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Awkward situation with a guy Watch

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    So to cut a long story short, I hooked up with this guy at university who I also went to school with when we were little and he lives a couple of roads away from me. We had a brilliant few days together over the course of a week, and then I messed up and misread his signals and thought he wanted a relationship. Turns out he's pretty determined to stay single and doesn't want to be 'tied down'. So I told him that I understood, and I was happy to carry on seeing him. He was happy to carry on seeing me, or so I thought, 'as long as I'm not leading you on'. So we agreed to carry on seeing each other casually. The next week I tried to make plans with him but things kept coming up for him, but the weekend after that he messaged me asking if I wanted to go to the cinema with him. I was really happy because that meant (obviously) that he wouldn't just be seeing me for sex. But then he said he was going home that weekend. Then he said it had to be postponed until sunday, so it turned out we were both out at the SU on the saturday night. He was with his flatmates so I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned round and smiled and then I bumped into my friends so nothing else happened. The next day he messaged me asking me why I didn't go up to him and say hi, and I explained I thought he wouldn't want me to since he was on a lad's night out.

    Then it started to get weird. His flatmate added me on facebook and messaged me telling me to come out for this guy's birthday, which I couldn't anyway because I was ill.
    Then the guy started ignoring my BBMs (ie reading them but not replying), or he'd say 'heyy' and then not say anything else. I didn't actually think he was ignoring me deliberately, so one day I sent a BBM saying "hey loser you ready to stop ignoring me yet? :P" as a joke, but embarassingly he didn't reply. So the other day I got a post on my facebook wall from him saying "want to go to the cinema with us tomorrow? we'll meet you there" and I replied saying "yeah sure, what are we seeing?" but then I saw on facebook that it said he was 'in an open relationship' with me and it turns out he'd been 'fraped' by his flatmate...I was so humiliated and I'd been getting excited about going to the cinema with him...again...and I spent most of the day crying. The next morning I BBMd the guy and also tried to phone him but he didn't pick up- because at that point I didn't know that the cinema thing was a frape as well and obviously I had to check what I was doing. Since then I haven't spoken to him at all...his flatmate asked me to go out with them clubbing but I turned him down because I'm not going to show up if the guy doesn't want to talk to me!

    So basically we're all back from uni now, and I want to see this guy- casually. I can't see why he'd turn down basically an offer of sex, especially since he can't be busy with uni stuff, and there aren't any other uni girls around. Or if he doesn't even want that, I want to get in contact with him again and at least be mates, and be able to hang out with him and his flat. He's actually a great guy and we used to be friends when we were growing up together. I understand if I freaked him out with the 'relationship' stuff but surely we can move on from that now?? I haven't been in touch with him for a while. I don't know the best way of talking to him- say hi on BBM- so I know if he's read it but it's awful if he doesn't reply- or send him a message on facebook which can be longer but if he doesn't reply I won't know if he's read it or not.
    What to do??
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So to cut a long story short, I hooked up with this guy at university who I also went to school with when we were little and he lives a couple of roads away from me. We had a brilliant few days together over the course of a week, and then I messed up and misread his signals and thought he wanted a relationship. Turns out he's pretty determined to stay single and doesn't want to be 'tied down'. So I told him that I understood, and I was happy to carry on seeing him. He was happy to carry on seeing me, or so I thought, 'as long as I'm not leading you on'. So we agreed to carry on seeing each other casually. The next week I tried to make plans with him but things kept coming up for him, but the weekend after that he messaged me asking if I wanted to go to the cinema with him. I was really happy because that meant (obviously) that he wouldn't just be seeing me for sex. But then he said he was going home that weekend. Then he said it had to be postponed until sunday, so it turned out we were both out at the SU on the saturday night. He was with his flatmates so I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned round and smiled and then I bumped into my friends so nothing else happened. The next day he messaged me asking me why I didn't go up to him and say hi, and I explained I thought he wouldn't want me to since he was on a lad's night out.

    Then it started to get weird. His flatmate added me on facebook and messaged me telling me to come out for this guy's birthday, which I couldn't anyway because I was ill.
    Then the guy started ignoring my BBMs (ie reading them but not replying), or he'd say 'heyy' and then not say anything else. I didn't actually think he was ignoring me deliberately, so one day I sent a BBM saying "hey loser you ready to stop ignoring me yet? :P" as a joke, but embarassingly he didn't reply. So the other day I got a post on my facebook wall from him saying "want to go to the cinema with us tomorrow? we'll meet you there" and I replied saying "yeah sure, what are we seeing?" but then I saw on facebook that it said he was 'in an open relationship' with me and it turns out he'd been 'fraped' by his flatmate...I was so humiliated and I'd been getting excited about going to the cinema with him...again...and I spent most of the day crying. The next morning I BBMd the guy and also tried to phone him but he didn't pick up- because at that point I didn't know that the cinema thing was a frape as well and obviously I had to check what I was doing. Since then I haven't spoken to him at all...his flatmate asked me to go out with them clubbing but I turned him down because I'm not going to show up if the guy doesn't want to talk to me!

    So basically we're all back from uni now, and I want to see this guy- casually. I can't see why he'd turn down basically an offer of sex, especially since he can't be busy with uni stuff, and there aren't any other uni girls around. Or if he doesn't even want that, I want to get in contact with him again and at least be mates, and be able to hang out with him and his flat. He's actually a great guy and we used to be friends when we were growing up together. I understand if I freaked him out with the 'relationship' stuff but surely we can move on from that now?? I haven't been in touch with him for a while. I don't know the best way of talking to him- say hi on BBM- so I know if he's read it but it's awful if he doesn't reply- or send him a message on facebook which can be longer but if he doesn't reply I won't know if he's read it or not.
    What to do??
    TLDR version- hooked up with someone from uni also from my home town who I grew up with, had a little argument about mixed signals (I thought he wanted a relationship), sorted it out, he tried to see me but plans failed, he's been ignoring my calls/bbms, I want to start seeing him again, how to get in contact?
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    By staying in contact you are letting him and his friends make a fool of you give yourself some space away from him. Someone you have time and emotions invested in is not the person you should be trying to see casually - there are nicer men around. Don't make yourself look desperate by offering him sex when he doesn't respect you! Don't contact him, and be wary about his motives if he contacts you again.
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    I can emphasise, was in that kinda position myself. Probably best to not bother contacting him, all it does is make you feel horrible if he doesnt answer back. Stop making yourself so available, if he doesn't contact you first forget about him. He either isn't interested or he's just rude..either way, stop making the effort!
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    yeah just give each other some space .. theres no need to continuously try to get in contact with him, if its becoming awkward.

    Plus i dont understand why you just haven't gone around and seen each face-to-face.

    BUT an occasional hey wouldn't be bad.
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    (Original post by olivia_w92)
    I can emphasise, was in that kinda position myself. Probably best to not bother contacting him, all it does is make you feel horrible if he doesnt answer back. Stop making yourself so available, if he doesn't contact you first forget about him. He either isn't interested or he's just rude..either way, stop making the effort!
    I basically just wanted to try once more, put all the cards on the table and say ok, I messed up, can we start again because we had a really nice time.
    And then if there was no reply after that, I'd have my answer. I just need to know how to send the message. I could even find out his address but that's way too stalkerish!
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    (Original post by getfunky!)
    yeah just give each other some space .. theres no need to continuously try to get in contact with him, if its becoming awkward.

    Plus i dont understand why you just haven't gone around and seen each face-to-face.

    BUT an occasional hey wouldn't be bad.
    I've only ever had relationships so I'm still trying to get my head around the casual/FwB idea. But now I do understand that you don't talk anywhere near as regularly as you do as girlfriend/boyfriend and just to keep things relaxed- all of that is fine now I realise...
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    Got to agree, stop contacting him. If hes interested, he will get in contact with you.
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    Why would you want anything to do with him when he lets his friends basically take the p*** out of you and ignores you when you contact him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I basically just wanted to try once more, put all the cards on the table and say ok, I messed up, can we start again because we had a really nice time.
    And then if there was no reply after that, I'd have my answer. I just need to know how to send the message. I could even find out his address but that's way too stalkerish!
    But you're letting the ball stay in his court! You haven't messed anything up, it was obviously a misunderstanding and he's making it pretty obvious that he doesn't want whatever you're offering (no offence). If i was to guess now, i'd say he thinks you're really into him and knows that a FwB scenario would go sour. I would honestly just leave it, it's hard but just resist the urge, for your own sake. When i was in this situation, i tried the friend thing and tried to keep up contact but even then he couldn't be bothered. And the more i tried to push conversation the worst i felt until i just left it. Pleeeeease do not find out his address!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I basically just wanted to try once more, put all the cards on the table and say ok, I messed up, can we start again because we had a really nice time.
    And then if there was no reply after that, I'd have my answer. I just need to know how to send the message. I could even find out his address but that's way too stalkerish!

    YOU didn't mess up, you did nothing wrong, he was the **** for not giving you any answers, he messed up.
    I've kinda been there myself, just not as bad, but seriously you won't wanna hear this but do not contact him again because it's clear he dowsn't want anything and it doesn't sound as if he has much respect for you either, which is clearly what you deserve

    Basically, keep your dignity and don't talk to him and find someone else who respects you. Before you get your heartbroken by a ****, hope you're alright anyway though?
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    Classic example of friends with benefits gone wrong. You seem to want more than he wants.
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    I just don't understand it!!!
    We had a great 3 days. We get on great, his flatmates like me, he let me stay over, wear his clothes, let me stay in his room when he went to lectures, took me to the cinema with his mates...it's because he treated me so well that I thought he was really into me and wanted to go out! I was stupid putting out for him yes, but he could have just slept with me and kicked me out, or not talked to me after the first time, or whatever.
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    I guess a big part of the problem...and it's so stupid really...is that I've only ever slept with guys multiple times over a period of time, relationship or not. Ie I've never had a one night stand. This technically was more of a 'one week stand' but I still feel stupidly guilty about it and that I should rectify it. Like if I don't see him again, I'll go on to seeing someone else and that will be another number, so I should keep seeing him to keep the number the same .
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    Bloody hell. You're clearly obsessed with the guy. Get over him and find yourself someone else.

    Edit; judging by that last post, your obsession is caused by the desire all women have to essentially not be slutty. You're not the first and certainly won't be the last to have a one night stand.
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    So basically I shouldn't even try to have the last word/end it with no hard feelings? It's going to be very hard for me not to say anything at all.
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    You don't need to have the last word. Hell, you don't even need to have a word.. Just carry on with life.
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    You're probably right.
    I wish it didn't feel so crappy!
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    i thnik you should stay away from him. he only wanted you for sex. his friends are taking the piss.
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    Just send him one last message on BBM. If he chooses to ignore it, then move on.
 
 
 
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