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My boyfriend wants to photograph other girls? Watch

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    he is kindof into photography.. a bit. he wants to do photoshoots. and he asked me if i'd like to pose. I'm not into posing and would feel too embarrassed to.
    before he knew me he did them. and he put up on facebook, looking for girls wo would pose for him. he had put two photos up onlne, one with a girl in her bikini, and another just a face shot.

    in the last 4 months we've been going out he never wanted to do anything like that. but he has bought a new lens. and wanted to know if i'd be comfortable taking photos of others? he texted me.
    i said "other girls? what are the picttures for?"
    he didnt reply, and i said "whatever you like."
    he said "i want u to be comfortable though."
    and so i said "what are the pictures for?"
    he didnt reply for ages. i got very suspicious.
    so i said, "do you just want to take half naked photos of girls and so you'll enjoy it??"
    he then said "that was insulting"
    i then got messages which hadnt been sent properly or i hadnt gotten them before explaining it's just a hobby and very generic etc. i told him i just got the messages.
    and he said "right. ok. careful because the way you are going on is very much like my ex went on, and the last time someone went on like that, i ended up tearing my hair out one night and having a nervous breakdown."
    he told me before that his ex girlfriend was psycho, and pretended to be pregnant several times just to keep in contact with him. i ended up crying cause i couldnt believe he had compared me to her.

    it doesnt help that i know that in his new job he is actually working with her. but he hasn't told me and doesn't know that i know. help. am i being unreasonable about the photography?
    i'm insecure i know. I'm 19, he's 21. i haven't had sex with him yet. i'm afraid he's just getting some sort of kicks out of taking photos of half naked beautiful girls. He put up on facebook a few hours before the texting, that he had got a new lens and "can't wait to see into the ladies changing room."
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He put up on facebook a few hours before the texting, that he had got a new lens and "can't wait to see into the ladies changing room."
    thats a bit creepy.

    otherwise i don't see the issue with it.
    i regularly model for life drawing classes, the occasional one includes people i know. my girlfriend doesn't have an issue with this at all, she just thinks its really funny. if she started life modelling for people it wouldn't bother me. i know this is sort of the opposite of what your bfs doing. but well if she wanted to start drawing/photographing nude people it wouldn't bother me at all either.

    you have to have trust in a relationship, if you don't it'll never work.

    saying that you also have to make concessions.
    i really dont think you'll get anywhere banning in from doing it, so try to think of ways you're more comfortable with it.
    perhaps ask if he doesn't mind you sitting in on some of his shoots. photography is really interesting to learn about, you may actually find that you start to enjoy it and do some shoots yourself.
    or maybe tell him that you'd prefer it (or just suggest it to him) if he photographed couples / men too rather than just girls the whole time.

    also its a really bad idea having these conversations by text, next time you meet him, sit down and talk to him properly.
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    yes your being insecure and yes he is perfectly entitled to take indulge in something that his passion. Your insecurities are your problem not his and he shouldnt have to justify himself to you. what would you do if he got a job as a photographer and then had to do shoots of models in lingerie, youd have a blue fit. He asked you and you started probing and digging and then accusing him. The fact that you admit you are insecure shows your aware of this problem so what are you doing about it?

    Oh and not having sex with him as nothing to do with this particular scenario
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    I just don't know if i trust him enough. although we haven't had sex. he is very sexual and very kinky, and i know he will enjoy watching half naked girls pose for him. and may even fantasise about them later.
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    TSR relationships are so funny
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    Let him do whatever he wants (the photo things), you should trust him though. if he really loves you, i believe he wont do anything stupid..but if he goes too far with his photograph,you should warn him
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    Just about every male photographer I've shot with has had a girlfriend or wife. There's nothing sexual whatsoever about a photoshoot, you dress and pose according to the type of photos that are needed.. If a photographer told me his missus was paranoid and jealous about him taking photos I'd think she was an A star wierdo. How could you be THAT paranoid?
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    Well...he has a new lens, which suggests he has a DLSR...those are reeeally expensive so he must really be into photography, unless he has a lot of money to splash about.
    It's a matter of trust...has he given you a proper reason not to trust him?
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    But he's not doing them because he wants to be a photographer, or anything professionally, he has two other jobs and a different hnd he's doing. When i saw that he had them questions up on facebook before he met me, i kindof laughed it off, and thought it was an attempt to meet girls. and it stopped when he met me. i think i find it creepy. Cause he took photos of this beautiful girl wearing her bikini, and he said "you can pay me in sexual favours." and although, it's probably his attempt at being funny and joking, i still found it a bit worrying. he is very sexually driven. He watches a lot of porn, and into fantasies, and i get the feeling this is another way for him to fantasise about it, or get off on the pictures later. Especially as he gets little from me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just don't know if i trust him enough. although we haven't had sex. he is very sexual and very kinky, and i know he will enjoy watching half naked girls pose for him. and may even fantasise about them later.
    He probably fantasises about other girls anyway when he's having a bit of time alone with himself.

    And those girls aren't posing for him per se, their probably posing for money (if he pays for the models) or looking for their own confidence boosts or something like that.

    Yes he might enjoy seeing half naked girls infront of him, I mean what red-blooded man wouldn't, but that doesn't mean he's about to cheat on you! Esp if he stopped when he met you.

    Lots of guys watch lots of porn.

    And if you don't trust him, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him.

    Just out of interest, why haven't you had sex with him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But he's not doing them because he wants to be a photographer, or anything professionally, he has two other jobs and a different hnd he's doing. When i saw that he had them questions up on facebook before he met me, i kindof laughed it off, and thought it was an attempt to meet girls. and it stopped when he met me. i think i find it creepy. Cause he took photos of this beautiful girl wearing her bikini, and he said "you can pay me in sexual favours." and although, it's probably his attempt at being funny and joking, i still found it a bit worrying. he is very sexually driven. He watches a lot of porn, and into fantasies, and i get the feeling this is another way for him to fantasise about it, or get off on the pictures later. Especially as he gets little from me.
    A lot of people do it just as an interest, yaknow. Not many people can make money from that kind of thing.

    If you don't trust him, why are you with him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But he's not doing them because he wants to be a photographer, or anything professionally, he has two other jobs and a different hnd he's doing. When i saw that he had them questions up on facebook before he met me, i kindof laughed it off, and thought it was an attempt to meet girls. and it stopped when he met me. i think i find it creepy. Cause he took photos of this beautiful girl wearing her bikini, and he said "you can pay me in sexual favours." and although, it's probably his attempt at being funny and joking, i still found it a bit worrying. he is very sexually driven. He watches a lot of porn, and into fantasies, and i get the feeling this is another way for him to fantasise about it, or get off on the pictures later. Especially as he gets little from me.
    oh my god stop worrying! if he cheats on you with a bikini model, then you have a reason to moan. until then, relax!
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    I personally don't see a problem with it. You have to trust your boyfriend otherwise the relationship won't work. If it's really niggling you that much, go along to the shoots with him to make sure nothing untoward is happening. That way you can reassure yourself that he's doing it in a purely professional manner.

    And if he isn't then have words
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    He is a creep. Get rid.
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    There is a very simple solution here you know.....let him photograph you. I know you said you'd be self-conscious, but he clearly wants to photograph SOMEBODY, so if you don't want him to photograph somebody else, bite the bullet and pose yourself.
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    ...then let him!
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    People are really quick to label boys perverts. Yes maybe he does enjoy it! So what? Just like I'm sure you and your other female friends (even if they have boyfriends) would also be delighted at a job taking shirtless photographs of sportsmen or whatever. Nobody thinks that is creepy. It's human nature.
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    I wouldnt see the photography in itself as a problem - though tbf he does in general sound like a bit of a sleaze. The main issue I'd have is when you raised concerns about it, he accused you of being like his ex and implied that if you carried on you would end up the same way i.e. ditched. Overall, bloke sounds a jebend.
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    1. Don't have sex with him.
    2. You have every right to feel uncomfortable - I would. It's frightening if he's into that stuff. I don't agree with what people have said about 'trust', anyone who wants to be trusted doesn't give you reason not to trust them.
    3. He's clearly trying to make you feel bad by comparing you to his ex - that's manipulative, the idea is clearly to make you blame yourself so that you will let him do what he wants.
    4. Don't pose for him - it won't stop him getting other girls and you'll just feel degraded.

    I don't agree with what others have said about 'trust' but that doesn't mean you should freak out at him either as it won't help and he'll just start the emotional blackmail again. It'll make you feel bad too.

    I think you should cut your loses and get rid - this looks like it will end in tears...
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    (Original post by atadsuperfluous)
    1. Don't have sex with him.
    2. You have every right to feel uncomfortable - I would. It's frightening if he's into that stuff. I don't agree with what people have said about 'trust', anyone who wants to be trusted doesn't give you reason not to trust them.
    3. He's clearly trying to make you feel bad by comparing you to his ex - that's manipulative, the idea is clearly to make you blame yourself so that you will let him do what he wants.
    4. Don't pose for him - it won't stop him getting other girls and you'll just feel degraded.

    I don't agree with what others have said about 'trust' but that doesn't mean you should freak out at him either as it won't help and he'll just start the emotional blackmail again. It'll make you feel bad too.

    I think you should cut your loses and get rid - this looks like it will end in tears...
    how on earth is it degrading?
    and what do you mean you don't agree on what everyone else is saying about trust.

    you sound like you have really closed minded immature views
 
 
 
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