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The **** I went through at school is still ****ing me up Watch

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    I went through a really dreadful time at school; I’ve since been diagnosed as being mildly autistic, but because my parents only believe in physical illness, I was never tested as a child in spite of being identified as a possible, and so never received help.

    Due to this condition, I never really fit in with other kids … and kids aren’t stupid, they picked up on the many ways that I was different and bullied me mercilessly for them. Teachers bullied me too. I don’t really want to dwell on what they did, but it was physical and extreme emotional bullying – there were days of end when I didn’t go into school, I very seriously considered suicide at one time, that sort of thing.

    I soon learnt telling people didn’t really help (I went to schools with ‘no bullying’ because they ignored any reports of it and didn’t keep any records) and I’m not a violent assertive person, so I took to just keeping it all inside of me. This carried on right up until I left school.

    I’ve been trying very hard to get over it – just forget about it, it’s been a few years since I was in that dark, dark place … but every now and then, things come up and I realise how much it’s still affecting me. A few months ago, I received an invitation to a reunion; I think it was just to taunt me, I never want to return there again, they can’t believe I would. Today, I was looking at an old photo of myself – really young, before all this happened – and thought, “You look so happy, but I know what’s going to happen to you.” Made me feel sad about it all over again.

    Because I was never really in an environment where I could discuss mental problems (for example, I could talk about a broken tooth I incurred; couldn’t say that they made me hide in the toilet crying), I never have dealt with it, just buried it deep within me and now it’s all coming out again … and I don’t know how to stop it, because I didn’t stop it then either, just I left school and the problem went away.

    I don’t really know what I’m hoping to do by posting – get it off my chest maybe, find comfort in people that have been through the same thing, I don’t know. Anyone got anything to say, or suggest?
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    the ****
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    I dont know what to say, I was kind of hoping that somebody who does would have posted by now.

    You're not alone though you know, every school has that one kid who everybody decides to **** on. I was the one in mine as well.

    Are you getting help? If you are at uni it should be fairly easy to get an appointment with the unis mental health team, if not you will have to go to your gp...you will probably be on a fairly long waiting list though.
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    I'm really sorry to hear what you went through What's your situation now? Have you got friends now? College/uni?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I dont know what to say, I was kind of hoping that somebody who does would have posted by now.

    You're not alone though you know, every school has that one kid who everybody decides to **** on. I was the one in mine as well.

    Are you getting help? If you are at uni it should be fairly easy to get an appointment with the unis mental health team, if not you will have to go to your gp...you will probably be on a fairly long waiting list though.
    I wouldn't really know what to say, though... Like I say, it's been a good few years now, so it might feel strange talking about it again.

    Then again, it's not like I've ever got over it - emotionally, it may as well have all happened yesterday.

    May I ask (if you ever see this) how do you feel about it now?
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    (Original post by becky.fm)
    I'm really sorry to hear what you went through What's your situation now? Have you got friends now? College/uni?
    Thanks.

    They didn't get to ruin my life - I didn't kill myself (obviously) because I realised they didn't earn the satisfaction, and never having friends to do anything else with meant I got great exam results and am doing exactly what I want in a uni I love. I have friends here, I'm happy here.

    My life now is good, that's what makes me feel like an ungrateful git for being so affected by this, because it's not still happening. But all the old problems are still there, just buried deep within and capable of erupting at odd times.

    Does that sound really bad?
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    Your Stronger Than You Think Keep Your Head up Smile And Turn The Negative's into Positives
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks.

    They didn't get to ruin my life - I didn't kill myself (obviously) because I realised they didn't earn the satisfaction, and never having friends to do anything else with meant I got great exam results and am doing exactly what I want in a uni I love. I have friends here, I'm happy here.

    My life now is good, that's what makes me feel like an ungrateful git for being so affected by this, because it's not still happening. But all the old problems are still there, just buried deep within and capable of erupting at odd times.

    Does that sound really bad?
    I'm really happy you've found happiness But at least you're happy now, there's a lot of people who aren't.

    I defo think it's worth speaking to a Mental Health person at uni.. they will just be there to listen. But it will be nice for you to be able to get it all out, and get some sound advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't really know what to say, though... Like I say, it's been a good few years now, so it might feel strange talking about it again.

    Then again, it's not like I've ever got over it - emotionally, it may as well have all happened yesterday.

    May I ask (if you ever see this) how do you feel about it now?
    You just need to get the right sort of help, if talking wouldnt be good for you something else will be . I guess the initial appointment would include finding the right think.

    A lot of my problems with it dissapeared when I got my aspergers diagnosis. It explained most things. I still hate most of my old school 'friends' and I think alot of my teachers need stringing up, but the explanation means that I can keep it all seperate from my day to day life now. It builds a wall around it.

    I guess I should go in there and sort it out so that I dont need the wall, but im going to wait untill I re enter uni in a couple of years as a mature student. Uni mental health teams seem so much better than community ones.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks.

    They didn't get to ruin my life - I didn't kill myself (obviously) because I realised they didn't earn the satisfaction, and never having friends to do anything else with meant I got great exam results and am doing exactly what I want in a uni I love. I have friends here, I'm happy here.

    My life now is good, that's what makes me feel like an ungrateful git for being so affected by this, because it's not still happening. But all the old problems are still there, just buried deep within and capable of erupting at odd times.

    Does that sound really bad?
    Even if you're happy now (which is great btw) it will only help you to sort out the problems you had in your past because even if they are buried deep they appear to be affecting you now - the best way for you to move past this might be for you to actually get some help since you never had before.

    And it doesn't sound bad, it just sounds like you've gone through some stuff you never came to terms with.

    I wish you all the best and i hope you manage to get over all of this :console:
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    (Original post by markberry91)
    Your Stronger Than You Think Keep Your Head up Smile And Turn The Negative's into Positives
    Without trying to sound dismissive, that's the sort of advice that led to me internalising this.

    (Original post by becky.fm)
    I'm really happy you've found happiness But at least you're happy now, there's a lot of people who aren't.

    I defo think it's worth speaking to a Mental Health person at uni.. they will just be there to listen. But it will be nice for you to be able to get it all out, and get some sound advice.
    So am I, and yeah, some people don't get to move past it at all.

    I just don't know if they'd sympathise with me about it, though; I mean, I go back sometimes and find these old bullies stacking shelves and working in the market ... and I feel almost happy about that, like I got the final laugh. I'm worried people would think I'm evil for that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You just need to get the right sort of help, if talking wouldnt be good for you something else will be . I guess the initial appointment would include finding the right think.

    A lot of my problems with it dissapeared when I got my aspergers diagnosis. It explained most things. I still hate most of my old school 'friends' and I think alot of my teachers need stringing up, but the explanation means that I can keep it all seperate from my day to day life now. It builds a wall around it.

    I guess I should go in there and sort it out so that I dont need the wall, but im going to wait untill I re enter uni in a couple of years as a mature student. Uni mental health teams seem so much better than community ones.
    When I was told I am autistic, it did help a bit - it didn't explain why they did it and it didn't justify what they did, because there is no reason to treat anybody the way they treated me ... but it was like I could separate it from myself (even though I know the autism is part of me) and say that there was a reason it happened and that it wasn't really my fault.

    Is that a bit like the way you feel about it?

    (Original post by Le Masquerador.)
    Even if you're happy now (which is great btw) it will only help you to sort out the problems you had in your past because even if they are buried deep they appear to be affecting you now - the best way for you to move past this might be for you to actually get some help since you never had before.

    And it doesn't sound bad, it just sounds like you've gone through some stuff you never came to terms with.

    I wish you all the best and i hope you manage to get over all of this :console:
    I'm beginning to see I probably do need help - I got so used to pushing my problems inside me, that I never dealt with them, just put them in storage somewhere and now something has triggered them to all be released again.

    You're right, I never did come to terms with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went through a really dreadful time at school; I’ve since been diagnosed as being mildly autistic, but because my parents only believe in physical illness, I was never tested as a child in spite of being identified as a possible, and so never received help.

    Due to this condition, I never really fit in with other kids … and kids aren’t stupid, they picked up on the many ways that I was different and bullied me mercilessly for them. Teachers bullied me too. I don’t really want to dwell on what they did, but it was physical and extreme emotional bullying – there were days of end when I didn’t go into school, I very seriously considered suicide at one time, that sort of thing.

    I soon learnt telling people didn’t really help (I went to schools with ‘no bullying’ because they ignored any reports of it and didn’t keep any records) and I’m not a violent assertive person, so I took to just keeping it all inside of me. This carried on right up until I left school.

    I’ve been trying very hard to get over it – just forget about it, it’s been a few years since I was in that dark, dark place … but every now and then, things come up and I realise how much it’s still affecting me. A few months ago, I received an invitation to a reunion; I think it was just to taunt me, I never want to return there again, they can’t believe I would. Today, I was looking at an old photo of myself – really young, before all this happened – and thought, “You look so happy, but I know what’s going to happen to you.” Made me feel sad about it all over again.

    Because I was never really in an environment where I could discuss mental problems (for example, I could talk about a broken tooth I incurred; couldn’t say that they made me hide in the toilet crying), I never have dealt with it, just buried it deep within me and now it’s all coming out again … and I don’t know how to stop it, because I didn’t stop it then either, just I left school and the problem went away.

    I don’t really know what I’m hoping to do by posting – get it off my chest maybe, find comfort in people that have been through the same thing, I don’t know. Anyone got anything to say, or suggest?
    Ah... here's my story. I have Asperger's (a mild form of autism) and I have been bullied through most of my school life as well. To make matters worse, I spent one year with no uni/work after leaving school (not a choice, but had to cos of financial problems) and mid way through that year I was raped. The year following i started uni, but went for a course not entirely to my liking (parental pressure). Five years from that day, I am still alive and kicking....but inside me, I am struggling to being the girl I am/was. 'Strugglng' cos both rape and going for a different course (than the one I felt I had a strong desire for) ****ed me up completely. Plus, having asperger's and not having any friends around (though, always desiring and fantasizing about having people's company) was/is hard to live with. I have a stubborn personality too, so I went about confessin to a lot of random guys/girls about my 'problems' with the way my mind felt (I didnt/ still sometimes dont) feel like myself deep within (due to rape?) ...only to have their backs turned to me. Ah! life is hard, isnt it?!...but I am still living and despite the rare urge once in a long while to commit suicide, I am in my eternal struggle to 'get myself back'...and I shan't give up. Keep going, be strong! dont ever give up.
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    GP's are amazing. They may suggest medication - I don't know, but if they do, medication is brilliant.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks.

    They didn't get to ruin my life - I didn't kill myself (obviously) because I realised they didn't earn the satisfaction, and never having friends to do anything else with meant I got great exam results and am doing exactly what I want in a uni I love. I have friends here, I'm happy here.

    My life now is good, that's what makes me feel like an ungrateful git for being so affected by this, because it's not still happening. But all the old problems are still there, just buried deep within and capable of erupting at odd times.

    Does that sound really bad?
    It's understandable, but you have a good life now. Don't let a bad memory put down all of this. The advice I would give to you is repress the memory, meaning bury it so deep that you wont remember it if someone asked you. You can do this by trying to take out the stuff that can make you remember it.

    You had a pretty **** childhood. But seeing how your life is so good now, You cannot let your past ruin your present and future.
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    (Original post by LazyWorseThanInfidel)
    GP's are amazing. They may suggest medication - I don't know, but if they do, medication is brilliant.
    :rofl: Love how drug-seeking this sounds - thanks!

    (Original post by The Cornerstone)
    It's understandable, but you have a good life now. Don't let a bad memory put down all of this. The advice I would give to you is repress the memory, meaning bury it so deep that you wont remember it if someone asked you. You can do this by trying to take out the stuff that can make you remember it.

    You had a pretty **** childhood. But seeing how your life is so good now, You cannot let your past ruin your present and future.
    I've tried burying it already - I've buried it for years. However, something's happened to open them up again, and I don't think I can bury it so well again. There's a lot of pain there, and ironically I think now it's not all happening I'm actually in a better place to deal with it.
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    My first high school was hell. I left there halfway through Year 7, and it's taken me a long time to 'recover' from it (my confidence was practically zilch - I couldn't look people in the eye when they talked to me). However, things get better (or at least they did in my case). You forget over time, and those memories don't haunt you as much. If you're happy now, just carry on as best as you can and they won't be such an issue later on in life. Why not talk to your current friends if it's bothering you? I'm sure they'll be able to help you somewhat, and often just telling someone can make you feel better. If you don't trust them enough, why not try counselling?
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    (Original post by toasteh)
    My first high school was hell. I left there halfway through Year 7, and it's taken me a long time to 'recover' from it (my confidence was practically zilch - I couldn't look people in the eye when they talked to me). However, things get better (or at least they did in my case). You forget over time, and those memories don't haunt you as much. If you're happy now, just carry on and they won't be such an issue. Why not talk to your current friends if it's bothering you? I'm sure they'll be able to help you somewhat, and often just telling someone can make you feel better.
    My current friends think I'm relatively normal, I don't really want to bring this to their attention.

    Thing is, it's not going away. I had buried them, but for some reason it's coming out again and I don't really want to push it away again - I've done that, and it's not really healthy.

    Sorry your first high school was that bad.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My current friends think I'm relatively normal, I don't really want to bring this to their attention.

    Thing is, it's not going away. I had buried them, but for some reason it's coming out again and I don't really want to push it away again - I've done that, and it's not really healthy.

    Sorry your first high school was that bad.
    Maybe try counselling then, even if only for one session to try it out - I think most universities could arrange one for you. I've tried it before, and it did help.
 
 
 
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