I have to make a decision between being in an all-out and committed long-distance relationship with someone I love but am not sure I want to be in this type of relationship with, at this stage of my life, under these circumstances...and never seeing or contacting them ever again. It's killing me, either decision would make me miserble.
I would most like to at least stay in contact and friends and be semi-involved in what each other are doing, I care about him far too much to just walk away for good, but I don't want to make any guarentees about when we are next in the same country. I am not an absolute person, I prefer ambiguity and open possibility and blurred lines, but that's not his style.
He claims he can't handle the uncertainty and must know definitively one way or the other, which I respect and part of me knows I'm being selfish wanting things on my terms, but while the former makes me depressed and anxious, the latter horrifies me.
I care deeply about him and can't bear to lose him even if just as a friend, but I really don't feel that a real relationship is the right thing for either of us right now.
Loughborough at number 1