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    My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We had a rough patch around 6 months in and it got pretty bad. We were breaking up frequently, fighting a lot and it was just horrible. We got past that though and things have been great for a while.

    During the time of the fighting, he told me one night (while we were in bed cuddling) that he had feelings for another woman. This sent me into a rage, and I left his room. I looked at his phone and saw texts from this girl saying how she had enjoyed their time together. He had made out with her. This made me even more crazy, and I flipped out. I yelled and I threw things (not at him) and he eventually kicked me out of his apartment.

    I called several people to come pick me up and only one person said he could. This was a guy I didn't know very well, but my boyfriend insisted I leave or he would call the police. So I told him to come. I begged my boyfriend not to make me leave, but he told me I had to go. So when the guy came to pick me up, I left.

    He told me that we had to stop by his place (which is on the way from my boyfriend's to mine) so that he could grab his cigarettes. He asked me to come in for a minute, so I did. I was not in the right state of mind. I was crushed and hurt and I felt so unwanted. But I went in. And he took me to his room. I should have asked to go right then, but I didn't. He then told me he was too tired to drive me home and asked if I minded staying the night. I did mind, but what was I supposed to say? "Risk your life to take me home because it's your job." He wasn't my brother or my Dad -- it wasn't his job to take care of me. So I said I didn't mind and asked where I could sleep. He told me I could have his bed.

    So I laid down and began to fall asleep. That's when I realized he was laying behind me. I got up to go to the bathroom and called my boyfriend and asked him to come get me. He said he wouldn't. I asked him if he cared about me at all, and he didn't answer. So I went back into the guy's room, feeling completely unwanted and worthless. I laid back down and began to fall asleep again and he started groping me. I didn't tell him to stop. I should have, because I didn't want him to.

    He tried to kiss me and I didn't react, but I pushed him away a bit. He then proceeded to take off my pants and put a condom on... He started having sex with me, and I was in another world. I don't know if I completely realized what was happening until it was too late. I made him stop. He was inside me for less than a minute. I put my pants back on and left his room immediately. His friend was home from work and I asked him to take me home. He did.

    My boyfriend and I were technically broken up during this period. What I did wasn't extremely immoral to him, because he said I could see other people. However, the problem is, I lied to him about it. For months. I didn't want my stupid mistake to cost me the most important person in my life. I finally told him last night because I felt so overcome with guilt. Needless to say, he's upset. Very upset.

    He told me that he doesn't know what he's going to do, but needs time alone to think about it. That's not how I feel it should be handled. I feel he and I need to discuss it together and come up with a solution. My questions are: What would you do if you were him and is there any way I can make him talk this through with me? He promised me after things started getting better that no matter what, he'd never give up on me again and if things got bad, we'd work harder and harder until we fixed them.
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    Erm. Your boyfriend was a ****.
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    Oh, to clarify -- when he made out with the girl, we were technically broken up as well.
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    Well you did the right thing...being honest and telling your boyfriend the truth. Personally,I don't think you did anything wrong. Your boyfriend had just told you he had feelings for another woman and kicked you out of his apartment, whilst threatening to call the police (which was so childish of him seeing as he was the one in the wrong - all you did was shout and throw a couple of things..."

    Did this other guy not kind of rape you (because you didn't really want/consent to him having sex with you)? :eek:

    Just tell your boyfriend that whilst yes, it was a stupid mistake, you were very angry with him and therefore he is sort of a hypocrite for being upset. If you can, both try and move on from what's happened, and in time you will both hopefully forgive each other (and continue with your relationship, if you want to).
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    (Original post by Azayki)
    Oh, to clarify -- when he made out with the girl, we were technically broken up as well.
    on/off relationships tend to be off in the long run more often than not.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Erm. Your boyfriend was a ****.
    Oh ok so he is a **** because he is honest with her, but she is not a **** for having sex with someone and then hiding it from him....

    Nice.
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    Sounds like you two both have a lot of issues in your relationship, the best thing to have done in hindsight is talk through why you argue so much, problem is as well it sounds like there's not much trust in the relationship, and usually it never works like that.
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    Give him some space. He said he'd never give up on you, he may still prove to be a man of his word.

    He's probably upset because to him, it looks like you went and shagged the first bloke you could find to spite him for telling you about this girl he'd been meeting up with.
    Whilst this may not be the case, he probably thinks you've tried to alter events to place yourself in a more favourable light by making it look like you were practically raped.

    You asked for a male opinion, this is what I'd think if I was in this situation with my girlfriend.
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    (Original post by LauriC)
    So much writing, I couldn't be bothered to finish it. He was being a ****, don't bother, it sonds like he doesn't care so why waste your time cring about him. I know, easier said then done.
    Why give an opinion on something if you "can't be bothered" to read the entire text and get all the facts together? It's obvious that he does care if you'd read through the actual post..
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    We were both dicks. I slightly resent him being called a **** though, he is not the one who did the major wrong here. I was and I am aware of that. Regardless of whether or not I was willing to partake in the situation that occurred that night, I put myself in a position to let something like that happen. And then I lied about it.

    We have discussed all our previous issues and resolved them. Everything else is fine and dandy, but now we have to make it through this. He DOES care about me and he does love me. I know that.
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    (Original post by Huskaris)
    Oh ok so he is a **** because he is honest with her, but she is not a **** for having sex with someone and then hiding it from him....

    Nice.
    He was a **** because he threw her out despite her begging him not to, and moreover, because she CALLED HIM before the situation happened to beg once more but he was still being a stubborn ****. He also made out with a girl and didn't tell her before all this happened (not on the same level as having sex, but still cheating). I'm not saying she's justified in having sex with that guy, but he's still a **** for the way he acted.
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    Everything is irrelevant except for the fact that you should be exceptionally proud of yourself for not allowing yourself to be subjected to something you didn't want to do when being vulnerable.

    The only male that doesn't sound like a douche in this whole situation is the one that took you home.

    I am also having trouble to see why you're in the wrong, but he isn't? How hypocritical can he be when pulling all the strings, saying he 'needs time to think about' it. The only thing he should be thinking about is how he irrationally turfed out his girlfriend, adament that she has to leave despite having nowhere to go, with her having no-one to pick her up except some selfish guy that she doesn't know well advance onto her when she didn't want to.
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    You should break up with him. He is obviously not interested in you any more and now that he knows you had sex with someone else, this will make him dislike you more. I don't see why you should stay with him, if he has cheated on you too.
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    (Original post by ScottishShortiex)
    Did this other guy not kind of rape you (because you didn't really want/consent to him having sex with you)? :eek:
    LOLWAT. It's only rape if she says "no, stop it" and he doesn't. Generally, if a girl lets you enter her foofoo without saying no, she's up for sex. o.O
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    A human being lies 7 times a day on average.
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    Luckily for your BF he already has a back up chick set up to replace you.

    Welcome back to the single life, we've missed you.
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    (Original post by ToastyCoke)
    LOLWAT. It's only rape if she says "no, stop it" and he doesn't. Generally, if a girl lets you enter her foofoo without saying no, she's up for sex. o.O
    I really hope you're trolling, because that is not what rape is. If someone has the inability to think right - i.e. under the influence of alcohol, drugs, etc. - then it is also rape. I was under the influence of extreme emotional distress and I was taken advantage of. However, I don't feel the guy MEANT any harm to me, so I will not call him a rapist. He did, however, take advantage of a severely emotionally distraught girl.

    Problem in your theory:
    1. A girl who cannot speak, therefore, cannot be raped?
    2. A girl who has been drugged up and then forced to have sex, is not raped?
    3. A 7 year old girl has sex with an adult male. Is this not rape?

    In all of those cases, I would say the girl was raped. Rape is defined as NON-consensual sex. Just because you don't say no doesn't mean you say yes. In order to get consent, you have to say yes.
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    Dunno if I'm reading it wrong (I got bored towards the end and stopped reading), but you had had a fight when you slept with this guy, you hadn't broken up. There's a difference. So in my mind, although I agree you're both dicks, you're the bigger one.
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    (Original post by Yawn11)
    Luckily for your BF he already has a back up chick set up to replace you.

    Welcome back to the single life, we've missed you.
    You're just stupid. Thanks for your input. If you had read, this was MONTHS ago that he was with her. Why do you spend your time on the internet trying to hurt people who are obviously already not feeling the best? Does it make you feel better about yourself? If so, I'm glad I could help you. You obviously need it.
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    (Original post by Azayki)
    I really hope you're trolling, because that is not what rape is. If someone has the inability to think right - i.e. under the influence of alcohol, drugs, etc. - then it is also rape. I was under the influence of extreme emotional distress and I was taken advantage of. However, I don't feel the guy MEANT any harm to me, so I will not call him a rapist. He did, however, take advantage of a severely emotionally distraught girl.

    Problem in your theory:
    1. A girl who cannot speak, therefore, cannot be raped?
    2. A girl who has been drugged up and then forced to have sex, is not raped?
    3. A 7 year old girl has sex with an adult male. Is this not rape?

    In all of those cases, I would say the girl was raped. Rape is defined as NON-consensual sex. Just because you don't say no doesn't mean you say yes. In order to get consent, you have to say yes.
    Every guy who sleeps with a girl is taking advantage in some way, unless he doesn't want to sleep with her. What this guy did is nowhere near rape.
 
 
 
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