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How do you get over paranoia in an LDR? :( Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    So basically, my partner did some little things involving members of the other sex previously, and they were small lies, didn't actually cheat (or so they claim - but i'm pretty sure they didn't), but my head just can't get over it. I keep thinking what if this happened, what if that happened, what if it happens in the future and I just want everything to be okay again.

    It's been a year, and first 6 months I had absolutely no doubt at all. Then the actions of the small lies (really small like secretly meeting up and lying that it was members of the same sex, camming, be flirtious (with a guy who obviously likes her and doesn't like me and tbh I wanna punch that mother ****er in the face) which imho was OTT but 'normal' to them and led on the person, dance (with close bodies) not just have a chat and a drink, etc), and I don't mind the action of meeting, it's the lie which hurts me, but the others are just a bit :/ and 'normal' to them. And even if they haven't cheated, I just can't say okay then, that's cool. I always think if they took so long to tell me about the action, including lying about the gender, etc, surely they could easily be lying about a kiss or more.

    I lose sleep over it, want to hurt myself physically, want to hurt the people who my partner met up with (sometimes even really badly) and it's all just something I should get over.

    But I can't. I need concrete evidence. I'm the sort of person who thinks what if and overanalyses everything. I can't help it. Really can't. I won't believe that the quadratic formula is what it is, until i've completed the square ax^2+bx+c=0 myself and proved to myself.

    Help me just forget it and move on happy with them, or otherwise i'm guna end up hurting myself, or somebody else, like that guy, because I know I couldn't hurt my partner.

    The only way I can think that will make me trust and believe my partner is if they do for me something they were never comfortable with - it would show me that I mean the world to them and they love me, otherwise I think i'm guna end my relationship.

    The other thing would be to stop all contact with the guy; but I shouldn't have to ask that off a partner, I should be able to trust her. Plus, she's probably going to talk to him on phone/text him/talk on facebook behind my back even if she agrees she's not going to and that will just make me even more angry and frustrated.

    Sigh. Somebody please help me, the anger is building up inside me and please suggest things which my partner can do to make me believe them, because though the second of the relationship has been on-off trust, the fact that it's LDR makes it a LOT worse and lot less likely to work. Feel like choking myself right now, tbh.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    Oh and what's worse is, it being a (really badly complicated - in terms of family, etc), I start to assume the worst because my head lacks that trust and can't get over the past so if any of the following happen, here's what I think:

    * We see each other once every 4-6 weeks - assuming the worst, I think that she's meeting up with said guy in post 1 all the time (or infact 2 other guys who she also met without telling me) or even just guys she knows and I don't, and not just meeting, meeting is okay (well was, until she broke my trust...), kissing, touching inappropriately, meh, a lot worse.

    * We talk on phone pretty much as much as we see each other - Her mum is always shouting at her for X and Y reason, which I don't know fully, nor is my business, though it does seem unfair, but that means we can rarely communicate. Anyway, due to the SERIOUS lack of communication, not only does it feel like this relationship is at breaking point, but my head just thinks she's ringing guy 1, guy 2, guy 3, another guy, and texting other guys all day and I just feel a desperate lack of attention, and sometimes even none.

    What's most frustrating and angers me most is the fact that i've invested so much into this relationship - pretty much all that I could to give her happiness. To have it thrown back in my face like that, i'm not guna lie, i've considered cheating on her or worse, just to 'get even', clear my head, feel like i've won, hurt her more than she's hurt me, but what's that going to achieve?

    I've never cheated, and never will. But if this continues, she will lose me, and neither of us want this relationship to terminate.

    So, though it's the slimmest chance of it working, which will be significantly improved by my head being perfectly fine (and re-gaining trust by her showing me far more attention and love in absolutely every single way possible), please tell me what I and her should do to make this relationship work?

    I am going to end up killing myself soon otherwise. :/

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Updated: December 16, 2010
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