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How to cope with my mum's death Watch

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    My mum died last week. It was completely sudden and unexpected, she was only 48 and not ill. She died of a brain aneurysm.

    We spent the day at hospital before being told she was brain dead and having to switch off her life support.

    I am 24. The last time I saw her was on my birthday. I'm in my final year at university and also have a part-time job. Although I have told them what has happened and been given time off/coursework deadline extensions, right now I don't know how to cope when life has to go back to normal.

    My parents were seperated and though I have my dad and sister still, we aren't that close. Some days it doesn't feel real and I almost feel nothing at all, and feel guilty that I'm not upset. Other days I feel like my world has caved in.

    I just don't know how to cope with this or if it will ever get better. I can't believe she's gone and I have to live the rest of my life without her. I live with my boyfriend and though he is being very supportive he can't help me. I just don't know what to do.
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    time is the best healer in the world.. i know that you just want to sink into depression right now but your mum wouldn't want that. focus hard on finishing uni, and perhaps this awful situation will bring you closer to your family and boyfriend, it can only get better from this point.
    i'm very sorry for your loss
    xoxo
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    Takes time for it to sink in that not only are they no longer in your present, but they will be absent from your future.

    The pain doesn't really go, you just learn to live with it.

    We all - hopefully - have to out live our parents at some point. Life must go on.
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    I am so sorry. My Dad died in April and he was also 48 - too young. I know there's nothing anyone can say to make it better but it does get easier to deal with over time, and with support. if you're not close with your other family members and talking to your boyfriend doesn't help, maybe talk to your close friends or perhaps try seeing a counsellor? Ive never felt like I needed one, but everyone really does grieve differently-at different stages and times. I was in shock and denial for the first few months, and basically just ignored what had happened - stupid I know. When waves of grief come, just let them come, and after they pass you may actually feel relieved and better for letting your emotions out. If you can, maybe try and get away somewhere for a few days - I went to sussex with a couple of friends this summer and found it really healing. I still can't let myself think about 'it' that much, because I haven't come to accept it yet, but I let myself remember my Dad, and that is a different thing altogether I think. I don't really know what else to say even though I have also lost a parent. but if you ever want to let your feelings out to someone who can relate to your situation, then just drop me a message.

    God bless x
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum died last week. It was completely sudden and unexpected, she was only 48 and not ill. She died of a brain aneurysm.

    We spent the day at hospital before being told she was brain dead and having to switch off her life support.

    I am 24. The last time I saw her was on my birthday. I'm in my final year at university and also have a part-time job. Although I have told them what has happened and been given time off/coursework deadline extensions, right now I don't know how to cope when life has to go back to normal.

    My parents were seperated and though I have my dad and sister still, we aren't that close. Some days it doesn't feel real and I almost feel nothing at all, and feel guilty that I'm not upset. Other days I feel like my world has caved in.

    I just don't know how to cope with this or if it will ever get better. I can't believe she's gone and I have to live the rest of my life without her. I live with my boyfriend and though he is being very supportive he can't help me. I just don't know what to do.
    I know how you feel OP, my uncle died on Wednesday from cancer (he was young too - only in his late thirties). I still can't believe he is gone i just doesn't feel real. I've cried only two times & when im not crying i feel guilty that im not seeing as it happened so recently. I bought a condolence book (from WHSmiths) and im writing a message out to him now - even though i can't bear to hear people say he is dead. I know what you mean about not being able to get back into your normal routine, I having a lot to do - im doing my a-levels & another qualification (2 evenings a week) and although my first exam is in 20 days i can't get myself to revise. Sorry i don't have much to say (im sort of looking for way to cope too) but i though it might be better for you to know that someone is in you position.
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    There's a lot of people on here that can relate - as for myself, my mum died 3 months ago, a few weeks before starting my first year at Uni (I'm 18). She died of breast cancer and secondary liver cancer, and even though we knew she terminal, her death still shocked everyone. She was meant to be coming out of hospital on the Thursday, and she died on the Sunday. She was 51.

    Whatever people say, it will hurt and you really don't know how long it's going to go on for. This christmas will be weird without her as well, understandably. Everyone wants different things when they are dealing with a loss of the loved one and I really can't tell you what to do, because it might not work for you - but for me, surrounding myself with people, talking about it (and also other things too) and keeping busy did wonders. I'd suggest not trying to bottle it up either, as it doesn't make it any better in the long run.

    Hope you're okay - it's a hard time and I'm sure you have lots of support around you to help. PM me if you want to talk.
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    I'm so sorry pet. No one can tell you how to feel, don't feel guilty if you just feel numb, no one will think you don't care or anything like that. Just make sure that there are people around you that love you, if you want a quiet 15 minutes on your own they'll understand and if you feel like talking I'm sure they'll be there for you. Just let the uni know (when you're ready) what's happened, I'm sure you'll find they're very accommodating. Just make sure you look after yourself love, all the best xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum died last week. It was completely sudden and unexpected, she was only 48 and not ill. She died of a brain aneurysm.

    We spent the day at hospital before being told she was brain dead and having to switch off her life support.

    I am 24. The last time I saw her was on my birthday. I'm in my final year at university and also have a part-time job. Although I have told them what has happened and been given time off/coursework deadline extensions, right now I don't know how to cope when life has to go back to normal.

    My parents were seperated and though I have my dad and sister still, we aren't that close. Some days it doesn't feel real and I almost feel nothing at all, and feel guilty that I'm not upset. Other days I feel like my world has caved in.

    I just don't know how to cope with this or if it will ever get better. I can't believe she's gone and I have to live the rest of my life without her. I live with my boyfriend and though he is being very supportive he can't help me. I just don't know what to do.
    My Mum died almost 2 years ago, when I was 14 I have been having sessions with a psychologist (although it's not specifically for grief counselling) and it has helped SO much, so I would strongly advise that you to go to your GP and ask to be referred to a grief counsellor or psychologist or psychiatrist.

    Also, surround yourself with other family members who are going through the same thing as you, and just people who love you x

    I'm so sorry for your loss, It's an awful situation. And don't feel guilty, sometimes grief doesn't hit people for years, especially if you don't see the person you have lost every day, because it doesn't seem like anything has changed at first.

    Good luck, and remember you are strong, you can get through this x
 
 
 
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