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Guys: Would you tell your girlfriend if you were meeting up with your ex? Watch

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    I'm asking this question because it's become a huge bone of contention between my boyfriend and I lately.

    To summarise:

    I've always made it clear that I could and would never try and stop him talking to anybody, including exes. The trust in our relationship isn't great but I do not want a clingy, controlling relationship. He can spend his time however he likes and talk to whoever he wants. Naturally the line is drawn at cheating (emotional or otherwise), but I should trust him. So I do.

    Just recently, I discovered that he'd been visiting his most recent ex. That's OK, except on he nights he'd seen her, he'd made up elabourate stories to me with regards to his whereabouts. He'd gone to lengths to cover it up.

    There's a girl in his hometown who he had a thing with for years, he never talks about her really. I found out too that whilst he was a home visiting his parents, he was going to her house (with wine?) and spending evenings with her but again, gave me another story when I ask how his weekend was.

    This confuses the hell out of me. He doesn't need to lie to me at all. It came to a head the other nightwhen I frankly told him I was tired of being told **** and bull stories, especially when it comes to him being with other girls, because, honestly, what am I supposed to think? He said he felt uncomfortable telling me he'd been with them. Not sure what to make of that.

    I thought it was pretty cut-and-dried, and he was obviously hiding something (other stuff too like him immediately closing facebook when I walk into the room, and answering his phone well out of earshot of me), until I spoke to a male friend yesterday. He said he still regularly sees his ex but never tells his girlfriend about it.

    What's the deal here? Is this dump-worthy or not?
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    No I wouldn't. I made the mistake of doing that once and she fecking flipped.
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    Yeah.
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    it seems like he is cheating on you
    he was going to her house (with wine?) and spending evenings with her but again, gave me another story when I ask how his weekend was. :O
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    I would not believe in anybody who is obviously a liar.

    I would never trust him if he spends the weekend with his ex and a bottle of wine.... come on, are you blind? You don´t deserve that if you feel bad about.
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    You both just need a good talk, in a restaurant or something, away from your common atmosphere and discuss the issues with a new, fresh perspective.

    My view:

    It would depend on whether I was close with my ex or not.
    It would depend on how strong my girlfriend's insecurities were.
    It would depend on my girlfriend's own habits and opinion on seeing exes.

    But besides, would much prefer spending more time with my girlfriend than meeting up with an ex (that is unless, of course, they are friends).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm asking this question because it's become a huge bone of contention between my boyfriend and I lately.

    To summarise:

    I've always made it clear that I could and would never try and stop him talking to anybody, including exes. The trust in our relationship isn't great but I do not want a clingy, controlling relationship. He can spend his time however he likes and talk to whoever he wants. Naturally the line is drawn at cheating (emotional or otherwise), but I should trust him. So I do.

    Just recently, I discovered that he'd been visiting his most recent ex. That's OK, except on he nights he'd seen her, he'd made up elabourate stories to me with regards to his whereabouts. He'd gone to lengths to cover it up.

    There's a girl in his hometown who he had a thing with for years, he never talks about her really. I found out too that whilst he was a home visiting his parents, he was going to her house (with wine?) and spending evenings with her but again, gave me another story when I ask how his weekend was.

    This confuses the hell out of me. He doesn't need to lie to me at all. It came to a head the other nightwhen I frankly told him I was tired of being told **** and bull stories, especially when it comes to him being with other girls, because, honestly, what am I supposed to think? He said he felt uncomfortable telling me he'd been with them. Not sure what to make of that.

    I thought it was pretty cut-and-dried, and he was obviously hiding something (other stuff too like him immediately closing facebook when I walk into the room, and answering his phone well out of earshot of me), until I spoke to a male friend yesterday. He said he still regularly sees his ex but never tells his girlfriend about it.

    What's the deal here? Is this dump-worthy or not?

    There really is no need to hide it so long as your reaction is not mental when he tells you! My ex used to meet up with his ex alot and stay over because she lived in a different area, all you need to do is trust him He only got defensive about telling me when I would question his motives and get upset. Don't let it become an issue, make the point that all you want is honesty (unless you dont want him seeing his ex at all!)

    Just think of it this way, if you guys broke up would you want to keep in touch (if it was an amical (cant spell) break up) because that's where me and my ex are now, and i'd hate it if we couldn't hang out as we're good friends!

    Face up to him and ask him you'd rather he was honest and that you want to be open about those kinds of things

    (i know i'm a girl but hope this helps in some way)
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    tbh i wouldn't tell my missus either. its a sure fire way to cause friction in a relationship. think of it this way, if youd been with a guy for years and then got with him. and met up months later ect. would you feel entirely comfortable telling your other half. okie its nothing wrong but the fact you used to have feelings for them can spark jealousy in some people.

    you have already said the trust in your relationship is wavering so perhapps he thought you would assume the worst. as for hiding facebook ect. i dnt no but talking to people on the phone is different. i hate talking to people on the phone and knowing theres somone listening in. that doesn't mean i have anything to hide, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

    you to need to talk. the only person that can really assess if its dumpable or not is you. im sure there are things happening or have happend that youll weigh into the situation to make your mind up. we cant do that for you!

    best of luck. pm me if you somone to talk to about it.
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    Most definitely not, because something which is entirely innocent could upset the person you with..

    I have a friend who was adopted and he didn't even tell his adoptive parents that he was going to meet his biological mum because he thought it might upset them... He wasn't looking to make them his parents again, he was just going to see them.

    As in, he might not be going to bang her brains out, he might just be going to see her.
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    I wouldn't tell. My girlfriend would go crazy, better to keep quiet about some things.
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    He may not be cheating on you like some people jumped to suggest. When i was in a long term relationship i always wanted to meet other girls but my girlfriend was SO RESTRICTIVE and it drove me insane so maybe he feels he needs to lie to make you feel better.
    Just tell him you will be okay with whatever he does as long as your kept in the loop. If he keeps lying you need to give him an ultimatum. If he does stop lying then its fine but it sounds like he could be up to something....

    be careful.
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    I know my boyfriend's exes pretty well. One ex is one of his close friends anyway now and we hang out as a group quite often when we're home from uni. The other is one of my close friends - we used to take art classes together at sixth form and she has a long term boyfriend herself at the moment. It doesn't bother me really, the fact that I know both of them well - I think I would be more uneasy about it if I didn't know them as well, though, and that he was lying about seeing them.

    I'm more uneasy about the girls I haven't met at his uni yet, but I think that's just girly paranoia and I just brush it off mostly. =)
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    This kind of shiz would all depend on how well I know the new gf vs the old ones. Only one of my exes actually still speaks to me, occasionally, so I guess it's not really an issue, but in theory I'd just tell my gf what I was doing and she can gtfo if it upsets her. That's my general policy, and perhaps why I never keep a girl for more than two weeks, haha.

    Lie, lie lie - it's the only way.
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    (Original post by JakeNielen)
    He may not be cheating on you like some people jumped to suggest. When i was in a long term relationship i always wanted to meet other girls but my girlfriend was SO RESTRICTIVE and it drove me insane so maybe he feels he needs to lie to make you feel better.
    Just tell him you will be okay with whatever he does as long as your kept in the loop. If he keeps lying you need to give him an ultimatum. If he does stop lying then its fine but it sounds like he could be up to something....

    be careful.
    Thanks for the replies.
    That's what I can't figure out - because I'm not in any way restrictive at all. I've told him I don't mind if he sees an ex, I'm friends with mine so it's not a problem at all. I just don't understand the lying. In my mind, the only possible reason he'd have for doing that is if he was up to something.. We have talked, I've told he he doesn't need to lie, but he's still really secretive. I don't know. I just find it hard to believe anything he tells me and it's driving a wedge of mistrust between us totally pointlessly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the replies.
    That's what I can't figure out - because I'm not in any way restrictive at all. I've told him I don't mind if he sees an ex, I'm friends with mine so it's not a problem at all. I just don't understand the lying. In my mind, the only possible reason he'd have for doing that is if he was up to something.. We have talked, I've told he he doesn't need to lie, but he's still really secretive. I don't know. I just find it hard to believe anything he tells me and it's driving a wedge of mistrust between us totally pointlessly.
    Do you want to continue the relationship? I'd find myself in a difficult situation if I was you right now, unless I could find some legitimate way to settle my insecurity.
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    I would tell, not so that I can get her permission/approval because she has no say in it, but just to keep things transparent and let her know I'm doing it openly.

    If I don't tell her and even though the meeting is an innocent catch-up etc. then if my girlfriend finds out somehow on her own and not from me then she's more inclined to think I was doing something and found the need to hide it.

    Best to avoid that scenario all together and just tell her straight up before :yep:
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    (Original post by Panda Vinnie)
    I would tell, not so that I can get her permission/approval because she has no say in it, but just to keep things transparent and let her know I'm doing it openly.

    If I don't tell her and even though the meeting is an innocent catch-up etc. then if my girlfriend finds out somehow on her own and not from me then she's more inclined to think I was doing something and found the need to hide it.

    Best to avoid that scenario all together and just tell her straight up before :yep:
    This.

    I would probably tell her if i was going/went to any girls house, just so that it doesnt seem like im keeping it a secret.

    Even though you trust him, its hard to decide what is true when someone feels the need to lie (even when they have no reason to)
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    OP is retarded.
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    (Original post by Roo Bix)
    Do you want to continue the relationship? I'd find myself in a difficult situation if I was you right now, unless I could find some legitimate way to settle my insecurity.
    You think it's just insecurity then? Nothing to legitimately worry about?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You think it's just insecurity then? Nothing to legitimately worry about?
    It is an insecurity, but one with good reason. He hasn't been clear, and all the consistent little things are only feeding that insecurity.

    He hasn't/isn't doing anything to help the situation, this is obviously a big deal for you. There are two types of partner: one will be supportive, positive and look to deal with problems. The other is someone that defends themselves at the sight of something difficult and is slow in making productive progress. He sounds like the latter.
 
 
 
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