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Can the whole friends before a relationship thing go too far? Watch

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    I have always told myself that I want to become really good friends with a guy before it turns into something more, as in you can sit and talk with them for ages and have a laugh. Obviously there also has to be an attraction, but I can't imagine being with someone whose personality doesn't click with mine.

    Recently however, a couple of my girlfriends have said that this theory doesn't work. They said you can become good friends with them to an extent that has gone past the stage of a possible relationship, in fear of ruining what you already have.

    What I don't understand though, is that if you become really good friends with a member of the opposite sex, and are still sexually attracted to them, how on earth would starting a relationship ruin things? People say for a relationship to last you have to be best friends with your partner as well as sexually attracted to them, so surely both these things would lead to a really happy relationship?

    I see so many couples who just look awkward around each other and can't hold a proper conversation, and just think WHAAAATTT.

    Discuss.
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    I think you have a very similar opinion to me OP. I don't get how people bump into people on random nights out and end up in a relationship a week later :/ I'd really have to know a person before I like them enough to start a relationship. This does have its down sides though. I pretty much exclusively end up falling for friends who I've already been friend-zoned with, proper sucks
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    (Original post by dancingshoes10)
    I have always told myself that I want to become really good friends with a guy before it turns into something more, as in you can sit and talk with them for ages and have a laugh. Obviously there also has to be an attraction, but I can't imagine being with someone whose personality doesn't click with mine.

    Recently however, a couple of my girlfriends have said that this theory doesn't work. They said you can become good friends with them to an extent that has gone past the stage of a possible relationship, in fear of ruining what you already have.

    What I don't understand though, is that if you become really good friends with a member of the opposite sex, and are still sexually attracted to them, how on earth would starting a relationship ruin things? People say for a relationship to last you have to be best friends with your partner as well as sexually attracted to them, so surely both these things would lead to a really happy relationship?

    I see so many couples who just look awkward around each other and can't hold a proper conversation, and just think WHAAAATTT.

    Discuss.
    yes, i was with a good friend for 4 years and out of the blue, i asked her out... it was a awkward moment
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    Girls as friends? What is this nonesense. Sorry ladies if you entering Mau5s world, you're as good as signing a sexual contract
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    (Original post by dancingshoes10)
    I have always told myself that I want to become really good friends with a guy before it turns into something more, as in you can sit and talk with them for ages and have a laugh. Obviously there also has to be an attraction, but I can't imagine being with someone whose personality doesn't click with mine.

    Recently however, a couple of my girlfriends have said that this theory doesn't work. They said you can become good friends with them to an extent that has gone past the stage of a possible relationship, in fear of ruining what you already have.

    What I don't understand though, is that if you become really good friends with a member of the opposite sex, and are still sexually attracted to them, how on earth would starting a relationship ruin things? People say for a relationship to last you have to be best friends with your partner as well as sexually attracted to them, so surely both these things would lead to a really happy relationship?

    I see so many couples who just look awkward around each other and can't hold a proper conversation, and just think WHAAAATTT.

    Discuss.
    I couldn't agree more. If you're not in a relationship with your best friend....you're not in a real relationship.
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    I totally agree with friends before a relationship but now I'm questioning it slightly and believe that it probably can go too far - there has been 'something going on' between my best friend and I for a over a year but neither of us will do anything about it...*sigh*.
    • #1
    #1

    This is how things worked out with my boyfriend - It was clear that we liked each other from the start but we decided to be sensible because good relationships come out of friendships first. Didn't last that long being platonic - ie it was about a month before there was any :sexface: style interaction, but then it kept as being just best friends who were very physically attracted to one another, then after like 6 months of everyone being convinced that there was something more than friendship there, it sort of had evolved into a relationship
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    I think relationships are probably better off as friendships to begin with, but that's just my opinion. Obviously it can be a bit of a minefield if you suddenly realise you fancy your mate, and you might not want to act on it in fear of rejection/ruining the friendship, but I generally think it makes the future relationship... stronger? At least easier maybe.

    In my experience - I've only had 1 boyfriend before, and we were friends for years before we got together. Clearly I look a bit silly using this as evidence as we've since broken up, but that was for unrelated reasons to our compatibility. He used to flirt with me a lot and I never really took it as him actually being interested in me, because he's a bit of a playaaaaah, but then I started to flirt back and things went from there.

    Also, I've been on "dates" before with guys that I wasn't really friends with before, just met and fancied, and they were always ridiculously awkward. These type of things have never ended in a real relationship for me.
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    Most of my previous relationships or flings or whatever (makes me sound like I've had loads, it's only a handful really lol) started out as friendships and developed. I was never into the whole dating/meeting people in clubs or whatever either, but recently I met this guy and we clicked pretty quickly, plus we fancied each other like crazy so there wasn't a 'friendship' period :p: it's a very rare occurrence for me but gotta say it feels amazing!
    • #2
    #2

    What about if it is a childhood friend?
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    Sure it can go too far.

    What if you get so close to a guy that he's like your brother? That happened to me with a guy when we only started talking because there was the possibility of us getting together. We didn't and now we just so close it would be weird to be anything other that 'just friends', actually it would just feel completely wrong.

    He's a total slut anyway, I'm pretty much the only girls he knows that he's never had sex with. Thankfully.
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    (Original post by Ape Gone Insane)
    Was your friendship affected to any great extent?
    well.... she didn't reply and never answered the question, stayed friends but then lost touch, until 2 months ago.
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    I only ever initiate relationships after developing a strong friendship first. Some folk prefer just to jump straight into a relationship though based on the initial attraction, but whatever works for you.
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    (Original post by dancingshoes10)
    I have always told myself that I want to become really good friends with a guy before it turns into something more, as in you can sit and talk with them for ages and have a laugh. Obviously there also has to be an attraction, but I can't imagine being with someone whose personality doesn't click with mine.

    Recently however, a couple of my girlfriends have said that this theory doesn't work. They said you can become good friends with them to an extent that has gone past the stage of a possible relationship, in fear of ruining what you already have.

    What I don't understand though, is that if you become really good friends with a member of the opposite sex, and are still sexually attracted to them, how on earth would starting a relationship ruin things? People say for a relationship to last you have to be best friends with your partner as well as sexually attracted to them, so surely both these things would lead to a really happy relationship?

    I see so many couples who just look awkward around each other and can't hold a proper conversation, and just think WHAAAATTT.

    Discuss.
    Most people do not understand, its what you do in the relationship which strengthens your bond not out of it, because you can't live your own life anymore and your held accountable for your actions it makes things harder, and thats when it's put to the test.
    • #3
    #3

    i met a guy, then went on a date. twas awkward for a bit, now it has turned out fine i got lucky that we get on. But if we weren't together, i doubt he'd keep me as a platonic friend.
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    (Original post by TrueScarlett)
    I totally agree with friends before a relationship but now I'm questioning it slightly and believe that it probably can go too far - there has been 'something going on' between my best friend and I for a over a year but neither of us will do anything about it...*sigh*.
    Just kiss 'em, FOOL
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    Apart from a few drunken kisses I tried really hard to keep my ex at arm's length until we got to know each other properly before I would agree to go out with him. The result was 5 hilarious months of him chasing after me and us pretending we were just friends. In the end we were together for a year and it was great but we decided as he was going to uni we'd call it off. We still talk a bit now and stuff which is only slightly awkward at times, but it's only been 3 months so who knows we might end up good friends

    At the moment though I'm desperately trying to friend zone a guy who's been in love with me for about a year and a half. It was fine while I had a boyfriend but now I'm single he's really upped the ante. I guess he'd see it from the flipped side of the coin - that mine and his friendship has gone too far? :rolleyes:
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    I think it's a hard one to choose, because both have thier difficulties. Friends can make excellent partners - you know what you're getting into. You know that you like each other, can converse and probably have a lot of the same opinions on things [though not always]. But it's not always failsafe - things/habits which you ignore or perhaps don't even notice as friends, can rear their ugly head as partners. There's a lot less room for error as it were. Also, friendships often aren't just you and the other person. They're often about groups. A relationship can completely change group dynamics or if a breakup happens, it can ruin things not jsut for two people, but for the entire group. I got with a friend recently, and this was a really big consideration for us, as we are perhaps the two main 'figure heads' of the boys and the girls sections of the group.

    But, like you say, I hate 'starting something' with people you don't know [minus kissing in clubs haha]. It just seems so strange to be with a random stranger trying to mkae conversation and work out if you like each other [especially when you're as picky and I am]. Simiarly after the break up aof a 2 year relationship, I don't think I have the emotional energy to get into seeing someone and perhaps 'going out' only to find 6 months down the line I don't like them as a person. I admire you OP for being sensible about taking things slowly, I'm not sure I'd have the self restraint. If I knew I liked them, and I knew they liked me, I don't think we'd wait long to mmake things official. Saying that I'm trying to find someone who will wine and dine me before trying anything on...
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    I think being a friend first is definitely a good thing, but you have to let the relationship happen I don't think it would work as well if you become friends with a view of it leading to a relationship. I met a girl when I was 11 and never thought much more of it she was always just a friend, but over the years we became really close and ended up going out when we were 18. Ive never been in love, but even though it only lasted 6 months, it was by far the closest Ive ever come, I've been with other people for 2 years and never felt a thing so yeh I think being friends with someone first is a good thing, but you have to let a relationship develop. Its really cheesy but I guess it's kind of true, stop looking for love and it will find you
    • #2
    #2

    Every opposite sex relationship will reach the barrier of questioning, "Is there sexual attraction within our friendship?". Most friendships are defined on where you go from there.
 
 
 
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