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Girlfriend out of order? Watch

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    This may be a bit of a long one, but I would appreciate any feedback and advice, as this is all starting to get on top of me. Im 18 and my girl is 16.

    Well, i've been with my girlfriend for about 15 months now, i do love her, more than anything, and i would do anything for her, i do as much as i can for her, go out my way constantly. I don't doubt that she loves me, she can get a bit obsessive.

    I have issue with self confidence, i know i do, i cant seem to do much about it, as much as they say beauty is within, im concious because we are young and looks are so important, i know im not good looking, im not majorly ugly, i have a scar or two, maybe a few decent features. My girlfriend is gorgeous, my brothers say it, randomers say it. Im punching above my weight to say the least.

    The issue i have is what my girlfriend says to me about other people, she says every day, alot of the time for no real reason. For example she was on about someone she met today, and said 'he was quite wierd' at first but then it was followed by 'but he is quite good looking'. That seems like a cover up story to me, like she thinks hes fit, but says hes quite wierd to not make me worry? She said two of my mates were quite good looking, she said someone she knows of on the bus was fit, its just something i wouldnt do.

    She knows i'm concious, so why the hell does she say these things? Is it just immaturity? I see people who are good looking every day, and people of the tele, i never once say ohh shes fit, or make 'ooo' noises like she does. I do nothing but reassure her how pretty she is, when she geniunly is, always say things to please her, however and whenever. When i get a bit annoyed with her she always comes back with but your beautiful bla bla and it just dont help.

    I am not her type either which dont help, she loves blonde lads, she does stupid things when im with her like going on her ex boyfriends profile on facebook and look at his updates, which is one line i would never cross incase i made her feel bad.

    Is this a problem of mine with confidence and insecurities or is it her behaviour being unacceptable? or both?

    No one is perfect, i accept that, and everyone is different, my head is a mess, i dont know what to think whether its me or her :confused:

    Thanks for any replies.
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    She's not aware she's doing it at all. It's an unconscious thing - we all do it. You're telling me that if you saw a pretty girl that you wouldn't recognise that she was pretty, even if you didn't fancy her? I recognise when girls are pretty and I'm a straight female.

    Basically, image is such an important part of daily life that for some reason we seem to comment on people's appearances as if it's a way of defining them. "Have you met Emily?" "No, what's she like?" "Brunette, quite slim, quite pretty..." Note that the question isn't "What does she look like?" but that that's where most people will inevitably start.

    So, to conclude, she's not doing it to make you insecure, she's probably not even aware that she is doing it! If you do feel upset by it, you should probably talk to her, but I guarantee that she means nothing by it.
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    your girlfriend is seriously out of order. do your trust her? i sure wouldnt. all of what you've said is really dodgy and i really dont know why you are still with her.

    you are being walked over and treated like this because she knows you wont leave her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not her type either which dont help, she loves blonde lads, she does stupid things when im with her like going on her ex boyfriends profile on facebook and look at his updates, which is one line i would never cross incase i made her feel bad.
    Just gonna say, he's an ex-boyfriend for a reason.
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    I think the only thing you can do is sit her down and calmly talk through everything you have just written on here. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and self conscious - she will respect you for being honest! It sounds like you have a good relationship other than that and have been together for a while so just talk it though with her.
    I personally wouldn't worry though! I'm a girl and it wouldn't surprise me if she was going on ex's profiles and things to get a reaction from you. She probably wants you to get protective over her and feel a bit jealous - it makes us feel good about ourselves - but that doesn't make it right!!
    If she really loves you then I'm sure once she knows how it's making you feel she'll realise what she's doing, stop, and grow up a little bit.
    Good luck
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    I'd put it down to immaturity. What woman would go around telling her boyfriend that she finds other men attractive?!

    Dump her.
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    nahh your girlfriend's in perfect working order, well she was last night anyway...
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    i've just read your post again;

    she goes on her ex boyfriends profile (understandable in a way; how long ago did they brake up), let alone with you

    she 'meets people' ? - what the hell

    are you spending loads of money on her or something?
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    Words like "out of order" have bad connotations. It sounds as if you're trying to discipline an unruly child or a pet. Perhaps your girlfriend is annoyed with your clinginess and insecurity? A lot of women dislike men who are always trying to win their approval and who always give positive comments. If you relax more I'm sure your girl will be less flirty with random hunks.
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    She's definitely very tactless, particularly since she must know you feel self-conscious about your looks. I'd ask her how she would feel if you went round telling her how good looking other girls were.
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    (Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
    I'd put it down to immaturity. What woman would go around telling her boyfriend that she finds other men attractive?!

    Dump her.
    Hi! I do that! And one of my best friends rates other women in front of his girlfriend haha. But then he gets away with it by telling her that no matter what she's a 10 and that none of them could hold a candle to her. Bloody romantic haha.
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    I think it's she knows she's doing it. My ex later admitted that he'd talk about how good looking other girls were to try to make me jealous. It's immature and insensitive.
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    She just sounds very immature, it sounds like a typical 16 year old comment oh he/she is fit.
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    I don't think she's being immature.. In an adult realistic relationship its seems quite childish to pretend that because you're together neither of you find other people attractive. And just because she's with you doesn't mean she can't be friends with her ex's. She doesn't fancy other boys - she's just saying their attractive.

    Think about it, she's with you.

    However, If she's trying to rub it in your face, then that's slightly different, but I doubt she even knows she's doing it.
    Best thing to do is tell her your not sure if your being abit dumb, but that this is getting to you.
    In my opinion, I think maybe she's being somewhat considerate, and that you're being hypersensitive, and that its something you just need to talk about.
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    She's 16. She's just a kid.

    She wants to look at guys, she doesn't understand about your feelings, or even about relationships. I mean, she has 'ex boyfriends' plural, and you've been with her since she was 15? She hasn't got a clue, neither have you.

    Talk to her, or leave her. You seem to be too involved for such a young and immature relationship.
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    While I agree with some of the comments here, I don't entirely. This is a common mistake both genders make in relationships, but for men, this insecurity is very, very hard to settle. It hinders instinctive male traits (Pride, Protection over your woman).

    In many cases, it's just something that isn't a big deal, there are loads of celebrities we think are hot. But here, this is something different. OP is clearly self-conscious and admits that his girlfriend is aware of this.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i've been with my girlfriend for about 15 months now, i do love her, more than anything, and i would do anything for her, i do as much as i can for her, go out my way constantly.

    I have issue with self confidence

    My girlfriend is gorgeous, my brothers say it, randomers say it. Im punching above my weight to say the least.

    She said two of my mates were quite good looking, she said someone she knows of on the bus was fit, its just something i wouldnt do.

    She knows i'm concious

    going on her ex boyfriends profile on facebook and look at his updates
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    Hi! I do that! And one of my best friends rates other women in front of his girlfriend haha. But then he gets away with it by telling her that no matter what she's a 10 and that none of them could hold a candle to her. Bloody romantic haha.
    Why would you do it though? Is it something you tend to say constantly or in a one off situation?

    And you friend's comment to his girlfriend comes across as being slightly cheesy, and cringe worthy.
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    lol i sound so much like your gf, but im a guy and 19
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    She's not aware she's doing it at all. It's an unconscious thing - we all do it. You're telling me that if you saw a pretty girl that you wouldn't recognise that she was pretty, even if you didn't fancy her? I recognise when girls are pretty and I'm a straight female.

    Basically, image is such an important part of daily life that for some reason we seem to comment on people's appearances as if it's a way of defining them. "Have you met Emily?" "No, what's she like?" "Brunette, quite slim, quite pretty..." Note that the question isn't "What does she look like?" but that that's where most people will inevitably start.

    So, to conclude, she's not doing it to make you insecure, she's probably not even aware that she is doing it! If you do feel upset by it, you should probably talk to her, but I guarantee that she means nothing by it.
    How could you possibly make this conclusion? She's not aware of what she's doing...how do you know?

    It's irrelevant anyway, nobody here can provide the reasoning for her actions for sure...the OP is simply asking if such behaviour is acceptable. It isn't if it's upsetting him, so OP my advice to you would be to let her know and communicate. She could be doing it by accident as an innocent throw-away comment, or it could be intentional. Either way, let her know and hopefully that will put a stop to it if she considers your feelings.
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    (Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
    Why would you do it though? Is it something you tend to say constantly or in a one off situation?

    And you friend's comment to his girlfriend comes across as being slightly cheesy, and cringe worthy.
    Hmmmm I don't know why I say it really It's in my head, it's there, why not? I don't mean anything by it and the guys that I'm with know that. It's like getting upset with a guy for saying that he finds Megan Fox hot, which is irrational, she is hot, so why shouldn't he say it? If it was towards one particular girl then sure, I'd be insecure about that, but at the end of the day, there's nothing more to it than a sexual observation. I notice a man and I find him attractive, but I don't fancy him, there's nothing emotional in it. I really think that it's harmless.

    Nah, it wasn't chessy, it was sweet.
 
 
 
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