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Meeting up with my (newly ex) boyfriend...? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi,
    Sorry this is such a long post! Please read it though!

    I need some advice! I have been going out with my boyfriend (well ex boyfriend now I suppose!) for about 4 months and we've always been long distance seeing as I'm away at uni most of the time! We've not been together that long but recently it's starting to feel quite serious between us, and he definitely wanted us to be together long term. We were completely in love and he quite often implied that he wanted us to be together "forever." He'd send me lovely romantic texts every single day and we talked on the phone most days too. We get on amazingly well.When we were together things were great but when we had to leave one another, we'd both get quite upset. He told me a few times that often he'd feel really down for a few days after I'd left.

    Then,the other day he called me and broke up with me. He told me he didn't want to but he just had to! and that he couldn't cope with the distance and us being unable to see eachother all the time. He also said I was too good for him and he didn't want me to miss out of opportunities in my life because of him (I study languages and have a year abroad as part of that and I've also always wanted to live abroad/travel after uni) he said he'd never be able to come with me because of his job. He's a bit older then me and pretty settled in his life with a house/car etc. I told him I'd never ask him to come with me if he didn't want to. He says he can't cope with me being away as it is and when I move abroad it will just get more difficult.

    I can see in a lot of ways he's completely right. However I love him and I want to be with him (the last few days have made me realise that even more.) So ideally I want us to get back together. He keeps texting me apologising for the break up and telling me he really cares for me and asking me if we can still be friends and if I can forgive him.

    I told him that I do want to be friends/forgive him but I wont know if I really can until I speak to him in person. (I regret saying this now lol.) he then asked me if I'll meet him this week when I come home for christmas to talk abot things and I said yes. But now I'm thinking I should cancel this. The truth is I want us to get back together and everything I've read about doing so (yes I have researched on the internet-sad I know-but I find it helps if you've got a problem) says I shouldn't contact him for a while and give him a chance to miss me and that I should be reasonable and not get upset when I do see him. I don't know if I'll get upset or not. I can see where he's coming from-but I think if he really loved me he'd try to just deal with us being apart sometimes and the fact that he chose to dump me in this week where I have horrible exams and over the phone when he could've just waited a few days has really annoyed me!

    I love him and I don't want us to break up (I know it seems its for the best but honestly I've been so much happier since we've been together) He told me I make him happy too..so I thought maybe he just needs a bit of reassurence that this can work?

    But I'm angry that he's got me so upset and I don't want to say something I regret. If we can't be together I would still like to try and be friends but I don't know if meeting up so soon is a good idea.

    Should I go or not??

    Please help me out! I don't know what to do!!

    Ta xxx
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    He will use you, you might then use him. it will go back and forth until one of you ends it or finds someone else.

    If you are happy to be used/use then that is fine (and Im not saying that in a bad way) but you will probably end up getting more hurt.

    Good luck
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    What do you mean by use me? lol sorry if I'm being dim! x
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    I don't know whether you should get back together or not. All I know is, if the relationship is over and you want to remain friends, you both need space and you have to give it time and not rush into it. I made that mistake and am paying for it now.

    PERSONALLY I think you both lead such different lives so maybe it's best you do just stay friends. You're young, you'll meet someone else in due time, but it's time now to focus on uni and your ambitions in life and it is always easier to go about these things alone...
    but that's not my decision, it's one you have to make. If you really love him and really think you guys can make it work, then you have to decide if it's worth fighting for. Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    Sorry this is such a long post! Please read it though!

    I need some advice! I have been going out with my boyfriend (well ex boyfriend now I suppose!) for about 4 months and we've always been long distance seeing as I'm away at uni most of the time! We've not been together that long but recently it's starting to feel quite serious between us, and he definitely wanted us to be together long term. We were completely in love and he quite often implied that he wanted us to be together "forever." He'd send me lovely romantic texts every single day and we talked on the phone most days too. We get on amazingly well.When we were together things were great but when we had to leave one another, we'd both get quite upset. He told me a few times that often he'd feel really down for a few days after I'd left.

    Then,the other day he called me and broke up with me. He told me he didn't want to but he just had to! and that he couldn't cope with the distance and us being unable to see eachother all the time. He also said I was too good for him and he didn't want me to miss out of opportunities in my life because of him (I study languages and have a year abroad as part of that and I've also always wanted to live abroad/travel after uni) he said he'd never be able to come with me because of his job. He's a bit older then me and pretty settled in his life with a house/car etc. I told him I'd never ask him to come with me if he didn't want to. He says he can't cope with me being away as it is and when I move abroad it will just get more difficult.

    I can see in a lot of ways he's completely right. However I love him and I want to be with him (the last few days have made me realise that even more.) So ideally I want us to get back together. He keeps texting me apologising for the break up and telling me he really cares for me and asking me if we can still be friends and if I can forgive him.

    I told him that I do want to be friends/forgive him but I wont know if I really can until I speak to him in person. (I regret saying this now lol.) he then asked me if I'll meet him this week when I come home for christmas to talk abot things and I said yes. But now I'm thinking I should cancel this. The truth is I want us to get back together and everything I've read about doing so (yes I have researched on the internet-sad I know-but I find it helps if you've got a problem) says I shouldn't contact him for a while and give him a chance to miss me and that I should be reasonable and not get upset when I do see him. I don't know if I'll get upset or not. I can see where he's coming from-but I think if he really loved me he'd try to just deal with us being apart sometimes and the fact that he chose to dump me in this week where I have horrible exams and over the phone when he could've just waited a few days has really annoyed me!

    I love him and I don't want us to break up (I know it seems its for the best but honestly I've been so much happier since we've been together) He told me I make him happy too..so I thought maybe he just needs a bit of reassurence that this can work?

    But I'm angry that he's got me so upset and I don't want to say something I regret. If we can't be together I would still like to try and be friends but I don't know if meeting up so soon is a good idea.

    Should I go or not??

    Please help me out! I don't know what to do!!

    Ta xxx
    go and see him, talk things out.
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    If you do get back together then something will have to change. What I mean is that you can't get back together and expect him to be fine with you going away. He will never like that, so, one of you will have to make a sacrifice (I don't think it should be you). If noone is willing to make a sacrifice then reconciliation is pointless and you should probably have a few months apart before talking to eachother again.
 
 
 
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