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Don't know how to speak to people :/ Watch

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    please make anon or delete
    yh like the title says i lack conversation skills.it's not shyness
    i am kinda shy but the problem is i'm plain boring.
    i have no idea how to make friends.like what do you talk about??
    when i meet someone it's the general "hi How are you? whats your naem?" type of thing,but then it just stops there.Theres awkward silences.
    when i'm with a group too i'm always invisible.
    meeting people is difficult but the real begins when i meet them cos nothing happens.they just move away
    yh i was gonna ask how to make someone like you or be fun around them..
    on top boringness and being quiet bad looks doesn't really help either :/
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    I had the same problem from when i was 15 until 23! I learnt eventually that most of what you think is in your head. Just because you think you are coming across as boring doesn't actually mean you are. It might sound difficult and I know how difficult it is I didnt speak to anyone for most of my life but everytime you start thinking something bad about yourself you just have to stop it going any further. Ignore it. Have you ever considered having hypnosis? It can get you to block out negative thinking and help. I had some myself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    please make anon or delete
    yh like the title says i lack conversation skills.it's not shyness
    i am kinda shy but the problem is i'm plain boring.
    i have no idea how to make friends.like what do you talk about??
    when i meet someone it's the general "hi How are you? whats your naem?" type of thing,but then it just stops there.Theres awkward silences.
    when i'm with a group too i'm always invisible.
    meeting people is difficult but the real begins when i meet them cos nothing happens.they just move away
    yh i was gonna ask how to make someone like you or be fun around them..
    on top boringness and being quiet bad looks doesn't really help either :/
    Ask open ended questions. Keep asking questions, make them do most of the talking. Don't ask closed questions requiring just a yes or no answer because they inevitably lead to awkward silences. If you can find out what really interests them or what they feel passionate about, talk about that; I'm sure they can talk for hours then.

    Read 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it has great advice on how to talk to people. You can read the principles of the book in the wikipedia article but it's no compensation for reading the book itself.

    You can't make someone like you, they will either like you or they won't. Never set out to make everyone like you because it will just lead to disappointment. If you try too hard to make people like you, it will be pretty obvious and people will find it off-putting. Just be yourself.

    Why are you 'plain boring'? what is your definition of boring? what do you do that makes you boring?
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    Observe what other people talk about and emulate it. This can be a problem if you have no common interests or points of reference. If you watch **** like X Factor you can strike up a conversation with most people about that...
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    Get out more, do things you enjoy and find interesting and you'll have things to talk about.
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    Seems you took the words out of my mouth. I am the exact same situation :'(
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    please make anon or delete
    yh like the title says i lack conversation skills.it's not shyness
    i am kinda shy but the problem is i'm plain boring.
    i have no idea how to make friends.like what do you talk about??
    when i meet someone it's the general "hi How are you? whats your naem?" type of thing,but then it just stops there.Theres awkward silences.
    when i'm with a group too i'm always invisible.
    meeting people is difficult but the real begins when i meet them cos nothing happens.they just move away
    yh i was gonna ask how to make someone like you or be fun around them..
    on top boringness and being quiet bad looks doesn't really help either :/
    It would seem that you have identified why you utterly FAIL.

    So what do you wish of TSR? Tip, if you're really stuck, open and close your mouth rapidly and attempt to imitate a goldfish, hopefully no one will notice that you're not really speaking.
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    (Original post by rococo rococo)
    I had the same problem from when i was 15 until 23! I learnt eventually that most of what you think is in your head. Just because you think you are coming across as boring doesn't actually mean you are. It might sound difficult and I know how difficult it is I didnt speak to anyone for most of my life but everytime you start thinking something bad about yourself you just have to stop it going any further. Ignore it. Have you ever considered having hypnosis? It can get you to block out negative thinking and help. I had some myself.
    woah and i thought it was just me yh people dont seem to understand..there's a difference being shy and being quiet
    Thanks for the advice
    i'm dumb whats hypnosis?
    and i guess it worked..so you find it easy to talk and make conversations with poeple??
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    (Original post by iwwhty)
    Ask open ended questions. Keep asking questions, make them do most of the talking. Don't ask closed questions requiring just a yes or no answer because they inevitably lead to awkward silences. If you can find out what really interests them or what they feel passionate about, talk about that; I'm sure they can talk for hours then.

    Read 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it has great advice on how to talk to people. You can read the principles of the book in the wikipedia article but it's no compensation for reading the book itself.

    You can't make someone like you, they will either like you or they won't. Never set out to make everyone like you because it will just lead to disappointment. If you try too hard to make people like you, it will be pretty obvious and people will find it off-putting. Just be yourself.

    Why are you 'plain boring'? what is your definition of boring? what do you do that makes you boring?
    yh thnx Thats gr8 advice..open ended question true best way to avoid awkwardness.can you give any examples?? PLEEEEEEASE

    i try the same tactic of asking questions but it doesnt go on much and then this tense atmosphere sinks in
    sounds like a good book where can i buy it from?

    3rd paragraph soooo true.the thing is i give away that i want them to like so much.yh they getr the idea i'm desperate and then on its horror story
    and just dissappointment sinks in.
    i dont know how to cope with it..cos ebing myself is that i'm VERY quiet and can say nothing UNTIL i get used to someone and we have like a firm friendship..
    but to make friendship i need to make them interested.it's like a nightmare cycle

    what makes me boring?? erm.. i dont have anything interesting to say?
    i'm not the crazy type..dont make much difference to alife UNTIL we are good friends..erm..not miss world beauty..
    i'm a bit dull
    whats your opinion of boring?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by iwwhty)
    Ask open ended questions. Keep asking questions, make them do most of the talking. Don't ask closed questions requiring just a yes or no answer because they inevitably lead to awkward silences. If you can find out what really interests them or what they feel passionate about, talk about that; I'm sure they can talk for hours then.

    Read 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, it has great advice on how to talk to people. You can read the principles of the book in the wikipedia article but it's no compensation for reading the book itself.

    You can't make someone like you, they will either like you or they won't. Never set out to make everyone like you because it will just lead to disappointment. If you try too hard to make people like you, it will be pretty obvious and people will find it off-putting. Just be yourself.

    Why are you 'plain boring'? what is your definition of boring? what do you do that makes you boring?
    yh thnx Thats gr8 advice..open ended question true best way to avoid awkwardness.can you give any examples?? PLEEEEEEASE

    i try the same tactic of asking questions but it doesnt go on much and then this tense atmosphere sinks in
    sounds like a good book where can i buy it from?

    3rd paragraph soooo true.the thing is i give away that i want them to like so much.yh they getr the idea i'm desperate and then on its horror story
    and just dissappointment sinks in.
    i dont know how to cope with it..cos ebing myself is that i'm VERY quiet and can say nothing UNTIL i get used to someone and we have like a firm friendship..
    but to make friendship i need to make them interested.it's like a nightmare cycle

    what makes me boring?? erm.. i dont have anything interesting to say?
    i'm not the crazy type..dont make much difference to alife UNTIL we are good friends..erm..not miss world beauty..
    i'm a bit dull
    whats your opinion of boring?
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Blueflare)
    Observe what other people talk about and emulate it. This can be a problem if you have no common interests or points of reference. If you watch **** like X Factor you can strike up a conversation with most people about that...
    yh i've tried that..observing other peoples convo's but they kinda talk coded and between themselves..so that was a fail for me

    what kind of common interests could we have??
    i've only had like 2 friends in my life..VERY good but we started like 2 yrs pold cos our parents were friends and we didnt have interest but one's moved away and i dont speak to the other one.
    hmmm i might have to watch stupid programs or be fakely interested and something i really dont care about acting is hard for me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yh i've tried that..observing other peoples convo's but they kinda talk coded and between themselves..so that was a fail for me

    what kind of common interests could we have??
    i've only had like 2 friends in my life..VERY good but we started like 2 yrs pold cos our parents were friends and we didnt have interest but one's moved away and i dont speak to the other one.
    hmmm i might have to watch stupid programs or be fakely interested and something i really dont care about acting is hard for me
    It can be hard, I know. I don't have much in common with many people. TV shows, films, music, books and hobbies are all good places to start.
    What did you talk to your old friends about?
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    (Original post by asdfg0987)
    Get out more, do things you enjoy and find interesting and you'll have things to talk about.
    its a GREAT idea which i thought of too however having no family or friends it's retarded to go out always byyourself
    i've tried activities bymyself in order to gain experience and maybe meet new peple but it didnt work and i ended up lonely.

    the thing is i gave gap year after GCSE's this..and i'm going to go to a 6th form next year full of new people..and i really wanna make friends there.
    when people moved from primary to secondary school everyone was kids and noone had much conversation skills so we were all the same.
    but they developed during high school and i didnt..thats the difference
    i'm still the same as year 6 whereas others have no problem of fitting in anymore..
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Seems you took the words out of my mouth. I am the exact same situation :'(
    hi5 if we're lucky enough we'll meet one day..or develop skills
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    (Original post by The-Real-One)
    It would seem that you have identified why you utterly FAIL.

    So what do you wish of TSR? Tip, if you're really stuck, open and close your mouth rapidly and attempt to imitate a goldfish, hopefully no one will notice that you're not really speaking.
    your so generous thank you.
    yh i've identified the problem but i cant solve it

    what i iwsh of tsr? help on stop making me boring..tips on how to make&lead conversations to avoid silences after the introducing yourself.

    seems like you find easy to make friends by your tone.
    ok so you meet someone your new..theres the introducing yourself "hi my names blablabla" an then?? what do you talk about?
    like how do you fit in get in a group?
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    It's not what you say, or even do, but how you do it. Try to focus on not what you think you should be saying, but your confidence so you can say anything you want.
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    (Original post by Blueflare)
    It can be hard, I know. I don't have much in common with many people. TV shows, films, music, books and hobbies are all good places to start.
    What did you talk to your old friends about?
    weird thing is i dont even know..iots hard to explain we were so much more thann friends..we didnt even have to talk or please eachother.our friendship was like noones.it's VERY different from what i see in schools..
    yh i guess they're good places to start..but it doesnt follow on
    it's like when you download something..the process starts but then fails download..just stops.yh my convo's are like that.
    i mean Twilight and Justin Bieber (ugh) is the most common things girls craze over..
    so i try a convo on it but it doesnt work..
    i'm like " I like twilight" they're like " yh i like it too"
    blabla and convo ends there :/
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    (Original post by edd360)
    It's not what you say, or even do, but how you do it. Try to focus on not what you think you should be saying, but your confidence so you can say anything you want.
    yh thats true..i agree.if i do or say something i'm invisible.5 mins later somebody else does the EXACT same thing and it's all major for others..

    i guess it's a combination of all what i do and how i do it :/

    care going in to more detail? on HOW i should do stuff..
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    I'm sure you're not boring! For some people (like me) small talk is painful. What's interesting about it?
    But it can disconcert people if you just jump right into a heavy conversation. I've saved up a few stock phrases which I trot out when meeting new people: "oh I like your bag- where did you get it?", "are you a music person?", "have you always lived here?" etc. Just think of a few bland Qs to ask people.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by chinaberry)
    I'm sure you're not boring! For some people (like me) small talk is painful. What's interesting about it?
    But it can disconcert people if you just jump right into a heavy conversation. I've saved up a few stock phrases which I trot out when meeting new people: "oh I like your bag- where did you get it?", "are you a music person?", "have you always lived here?" etc. Just think of a few bland Qs to ask people.
    awww thnx your kind
    i dont exactly know the definition of boring or what makes you one but i'm just going along with my experiences
    lool i use exactly the stock phrases
    yh i ask them and then they answer..and they dont care to ask me something or speak again..
    how do you carry on from that?
    plus people dont seem interested in what i ask..or maybe its cos its me..if someone else asked they'd be interested maybe.
    i think give away a lot with my body language or they just get the hint i'm desperate and very weak and naiv inside..

    there 3 types of peole in my school:
    talkative/cool funny
    good looking
    both
 
 
 
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