're there talking, still laughing at each others jokes, she spends a lot of time looking into my eyes. Party itself was quite rubbish. Then near the end of the night (a few minutes before I left while waiting for my taxi) I ask her out.

    Her reaction was first to ask me to repeat myself, as I think she was a little shocked or couldn't hear me over the music, she got REALLY shy and just tried to buy some time, she had a bit of a nervous giggle. She then goes something along the lines of 'I've got uni all next week. sorry. oops I feel a bit awkward now'. All this was said like in a rush, like she didn't really know what to say. To which I replied 'ok fair enough' as well as i could to make it seem like no big thing, gave her a hug, by which point my cab was here, and left.

    I'm not sure what I did wrong. I'm definitely going to play it cool, and just carry on as we have in the last couple of weeks (tone it down a touch perhaps), but basically pretend nothing happened.

    Not really planning on talking or acknowledging it, and if she does I'm planning on just being like 'hey it's alright. I asked you out, you said no, life goes on really.' and just joke it off a little (not as in i was joking when asking you out, but 'oh well, **** happens' kinda thing).

    Sound like a plan? anyone able to spot where I went wrong?
    Thanks!
    Unfortunately, you made a few common, rookie mistakes that almost every guy makes with girls, only to get rejected and leave you feeling bitter and confused as to what went wrong.

    The basic problem is that you were 'beating around the bush' too much with this girl. You engaged in too much 'playful banter'/'flirting', and too much 'trying to make her laugh', instead of simply being honest and upfront about your interest in her.

    See, here's the thing most young guys don't realise....they think that 'flirting', 'making a girl laugh' etc means they are 'getting somewhere' with a girl. That really isn't the case! Just because you're talking to a girl and engaging her in a fun/entertaining conversation etc DOES NOT automatically mean you're 'getting somewhere with her'. Most women love attention and love to talk to and flirt with guys even if they don't fancy them. So merely talking to a girl still leaves ambiguity as to whether she fancies you or not.

    The solution to this problem is simply to be upfront and honest with girls RIGHT FROM THE START about your true interests and intentions. Also, cut out the flirting, cut out the 'trying to make her laugh' bull****, cut out the trivial small talk, cut out the pointless entertaining conversation and instead get to the point and let girls know you think they're attractive and then ask them out.

    This way, a girl can't lead you on, there can be no ambiguity...she either has to reciprocate your interests, or reject your interests. When you are upfront about YOUR intentions with a girl, you force her to reveal HER intentions to you, leaving no ambiguity. Either way, it's win-win for you because you find out the truth and don't waste time on girls who aren't interested.

    You can still get to know girls of course, but you need to state your intentions upfront so she knows you're getting to know her because you want to be lovers and not just friends. If you start getting to know a girl without stating your intentions, you're headed for the friends zone.

    It's tricky when the girl is someone you work with too, you're on dangerous terrritory there, but you should still be to the point instead of beating round the bush, just be classy about it if she's not interested.

    You said you 'asked her out', but what do you mean exactly? Did you state your intentions i.e. tell her you're attracted to her and want to get together with her, or did you just invite her out? Because if you were vague about your intentions, she will be vague with you. You need to tell girls in plain English what your want from them/why you want to get together with them.

    To be honest, it sounds like the girl you like doesn't feel the same way. She sees you platonically, but not sexually. If she fancied you, she'd have reciprocated your interests. Be straight up with her and get her to reveal her feelings to you. If she's not interested, be fine about it and move on to another girl.

    My advice is to read an ebook called 'Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thnking' by Alan Roger Currie, which is an ebook explaining why it's crucial to always be upfront and honest with women about your intentions. It'll change your life. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Unfortunately, you made a few common, rookie mistakes that almost every guy makes with girls, only to get rejected and leave you feeling bitter and confused as to what went wrong.

    The basic problem is that you were 'beating around the bush' too much with this girl. You engaged in too much 'playful banter'/'flirting', and too much 'trying to make her laugh', instead of simply being honest and upfront about your interest in her.

    See, here's the thing most young guys don't realise....they think that 'flirting', 'making a girl laugh' etc means they are 'getting somewhere' with a girl. That really isn't the case! Just because you're talking to a girl and engaging her in a fun/entertaining conversation etc DOES NOT automatically mean you're 'getting somewhere with her'. Most women love attention and love to talk to and flirt with guys even if they don't fancy them. So merely talking to a girl still leaves ambiguity as to whether she fancies you or not.

    The solution to this problem is simply to be upfront and honest with girls RIGHT FROM THE START about your true interests and intentions. Also, cut out the flirting, cut out the 'trying to make her laugh' bull****, cut out the trivial small talk, cut out the pointless entertaining conversation and instead get to the point and let girls know you think they're attractive and then ask them out.

    This way, a girl can't lead you on, there can be no ambiguity...she either has to reciprocate your interests, or reject your interests. When you are upfront about YOUR intentions with a girl, you force her to reveal HER intentions to you, leaving no ambiguity. Either way, it's win-win for you because you find out the truth and don't waste time on girls who aren't interested.

    You can still get to know girls of course, but you need to state your intentions upfront so she knows you're getting to know her because you want to be lovers and not just friends. If you start getting to know a girl without stating your intentions, you're headed for the friends zone.

    It's tricky when the girl is someone you work with too, you're on dangerous terrritory there, but you should still be to the point instead of beating round the bush, just be classy about it if she's not interested.

    You said you 'asked her out', but what do you mean exactly? Did you state your intentions i.e. tell her you're attracted to her and want to get together with her, or did you just invite her out? Because if you were vague about your intentions, she will be vague with you. You need to tell girls in plain English what your want from them/why you want to get together with them.

    To be honest, it sounds like the girl you like doesn't feel the same way. She sees you platonically, but not sexually. If she fancied you, she'd have reciprocated your interests. Be straight up with her and get her to reveal her feelings to you. If she's not interested, be fine about it and move on to another girl.

    My advice is to read an ebook called 'Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thnking' by Alan Roger Currie, which is an ebook explaining why it's crucial to always be upfront and honest with women about your intentions. It'll change your life. Good luck.
    This is good advice. I approve.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm definitely going to play it cool, and just carry on as we have in the last couple of weeks (tone it down a touch perhaps), but basically pretend nothing happened.

    Not really planning on talking or acknowledging it, and if she does I'm planning on just being like 'hey it's alright. I asked you out, you said no, life goes on really.' and just joke it off a little (not as in i was joking when asking you out, but 'oh well, **** happens' kinda thing).

    Sound like a plan? anyone able to spot where I went wrong?
    Thanks!
    Sounds like a plan to me at least. Only I would say that don't pretend that you are not interested in her; if she does bring it up do make it clear (unambiguous) that you are interested in her that way and if she then says she isn't, do like you said, but if she says she's not sure, say you can wait (if you can, or sth).

    Do you know if she's ever had a boyfriend? If she's shy she may just not be sure about how to go about it or feel nervous about saying yes not knowing what she's letting herself in for. You could ease in by going on group / double dates before going on dates.
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    asking while waiting for a taxi back to your place :/ catch my drift?
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    If this was me and she said no (and i have uni next week is saying no without actually saying no) id leave it and move on, she had her chance and lost it, whether you took her by suprise or not. She could easily have said "i have uni next week but how about the week after."

    Dont beat yourself up, move on its her loss.

    However if you feel your reeeeeally must try again wait till she comes back and ask her again. But do NOT ask a third time.
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    Neil_K said it right. The fact that you have nice conversations doesn't mean that she fancy you or maybe she just don't know what she wants.
    Try again this time be more direct in what you want from her.

    If she don't want to go out with you the best option is to cut contact.
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    Contrary to the opening thread, I don't actually think you did do anything wrong except that your effort to ask her out sounds a little half-hearted (in that she could tell you were afraid of rejection) . Neil_K makes some good points but 'making a girl laugh' and 'flirting' do not hinder your chances at all.

    But he is right in that you have to make it clear of your attraction. It sounds like this girl doesnt even know how to handle being asked out. I would advise you let it go, you sound like a good guy (and not in the nice guy who finishes last kindof way but I mean a guy that is attractive to girls) so you shouldnt be short of female attention. However if you feel she is worth pursuing (which ultimately only you can decide) then do'nt be halfhearted about it. Make it clear of your attraction. Maybe you were too half-hearted when you asked her out the first time? Take a risk, being shot down does not make you a lesser person. So if you do ask her again be a little cocky, and make it clear that if she isn't willing to give you a shot the next girl will.
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    (Original post by Aggressive revolutionary!)
    Neil_K makes some good points but 'making a girl laugh' and 'flirting' do not hinder your chances at all.
    They don't necessarily 'hinder' your chances...but the point I was making is that just because a girl flirts with you or just because you 'get her laughing' doesn't automatically mean she fancies you. This is a mistake most guys make...they think that just because they're talking to a girl (but not revealing their intentions), that they are somehow 'getting somewhere'. These things alone are not the true test of whether a girl is into you sexually/romantically, which is why it's important to state your intentions clearly upfront so you can get the girl to reveal her intentions too.

    Though with laughter, I think it's important not to take it too far and become a clown or 'mr funny man'. You want to be witty and have a certain light-heartedness and playfullness about you, but take it too far and you just end up being a girl's personal entertainer and someone she can't take seriously.

    The most important thing when first interacting with a girl you fancy is to let her know your intentions honestly, and then let the conversation roll from there.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    They don't necessarily 'hinder' your chances...but the point I was making is that just because a girl flirts with you or just because you 'get her laughing' doesn't automatically mean she fancies you. This is a mistake most guys make...they think that just because they're talking to a girl (but not revealing their intentions), that they are somehow 'getting somewhere'. These things alone are not the true test of whether a girl is into you sexually/romantically, which is why it's important to state your intentions clearly upfront so you can get the girl to reveal her intentions too.

    Though with laughter, I think it's important not to take it too far and become a clown or 'mr funny man'. You want to be witty and have a certain light-heartedness and playfullness about you, but take it too far and you just end up being a girl's personal entertainer and someone she can't take seriously.

    The most important thing when first interacting with a girl you fancy is to let her know your intentions honestly, and then let the conversation roll from there.
    I would agree with this entirely. Well written Neil_K. With regards to the thread starter, I would also add that even if she did not laugh or overtly flirt it does not mean she doesnt like you. Everything points to just going for it, forget all the crap about reading signals and worrying about 'what went wrong', as you said 'life goes on' if things don't work out.
 
 
 
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